My mother does not listen
Just wants to argue
Means well but she has no clue
Makes simple things complicated
All my protests make her aggravated
Yet despite behavior I know she tries
The love unexpressed is held in her eyes
The way she goes showing it is wrong
Only love real and true creates reactions so strong

Stress is so heavy
On my shoulders and my mind
Weighing thoughts down

Do not wanna scream at you every day
I don't want to fight or make you hurt
More and more I say words that cause you pain
Is it so hard to make this work?
Would need you if you didn't need me
To face that realization is hard
Sleep off doubts hoping you won't see
Return cause they never go far
Why are you what I fear the most?
Dreaming open eyes
Fantasies we hope to come true that we used to host
Never will if you keep giving lies
There will come a day everything changes
Nothing will stay the same
Left picking up pieces while reality rearranges
Both will end up with cuts of shame
Love with an intensity so great
When saying your name it rattles doors
Mind might belong to me
My heart is all yours

I thought I wanted to be clean
Never had that with you
Always been too complacent
Found myself addicted too

But forgive me for fantasizing
Hard to give this one up
It seems like we call for a refill
Right before we reach the bottom of the cup

You will not ever call it quits
There's still that awful hope
Inside that keeps me holding on
Have never quite been able to cope

With the idea of living without your touch
Maybe I need to accept
Never be able to breathe alone
Do anything to forget

So I'll try to abstain from drugs
Hurt by own expectations
Hollow and heavy simultaneously
Feeding our eternal damnations

There is an ocean dragging down
Sinking right there with you
Determined to catch or pull ahead
Save or at least crash before you do

Breeding loneliness
Quiet rooms
The parts that we lost
The color no longer flushing our cheeks
Eyes forever glossed

Stuck finding you becoming stronger
To my surprise
Your thoughts to me as they appear
They're corrupted with lies

Silence reveals missing self-truths we seek
Tell myself to focus on it
You often provoke me to anger
I can only blame you a bit

Tell you that you are wonderful
I love you for who you are
Part of me burns with envy
Alone
I sit somewhere far

It is easier to fight than explain
I'm upset when nothing's wrong
Feelings the result of hormones
Chemicals in my skull so strong

Emotions can't seem to stop
I have to maintain
Over and over they openly try to control me
Inside of my brain

I feel depression sinking deeper
With overwhelming fear
Time has taken its toll on us
Do you want to be here?

I see so clearly now
That I've had some time
Living in a separate realm
Somewhere I cannot find

Do not know where your mind is at
Only focus on one thing most of the day
Where do your thoughts go when you're well?
When you're high and your problems drift away?

I long to know where your heart goes
Often it runs somewhere far
It's there more than here with me
Some distant planet or star

To follow is my desire
Where my hands can reach
With not just physically
Aim to practice what I preach

The way you turn emotions off
Only a moment of dissent
Has me hiding so maybe you won't see
A thick yet transparent loosely guarded discontent

Cried many tears for you
Added up and washed my sight
Point of view began to change
Presently I realize that it wasn't right

The way life lived day-to-day
May not have noticed back then
Should have noticed a lot sooner
Of your flaws
It was easier to pretend

Well guess I should regret that now
A few years down the road I will
Hard to explain
Despite all the games
Do it all again for you still

You and I have something unique
Heart has never felt love this strong
Blind I may have been when we met
Still feel your arms are where I belong

To say I love is an understatement
Blame cupid
Making me fall
Maybe Aphrodite
Or St. Valentine
Has me heeding to your every call

Maybe it is the universe
Pushing us close with an invisible force
No cause for my attraction to you
Guess destiny is just running its course

Your behavior proves to be unchanging
Lose more you each day we make it through
More than 1/2 of your presence
Need to have all of you

We are truly meant to be with eachother
Intertwined from the start
Destiny pushed us together
The truth is you've always had my heart
I could never lose warm feelings
Enjoy it way too much
Things in life in the way
Never in the way of your touch
Because I have that in my life
Able to stop feeling sad
Knowing you actually care about me
Enough to make my day less bad
There is an endearing mischeviousness
In smile that makes me laugh
Reminding how much I love you
Joy a gift I love to unwrap
I carry love with me everywhere
Tucked away in my chest pocket
Words are valuable and so divine
Voices of angels in my locket
Even when face is stuck in a box
A small
Smudge-filled screen
Clinging to phone as if
In your lap clinging to blue Jean's
You have the charisma
You are smooth
Body and tone
Waited too long to inform you of your skill
Going down you make me moan
Stronger than any satisfaction felt
Never want to leave this bed
Never tire of your caresses
Choosing our path
One step ahead
Come with on this journey
We watch the world around us burn
Whatever you do
I accept it
Can receive the love unearned
I hope you decide what makes you happy
It's me or someone new
Can catch a bigger fish I'm sure
Ran but emotions only grew
See each day as a chance to start over
Will always be welcome in my heart
Do not take the home we made for granted
Know where you are accepted and where you aren't
The best times in life are owned to you
Your life more important than mine
In your mind you are scoffing at me
Bold remarks
Fading lines
Remember words every time you feel weak
Let them nudge
Make you believe
It is you that gives me absolute pleasure
Say yes
All we can achieve
Love is worth the struggle and sacrifice
Know it as well as I do
If we both give 100%
There is no problem we can't work through

I should have never answered the phone when you called
The fact that you did had me feeling appalled
I never have the resolve to stand by my word
Worked to stay strong but my emotions were stirred
You never got the rejection you should have faced
Instead met with forgiveness you barely chased
I gave in too easily as I always do
Lose all control when it comes to you
Wanted you to experience similar suffering
I should have made you try harder
Should have let the phone ring

There is a reason you are acting this way
Between hope and reality line clear as day
Expectation is the one to truly blame for this
Veiled frustration tells me something is amiss
And wish I could plaster my poker face on
A straight face kept like nothing is wrong
The glaring moon matches my expression
Excuses your only confession
Lips laying lies without missing a beat
Teasing with stories that come up incomplete
Pale skin thinly flushed with the slightest pink
Against transparency of what you think
It is hard not to blow up like a bomb
In the chair I sit upon
And brooding underneath this obvious pout
Head is clogged with fear and doubt
I would have to go out on a limb and say
I've used up too many chances to expect more thrown my way
Heavy hearts breaking and pulling apart
Destined to separate from the start

Let me be the first and last thought on your tired mind
When you wake and when you fall asleep leaving the world behind
Your head and heart should both occupy the same space
The image that lingers I hope is my face
Beautiful and cunning do not even begin
To describe who you are outside and in
Secrets that are hidden only beckon and entice
Longing to melt your heart surrounded by ice
Let me be the one who unearths the truth waiting at your core
The parts so deep no one else has ever seen them before
Your body and soul are a treasure I have been dying to find
A wonderous specimen so perfectly designed
Cracks in your surface only make you who you are
So I can't help but love every scar

A broken heart cries
For many shattered wishes
That loving you made

Blistering words stab blades in my heart
Cut through with agility
Feverish whispers are deflected
Reflects inner tranquility
You glimmer within scope of my vision
Treasured pearls of peace
Flicker like a candle flame
No intention to cease
I will not believe shiny veil
Hollow vows of devotion
Hot embers in the pit of my soul
Blind the onset of emotion
I charge forward
War cry loud
With sword I defend my love
The perfection too good to be true
Angel from above
For I know you are the pinnacle of deceit
Moments I spend in confusion
Make it so hard to deny sweet confessions
I've grown too used to convincing delusions

The birds chirp outside
Rain crashes in sleek pools
Small ants are crawling

I bet you feel fine
Bet you do not hurt at all
Seem better than me

Maybe miss right ones
Not friendly faces we need
Street strangers pass by

A quick knock on wood
Pondering if I should
Knock again in case
The first one was in haste

The way to reinvent is to rebrand
To create oneself requires real ambition
To try discovering your true self
You need no one's permission

There is dissatisfaction
Between hope and truth
Expectation the one to blame
Fool we acquainted in our youth
Break bones with reality
Cut throat with an honest knife
Pull open and bleed out my dreams
Get used to the brutality of life

If you try being a better man
And fail
At least you gave it a shot
Something to be said about formulating a plan
The majority of people do not

Every time try to shake you off
Road leads back to you
Become more malleable and soft
Walk circles like you do
Aware I am perpetually lost
No hope of finding way
Heart is layered with frost
Colder each day

We have been apart a week
My memory has been all but erased
Six years we lasted together
Am I so easily replaced?

It's like a punch to the stomach
Thought of your hands intertwined
Tried my best to be there for you
In return leave me behind

Part of me in denial
Can't believe this is real
A state of frozen shock
Attempting to grasp how you feel

I wish the choice was mutual
Willing emotions to change
If only I could place your heart in my chest
Give you mine in exchange

You make it look simple
For you moving on isn't hard
I am the only half affected
You clearly are not broken or scarred

How could I mean that little to you?
All that we've been through together
Promised we would start a family
You would stay forever

Now vows belong to a different girl
Robbed from my unsuspecting hands
As your misery decreases
My sorrow simultaneously expands

It hurts to breathe in
Hurts to think
And hurts to open my eyes
Not a second passes without the ache
Cannot tell sunset from sunrise

The days blur into one
Earth keeps spinning around
Whole world is shattering
No one hears the sound

I bear suffering alone
Barely speak your name
Because if I say the words out loud
Can't escape what we became

I try to distract from the emptiness
Hide in my room and get high
Remembering all the warm moments
Over and over asking why

Why was I not enough for you?
Why wouldn't you let me in?
Why does she get to have you for her own?
Questions make head spin

When I finally fall asleep
At peace for a little while
In dreams I'm in your arms again
Morning interrupts my smile

Waking is the very worst part
Faced with overwhelming void
Absence of your touch is crushing
Obstacle I cannot avoid

I hope eventually I will get stronger
Start mending wounds in soul
Until that day arrives I'll shuffle feet forward
In vain ignore the gaping hole

You have seen me at my worst
When life pulled me down to the lowest place
Yet not matter how far I have fallen
Hesitation never finds your embrace

I have written many poems about
The way you make me feel
But most of them were focused on
Wounds that have since healed

This time I want my words to show
How grateful I am to have you here
I know with my bad attitude
Admiration is not always clear

I said "I hate you" when I was younger
More times than anybody should
I didn't understand your restrictions
My feet never walked where you stood

You knew I didn't really mean it
Love unwavering through my rage
I'm sure you've spoken the same exact words
To your own mother when you were that age

I think you nag because you care
But lack another way to express
What you don't realize is that you would
Get better results if you ******* less

You deserve a daughter who makes you proud
Not one who barely gets by
But at least I am honest about my problems
Instead of feeding you a happy lie

You accept me with my many flaws
Still praise the mess that I became
I am lucky because most people I know
Wouldnt be able to say the same

You have always done the best you can
No matter how great the sacrifice
To see me succeed and fulfill my potential
You would gladly pay any price

Thank you for staying up all night
To make me a costume for school
You put in blood, sweat, spit, and tears
Just so I could feel cool

You would bake me cookies
When we had parties in class
Without seeking validation
You just wanted me to pass

And I remember the time my teacher called
Because I had broken the dress code
You showed up and gave him a piece of your mind
Until his decision was overrode

You've always fought for my best interests
You'll forever have my back
On my side even when I'm in the wrong
Defending qualities I lack

I could never explain how grateful I am
To have a mom as amazing as you
Supportive, protective, and  nurturing
Caring and thoughtful too

I hope one day I can prove myself
Mistakes I promise to ammend
All the effort you put in raising me
Was worth it in the end

I wrap my ribs in blankets and attempt to get some sleep
But I am kept up by “baas” from imaginary sheep
I have counted so many I lost track of the number
Yet not one nudged me an inch toward my slumber
And even in the quiet hours foreplaying dawn
No tiredness is found
My mind races on
I am comfortable like my bed is made of bricks
Turning and tossing as the second hand ticks
Knowing I am not going to get a wink of shut-eye
But optimistic enough to try
Close my eyes to the movie playing outside my window pane
Colors changing
Black to pink to blue
Do not entertain
It washes over me slowly
Like the tide rolling in
I surrender to insomnia
Not strong enough to win
I listen to the rustle of wind sifted through branches on trees
And let my brain be carried away to fond memories
It’s not the same as drifting off but it comes pretty close
If my head must remain active at least it's engrossed
I would like to catch some Zs but they keep slipping away
Hands as slow as the transition from night to day
I'm looking for an escape to ease my weary soul
Some sun to light my insides
Darker than coal
My weakness gets the best of me
Drowning me in fear
Convincing myself demons are worse than they appear
But as the blackness inhabiting my room begins to lift
Something stirs my senses and I feel a distinct shift
I forget all the obstacles in the way of my rest
A weight is no longer pressing on my chest
Just as everyone else starts their daily routine
I finally doze and enter a world more serene
The dreams I wished to visit but were too far for so long
Are now mine to live in
Only to me belong
It may have taken more time but was surely worth the wait
When it comes to sleep no such thing as too late

Thank you both for everything
It means a lot
To know at least two friends
If nothing else we have got

You invited us into your house
Helped any way you can
Were truly there for us
We had no other plan

You let us use your Jeep
So we could travel around
Or took us yourself
Til own ride was found

You let us eat food
Though money is tight
Patient and understanding
It'd been easier to fight

You have loaned us many dollars
We had not a single cent
Don't think we've properly conveyed
How much the money meant

You treat us like relatives
Without keeping track or score
Not because your motive is to gain
That's what friends are for

We may not show it
But are grateful to be here
I thought this token of gratitude
Would be pleasant to hear

Do not ever doubt that your kindness
Is a gesture we appreciate
Just hope we all can show it
Before it is too late

We could not do it without you
You continue giving each day
That means so much more
Than words could say

When I do not see you for awhile
Start going through withdrawals
Like when you’re addicted to drugs
Dependent on alcohol

When I eat food is tasteless
In fact hard to enjoy
Much anything consumed
Focused on the void

No matter what’s done or said
Nothing distracts from absence
If I keep hours busy
Not once your thought leaves my head

My brain obsessed with you
Turning memories around
Try focusing on anything else
But way your laughter sounds

Impossible to be at peace
I wake up alone
Emptiness follows me from our bed
Clinging to each bone

Inside stomach sits a knot
Tangled with concern
Ball that gets tighter every minute
Messages left unreturned

I hate how I need your kiss
To function throughout day
Did not realize contact was necessary
Til moment it was taken away

My heart beats unevenly when you are gone
Stays like that until you come back
Every ***** placed in my body
Is in some manner out of whack

I am more than just miserable
Sick without you here
Unable to be myself
Until presence is again near

You’re slipping through my fingers
Tiptoeing out the door
Over clumsy feet I trip
Grip tighter than before

Faking your own feelings
Like a snake fakes their own death
It’s not enough to have your cake
You must bake and eat it in one breath

The feeling of being abandoned
Is the worse half of the deal
Seal your broken parts inside
As you use your haste to heal

Of drowning you’ll not speak one word
While out of brown eyes tears leak
Weak was never in your vocabulary
Hope your baby blues find what they seek

But I don’t think you will discover
The missing link you’re searching for
Though you might be on the brink
You’ll blink and end up on the floor

If I mattered to you at all
You wouldn’t leave me tattered
Pitter-pattering across the globe
Uncaring that my world has shattered

If ever there were a time for reflection
It would surely be this rhyme
Prime method of analysis
Verses that dip low and then climb

Never attaining solid answers
A conclusion I long to obtain
Abstaining from the obvious truth
Until I’m driven insane

And I crave the strength I hopelessly lack
To ***** my way out of denial
With no easy means to cope
Mope like a juvenile

Deeper into myself I withdraw
Surrounded by memories I keep
Yet reality creeps in like the tide
Reminding me these illusions are cheap

Darker and darker the days and nights grow
Light vanished from my universe
It would appear that you’re doing alright
Which makes the bite even worse

Sadder and scorned than I have ever been
The loss of you not properly mourned
Adorned with shades of gray and black
Delusions finally adjourned

Losing air as the epiphany hits
As I finally process old news
I wonder if you are amused by my reaction
How long it took my heart to bruise

You were quicker to let go
Owing me another chance
How dare you simply throw it away
With no mercy or a second glance?

Faster than a river rushing
You moved past the place I was stuck
I was foolish to believe we would last
Lines were cast in thick muck

Always ended sooner than promised
You wanted to go separate ways
Now I wander a maze of agony
Aimlessly meandering in a daze

So miserable it makes me sick
From the moment I awake
Quaking with uneasiness
Each bone and muscle aches

Yet I remain longing for your touch
Your face I will never forget
Somehow I let you get away
Life haunted by regret