i can't make myself happy when i can't get off this chair too anxious to stop crying silently hating my stare
my face is so ****** ugly i'm shaking, i'm trying to stop nothing could ever console me this dark and familiar spot
depression that grabs me is all too familiar i'm crippled and tired, too tired to care
a few pills will save me from cutting my body again and again i'll make myself sleep it's always been there, this darkness and crying but now i know that it's better to sleep
because it escalates to rage and seeing spots and punching holes in the wall and filling holes from inside with alcohol and cigarettes and petting my pride
my egotistical mind that thinks that if i look good at least i have that, and that's one thing i have
so i spend hours in front of the mirror painting my face and doing my hair and ******* hating my face, my ****** stare
if i look long enough i see myself change and no longer am i fragile, i'm filling that space where i can't hurt i just harm and push everyone away it's harder to ache and to look at my face than it is to get cold and harder to touch and harder to shove
and i can't replace my face with anyone else's so i better make it perfect keep on going and try to calm down keep myself busy and play music loud
so typical. it's a cycle. i'm trying. still breathing.
He felt immersed in the thought of a woman cigarettes and designer clothes But I'd rather feel immersed in the thought of the smell of cherry blossom perfume and a video game controller in her hands Call me what you want Just aspiring for something different Everything feels like the same old archetype you see in English class If you payed attention I know some of us didn't It's okay I slept in mine Because we hardly did anything in there Talk about false advertisement If you thought my life ****** before, you're sadly mistaken Instead of entrenching ourselves with tons of books We did a little work and took breaks in our work like Clay Aiken Bouncing into something new only a few times Now what i expected I just wanted to be those happy kids in those school commercials Was that so hard to ask for? Literature and good friends You don't even know the first thing of elation like i do when i put those two together.
Two inconnu sheathed within sight of one moon Betwixt embers'and uppers consumed by whom Two nocturnal allies have each exhumed By Caffeine and Adderall's swindling tomb And Nicotine's cluches; an imbibing room
He can't spell I can't speak Parallels None bespeak
He's got canines and relatives To replete empty spots Whilst a book full of lies Keeps my soul ersatz.
So, too soon or too late I will resume And instigate This nighttime bloom
The warm ache of ***** Touches my stomach with soft Hands and all i can think Is why and the tickle in my throat From nicotine's playful kiss Makes me sicker than before Woozy and exhausted I cry to myself And wonder why you're far Gone from me Loneliness caresses my face With hot tears While I panic And want to die In the place that doesn't feel like home