...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."

If I comment
Three hearts beneath your poem
It means that
I love love love your work

Sometimes I have too much to say
Or nothing to say at all
But I love to appreciate beautiful words
Because beautiful words should be appreciated

I love when my words mean something
To you reading
And a lot of your words mean something to me too
So I put it all into these
Three little hearts

❤❤❤

Whether your poetry is from a dark place
Or from a light heart
Whether something bad happened
Or something good started
If you shared it
And I saw it
And appreciate it
You'll find three little hearts
Beside my name
Beneath your work
In a format like this -

Rahama Abdulkadri ❤❤❤.

I never really learnt how to act around you.
That was because there was no acting involved.

Our connection was natural;
With you I was comfortable.

You saw beauty where no one else did,
And that's why I think of you -
When my eyes are closed and I silently pray;
For a dreamless sleep.

I think of you when it's wrong,
I think of you when I shouldn't.

At first I thought,
I believed -
Poetry is effortlessly flawless;
Happy and perfect;
Verses and rhymes;
Beautiful and sublime -
I mean
I am rhyming right now,
Aren't I?
I thought reading poetry could make you walk on sunshine.

I was so far from the truth.

I mean poetry is all that,
But it's not just that,
It can't be.
True poetry tells the story of a poet -
His happiness,
Her pain.
You can tell when he's drunk in love,
And when she's drugged up on hate.
True poetry makes your heart skip;
One beat;
Two beats;
Three beats;
Four.
It can turn the sweetest thing sour.

True poetry can make you glad when you're sad,
But it can also make you sad when you're glad.
You can relate to it;
You understand the poet;
He reminds you that the world isn't filled with dark days,
She teaches you that sometimes everyone will desert you.
He found someone to take his pain away,
But she was unlucky and life gave her limes.

I know you know that true poetry speaks the truth,
Because only the truth can truly speak to you.
No matter what facade you keep up,
True poetry will seek out the real you.
And that is who I write for.

Wait!
Don't move.
  He already won,
   There's nothing else to prove.

Wait!
Don't try.
  He's holding back your wings,
   He won't let you fly.

Wait!
He's hiding.
  You need to be careful,
   'Cause he's lying there; waiting.

Now listen -
You thought he loved you,
  Remember I warned you.
   He just needed you to be there,
    To do his bidding,
     Whatever he asked,
      Whenever.

You were enslaved by his c
                                               h
                                               a
                                               r
                                               m
                                               s.
He stopped you from doing so many things,
Even leaving the house.
He held you in an I.R.O.N. F.I.S.T.
He didn't trust you, see?
I warned you from the start,
But you didn't listen.

Now you see the monster,
And you run back to me for help.
But you're trapped.
You can't run from him,
You can't hide from your master.

You laid your bed in the grave he set,
And sooner or later you must rest your head.

When I was lost,
Grace found me.
I was in grave danger,
Grace secured me.
Had nothing to eat,
Grace provided for me.
Had no one to wipe my tears,
Grace comforted me.
When I was alone,
Grace was there for me;
Grace befriended me;
Grace was in me;
Grace was on me;
Grace surrounded me.

When I wanted to give up,
Grace saved me.
When I wanted to let go,
Grace held me;
Jesus held me.

You thought I'd be blinded -
By your charm,
And your smooth talk.
You thought you could deceive;
Little naïve me.

But what you don't know is that;
I am a poet,
A master of deception.
I hide behind words on a daily.
I can read between your;
Sweet words and;
Sugary sentences.
So please try your lines,
On someone else;
That will be easier to bewitch.
Bogus words,
Don't fool me,
Not anymore.

Not ev-ree-wún can put words down
In stanzas and lines
And make them rhyme.

Not ev-ree-wún will pour out
Their hearts on a page
To clear out the rage.

Not ev-ree-wún wants to write
When they are in pain
Depressed or afraid.

Not ev-ree-wún can be honest
With themselves
And write about how they feel
About something or someone else​
Or even themselves.

Not ev-ree-wún can be creative
Not ev-ree-wún can tell the truth
Not ev-ree-wún can be a pow-it.

I wait all day for the train,
But it has been delayed.
I sit a few feet from the tracks,
As time just slips away.

I finally escaped,
But my getaway,
Hasn't come to take me away.

And my past will soon catch up to me,
I guess I'll never truly be free.

I don't recognize this woman,
The beautiful, strong woman I see;
When I look at my reflection;
In the mirror;
On any reflective surface.

I mull over how much I have changed,
How sophisticated I look now;
How my smile bubbles over with grace;
With wisdom,
How I seem to have everything organized;
All my goals and priorities in order.

I look at this version of myself,
All grown up and more experienced;
And I don't recognize her.

I'm lying down,
Facing the ceiling.
Pulse slow,
Heart in hand.
I search for answers that I can't seem to find,
Even in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind.
Memories I have no right to keep,
Torture me as I wait for sleep -
To come,
To carry me from my wild thoughts.
I ask myself so many WHYs and WHAT IFs,
I tell myself I deserve everything -
The pain,
The sorrow,
The longing.
So I accept it willingly,
The punishment my mind gives my body -
To lie here,
Facing the ceiling,
Tossing and turning.

I stay awake all night as I watch the world sleep.
Morning comes and the dark circles deepen.
As a reminder that I took away my own peace.

I appreciate your candour;
Your scars;
Your heart.
I appreciate each word;
That comes out of your mouth.

Your voice soothes;
It calms;
It heals.
My system responds;
At peace;
At ease.

I appreciate your smile;
Your eyes;
Your lies.
You said you'd never leave;
But then you said bye.

My heart is in pieces,
But I'll pick them up.
I'll place them together;
I'll stand up tall.

I was abandoned;
By you;
My love.
But I'm thanking you;
You made me strong.

I feel his presence behind
I hear the danger in his stride
I smell the trouble in his perfume
As he caresses my side.
The calculatedness of his every move
Automatically has me on guard
I turn around and look into deep, brown eyes
With a red glow in his irises
Must be a trick of the light
But I'm so afraid of the sight.
The air freezes
Or that could be me
Holding my breath in
Just an exhale and he could unleash
His wrath on me
I'm too scared of his wrath.
I wanted freedom and I found him
A bigger prison than I previously escaped.
All hope but one lost
I pray I live another day.

Insecurities chew me down like I chew my nails when insecurities chew me down.

I cry.
I won't lie.
I won't hide.
I won't justify.

It's my life.
I can be sad when I want to;
Mad when I want to;
Glad when I want to -
Be.
I'm expressing myself,
You'll see only what you want to see,
Believe only what you choose,
View it from your own perspective.

Put yourself in my shoes;
Just for a minute.
Can you fill them?
No!
So don't judge me as if;
You would react better;
To all the circumstances;
If you were me.
I'm tougher than you could ever dream to be;
So look away and don't give any judgemental words to me.

Dear Mr. Moore,

I'm not going to tell you
That I know what's best for you
Though I may
I'll only tell you that I'm here
To support you
And show that I care
To comfort you
When no one else is there
To wait on you
And be a listening ear.

You don't have to hold it in
Your doubts
Your insecurities
You don't have to hide
Your troubles
Your worries
You can tell me
No one else will hear it
I promise
You are not alone
You know I'll listen
To all your stories.

You know I'd never judge
Cause I don't know a thing
About the way the world works
I have no experiences
I am just a young foolish girl
Who is now attached to your presence
Maybe I could help you
Maybe I couldn't.

All I want is to make it easier for you
If you ask me why
Even I do not have a single clue
There is no hidden motive
Or agenda behind the things I do
Before I even knew you
There was something there
Pulling me to you.

So don't be scared
And don't pretend
At least not with me
Cause I'm here to make it easier for you
So you should make it easier for me.

I'm scared to write;
Cause I know the words;
"I messed up really bad"
Will come out of nowhere.

Oops!
It just did.

I feel like I'm in limbo;
I'm a mess.
I messed up something good,
Something great.
I think about it and my eyes water;
I think of what's going to happen next;
And I involuntarily shudder.

I put myself first for once.
It doesn't feel like I put myself first.
I feel like I just convinced myself.
I convinced myself to destroy;
My source of happiness;
Laughter;
Inner peace.

I messed up really bad.
The deed is done.
This time there's no turning back;
But *******,
I messed up really bad.

You molded me,
Into the shape you wanted me to be,
To be perfect for you.
When I finally met those expectations,
You changed them and left me,
For a younger girl that was me before you.
And you gave her your love,
Your time,
Your affection.

I hated you for a while,
But then I found someone,
Who loves me for the way I am now -
The me after you.
He even loves me more than you ever could.
So I guess I should thank you,
For making a diamond out of mere carbon atoms,
For someone who understands the value to cherish forever.

Retrogressing.
          Always stressing.
For no reason.
          But you don't realize it,
                       Or do you?
Do you willingly overwork yourself over nothing?
Do you make plateaux out of plains?
Make an ocean out of a little rain?
Because I don't see them;
The things you see;
The roadblocks that stopped you,
That made you halt,
That made you give up.

All I see is a boy;
Not ready for what life has to offer;
A child still being fed with milk.
All I see is an individual;
That wants to be free,
But doesn't know what it means;
To be truly free.
You have liberty but call it;
Freedom!
No one is ever free,
Not you, not me.
Not even the wealthiest man, you see?
He's tied down with maybe health issues;
And the greed for even more money.

Retrogressing.
          Always stressing.
For no reason.
          But you do realize it,
                      Don't you?
You know that the only way to get through,
Is to fortify yourself,
Get rid of fear,
And bulldoze your way through;
All the invisible roadblocks;
Life placed in front of you.
They were only placed there;
To strengthen you.

I fell in love with you without realizing it
I fell in love with you without planning to
My heart was all yours and I didn’t even know it
It belonged to you but at first I didn’t show it
I couldn’t
Or I wouldn’t
I was just being a scrooge
The timing wasn’t right and we both knew it
The day I’d leave you is fast approaching
And I’m so scared
I’m hoping and praying that it’s in my head
The deadline that our different paths have set
I love you and you love me please don’t forget that
‘Cause no matter what you know it’s a fact
The last thing I want to do is break your heart
It kills me so much that I’m tearing us apart

You’d never truly know how hard this is for me
But I want you to know that you’re it for me
And I’ll keep saying it
Keep reciting it
Until you believe that you’re it for me
Until you can undoubtedly see
The sincerity in my lines
The honesty in my lies
You’re a blessing in my life

I’ll never meet someone like you
Someone incomplete that completely completes me
With no cracks found where the lines meet
Would it be weird if I asked you to marry me?
Like seriously
I don’t know how you came to mean so much to me
I want happy moments with you
Memories to remind me when I cry
That I have no regrets being with you
Standing by you
Doing the best I can do
I’d spend my years with you if fate allowed me to
But it didn’t
And I hate distance for taking you away from me

I don’t want to hold you back
I want you to do the things you need to
Without me stopping you
The one my heart belongs to
I am madly in love with you
I pray that our relationship will stay strong
But it feels like a wasted prayer
Although I’d waste as many as I can
To make sure we end up together
When distance is no longer a determiner
When our situation gets a little better

Until you leave
I’m keeping you all to myself
I’m loving you in every way I can ‘til I can’t
I’m caring more than I should ‘til I shan’t
I’m kissing you ‘til my rights expire
‘Til I can no longer call you mine
I pray it gets better for you with time
Not just this but everything
I want you to be happy
To smile more
To cachinnate often
I pray that all that darkness
Is replaced with light even after I leave
I hope you find someone incomplete that completely completes you
That loves you
More than I ever could
‘Cause you deserve it and more
You deserve the world
Mi amor.

I wrote a song about you
It turned out to be a sad song
Because you're not here
I couldn't be truly happy
Without you
Atleast not for a long time
Atleast not until you've found someone
That truly makes you happy
Because your happiness is
My happiness even if
I'm not the source of it.

Thousands of conversations ago
I had not the slightest clue
That I would fall in love
With your words
Your ways
Your laughter

Now it resounds through me
Every piece of you that became a part
Of my evolved, convoluted self
I kinda see you not just in every win
But in every dream
And it hurts that I had to let go...

For every moment with you shined.

Well, you got me again.
It's been a while since we rode together, old friend.
Although you've been there,
Stalking me in the shadows.
You thought I didn't notice your subtle signs,
The different costumes you wear,
The places that you hide.

But I do, and I did;
Every single time.
I was aware and wary,
But I guess not careful enough.
You got me this time,
But I promise this will be your last.

I have so much to say
But nothing to write down
It's raining cats and dogs
My phone will only stay on for ten more minutes
No electricity until the rain stops
It's thirty-eight minutes to two a.m.
I've got tears in my eyes
I'm a mess.

I wrote an epistle for a friend today
For his one-year anniversary
With the love of his life
She completes him
I see it
All the changes she made
In his life
She wrote an epistle for his birthday last month
He's no good with words
So he kept begging until I said yes.

I recently had my heart broken
I broke it myself
But I guess I can't complain
Cause I shattered his along with mine
Not my friend
My ex-boyfriend
We were together nine months
Would be ten today
But I broke us.

I'm so sad
I toss and turn till I cry silently
And then I drift into a restless sleep
It was best for us what I did
But it don't feel like it
It's like he was a part of my respiratory system
And without him it's so hard to breathe.

On nights this cold and lonely
I wonder if he's sober
Cause I'm the crybaby and he's the drunk
We're both trying to cope seeing as the pain is too much
We still talk but not like before
It could never be like before
It's such a shame
It really is cause
We were perfect together
But life is a complicated ***** that ******* us over.

It's now twenty-eight minutes to two a.m.
Time to cry my eyes out
So I can finally get a three-hour sleep.

I'm so happy
I could grow a tail right now
I'm so belated
I could die without regrets right now

There are so many things
That I could do
To prove that I'm in love with you
But why would I do them?
You never did 'em
And I know that you love me
So you should also know that
I love you
Without me trying to prove it
By doing those things 4u
Even though I could do anything 4u

My love
4u
Is crystal clear and visible
For the whole world to see
That you're the only one for me
For them to be jealous of us
That I got someone that loves me so
And that you got a gyal that could do anything
4u.

This ache in my heart
I wish it was nociceptive
I wish it was fleeting
I wish it would pass
But it won't
It'll continue to torment me
Until I've lost myself
In the negativity
It offers.

Another approach
Same strategies
Same chain of command
Different authorities
A mesmerizing complex structure;
Circumventing individual responsibilities.

How can we strive?
How can we grow?
Every being as important as the next;
For the success of a mission years away from fulfilment.

Everyone has a part to play
Every part must be played fully
Or else stagnancy is well around the corner.

For development,
The team must be strong.
They must be together.
They must have the same goals,
Or everything crumbles.

I never experienced true love;
And genuine happiness;
Outside the loving arms of my family.
Home is where the heart is;
And my heart is in their midst;
Where laughter and togetherness exists.
They are my ride-or-dies;
My besties;
I'll love them till I expire.

My words are like knives;
Most of the time -
They pierce you;
They are the unwanted truths.

My words are like candy;
Some other times -
They are sugary;
They get me what I want.

My words are inspirational;
When the need be -
They are like fire;
They warm up your heart.

My words are powerful;
And influential -
They command respect;
They cannot be ignored.

Will I ever;
Make it out;
Of this raging inferno;
Alive?
And well?
Is that possible?
I don't think it is.

The fire;
Of our passion;
Was too hot;
To not leave;
Several burns;
All over my skin.

I don't watch the news on TV;
Or listen to it on the radio.
I skip it in my timeline;
I hide it from my mail.
I don't read the newspaper;
I don't listen to the gossip.
I shut my eyes and ears;
Because all news is bad news.

Last time I checked;
There was an earthquake -
Lives were lost;
Properties were destroyed.
Last time I checked;
The war was raging -
The greed of men blinded;
Their conscience and humanity.
Last time I checked;
Racialism was still salient -
Discrimination everywhere you turn;
Dark-skinned  hoi polloi screaming "BLACK LIVES MATTER."
But does it?
Does it really?
Because last time I checked;
Dark-skinned citizens were being stopped and harassed;
By the light-skinned citizens in the force;
And light-skinned citizens were being scammed and;
Bullied on the internet by dark-skinned citizens without jobs.

I don't want to be aware of everything; That is wrong;
With the government;
With the citizens;
With the economy​.
I don't want to know if corruption;
Still lives in our system.
I don't want to know if nepotism;
Is still the order of the day;
In our offices,
And our government.

What's wrong with not wanting to watch;
Or read;
Or listen to the news?
What's wrong with not wanting to see;
The degradation;
Discrimination and;
Death of my fellow human beings.

I have a heart and weak it is;
It cannot bear to see these things.
Out of sight,
Out of mind.
Right?
RIGHT???

I'm not ready to be hurt;
So I shut my eyes and ears;
To all the happenings in the world.

Look what you did to her
Look how you changed
Her perspective
Her logic and reasoning
See the effect you have on her
She's better
She's stronger
She's the weak kid no longer
You fell in love and left your mark on her
Look how good you are for her
Look how good you've been to her
See how she shines when she's with you
Just because she's next to you
Even after she broke you
You still let her stand by you
Look how strong you are
See how in love you are
You bury your pain when you're with her
Because her presence is bittersweet
It brings mixed emotions with it
You're devastated that you don't have her
You're belated that you still have her
You're happy cause she is too
Because all her dreams are coming true
She never told you but it's because of you
Because she unwillingly let go of you
But you didn't let go too
She prays everyday for you
That you'll find someone new
That will let you finally let go of her
Without actually letting go of her
Because she was never really good for you.

I want to kiss you
I'm attracted to you
But I don't like you
I don't want to be with you
I just want to use you
Until I'm satisfied
Then I can leave you
Without second thoughts.

I hide my feelings
Intermittently
Under a juvenile behavior
I am but a child
But only in the eyes of fools.

Wise men see what's beneath
The unspoken words covered up in a heartbeat
They learn to watch more; say less
They understand there's more to things than meets the eye
They see through the facade
But give no comment
They wait for the right time
To dig up the whole truth
Then they wipe your eyes when you cry
Hold you together when you breakdown
Raise you up when you hit the ground

Somehow I'm surrounded by only fools
No one can be blamed for this but me
For the kind of company I chose to keep.

The plan was to be independent
I had my goals written down
My priorities were in check
I was going to follow through
And achieve what I had to in the end
But then **** happened
And my ascetic side was left for dead

All my dreams I trapped in a mausoleum
My spurious persona was in the lead
My new ambitions were kaleidoscopic
They were all wants and never needs
Something new always grabbed my attention
Once I had achieved a thing
Slowly but surely I was being drowned
By deceit and greed

And one day I searched myself and could not find me
I did not see the me that was a visionary
I had missed my way and that was clear to see
I was already in the depths of the ocean of sin when it finally dawned on me

At this point even self-love couldn't save me
And self-hatred couldn't change me
Even self-will couldn't revive me
So I found a coping mechanism
To help me live with my atrocities
Under the ocean of sin.

It's funny how you're not here and yet the first person I think of,
When I wake up,
Is you.

It's annoying when every single thing,
Even a random word,
Reminds me of you.

Is this healthy?
I can't tell,
But it's pretty overwhelming.

I shouldn't beat myself up but that's exactly what I do,
When I realize,
That I've been thinking of you.

Not that it's a bad thing,
Unless I think of you so much,
It causes brain damage.

But I know that if you think of me,
As much as I think of you,
Then I wouldn't mind being a vegetable,
With you.

Though it's not the smartest thing to do,
I lose myself when I'm with you.
Though it's the one thing I can't say to you,
I find myself always erasing the text "I love you."

You held me
And all my fears
Disappeared.
I'm safe.

As we develop new feelings,
The old ones are never fully shaken off;
They bury themselves deep down in our hearts.
It is a blessing and yet a curse;
Beautiful yet ugly.
As we continue to develop feelings for different people,
It suddenly becomes confusing;
And to love becomes tiring.