We spent so many hours, and nights, pushing against each other.
Going back and forth to be with each other.
It wasn't until we stepped back and looked at the situation as a whole.
We can try to fix each tiny part.
It doesn't help if the foundation is cracked.
The love was there, and it always has been.
The compatibility was missing.
Like they say, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results.
If I had a choice to do it again or not, I still would.
I found a great love in my life.
Just not the love of my life.
A great best friend who knows all my secrets and still loves me for me.
Not all relationships work but if not for 3 years of struggling, I would have never found my life mate, shield sister.
And now, I move forward and see where I'm guided.
I know I will never fight alone.
It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.
Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying blow me.please if I thought it actually work.
What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college
She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable slut puppy was off having the time of her life .
Minus the dirty dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight sexy black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.
Sure I was alone my booze supply running low trapped in a shithole no hope of getting laid in sight but who's fucking bitter .
I mean I could replace my favorite nypho barely legal head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.
Yeah I was totally fucked .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the fuck did she have to take her fucking vagina with her Damn greedy bitch .
Fucking women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there motherfucking clothes but oh no the greedy ass bitches.
And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you bitches just the dirty whore I was with for six fucking years but again im not bitter.
I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called boozer .
Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .
It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in hooker left me to die in misery but who's bitter.
I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.
Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.fucked up hair metal power ballad in the background again?
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total orgy naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.
Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .
Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted whore playlist wouldn't load .
Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless whore .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.
I paused thought about all the good times and kinky things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.
Gonzo what the fuck are you doing?
Kelley asked .
Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.
Jesus fucking christ!
Your watching porn and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you fucking pervert!
Kelley said. In her sexy angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone dumbass reader .
I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .
But enough with the foreplay children.
After I um got off the subject of if I was masturbating to some art films me and my ex made together .
It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .
I really miss my hooker.
Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating slut puppy but she gave me sex without charging .
To.much that is hahaha I know im fucked up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.
Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .
Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .
Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.
The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest fart possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .
Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.
Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken bastard .
So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally screw the life outta me again?
Okay maybe a blow job ?
Don't think so Gonzo.
Fuck okay a hand job while we watch one of those gay ass chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting jerked off.
Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho sexy is all I'm gonna say.
Im kidding well kinda.
Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.
Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.
I just got to figure me out is all.
I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this shit wonder .
What the hell kind of shit is this nut on.
Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.
We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.
We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .
And Kelley she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .
Im kidding well I can always hope .
Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented ass thinks its funny .
I love you
It happened all of the sudden
And caught me off guard
But now I know
I love you
And I could never imagine losing you
I could never dream of hurting you
But that's what I did, didn't I?
I love you
And I want what's best for you
I'm not that
I love you
That's why I'm letting you go
Setting you free
Maybe it hurts you
But darling, I would have broke you if you stayed
Stepping foot in this place
Reminds me of all the nights I worked third shift
All the panic attacks I had in that bathroom
All because I was terrified
Terrified that you were cheating on me
And as it all played out in the end it turns out that you were
What a fool I was
You ruined me in so many ways
I've lost count.
At least now I know karma has paid you a visit
I laugh at the thought of you in jail
I revel in the schadenfreude
Because I've paid again & again for my wrongdoings
It's about time that shit caught up with you.
Why are they so important?
Why do they mean so much?
Last Saturday I was at a bar talking to Canadians at a bachelor party--one of which bought me drinks all night and wanted to makeout with me.
The Saturday before that I went out with some friends I hadn't seen in a long time.
And before that, I went out with my friends to this area that had so many bars filled with people who drank themselves into stupors--kind of like I did the Saturday before that one.
I was dumped. So I drank--a lot I drank. That Saturday was a mess.
But tonight is Saturday and I didn't want to do anything, yet I felt like I should. So I did. I went to a friend's house to drink, but I didn't go out. I felt tipsy, I felt surrounded by friends, but I also felt sad.
He was out. He was happy. And he definitely was probably not sad.
But I was.
It's funny how break ups work--they make you question even the smallest things, like the purpose of Saturday's, ya know?
Whenever I talk to you
It brings a smile to my face
A huge, stupid smile
The kind of smile you get when you're in love
Receiving a message from you will fill me with adrenaline
I'll have a rush of joy
The kind of happiness you'll get when you're in love
You make my heart race
My thoughts scatter
My mind will soar with bliss
The kind of bliss you'll get when you're in love
But we all know love comes at a price
And this price is the worst of them all
Because you don't love me back
And you never will
You had my heart
With a promise to never let it go
But over time
This heart became too heavy for you
You dropped it
And my heart shattered
You fell out of love
And I fell into pieces