He doubted me
Then he shouted at me
He blamed me for
And told me I change
The person who loved me
Like there was no other
Left my side for another
He said I was expecting
With kid like attitude as such
This was not a valid reason
To break up like this
But it was evident that
He would never miss me
Ofcourse as the other
Had taken over my lover
My place in his heart
Was no longer his part
He spilled out my love
And let it drown off like
A helpless dove
When I pleaded with sorry
He said not to worry
As some other will fill in
His absence in my life
Upon my broken heart
He left me shattered
I no longer mattered
He has found a new bloom
That scented his room
wired with worry I got tangled in a chaotic world of fear,doubt and Sigh,
Anger went down so smooth like red dry matured Merlot sip cuddle my heart and nourish my brain with nothingness but blame and regrets.
I have been missing you, needing to align my cords, untangle my soul, for you to breath life in me and kill negativity, he was here the other day teaching me all things that start with what IF?
What if it doesn't work? what if you are rejected? what if you fail? what if this Is the end of a start? what if we can't be?.
Carelessly you have disregarded my heart, carelessly you broke it, carelessly you missed the point.
The same love you pored you spill, confusing are your intentions, in front of my love door they are grey and blurry, I lack vision of who we are or becoming, swept by strong missdirected winds. Was I ever ready?
I left cause I cared
But you never dared
To confront me
You just let me be
I cried over the time spent
The moments and stuffs you sent
Now I packed it all for you
To send all back for your new
A replacement love waiting in queue
That's ok, you can gift the stuffs to her
I heard she drives a porsche car
Was that the reason you got lured
Madly in love that you forgot you assured
To be with me always
To stick by my side in every ways
But the ingredient of being rich lacked in me
The actual reasons, I now see
It's fine as this was predicted to be
I opened my arms to let you go
You never turned back to thank me, No...
It follows me,
Every step that I go,
Never leaves me throughout the day,
Sometimes disappears at night,
But once I step under the light,
The evil side of me escapes my body
And hides beneath me,
The disappearance doesn't mean its gone,
It only escapes from me ,
In the absence of light
My shadow surrounds me,
Overwhelms me and causes my pupils to become narrow,
When my eyes magnify the darkness
Nothing can escape my sight.
The darkness is mine,
This time I follow my shadow.
When the light comes piercing through my window as the sun rises,
My shadow wakes up behind me as I stand.
My shadow is small,
My shadow goes through everything
I go through in the day.
As I fall apart from the dreadful experiences
Of the human life,
I am forced to become strong.
Yet my shadow is left untouched, unhurt, unaffected.
Yet, maybe that is needed in order to stick with me.
If it knew human emotion perhaps it would escape.
When I was with her,
She had a shadow too.
When I was with her,
My shadow was paired and it extended itself under the sun.
Now I'm not with her,
Perhaps my shadow feels the tearing away
Of what was once a part of it.
My shadow doesn't boil like i do under the sun,
My shadow forgets.
Can I be like you?
Lets switch places for a day.
Because in humanity,
Even sleep is not an escape from the nightmares.
You say "baby you're so dreamy but you're a nightmare to me.
I love your hazel glazed eyes but I fear what others don't see."
And I'm full of wanderlust but you're never awake to see the sun.
Your eyes are closed when it rises and under covers when it falls.
I'm craving the scent of dew kissed greens and blooming flowers.
You desire the burning taste of 35% and not remembering what you've done in the morning.
Light my bouquet on fire with your rum,
it's not like you wanted to bring me any.
I don't blame you considering the things you had to see.
But if we were alone and I had my hands around my throat.
I wonder if you would take them off of me?
Would you have watched my face turn from peach to blue.
While my eyes are bloodshot and teary,
I wonder if you would have only walked away from me.
I know you couldn't bare to see my self destruction.
Your god complex is so inferior.
I fear you've truly forgot who you were born to be:
Humble, gentle, quirky, down to earth - just like me.
But sin dances in your veins
and you want to be someone fictional.
You call yourself an atheist,
but base your character on someone you don't believe in.
Do you not believe in yourself?
Because you should do,
behind your facade is under appreciated talent.
And I sincerely hope you realise that.
You're turning all water into wine and leaving me dehydrated.
If you're really the son of god then why didn't you understand me?
I'm strong enough to fix myself but if you're truly "holy" -
Why didn't you place your hands upon my eyes and attempt to "cure" me.
So this is what it felt like.
People always told me that it would just feel like peace.
To me, I always imagined it to be a field of marigolds,
with the smells of golden amber and patchouli
wavering through my bones.
It was the days when my knotted hair
finally became unraveled and
you combed through the tangles while
the smell of berries and mint floated through the air.
It was the burnt butter of the waffles cooking in the iron
and thick bacon spewing bits
of grease out of the pan
as Mother cooked on cartoon-filled Saturday mornings.
I was always told that with peace,
there were no inviting questions.
No sinful, succulent maybes.
No mirroring what-ifs.
You in the arms of another,
no marigolds, tangles, or berries.
Death, you didn’t get me this time.
I will be okay.
I followed you.
You lead me everywhere.
I felt safe.
I felt... whole.
That all changed
when you left.
You left me in the dust.
You left me... alone.
Why would you leave?
Nothing. Not a hint.
Not even a note.
Maybe you could have said:
"Don't love you anymore.
Is that too much to ask?
I don't think so.
Do you remember
Waiting by the door
For me to come home
Just a little after four?
Do you remember
Wondering if I were hurt
Lying by a road somewhere
Injured in the dirt?
How many times did I
Disappoint you with lies?
How many times did you
Assume I was too unwise
In my chose of friends
Who drank and smoked
Engaging in philandering
Just like old bawdy jokes?
Did you catch me out
With strangers on the make?
Did you ask yourself
“Just how much can I take?”
Did you rage and howl
And call yourself a fool
Who seems to have learned little
All those years in school?
Did some friends tell you
You needed to confront
And tell me what a rat I was
To leave you here in want.
Did you lie and defend me
And keep our secrets well hid?
Did you worry we were through?
You say you didn’t do all that?
Well, the truth of it is, I did.
Do you have any regrets?
Only letting you get too close when I know how I am
I cant keep the facade that is having feelings
I manage to convince myself of love
But in truth I just enjoy the light that comes from being adored
Im selfish and can’t stay in a relationship
In one simple phrase: I get bored
Its bad but true and thats one good thing from my friends not talking to you.
They know the ins and outs of my problems with relationships
And why none of them last
True, I hoped it’d be different but hey what can I say.
Im broken glass and can only stay together for so long till I have to separate and try again
If held softly I stay longer but oh well I enjoy being shattered and alone
Love makes me this way what can I say