I hated you.
I remembered the scent of weed on your jackets,
The taste of alchohol and cigarettes of your lips.
I hated you.
You left me alone in the wilderness of my mind,
The ghost of my abscence lingered.
I hated you. I hated you.
I. Still. Hate. You.
But in the prick of fury,
The fire in my eyes haunted.
At that moment I realized you were on the phone,
Your voice chipping off and broken,
Crying out loud and pouring your guilt,
You were ice-
cracking under the pressure of what you did under my flames,
And I smiled as I watched you burn.

Why can't someone love me
The way I love you
The never ending
The so true
How can you let go
How can I let go
When this is all I've ever known.

soft spoken girl poking holes
in my torso with her words and her nails
she inhales short sharp breaths, piercing
my eardrums and exposing my nerves,
sounds that sound a lot like love would.
sensitive teeth sink into collarbones,
and we both hurt. and we both want to.
pressed against me slowly bleeding
into my pores. i'll smell her on my skin
for weeks and months on end.
salt stains that won't wash out.
hard times, strange vibes.
bad luck. short lived, she said
just friends.

The last time we were in court she said I could have Ava’s Roasters
But here I am and here she is
What the hell
The judge said specifically since I’m the one with insomnia I could have the 24-hour coffee shops
It’s two in the morning
She’s never awake at this hour anyway
It’s like she’s a whole different person now that we aren’t together
She’s not even here with anyone
It’s not like it wasn’t a fair trade
She got everything else
She got the grocery stores in town
The two main parks the freeway commute the bar I showed her in the first place
I mean she even got the burger joint, she doesn’t even order burgers there she gets the fucking salads
My lawyer said I should’ve kept some of the things in town
I know I should’ve it would’ve saved on the gas but
There was going to be fights and I just wanted this shit to be over
Besides I don’t hate the drive and I mean I haven’t missed running into people from high school
I just wish I could call the judge about this
It’s my time
I have poems to write about her and how could I possibly do that while she’s in the room
I mean since when does she need mocha’s this late
This is my thing
She already stole my heart

i am a never-ending spiral of missing you.
in dreams i find myself in your presence,
these dreams turn to nightmares as reality is your absence.

i breathe in the air, and it smells like the autumn we spent together-
hauntingly warm and beautiful.
it smells like sunlight and leaves and happiness.
each inhale brings your memory closer,
each exhale pushes you further.

every white car I see is your Subaru.
the one that took us to the yellowing aspens.
every song has your jazz.
i could only listen to mumford and sons for three months.
every second is the absence of your embrace.

i know you're gone.
i KNOW.
i see your pictures with her
and i can see you're happy.
you have all of my happiness. you really do.

i have no consolation. no time. none at all.
never-never.

They say we lost love
They say we lost out
We must be crazy for letting go a thing so good

They lie
Our hearts slither out our yearning bodies
Coloured their way to the skies
There they'll always stay.
Kissing the sky

We're right were we belong
This physical realm was too low for us to belong
Divine love,Cosmic emotion
Starcrossed lovers

Whenever I think of you
I wanna douse myself in proverbial gasoline
(aka alcohol)
And light myself on fire
(via a bowl of kush)
My thoughts of you vary in intensity
From a random passing
To an overwhelming
I want to do all the drugs & drink all the alcohol
To make them stop or subside
This fix is only temporary
As it has been the last two years
A mere band aid in the grand scheme of things
But it had been helping thus far
I really thought this would have gone away by now
Seeing you again didn't change a thing
It didn't go the way I imagined it would
And it feels like July 2015 all over again
You're still out of my reach
And maybe you should stay that way
But my heart can't seem to accept that.