annoyance, I was branded due to my flamboyance
joyance, connected to divine i am clairvoyance
I swim to the shore from the sheltered deep
I swim to the top to feel the sun’s heat
anything in hopes I do not repeat
the way I felt under you, the way you painted me so blue and alone
a throne in an empty castle
a never-ending mental battle
me versus your voice embedded in my head
I travel to the nearest chapel to rebuke you
I unravel in my travels to run away
the problems return day by day
no amount of drugs and buds will resolve
the problems just seem to evolve
with every folk and wind in the road
with every smoke and grind blown
I gotta face my own
reflection, deflecting blame
rejection, embargoed in shame
protection, from you and your games

pen to paper
tears to soil
the interactive process makes me
what am i without the mercy of paper?
what am i without the abundance of ink?
what am i without?
footprints in fresh snow
bloodstains on a sheep’s wool
what am i when i am no longer broke?
what am i when i unfold?

all the wells are empty
the wars are lost
all the children cry
but we focus on our capital instead
homeless crowd the streets but we blissfully sleep
in our egyptian cotton sheets, in our bed of lies counting sheep
praying away all the evil eyes
welcome to the end times

releasing this album has to be the hardest thing I have ever done
always wanted to but shame suppressed
hundreds of files, hundreds of tears wept
my heart painted across instrumentals and melodies
nervous, will people get me?
get the metaphors, get the meaning
purpose, will I let me?
embark on a journey toward the sun
leave everything I hated having to become
shed a few layers, re-introduce me
climbing to the top, sorry excuse me

Am I a demon?
That is what they're saying
Am I ******* Satan?
Or is Satan ******* me?
Am I the gay best friend, is that all I am?
I can be sassy, flamboyant but never enough to really defend
from the arrows and throes of men
So tell me what I am
tell me what I got to be
So tell me what I am
tell me what is stopping me
From Heaven's end, even if I repent?
Will my sins not be cleansed in the sea
There is not much difference in sin from you to me

melodies fill my lungs like air
to sing is to be, frequency quartz clear
melodies fill my lungs day in day out
check in and check out
to sing is to be, been mute too long

I lost the plot and that's fine
I lost my mind within the lines
of my aquamarine journal
oh the feelings it holds under lock and key
oh the feelings I keep just for me
the pages filled with my metaphorical tears
the pages filled with my realistic fears
describing my intrusive thoughts
outlining my dreams of yachts
It is so distant yet so near
my journal is where I disappear
it houses the memories, my souvenirs
my breath that you took, the lyrics to my next hook
all lies within my aquamarine book

oil slicked skin, smothering sunbeams
when did we get so far?
once upon a kin, could we do it again?
soaking up your energy like a sponge
been waiting on your remedy for too long
i have been too strong, waiting for the one

blindsighted
i've stopped trying
this whole time, you were a fraud lying
blindsighted
i'm done crying
these bold lies, you were a fraud hiding
snake eyes, snake lips
jealous, bitter, narcissistic scripts
sweet nothings, fake adoration
this i could never predict

tumbling to the tide
the screams inside won’t die
plucked all the pretty petals
now all i have is vines
tie them tight around my windpipe
tumble into the tide
sink into my sadness, meet divine
this was my destiny, my time
kissing the only memories i have of you and i

money, fame, glory
Childhood was so rough the only option was to come up with a story
Adulthood came early and taught me to be discerning
But in a world full of colour hues its easy to pick the shivering blue
Fell into a whirlpool, a black hole so dark my memory vanished
But these lessons I learned taught me to survive in famish
So I worked for the juxtaposition because I deserve lavish
So stunning and blessed I came to be
Never let that light die in me
I knew I would make it with the right opportunities
So I learned how to be hardworking and ambiguities
A humbling story and sometimes sad
But I am grateful and cherish moments I will always have
But I moved on, looking good, getting back
Everything they took from me I used to have

I plant seeds of hope into my cranium
that ill be laid out in the meditterian
sea with the water hugging me
I plant seeds of hope into my cranium
that my heart is gold and titanium
and that I will never again know the lows that I've known
instead, I can just float
float away
swim away to a better place
one not plagued with flawed structures
one not filled with hungry vultures
always looking for their next ****, their next meal
but maybe it's just our culture, to ****
maybe these seeds of hope will
save me from this desolate land
grant me a benevolent man
so I plant my seeds again

the place i got my mirror you threw me through
filled with machines, unearthing roots
old old patterns rewritten
old old narratives revisited
is there room for forgive
my face washed by shock
never thought i could bare witness
dissolve the dividing mirror
seeing more than ourselves
makes this easier
makes it clearer

your haunting hands, my anxious eyes
your passion burning leaves me hypnotized
by the glow of the flame, its unpredictability
the heat of the flame, but you are so undeserving
should be perfuming my body in your kisses
should be dancing your fingers in my rivers
they call out your name, haunted even in the day
haunted at every sight of rain and Janelle Monae
we were in the eye and I was naive
now my anxious eyes follow me
and your haunted hands lead me
to an inner journey to find the key
to unlock and unblock my potential

Upon the announcement of my arrival
my ancestors weaved brillant threads to make a quilt for my bed
with steadfast hands, they weaved themselves a plan
who i was to become, what kind of man
upon the days of my arrival
my ancestors fantastically wrapped me up in the quilt of blue and red
this quilt housed me for many seasons
itched me, pinched me, left me cold at night
bit me, tripped me, straggling my rights
the brillant quilt made to protect became my golden cage instead
their plan created my strife
their plan corseted my life
after years spent suffocating in the threads
i decided to break away from the plan
emerging like a little chick out of an egg
i chose to live my life today
still the foundation laid was unscathed
every trigger sent my heart into disarray
independence fortified, return to the egg
the quilt might be itchy, it might be tight
but it is easier than learning how to fly

i was scared to try, scared to fail
but if i never strike the iron while it’s hot
then I’ll never get my man of steel
i was blind to see the colours bleed
scared to bare witness to the unraveling
but to heal is to release
baggages, bandages, bruises of cool tones
repair the foundation before building the home
aligning with intent, the present a reformed man
actively pursuing my desired amend
arrows shot from cupid’s hand
Adonis’ kiss, Aphrodite commends

you are my forbidden fruit
so sweet until the notes of bitter bubble up
so perfect for me until your other side shows up
duality, inability
to see beyond your own body, beyond your own needs
what am I to you?
what am I if I do or don't?
you tried to tie me down, tried to quiet my own
voice, displeased with my need for reciprocity
to engulfed in your hypocrisy
I almost lost me, in your rapids, distractions
too many factors, actors, and games
too much struggle, rebuttals, and vain
so much vanity you drove me insane
and I have never driven a day in my life

it's all an act
a fact I cannot escape
always wishing for a sweet place, a sweet escape
need a vacation and to sleep until noon
**** I might even take two
Balance, all the components
where should I go?
where is my home?
should I, should I?
how could I, with such little time
tik tok tik tok, where is divine
the clocks in my head are relentless
the stocks hurt my head, can't comprehend it
why not balance the scales and restore peace
instead, you set it afire and watch the poor man weep

flowers with seeds of teeth
growing into the worst version it seems
dreams are premonitions
precognitive dreams
cowards in velvet coats
sowing the largest gross
scenes are withheld
sparse sparks set ablaze the truth held
it is fun, when it is free
all the skin owed to me
they come in twos, hurry in threes
all the skin owed to me

making beats, making art
losing you was just the start
to my rise, oh I thank divine
I would've kept these feelings inside a year ago
now you will hear my words on the radio
I do not care anymore, the rain cannot ruin me like before
it nourishes me and my creations, empress with no limitations
I am so happy to be me, so happy to be free
no longer tending to the broken birds
rather focusing on my own concerns

heavy golden mangoes
gushing golden rivers
where the birds are treasure chests and sing like my momma
where a shellshocked man can rest and release the burden of trauma
the grass kisses your skin and the warm wind hugs you from behind
i could not believe my eyes
i found El Dorado from peeking inside

just when i thought
that should’ve been the end
when i get my hands on it
that’s when it begins
i need it and mould it
wrapped around my fingers like gold
your body my own
your voice is silent
the room is dim but your bright mind matches mine
we intertwined over common ties
there is something i will never know
i can always feel the thorn
i feel in puzzles and i speak in tones
you understand my wit but miss my hold
i understand your grit but miss your gold
just when we could’ve thought
that was the end

I give so much love but never get enough back
it's hard to keep giving to lack knowing that
it is not reciprocated and my heartache is fated
behind the scenes, I could tell you were unfaithful
my mind perceives in extravagant hues to make up for this drowning blue
that I feel whenever my eyes close, clinging to my iPhone
wasting all my energy in the protection of my memory
all those sweet nothings that felt comforting and all those lies that caused me suffering
all I have is lined pieces of paper bonded by saddened words and tears
bubbling up pain from adolescent fears, I keep trying to keep you near
it's a cycle I am used to, used to abuse, used to misuse
used to needing you but I had a breakthrough

indite my insights
emotions caught in my windpipe
journaling makes it easier
label my pain a distinct kind
not a single tear shed when the king died
sinking into the riptide
giving myself some time
to grow, to show all my tremors
to know, Monroe, angel feathers