I’ll write my concerns

Down it goes,

On the perfect crisp white

In between the lines

Can you read through them

But down it goes either way

Lodged in my throat

The words don’t come out

Like the way I want it to

The pen is dry liquidation

It worsens my condition

I can’t seem to write

Write down these concerns

Stuck and caught

In the moment

The pen hits paper

My words choked up

My vision is blurry

The dry ink got wet

Now I thank the liquid in my eye

-soulwriterj

Hello,
It's been a while since I've tried to do this.
I've been hesitant to even try this,
But life is getting a little more tough-
More tough than I can bear to handle.
I often struggle to figure out what is wrong with me,
But there are a lot of things that I am concerned about.
So,
Here are my concerns, so far:
-I'm afraid that I'm going to fail
Just like,
Anything that I pursue.
A class,
A test,
A paper,
Even a homework assignment.
Failure is a huge fear of mine,
And everyone else's,
So I'm trying to brush it off.
But it's lingering there,
I feel as if I am destined to be a failure.
-I'm afraid I'll be alone forever
Everyone else has fun,
Everyone else has friends that they hang around with,
On a regular basis.
I have no one anymore.
-I'm afraid I have no purpose
There are so many people,
That know what they want to do,
And what they have to do in order to get what they want.
All of these people,
Have eons of experience compared to me,
And I'm just a speck of dust,
That will probably remain a speck of dust.
-I'm afraid to lose contact with my loved ones
I never initiate conversation,
Because I feel like no one would care either way.
I feel like an inconvenience to so many people,
So I figure better to not connect at all.
But, this poses a problem:
I am rapidly losing my relationships with many people.
Friends,
My mother,
My father,
My siblings.
-I'm afraid of my deteriorating health
Mentally,
And physically.
Mentally,
I am down-spiraling.
I feel like I don't belong here,
Living in this world.
Physically,
There is so much wrong with me.
My legs hurt every day,
And I'm only eighteen.
-I'm afraid to lose the love of my life
This, selfishly, is my primary concern.
I have found the most wonderful person,
Someone that truly fits with me.
They are so amazing,
But I fear that I will lose them quite soon.
Of course,
I am concerned about freak accidents and all,
But I am more concerned about me messing things up.
I don't do enough for them,
And I feel awful all of the time for being less than great to them.
It *****,
Because they're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
If I lose them,
I'm losing my life,
My vitality.

So, there are a few of my biggest concerns.
Of course,
These can be broken down into even more concerns,
And there are far more to be mentioned.
But this is an introduction
To why I'm a mess.

Since you came into my life
It was the first time I set my eyes on you,
  it felt like love at first sight.
I knew then that my dreams had come true,
  my feeling was so very right.

Since then i've been constantly thinking of you,
  with warm thoughts that put a smile on my face.
Some of them seeming very real,
  it makes my heart begin to race.

Your voice, when you talk, the way you walk,
  I think you are so very fine.
Your every ways make my heart soar,
  and sends chills up and down my spine.

I look deep into your beautiful eyes,
  to feel something I never felt before.
This feeling, and then I see you smile,
  it just makes my heart melt.

The wonderful feeling of your touch,
  when we were hand in hand.
It makes me smile and slightly laugh,
  now do you understand?

I will treasure all the times we've had,
  and the ones that are to be.
For us, I wonder what the future has to bring,
  I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Being with you, my prayers have been answered,
  I found all I'm looking for.
You are all i'll ever need,
  I couldn't ask for anything more.

I see how fast the days are passing by,
as there’s so much that’s been on my mind,
soon I’ll be sixteen, eighteen, then twenty,
with a mind so clueless of where to be.

I may be just fourteen,
but it really concerns me,
everyone asks how I’ll be,
in my upcoming twenties.

I’ll have to be educated,
find a job that suits me,
one that also pays off well,
then a happy healthy family.

“Keep your eyes wide open
for a bright future ahead,
do not disappoint us”,
my parents said.

I’ve been questioned so many times
that I am now so worried,
soon I’ll be sixteen, eighteen, then twenty,
with a mind so clueless of where to be.

Except i don't.
but let's roll with it

I want to bleed
all the ways
you aspire me to
I want to bleed
all the colors
you could imagine.

I want to be beautiful
even when no ones watching.
I want to be the sunset
the sunrise.
I want to be the sunlight
for you
on your darkest days.

I want to be bleed
and I want to feel
and I want to be
everything you desire.

and I'm not the brightest
my cynicism has made me dull.
and I'm not the prettiest,
I know too many truths
to let myself become nothing more
than my smile.

heed my words,
heed my warnings.

I am more than you desire--

I hope you can handle it.

The worst part about it is I'm still not even 100% certain that this dream will not come to fruition

And it scares me to think that every time it starts to breech the horizon I still wonder if I will see the light of dawn...

I've got concerns
Ranging from head to toe
But mostly they're about you
I'm not quite sure
But your selfishness
Hasn't worn off on me
It hasn't even affected
How I really think of you
I've got concerns
That are no longer mine
You'll be just fine
And I'm making my own way
Just like I had been
The whole four years prior
I still turned out okay
I've just got one last concern
That involves things deeper
Than the indent on this paper
So it doesn't really matter to you
You still won't understand
That's no longer your concern
I'll be just fine
I'm still making my way
Just like I had been
The whole four years prior
I am turning out okay

I walked into the airport with my usual grimace  
Seats colder than my heart when I heard the news
From Ohio to Washington, such a distance
I complained to my parents but their decisions were tightened with screws

People walking, phones ringing
Luggage strolling, my head exploding
This place functions like my worries, they never stop
So rushed, so focused, the ball never drops
No time to stop and hear what I think
You’d have to read an endless book printed in faded ink

People never try to see behind my disguise
My smile dies but mind survives
The struggle to board the plane that would change it all
I wish time could stop, give me time to stall
Out of their hands, the tickets would melt
Along with the ton of ice my heart felt

That’s what I needed right then and there
But I’m sick of this line, “Life isn’t fair”
A dreadful motto I can’t bear to listen to
Or the breathing of this airport
Its well-deserved smothering is well overdue

But they got something running here
Something that can’t be delayed
An intangible eternity
Ignorance perfectly portrayed