indite my insights
emotions caught in my windpipe
journaling makes it easier
label my pain a distinct kind
not a single tear shed when the king died
sinking into the riptide
giving myself some time
to grow, to show all my tremors
to know, Monroe, angel feathers

what if I have a little too much Bacardi
and I am stumbling around the party
would you take care of me or use me
would you pull my hair back as I spew out my regrets
watch me undress, caress my silhouette
don’t neglect, ******* like a cigarette
knew since we first met, you rev me up like a corvette
what's next, what's next
every since you step into my life its been just blessed
I confess it's been stressful trying to get a handle
or a grip on you and your fit is so cool
you make me want you, so smooth
you want me to want to do things I don’t usually do
give up the flower as you f*ck me in the shower
never thought I would be like this, you are my weakness
smiling during the fall of the tower

les enfants jouent dans le jardin
c’est dur, je ne comprends pas
tes vies sont différentes de mien
je me sens comme un méchant
comme un adulte, mais en même temps non
c’est trop pour moi, je suis occupé
je ne suis pas bien, je ne peux pas t’adorer
les enfants jouent dans le parc
je guéris avec mes arts
avec des cartes de tarot
je suis empereur, un magicien
j’ai connu les règles
mais je les ai cassés
c’est dans au passé
tu ne me comprends pas
je suis un nouveau moi, je suis un roi
tu ne pourrais jamais me comprendre
depuis le début
j’ai vu, je t’ai vu
mais tu ne pourrais jamais me voir

tall glass of water with a refreshing personality
feeling quenched with your arm around me
-
i cannot stall this out any longer
there aren’t volcanoes that are hotter
feeling better whenever we are together
my tall glass of water

it's all an act
a fact I cannot escape
always wishing for a sweet place, a sweet escape
need a vacation and to sleep until noon
**** I might even take two
Balance, all the components
where should I go?
where is my home?
should I, should I?
how could I, with such little time
tik tok tik tok, where is divine
the clocks in my head are relentless
the stocks hurt my head, can't comprehend it
why not balance the scales and restore peace
instead, you set it afire and watch the poor man weep

my body carries a river of insecurity
causing floods upon innocent harbours
insane membranes, complex DNA
nobody is wired the same
no candle burns the same
but they all end the same

just when i thought
that should’ve been the end
when i get my hands on it
that’s when it begins
i need it and mould it
wrapped around my fingers like gold
your body my own
your voice is silent
the room is dim but your bright mind matches mine
we intertwined over common ties
there is something i will never know
i can always feel the thorn
i feel in puzzles and i speak in tones
you understand my wit but miss my hold
i understand your grit but miss your gold
just when we could’ve thought
that was the end

silence is your greatest weapon
nobody can gauge, the inner rage
that is willing to bubble up any second
compliance is your greatest weapon
feelings are saved, integrity betrayed
clean yourself up like an inspection

flowers with seeds of teeth
growing into the worst version it seems
dreams are premonitions
precognitive dreams
cowards in velvet coats
sowing the largest gross
scenes are withheld
sparse sparks set ablaze the truth held
it is fun, when it is free
all the skin owed to me
they come in twos, hurry in threes
all the skin owed to me

i was scared to try, scared to fail
but if i never strike the iron while it’s hot
then I’ll never get my man of steel
i was blind to see the colours bleed
scared to bare witness to the unraveling
but to heal is to release
baggages, bandages, bruises of cool tones
repair the foundation before building the home
aligning with intent, the present a reformed man
actively pursuing my desired amend
arrows shot from cupid’s hand
Adonis’ kiss, Aphrodite commends

I was always frightened
hiding from what happened to happen
constantly stressed no come down for the wicked
apprehensive to tenderness
running from abandonment
no rest for the wicked

I was always dodging
insults, punches, and negativity
didn't believe that love would kiss me on the cheek
these hounds, hounds of love are after me
I can’t come out of my warped fantasy
I run and jump; the sea catches me
too afraid to confront what is happening

my heart beats for love, my beast to overcome
to not look outside myself, no longer divide myself
send kisses to above, but on earth, I succumb
Your body like cheap motels, perfumed  idealistic summer tales
follow me into the season of orange
carve a smile in my face like a pumpkin
trying to keep the spark alive is redundant
who could’ve done it, I wasn’t
I didn’t look below before I jumped in
now I am swimming in all my presumptions
it was gold like a nugget, till it wasn’t
knew I could do better If I focussed on the constant
which is me and all my little flaws, if you could see behind all the walls
serpentine to carve my body from clay
morph and transform is all I know
my new metamorphosis awaits

why all these secrets, so deceiving
picking at my weakness what was the reason
I am heated, I've been burned
I thought with you the leaf would turn
but I guess it is still not my turn
after all these trauma a win I thought I earned
weeping into my diary, crying out words
but none can encapsulate this heartache
my heart breaks at the thought of watching you stray
watching you undermine me, watching you defy me
the road ahead is hard, even harder with these extra scars
I wish I got out unscathed, now I must bathe in this defeat

clean fit, ***** city
manz gripping the waist because i’m too pretty
breaking it down on Yonge street
breaking it down for the young me
that had to hide, inner child suicide
now i surf the waves and follow the tides
imagining what it would be like
to be a son of skyscrapers
imagining what it could be like
if i left my nest i’ve built
home is where the heart is
but where is mine
i think i found it in the rainbow

excellent ears hear the secrets whispered at dusk
incredible intuition detects the creeping predator before it thrusts
marvellous mind can always find a place to hide amongst
crawling up into the corner of the ceiling like a spider, stay there collecting dust

stomach aches, anxious daze
body anxiety ruining the day
candles burn, ravens sing
the feeling of death is sinking in
acceptance, repentance
anger comes in waves
transcendent, independence
refining my old ways

sun coated my skin and hair
until the dark clouds came rolling in
steel coloured bullets raining down
houses, trees, animals unbound
once on the ground, now in the sky
my upside down life is facing right side
11 minutes is all it took
to completely rewire my life

Don’t yuck my yum
Don’t block my sun
Don’t just rot away
Take the chance to become
a complex and invested individual
to embody the power of an arrow

Don’t yuck my yum
Don’t front your love
Don’t just walk away
Take the dance to become
undone and unburdened individual
to exhibit the speed of an arrow

roundabouts, talking downtown
sought you out, now you are within my claws now
like a mouse to a cat, mice to a trap
loveless until that night
where you spread my legs like butter and treated me better
than any other
where you didn't stutter when you get bare with me under the covers
not a facade, not so bleak
not what I am used to, no more dead-end streets
fruitful summer romances I never got to reap
the benefits of, entangled love
these rose coloured glasses I will never take off
the red flags waving like China
But I can't give you up because I like you, kinda

kiss my Adam's apple

then make your way to my pearled necklace

Adorn me with your love like a prince in a castle

Be rough with me, a little reckless

time is only a concept forged by men

who says we ever have to leave this bed again

I am shaken, riddled with desires

I am taken, aback by your torrid fires

blistering heat, unimaginable peak

you are so sweet like freshly picked strawberries

it's your physique and mystique

you read me like libraries

my roots weave a basket in this shallow ***
wish i got more than i got
wish i got what i sought
my face feels different in the mirror now
shot with an arrow but it i caught
the only thing i could ever stop
wish i got what it sought

kissing silence instead of pushing her away
running away from any type of pain
night-crawling, snoozing all day
night-crawling, losing my days
smoke, smoke, smoke it all away
i can already feel myself elevate
they want me to pay for pills to fix my brain
i shouldn’t have to pay to stay sane

this place is a pond
destined to dry, destined to die
i fashion some wings, white and long
i left before i could see it was wrong
spending my seconds before the sun
before tumbling down into the blue ocean
serpents and mermen
sharks and eels
my lungs fill like swimming pools
my restlessness got me killed

what fantasy should I play into today
watch the fruitful image become laced with dust like Pompeii
what fantasy should I play into today
become just another burnt-out cigarette in your astray
my life is simply a fallacy, nobody truly cares for me, losing my sanity in the name of chastity
my life is unsatisfactory, nobody truly can handle me, confidence beat up no battery, take another shot of vanity
woah, I feel it start to form
woah, the new queen of the swarm
woah, x marks the spot no storm
woah, no longer can conform
to society, their ideology in breach of me
and my values, firmer than statutes
life can bruise, covered in the cool hues
and my bad news is I can still lose
but why focus on the lack and knives wedged in my back
rather not focus on that
discard the cracks and sneak attacks
rather not focus on that
my walls are up and they keep you back

i never second guess its omnipresence
but i do underestimate its lack of reverence
rendered second fiddle to my own body
my own mind, bubbling up inside
i should never second guess its power
thought i was built strong, that i would tower
until it broke me down like salt in water
like a fish out of water
gasping for my life, except theres no threat to see
silence is deafening, voices whispering
ribbons undoing, time i keep losing
i should never second guess its control
simply riding the monstrous waves as they come
i finally learned to swim, the first couple years nearly did me in
hide in shadows and caves, played the mind games
and i lost
tried to scale the waves
and i lost
i keep losing
anxiety keeps brewing
a fresh *** daily like your favourite brewery
pretty till broken like jewelry
imprison by my own cells
lacking in unity