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Lyra Saros Jul 21
The lonely totem tells me
These thoughts are not my own

My heart becomes a bullet
My throat becomes enclosed

My mind is stripped of thinking
Of what am I composed?
i wish i could lay in the bathtub
in the middle of the night
i wouldn't plug the drain

i would pick off my skin
peel it back
starting from the tips of my toes
i wish i could extricate
all of this body

my soft smooth skin
laying beside me

my raw
ripe
***** and muscle
vein and bone

would you be scared of me
would you please stay
i feel like a liar
i say im fine
i wish i could tell you these things
but would you be scared of me

is there anyone out here that listens to me

im surviving
but my mind is dying
i dont want to be stuck inside anymore
maya Feb 15
I    Belly-up frog on the dissection
      Tray.
      Soft, touchable, waiting
      To be broken, like the surface
      Of a lake.

      Spill out raspberry jam,
      Not very well preserved,
      And spoon feed it, full
      Of sugar and additives

      To the people –
      They crave tragedy,
      They crave sadness
      Of the allegedly weak.

II   Falling, spread over
      The concrete.
      Like with a puddle of water,
      The space is filled.

      Fluidity.

      Cherry-red lipstick
      Adorns
      Busted lips, and melts
      Out beneath.

III  Climb a pole to heaven,
      But likely it goes to hell,
      However heavenly
      The sparks may seem.

      It’s a nightmare,
      Not a dream
      (or so they say)

      Time is circular;
      it can be twisted
      To get me there sooner.

IV  Fog worsens, accompanied
      By spanning cracks
      New edges
      Where the pipes can break
      Will emerge.

      Showers of red
      Paint the emergency exit
      In a grand finale.

V    Punch holes in the walls
       Softly
       With bits and pieces of pens
       And shattered pencil ends.


      Tell mother to buy plaster,
      And paints,
      And a big necklace
      To fix this broken wall.
Hannah Jan 29
Old thoughts haunting me
I messed up
I did something wrong
I wasn't enough

I should pay
I used to accept my fate
Take the defeat and revel in it
Love the pain

But now I have another voice
In my head, a reason to fight
Usually a landslide victory, easy
But tonight is different

Tonight I'm losing a battle
I didn't realise I was fighting
you've given me a reason to fight, but tonight's just hard
bridgett Dec 2018
I had another daydream, more like a nightmare, an awful
thought
I was in the middle of driving, the instructor had to correct me a lot.

Behind the wheel, my hands were stiff and my knuckles were white
I ****** the car to the left, hitting everything and every car in
site

Hoods hit the ground, tumbling and
rolling
Our lives, even mine, began
unfolding

I thought about teeth crunching, bones
shattering
I thought about the veins exploding, blood
splattering

I thought about my skull between metal, all being
crushed
I saw myself in the mirror, not seeing someone I can
trust.
Kit Scott Dec 2018
I am intrusive thoughts
Creeping in
Let me be your taste test
L’appel du vide
Those involuntary thoughts of hurting yourself,
to cut yourself,
to tear your body to pieces.
To cry without restraint.
To scream so hard your voice breaks.
To break into chunks of fat and mold,
colliding onto the floor.
To dissolve in the ocean,
To self-combust;
To be born again and whole.
ffff, on my way there. grabbing some eggs and milk from the store. why did you want milk again? you know we never end up using it.
-October 8, 2018
Blue Jun 2018
I could not get you off of my mind
from the moment I met you
You set me blind
I felt something I never knew

everything was falling apart into a million pieces
but you were my center, my rock, my bliss
maybe it was because I was blindfolded that I couldn't see my weakness
but none of that mattered because you were there to save me from this

the nightmares then began
I don't know why they started
you just became a young man
I was so miserably surviving, half-hearted
They took my soul
Swallowed me whole
I lost me, you,
And felt nothing
But a black hole

I thought you could save me from this,
But I couldn’t even fathom to think
Of all of the misery I was already impeding you with

The depression wasn’t even the worst part
It was those intrusive thoughts
That made me detach myself so far apart
You didn’t understand and neither did I
All I felt was our love die

I’m sorry I left you because of my mind
I wanted our stars to be aligned
I’ve forgiven myself for all I can
There’s only so much
I can stand
This poem is about leaving someone you fell in love with because of your own personal battles with mental illness and not being able to resolve them.
Iskra Aug 2018
As silence settles, and a kingdom of faint bronze on haunting ebony appears,
A scrawny lion spins a broken record in my ringing ear.

Weighted walnuts, or perhaps slow bullets, strike just below the spot where my ribs meet:
Mental hiccups.
Sentencing the calm to its defeat.

Then they come,
Crashing over my skin in icy waves,
Like ghostly spiders, leave raised footprints in their hurried wake.

Imagined strings lifting my hand towards the pin or blade,
Weightless ropes pulling my steps closer to the precipice.
The lazy, stilling terror in my stomach providing just enough weight
To keep me frozen in place.

They wrench open the doors protecting peace,
Obliterate the floodgates of my internal screams,
Marching in with their roiling hellhounds, uninvited,
Chanting horrid songs, voicing their desires, unrequited.

Over and over, their wretched requests bring horrific imagery about,
When they finally subside, taking with them prowling demons and low growls,
They neglect to close the door on their way out.
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