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Lydeen 4d
Nighttime.
Cars light up my room.

I count.

The moon keeps me awake,
Beaconing.

I can hear you.

Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...

Everyone.

Thoughts SCREAMING.
Words begging to become actions.

I close my eyes.

Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.

Grounded.

Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.

It's quiet.
:-)
apple juice Oct 31
my mind
has parasites
they control
the way i
think, and
tell me to
do things i
don't want
to do .
it's like
two warring parts
of an intimate
*****, the
one that resides
in my skull
two forces of
opposite sides
pushing
against good
and evil .
and i am the
host
once full of life
now quite lifeless
as they take
me over
a shell .
i cannot think
my own thoughts
i cannot breathe my own air
if i fight with
them
they'll just
**** me
instead .
this poem is based off of intrusive thoughts.
(C) Elissar Mustapha
31/10/2020
Jane Jul 21
I look, yet I'm blind,

I hear, but I'm deafened.

The radio static in my head is ever so lasting, unfailing.

I can rely on my instability,
my inquisitiveness turned to doubt.

I'm in love, but I can't love.
Have I ever learned to love?

I've always been loved, adored.
When did love become uncomfortable?

I'm the happiest I could've been,
but I'm blind to everything.

My strength is fragile,
I can't live like this.

I can't live when it's me who turns every drop of golden sunshine,
into tar.

Why can't I be happy?
Where are my screws loose?

Have I always been like this?
It can't be love that brought this out.

Something so pure, could not bring this out.

What is it like?
To not lead life with fear, paranoia and panic.

What is it like?
To wake up without sweat, a pounding heart, with a crowded head.

What is it like?
To love another, and oneself at the same time.

What is it like?
To not be me, to not live in constant torment.
Anxiety is the toxic friend you have.
Atlas Jul 21
What will I do if all the time I’ve spent trying to fix myself doesn’t work out
I don’t really know what’s wrong with me
I’m in therapy
I started taking medication too
I’m worried that I’m wrong about how I feel
What if the thing I’m dealing with is much bigger
For half a year I’ve questioned myself
I thought I figured it all out
But there is doubt in the back of my mind
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel alright

There is nothing I can do
I don’t want to make any wrong moves
What if I’m wrong about all of this
And I make mistakes that are permanent
I just want to feel okay
And not want to die everyday
How do you sort through your thoughts
And figure out why you feel so stuck
On top of all this
I can’t cry anymore
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to
I wish everyday that I’ll reach my breaking point
Just to feel alive again
Finding joy in imaginary things
Feeling hurt by all the things I’m missing
Claira Lymei Jul 16
I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad thoughts.
Fleeting, passing, ever changing?
I wish!
I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad, thoughts.
Sticking, clinging, ever staying.
I despair.
Bleach? Drink it.
Heart? Stab it.
Food? Puke it.
I keep getting thoughts.
The bad, bad thoughts.
I’ve had voices in my head

Ever since I was small

I wish they were dead

So that I could fall

Fall in the arms of peace.



They torture me day and night

Confusing lies with the truth

It’s a daily battle; a constant fight

A fight to save my youth

Youth that’s slipping away from me.



My chest tightens

My muscles tense

My face whitens

I am unable to sense

Sense the beauty of the world anymore.
Anxiety has always tormented me.
Lydeen Feb 16
Maybe I hurt myself...

To keep myself from hurting you...

With the thoughts begging to become actions...
It's been a rough week
Lydeen Feb 16
I wonder what would happen,
If more people knew about how not cute OCD is.

If they knew about intrusive thoughts,
Thinking about killing yourself-

Throwing yourself in front of an amusement park ride,
Closing your eyes and walking into the street.

Stuck picking at your brain,
Ruining your day.

What would happen if...?
And knowing you shouldn't but REALLY want to.

It's not cute,
Love.
Ocd hits differently when you have the obsessive and compulsive parts.... Thoughts become enemies tbh. It gets stuck- nagging. Rip.
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