it’s 9:30pm on a
chilly autumn night
i step into the
of your car as you
start the engine
music blaring from
the speakers as the
the entire car
i couldn’t get a word
out because it was so loud
we stop at a red light
I turn to look at you
as the red light
hits your face
i wanted to take a picture
it looked so aesthetically
pleasing with your side profile
as the red light shined in your face
making your face bright red like
the blush on my face when people
ask me about you
your grip on the steering
is so strong that i can see
your veins popping out
you look so focused
when you drive
with only one hand
on the wheel
the other i wish
was gripping my thigh
late night drives
with you are
- night drives
I will write at length
About the brief time
We spent together
I will embellish the words
You left with me
Like articles of clothing
I will take a hammer
To the mechanism
That clicks on and on
And off and on
And tells me how I felt
I will hide myself
In a circle of salt
I will taste blood
When I bite my cheek
Open my cover
and read every last word.
Mark what you didn't like
with X's using the pen's ink.
The things that pleased you
will be labeled with check marks.
The more you read about me,
marks will continue to increase.
What was once cohesive
now is a cluttered mess
of differing opinions
When has discovery
become this terrifying?
I once asked my parents if I could join cadets. They asked me if I knew what cadets grew up to be. I never brought it up again.
I got into a fight with a friend about her ex. We haven't spoken in months. She still hasn't forgiven me...
Someone detuned the piano in my mind and now music sounds awful. I want to find where melody and harmony met and made a straight line coming back to me.
do not rush to post
a poem written in the
early hours of morning
following a night of
indulging in dope or
Irish whisky neat
or a poem written
cold sober--you are
too close to your precious
creation to view it objectively
let the poem simmer
in your creative juices,
giving it a rest as a baker
does a ball of dough
after kneading it
let a few days pass then
reread your poem; read it aloud;
record it, listen to the recording--
does it read the way it hears?
revise appropriately applying
the process above to the revision
before you post the revised piece
edit for typos and errors
of grammar or spelling
following this process
shows you respect your poem
and your potential readers
who will read and respond in kind
i was asking you before
to discontinue your supply of poetic awakening
the ink that you're always giving me
has expired and dried two years ago
and i can never write about now.
i can never write about "what ifs",
i can never poetically execute my dreams
because i am contaminated by
our "what could have beens."
babe, your expired ink tastes bitter & toxic
but i just cant seem to stop you.
i don't ever want to stop you
i dont want to step forward.
here i am again, haunted by your memories
leading me back to the past that i have learned to seek shelter in.
you were to glue that pieces my bones together
whenever these four walls are declaring that i'm falling apart.
you are an endless pool of ink
and an endless pad of paper,
you want me to continue writing
because you said my face was too pretty to explode.
how could i step away from that?
i wish that my muscles would be strong enough to lift me away from here.
i wish i could say that this isn't about you.
i am never gonna move on from you
because the day that i do,
the day i will stop being a poet.
By the time we met,
I had already kissed 3 boys,
And had my heart broken by one.
I had already given up on love.
I was 16.
When we started dating,
I had only known you for a month,
But you captivated me already.
For 144 weeks, I thought you were mine,
I figured it was for life.
You said it so many times and you’d never lie,
I had already forgiven you 36 times
By the time you started lying just to see what I’d believe.
The way you cradled me was uncompared to anything,
You convinced me everything else was too rough,
But I didn’t even feel like trying
I had already found true love, after all,
Even if it hurt me.
12 months in out of the 32 we spent together,
You had already broken me 76 times,
Those words still haunt my head,
My bed is empty,
You left me,
Already ready to forget me.
At 17 you said you had already found true love.
Well what the fuck?
Wasn’t I done looking for pity already?
Weren’t those things on my arm healed already?
Wasn’t my story over already? You’d heard it already
I shoved my fingers down my throat just to purge up a “sorry”
I never stopped talking and
You’d already asked me to hurry.
Wasn’t I over it already?
But you loved me, I already knew that.
You masked insults with recurring phrases
Thought up already so you were ready to make me sorry about what you said
It was a joke! You already told me not to take it seriously.
Why was I so sensitive?
Wasn’t I over it, already?
I don’t remember when things got bad,
Or ever having the ability to recognize that
Because with you I’d swallowed enough pride to drown myself
From the inside out,
But you were always so forgiving.
I found myself lost,
Apologizing for feelings
You swore I made up but I could not create if I tried.
You said you loved me.
But your tides pulled me by the ankles.
I’d taken swimming lessons already,
But they don’t teach you how to swim when you fall in love with drowning.
So I tried,
To stay afloat in rough waters
I’d already drowned in, over and over again,
I’d tread for show so you could never see,
But I’m drowning again,
Already? You moved on,
In 19 days, for 3 years that are already gone.
Already, you filled the void we created ourselves,
With white noise because how the hell
Could you make the choice
To replace me for good already?
In the years you spent convincing me to stay afloat,
You made sure I knew I needed you to do so.
I can’t bring myself to throw out your old clothes,
The ones that have piled up 3 feet
In 19 days
I sat and counted the ways you made me want to die on my hands,
And I tried to justify that by balancing it with the times you made me feel alive,
But I stopped because 6 months in out of 32,
I’d already used all 10 fingers.
Tell me if you do the same for her.
Already, you are happy
And smiling again
You float above waters
I’m drowning in
But man, am I happy
You’re ready to begin again.
With someone else
As I struggle to heal myself,
Losing color as I stop myself from begging for your help
You’d throw me a line
If you got praise for it,
Or pull me in just to have me in your reach again.
I know I need to do it already,
Everyone on shore assures me
I deserve more.
But I’m still short of breath.
Look at you though,
Already free and happy.
You are shaping waves, ruthless,
Crashing tides to keep your name
The one I remember when I say in vain
I’d already found true love at 16
If open books suddenly close,
So the fears I've written can never escape
And the creases in my mind where you marked your place
Once again become whole,
I'll fold what remains
And carry it in my pocket;
I've never met someone who could turn a page so lovingly