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Matthew Nov 2021
Whenever relatives come
I know it's time that I put it on
So they can accept me
Restrict my speech and movement
so that I'm palatable for their one track mind
"Do you got a (insert partner of opposite gender)?"
Haven't been that lucky.

I'm so hot and sweaty
I feel like I can't breathe.
Maybe I should take it off.
Ahmad Attr Sep 2021
Smokes and cigarettes
Big moustached and ashy lips
Fogging out their talks
Their political jargons
Some corrupted sons and their forefathers
All of them look the same
White, grey and black
Their throaty laughter
And continuous flaks
I feel overwhelmed here
Like being surrounded by chess pieces
A game where I don’t have any fun
I don’t belong here

But it’s on the other side of the red wall
Where colours run
The jewels jingle
And the clothes quiver in the air
Everything is so alive here
The crystals ,the clattering heels, the colognes,
The gossips, the gold and the grandeur
But I’ve been told
Not to go there
I don’t belong there

So where do I belong?
Ahmad Attr Jul 2021
Next please,
Now I know you
You are desperate
For girls, for love
But you can’t get any in this world
My 10 fingers, break them
Get your ticket to heaven
Make sure you hear the slow cracks
Blessed will be your ears

Next please,
Now I know you
You are pretentious
You are selfish
You think you are the greatest in this world
I offer you my arms
Get your ticket to heaven
Shatter them with a hammer
Make sure you shout out loud when you hit
Blessed will be your lungs

Next please,
Now I know you
My dear friend, you are a good person
But you are doubtful
So confirm your eternal blessings in the after world
I offer you my ears
Get your ticket to heaven
They are not as kind as yours, so cut them apart
Blessed will be your heart

Next please
I don’t think I know you
But you are all the same
Hateful, insecure, hypocrites
I allow you to remove this filth from the world
I offer you my legs
Get your ticket to heaven
Break each digit first and then slice them slowly
Blessed will be your skin where my slain blood will land

Next please
Oh! I know you guys
You gorge on the flesh of your brethren
Serpents, betrayers
Everything wrong in this world
I offer nothing
The poison in your words
**** your tickets to heaven

Are there more left, Next please
I know you too
Too scared to go to hell?
Well you, my dear, are lucky today
No more anxiety will be left in this world
For I offer my eyes
Gauge them out with your claws
Get your ticket to heaven
Don’t worry I will writher in pain
Blessed will be your hands

Next please
Now I know you too well
I can feel you from your heartbeat
Dear Whisperer, I saved the best for last
For you, I offer my heart
Although it always belonged to you
But wait for a moment
You can take it whole
Break my neck
Skin me, push the blades deeper in my belly
Burn my hair, yank out my nails
Hang my body or whatever that remains
In front of everybody
So they could curse at me
And Get their tickets to heaven
This was written the day I realized that the friends I made were my enemies all along. So you can feel my frustrations and anguish here.
Ahmad Attr May 2021
O whisperer,
When I die, I want you to visit my home
As a final wish
There in bedroom, take off the clock from the wall
Behind it, in a secret orifice, you’ll find a steel box
With a numeric lock
Enter 2.12.19, it is the exact day I fell in love with you
The exact day, you became the whisperer
And within this tiny box, you’ll find letters
These were the letters I wrote
And pretended I sent to you
I want you to read them all
I know you might not understand them
So I want you to reach out to someone
Who can explain them to you
After that I want you to burn them all
Although I assume you might already want to do that
In your fury, in your disgust
you might want to turn them into ashes and dust
But I hope you do try to understand them

Don’t let my words get to your head
Yes I called you many things
Loud, arrogant, mean, selfish
Chameleon, hypocrite, liar, egocentric
Which to be fair you were
But you were also my true love
Yes, if you haven’t realized that yet
I will say it again I do love you
For a long time, it feels like 100 years,
Centuries, lifetimes
For all this time, your thoughts tormented me

So O whisperer!
Will you remember me?
At least for 100 days?
Will you think about me
When you to go sleep?
Will my face linger in your head?
Will you think about everything you said?
Will you finally come to visit me when I am dead?
maybe shed a tear? Just a tiny droplet of it
What will you say, when you get the news?
O whisperer! There is nobody to blame
Except the fate,
But please visit my grave, alone, finally alone
Preferably late at night, perhaps 22.32,
The exact hour I fell in love with you
Will you remember me for at least a 100 days.
Ahmad Attr May 2021
Times and times again
I get this ugly temptation
To confess my love to you
But there are some conditions
You have to be alone in your room
You also have to be in a good mood
Third you must not be armed
Preferentially your arms have to be tied
Finally I want you to listen to me
Until I am satisfied
Only then you can speak your mind
I will talk about your genesis as the whisperer
And mine as a poet
The December night when you whispered
A ***** little thing you saw, at a party
At that point I truly saw you,
First time not diluted in the background
An orchestra of violins, pianos and trumpets
Played as I gazed at you snowed under the lights
Standing two stairs above me
That night your name was etched on my mind
then on my forearm which I will kiss before bed
and then in every fibre of my existence
I miss those days, when every stranger's face was yours
Every voice was mistaken to be yours
I shed tears pretty as the mistletoes
Because you were cruel
You said awful things, you did them too
Didn’t understand which way the wind blew
For three months I loved you
Like my life was dependent on it
But then we were separated
Deep within me, I was relieved
I thought I could escape your curse
I didn’t though
you came back, harder than before
you wanted help which I was glad to do
I wanted to latch on to anything that resembled
You, you, and you
And when the parting was over
I came back, but you were still cruel
Like you were back in December
And at the end of my manifesto
I will look into your eyes, and say
I still feel the same way

I assume at that point there will be two possibilities
You either hate me for life
Or you want to end me
If I am right, I’d rather have you **** me
People often raise eyebrows
For how candidly I talk about death
They don’t know I fear it, more than they do
But sometimes it is a preference
Over something else in life
So in the name of virtues
I permit you to end mine
This is a very personal and autobiographical poem.
Ahmad Attr May 2021
It’s them!
They are my killers!
Dear God,
We were divided, yes, but for beauty
In this world

But why were we not divided equally
You gave humans power
So much of it
But why wasn’t it divided equally

Why wasn’t I given as much as them
They say that they understand, they don’t
Some don’t even try to understand, they ****
Dear God,
Why do they take your name when they do that?
They told me you loved me
Why would they destroy something you love?
Or is the fact that you don’t love me
But why would make me so detestable?

He didn’t listen, neither did she
But you did, you do
They say they have pain,
They are hurt, they are defeated
Indeed they are
But they also have pained, hurt and defeated
Me and many others

It’s control, fear and power
They love it
Dear God,
Love killed me
It was love, love, love
lilly grace May 2021
When I tell you this story, remember it may change: god loves all (but not really).
Leviticus 18. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” Leviticus, I don’t like you. You are the reason why people hate us. god makes no mistakes. he is the one who loves all. he who loves all (“unless you’re a ******”).

Unless you’re a ******. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. But apparently, we are the sticks. A bundle of sticks. The fuel to your hateful fire (the fire of your demise, not mine). Hate kills. We’ve all seen it happen. June 12, 2016 (only four years ago). Suddenly the pulse stopped beating.

Dad. All a kid wants is to make their dad proud. What about when dad isn’t proud of you? What if dad isn’t proud of you all because of something you can’t control? Can you hear me, Dad? I love you. Will you say it back? “The bible says it’s wrong.”

Coming out of the closet: a metaphor for LGBT people's self-disclosure of their ****** orientation or of their gender identity (Wikipedia). Hey Dad. Remember when I came out? I cried. Mom yelled at me while you stood there, stoically, with the look of a man who just lost his youngest child. You quietly told me you loved me no matter what because I will always be your daughter.  You haven’t said you love me since.

Do not use our love as an excuse for you to hate. Why are we the disgusting ones? Your attitude reflects in the eyes of the devil himself. I wish I could make them understand. The love I have for her, he has for him, she has for her. It’s no different than the love she feels for him and he feels for her. We are all the same. God loves us all. God created everyone exactly the way they should be. Love is the basis of this religion, yet you cherry-pick those who you believe are deserving of that love. You attempt to take on the role of a God that is not yours to assume. Only God can judge. God can judge. Can judge. Judge. You are not God. Are not God. Not God. God. I guess things really can get lost in translation.

“I don’t hate anyone, I just don’t agree with it. In the bible, it says it’s wrong, and I place my faith in the bible because it is the word of [G]od.” One could argue that’s not hateful. And to any other (“normal”) person, it probably appears fine. “It’s their religion. It’s their beliefs. Just respect it and move on.” But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Can you hear us? Screaming from the pits of hell that you said we were destined to burn in?  It’s not the hell you’re thinking of, though. It’s hell on earth. A hell that you created for us through your twisted up version of this religion that’s supposedly based on “love”. One we have to live through every day. “I still love you, but I don’t agree with your choices.” That gets tiring to hear after a while, you know? Replaying on a loop in our heads, day after day, night after night. “I still love you but…” The unacceptance is exhausting our minds. It’s not a choice. Why do you think we’d choose this? Why would we choose to live a life where so many people hate us?

June of 2019. I went to Baton Rouge Pride. You drove me, dad. You drove me there and walked in with me. Granted, you didn’t know about me yet, but you went with me anyway. Once you saw that I was with my friends, you left. Mom said you went to get coffee. When I asked why you left, she simply offered that you “just aren’t comfortable with this type of thing”. You’re still not comfortable. Sorry about that.

Dear Leviticus. I still don’t like you. You are the reason why people call us *******. You are the reason why people call us *****. You are the reason people think we’re disgusting. You are the reason why people hate us. Man shall not lie with man. “god hates that.” (You are the reason why my dad no longer tells me he loves me.) Thanks god.
i wrote this for my english class at the beginning of this year. thought i'd share.
Kitten Yvad Oct 2020
I cried in a cafe
over the summer

Atop a sheet of music
my tears blurred
the digital bars on the screen

Yes Suz I've told him
&i  swear I still love him
you think maybe he doesn't believe me?

Love, you gave me
your note book, you call me
sweet things help me with
Sheetmusic reading

When im with him
I only think of you
Multilove my heart is
split in two
tell me tell me how it
feels so whole???

Your piano fingers,
you cup My face,
im dying to say your name

you teach me to spell
it with notes
I tell you I love him

Your smile, I see your eyes
you are so pure, my love,I'm afraid
I'm going to hell

If I told you I love you
You'd never believe me
All the love im living im breathing
Minor harmonic, my heart a
diminished third

You hold me, Habibi
and tell me you're sorry
your fear wasn't for me

I've only been soft

Atop a sheet of music
my tears blurred
the digital bars
"multilove" made me cry in the cafe like I was divorcing my partner of 20 years and parent of my children. When really I just loved two people of different genders at once, and equally. Can you even imagine falling into despair over how good it feels to be in love? To be in more love.  When nothing's wrong.. there's only love. And feel like you don't deserve to feel it all.
imber Apr 2021
you have a gun pointed at you and blood on your hands
they ask you if it was you: if you've committed the crime, if you did the unthinkable, if you really are such a villain
and you are, you did, you have,
so you tremble, ready for the switch off that'll obscure your vision
you know you're guilty but still, you shake your head, scared
you renounce, you avoid their scrutinizing stare
you swear you deserve the dark but still, you hope you can escape
to go back into hiding, wash the blood from your hands and reshape
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