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Mar 15 · 92
Rooted Loss
AD Snail Mar 15
Present fills the tomorrows untold futures,
With fear and heartache.

Rooted Loss that never blooms,
But its petals are feared.

The spring of the grim reaper nears,
Time but a concept,
An knowing when becomes to soon.
When you feel loss before you even lose something, you soon realize how much that something is a someone you can't let go of. The what ifs, become regrets for things you still have time for.
Oct 2018 · 245
Lonely Friend
AD Snail Oct 2018
My loneliness has a presences that wraps itself around me,
It arms drape over my shoulders, holding me close.

It breaths a promise into my ear,
That leaves me bare and saddened,
Words of stone, saying I will always be alone.

In a room filled with people,
The only one I dance with is my loneliness.
And what sadness me most is that it's a slow dance.

My dear friend loneliness despite leaving me hallow,
At least it will always be there to keep my company.
Apr 2018 · 467
AD Snail Apr 2018
A brush of gentle lips,
A small innocent caress.
That gave her butterflies,
And heart beat shore with affection.

Eyes connect, caught like deer's in headlights.

A brush of torn lips,
A small innocent caress.
That gave me a stomach ache,
And heart beat dropped with dread.

Eyes fluttered closed, belief in it being a dream.

Entranced in a dance,
She is swept off her feet.
Time seeming to stop,
Mind made up that she is madly in love.

Hands creeping subconsciously to wrap around.

Enchanted in a pull of a dance,
Feet are heavy like there chained.
Time seeming to stop,
Mind finally catching up with the facts.

Tangled into the game of bittersweet love.

She has so much love,
She wishes to give it all to you.
Her eyes gleam with pure bliss,
Deeply drowned in maddened love.

That sadly has only one person wanting to play.

I am incapable to love,
I wished to return but I had none to give her.
My eyes gleam with glaze,
Deeply drowned in sorrow and regret.
Incapable to return the love that you oh so gifted upon me. For that I must apologies, I am incapable to love you my dear.
Mar 2018 · 258
Disoriented; I am
AD Snail Mar 2018
My dear when I tell you,
"I'm a late bloomer."
I need you to know, that I meant to say is,
"I have lost my petals and my stem is bare."

Own ****** hands, The only criminal is I,
I have taken shears and torn ungracefully.

There the petals lay underneath.

A gentle breeze then came by and swept them away,
Never to reach my clutches again.

My dear I made myself bloom far to early,
Letting the petals of myself vanish.
Leaving me astray within my own vessel.
AD Snail Mar 2018
Locked behind caged ribs,
Left to destroy just the inside,
Left to be my secret; mine to hide.

Buried in but tearing at its prison walls.

Lied for my pride,
Not wanting to be supplied with aid,
No need for some peace of mind.

Little ripples of discomfort,
Form spasming as it slither under my skin,
Leaving a sensation that brings agony in its wake.

Little creature that lives within my chest,
You bring me to my knees and curling into my own frame.

None shall know of this little being,
It cannot be seen by another eye.
All that is known is the sensation and state it leaves me in.
The little being that ripples underneath my flesh, and lives in my delicate form as it tears at it home for no real purpose but just to leave its reminding mark within in my heart.
None can get rid of it permanently, it already has festered deep within and cannot not be extracted, it will be with me till the very end.
Feb 2018 · 417
Mr. Cloud Nine
AD Snail Feb 2018
Drowning in a muddy mind,
So high in the sky;
That I could feel the clouds.

Spinning around,
Feeling like I could take on the world.
Grinning like a mad dog,
Will I inject another shot of Mr. Cloud Nine.

He takes my hand and spins me around,
We're moving to the beat, doing the tango.

He promise sweet nothings,
Makes me feel a sense of alive,
I feel so empowered with him by my side.

He offers me his cigar,
I take it knowing I'm already too far gone,
Mr. Cloud Nine is my sweetheart,
He promises to never let me go.
Feb 2018 · 210
Drained from Head to Soul
AD Snail Feb 2018
I'll get up today,
Tomorrow I promise,
Soon I will rise from my bed.

I will lift my feather weighted;
My stone weight body up in a minute.

Just need some space,
Stop knocking on my door.
I'm getting up soon, I promise you
Or am I promising myself now?

Waking up, no I was awake all along;
Though I haven't lifted myself from the mattress,
For quite sometime, tomorrow I promise.

I'm drained from head to soul,
Not gaining anything from getting up, so I will lay here.

So tired, just wish to lay here and sleep.

I agree their is no real purpose
Nor great achievement to stay in bed,
But today and yesterday I have been drained head to soul.
Jan 2018 · 277
AD Snail Jan 2018
Eating away at me,
Digging into my flesh,
And grinding down my bones,
It festers inside of me.

Slowly it feeds,
Leaving me feeling absent;
Amongst my own emotions.

Its to deep inside,
For me to cut away at.
Leaving me staring off,
Trying to go to space in my mind,
Because the fog isn't as frighten as the deep,
Imbibed emotion.

Left sitting for days,
Waiting for something,
To end this hopelessness that has made home,
In my hollow cage which is my body.
Jan 2018 · 255
Elegant Deceiver
AD Snail Jan 2018
Midnight black,
Gently draping upon a pale frame,
Gracefully sprawling down to the marble floor.

Silence ensured,
As fragile eyelashes are drawn closed,
And a thin line is drawn onto mouth,
A face smooth and soft as silk in the dim light.

Tone made of riches and the thread is velvet.

Soft footsteps that elegantly dance across the floor,
The glow of stars and angels dust floats about,
Enchanting you to dance amongst the spaces love.

Fog gracefully rolls upon the dance floor,
It swirls around her petite ****** frame,
And it captures her elegantly in a tight embrace,
Given you just but a taste of divine beauty.

Her dainty ankles peak out of her midnight sky drape,
As she takes a noble step towards thee,
Vibrate eyes that shine just right, are set on you.

A entity, a goddess stands before you,
Leaving you breathless and putting you to shame.

Her refine wrists flick upwards to meet your face,
With such a delicate and define touch,
As she traces luxurious fingers and fingernails down,
Ghostly hands wrap themselves around your neck.

Wrapped tightly and swiftly with no mercy,
As you are suffocate by a elegant Deceiver.
Jan 2018 · 397
Kiss it Better
AD Snail Jan 2018
Promise to kiss it all better,
Make all the boo-boo's stop aching,
Allowing me forget about the pain.

Kiss the pain that is caged in my heart,
Tell it to leave me alone,
And seal the spell with a kiss.

You promised me that it will be all better,
So allowed you to heal my wounds with a kiss.

A shame though that its not real magic;
It will never heal the broken pieces of my heart,
It simply makes my heart ache even more,
And I am left with craving for more.

Kiss it better dear, I trust you with my life.
Jan 2018 · 490
New Years New Fears
AD Snail Jan 2018
Another year has left and gone,
Fear has now consumed my soul,
Unable to take back all the foregone.

They promised me my life wasn't a pawn,
But I don't think I can keep leading myself on.

I try not to worrying over all the issues and unknowns.

As the clock turns twelve, my heart skips a beat,
Fear is clenching it; trying to bring it into a waltz.
My thoughts screaming out to me,
'Don't allow it to sweep you away!'

As everyone is consumed with joy, making new years resolutions;
I am consumed by anxiety, paranoia sweeping me off my feet,
Singing to me all the things to panic about.

As everyone shall party, and stay awake,
I shall go to bed, trying to sleep and keep all the thoughts at bay.
Dec 2017 · 281
Far to Quiet
AD Snail Dec 2017
I am silent, no words come out,
I am silent, no thoughts come in,
I am silent, no way of stability.

I am so silent in my mind,
I simply forget to speak.

They say because I am so silent outside,
That the inside of my mind must be loud,
But the real issue is I'm far to quiet either way.

Far to quiet to be alive,
Its like my depression finally won out,
Because not only did I get myself to shut up,
But my brain has finally shut down.

I am not fully here or there anymore,
I am lost away amongst the fog,
Someone come get me, I am sick of the silences.
Dec 2017 · 280
AD Snail Dec 2017
Limbs like bricks;
Weight to heavy to carry,
Don't have the energy to drag them.

Not sleepy, but too tired to get out of bed.

Acting like a child; pretending to sleep,
Lying about having a cold,
But simply sick mentally,
That's not a good excuse, I know.

Never thinking enough,
Then thinking too much,
Repeat, repeat the process.
It'll pass sooner or later, probably later.

This burden is not only one person,
It's now infected the loved ones,
So apologizes come out for the burdensome ways.

Shall stay in bed today, shall wait for it to pass,
Missing another day, wasted away,
Oh well, it isn't missed anyways.

The numbness has sent in,
The burdensome ways already in control,
Will just wait it out, and wait for tomorrow.
Dec 2017 · 320
I miss that Little boy
AD Snail Dec 2017
They're used to a little boy,
That gave out hugs for free,
And gentle smiles filled with no pity.

He used to tell people they meant the world.
Saw good in everything, he did.

Tried his best to never speak out of turn,
And kept dark thoughts at bay for all,
Never allow you to feel down for long.

His gentle eyes held such kindness,
That was meant for angels,
But was given to even the most cruel creatures.

He wished to be dependable even when he was bruised.

He was such a good little boy,
And it was a shame he never knew.

That little boy, oh how I miss him so.
His innocents now all washed away,
Drowned away by his own demons.

He is lost away out at sea,
And drowned long ago,
Now that is all left is a impassive demon,
That shows no compassion.

Oh how I miss that little boy,
I would love to trade places with him any day,
But I made a mistake of letting his hand slip from mine.
Tears tried to escape from my eyes, as I wrote this.
Dec 2017 · 451
AD Snail Dec 2017
On this day I shall be vibrate.
Shining bright and uncaring;
Not minding ones hateful words.

I shall be strong and independent.

I'll talk a little too loud,
And act slightly more proud.

I will be happy and pleased today.

Then tomorrow will come,
And that day will become today;
But on that day I shall be grime.

Unable to stand the slightest of sound,
Startled and afraid, sick of being drained.

I will not be able to handle the day,
And all the things that await,
So I shall stay in bed and cry my life away.

To concerned now of the hateful talk,
Unable but wishing to change everything;
Every single little detail of me.

This today, is to loud,
But now its all in my head;
Where the monsters await for my dread.

Today, will always change,
But I will still be here for the next.
Nov 2017 · 274
The Needy Burn
AD Snail Nov 2017
Skin charred,
As the flame got to close,
Your flesh was not prepared,
For the intense heat.

She takes another step,
Blindly burning brightly.
Expecting you to latch onto her back.

She touched you,
Intoxicated by the feel of touch.

The flame that surrounds her always,
Stretches onto your own body,
Consuming you and leaving you boiling and aching.

Her needy touch is a flame,
And she mistook you for a moth
Nov 2017 · 289
Hush hush don't tell Her
AD Snail Nov 2017
Frozen and numb,
Unable to comprehend the next move,
Everything moves in slow motion.

Suffocating on air,
Words clogged up, unable to break free.

Her elegant hair sprawled across,
The surface of my thigh.
She had such a gentle smile.
Oh, how at peace she was.

As each breath of hers was precise,
My was ragged and silent,
As I kept my gaze straight but my thigh burned.

As her muscles were relaxed,
My spasmed and tensed, like her violins strings.

I was hyper-aware, senses buzzing,
As she allowed hers to be silent.
She was in a delightful harmony,
While I yearned for the thing that came to her so easily.

Everything hurt and I was drowning,
Her solid form was more of an anchor,
To help me sink in my own sea.

I was caged, and she felt like debris blocking me in.

Her touch was overwhelming, though she never knew this,
So hush hush, don’t tell her,
Despite you wanting to beg with tears streaming down,
You keep yourself restrained even though your disintegrating.
Don't ruin the moment, because she is having a grand time, and you wouldn't want to be cruel or ruin it for her, now would you?
Nov 2017 · 299
True Love?
AD Snail Nov 2017
One kiss left my breathless,
It left me more lost than loved,
Losing my mind over this.

She brought sweet lips,
That spoke none of innocence.

Each hug was like a serpents grasp.

She brought my what she called love,
And it indeed was an addiction,
But for all the wrong reasons.
Oct 2017 · 222
Set Aflame
AD Snail Oct 2017
Scorched flesh,
So inflamed and infected,
Fresh damage to self.

Flames dance after thee,
As you break away.
Your in dire need for a rescue,
But hate to complain.

Burns meet silence,
As cream heals all but the screams.

They set your insides aflame,
Everything physically a crisp,
As you mentally try to breath.
Oct 2017 · 300
Sleep Does not Come Easy
AD Snail Oct 2017
A sweet symphony,
Is booming in the middle of the night,
Making itself known in my head.

Sleep is no longer important,
Listen to the different tunes dance around you.
Everything is pounding against your skull,
That you can't help but hum along to.

Vibrating notes that leaves bittersweet taste.

Leaving nothing misery in its wake,
Till you finally can drown it out,
But its to late, 3am flashes on the nightstand.

Sleep shall never come easily,
Not with my 'Symphony of Bittersweet Paranoia.'
Oct 2017 · 214
Physical Contact
AD Snail Oct 2017
Skin on skin,
Forcing on a grin,
Begin to feel akin to one,
Felt so foreign to another.

Sing in ones head,
Ignore the burning touch,
Hope to not say to much.

Bile trying to rise,
Just keep up that smile,
It'll be worthwhile, just keep holding back,
No need to be vile.
AD Snail Oct 2017
Soaking up self hatred,
Ignoring kindness,
No more self love to dip oneself in.

Allowing the positive to fade out,
As the negative sinks in.

Elegant love,
Misinterpreted into elegant pity.
Taking in ravishing hate,
Turning it into a new idea.

Dancing among despair,
No longer interested in the light,
That was always to bright.

Take in the negative,
Spit on the positive.
Oct 2017 · 258
A Unstable Heart
AD Snail Oct 2017
It aches, it twitches,
Thee heart beats are off tune.

Its burning in the acid it created,
Trying to numb itself with physically pain,
To help ignore the spiritual.

Red ink clogging its system up,
As it starts to self destruct on itself.
Unable to handle the black ink,
That's making its self known amongst the red.

Sync does not happen in a unstable heart,
Only scit **** beats that are signs of a deep sleep to come.
Jul 2017 · 219
The Actor of Lies
AD Snail Jul 2017
"I like the games I play,"
He confessed, trying to impress,
To make the questions come to a standstill.

He twirled and twisted the truth,
Making little white lies become poisonous butterflies.

"The boy was never perfect,"
Is what they say, as comfort,
It makes him want to scream,
But all he does is smile, and agree with them.

"I'm proud of being such a good actor,"
He states with assumed pride,
But its more of a sad confession.

The howled sound that let loose from his throat,
It sounds more strand then it should be,
But no one questions;
His quick silver tongue catches their attention away.

He has to keep his image up on stage,
So he keeps up the delighted look as the cameras flash.

"We have so much in common,"
Another states, and the boy thinks he going to be sick,
He just wants to take a remote, and click!
Jul 2017 · 250
Marvelous I wish Thee to Be
AD Snail Jul 2017
I wish to make myself into a masterpiece,
I yearn to be perfect,
I hunger to please my own living eye.

I don't need to make heads turn,
Or let artist take me to their beds.

My intention is simply,
For all those people to glance away,
I want them to simply walk on by,
No judgment in their eyes.

I simply want to be marvelous to me.
Jul 2017 · 367
Judgmental Interrogators
AD Snail Jul 2017
I remember the interrogation room,
I can still hear the voices boom,
Each question that was in burned inside my head,
Has informed and destroyed me.

I can still feel,
The clock of time, ticking by,
It's keeps reminding me,
This argument keeps going on and on,
And we both know we are done.

I don't have a voice lawyer,
That can talk back and defend me.
So I have to sit and take it.

The room is growing smaller,
Which is quite concerning because it was quite tiny already.  

My interrogators want me to talk,
But they only want to hear what they want to hear.  
So I stay silent, because I can't give them what they want.

They keep shining this spotlight on me,
And I feel so small, maybe there winning,
Because I just keep agreeing.

When I leave this interrogation room,
I know I’ll change myself all of again,
Because I aim to please,
And I never wish to go through that ever again.
Jul 2017 · 233
Magnificent Pretend Game
AD Snail Jul 2017
Smile bright,
Keep it tight and in place,
Smile for the camera's dear.

Each camera is a person,
Taking your picture.

Keep up the game of pretend,
Try to stay with the trend,
You still want to have your best friend, don't you?

Try your best not to be offended,
Let pretend to be splendid.

The cameras are still rolling outside,
So your going to have to wait it out till then,
Be patient before you rush back into your bedroom.

The afterlife sound much better than the wildlife outside in society.

This magnificent game we all play,
With all this assumed real smiles,
Is what everyone one watching the T.V. want to see,
So keep it up my magnificent child.
Jun 2017 · 320
Too Far Gone
AD Snail Jun 2017
Empty once again,
Drinking nor eating is enough,
The void soon consumes me whole.

I am used to being half empty or half full.

I keep trying to hold onto my old chips;
All the old information on how I used to tick.

Taking the medication will never get back all the pieces I need,
But I think they all disagree because they keep saying:
"Give him the medicine" They'll say,
Because that's what messed up disappointments get.

Cannot halt the isolation that consumes all of me,
The emptiness has already won,
Now its just the waiting game.

Sooner or later all will find out, I am far too gone.

Daddy and mommy told me,
"Don't be so idiotic,"
So I kept all the strange behavior to myself just for them.  

I'm too far gone, but that's okay,
"I'll get better someday," That's what my therapist says anyways,
So I put it on loop inside of my hollow spaced mind,
And maybe it'll become true someday.
AD Snail Jun 2017
I feel the claws digging,
I know that its trying to claw away at the skin;
That locks it all away,
What is it trying to get at, I will never know.

I feel the inside of my chest wanting to ripped apart,
I can feel the aching numbness in the pit of my heart swell.

Something wants to be set free from within my fragile frame.

I wish for this feeling to be no more,
I do not want to cave into the craving,
I cannot destroy my appearance of "Normal, or "Just fine,"
I cannot be "Strange," my mother said.

So smile and laugh even if it hurts to move,
The stitching will soon heal all wounds.
It was your fault anyways, for giving in.

I cannot try to claw away at the feelings deep within me,
It is unnatural to react upon these things,
"You must not be so strange,"
Mama will say.

The unknown feelings will soon turn into aching feeling,
Its likes a scratch that you must never scratch at,
Because people have told you that it will just make it worse.

So these feelings deep within in my chest,
I must ignore, I must be actually how society wishes me to be,
"Perfectly fine."
May 2017 · 325
Dotted Bruising
AD Snail May 2017
I have told everyone about those strange miss-matched shapes,
That litters my skin,
And tell a tale but I make sure their words are twisted.

No one needs to know the pathetic truth,
The little tale, that repeats back to me, "Your unwell."
That's fine by me; as long as it doesn't come from someone else.

I am still incomplete; still not well enough to look myself in the mirror.
Lacking the focus, to understand that I should be disappointed.

I have tattered the skin upon my body with purple and blue.

This dotted bruising I should feel ashamed of,
But I can never convince myself to stop or be disappointment.

The gently miss-match, unhealthy color to the tone of my skin,
Tells the tale's of my self-hatred and rage,
And all the unwell thoughts that dance around my mind.
May 2017 · 234
Imperfect (#1)
AD Snail May 2017
All these calories,
Cage my bones, and make me feel fifthly,
"I am to heavy," I repeat over and over again.

I am to big, I wish to be a twig,
I want to be perfect and be able to look in the mirror.

Why was I born this way?
Why am I so ****, mommy can you tell me?
The magazines aren't helping.

Tell me how to not be a pig,
I no longer want to dwell on my skin,
I just want to be a little kid again.

I was told cutting away was dangerous,
But I am tired of all these shutting doors of opportunity.

Some one tell me how to change this imperfection of mine,
Because I am tired of feeling and seeing this **** skin suit I am in.
When you feel like your **** because of your weight.

Its not only a struggle for people that are on the slightly bigger side, but as well as the people with very fast metabolism both feel uncomfortable in their own skin, and I wish I could take this feeling away for not just strangers, but as well as my friends, and family.
May 2017 · 305
Lost Myself
AD Snail May 2017
I have nothing to say,
So I no longer think before I speak,
Everything drips out before I can calculate.

"How does one act?" I wish to ask,
But I know I'll start another predicament,
I no longer want to be told, "Something is wrong,"
Because I know something is missing.

I'm not tired anymore, but I still feel half full, or is it half empty?
Laughing has come more easily, but I wonder if its still fake.

"I am better," I think how ironic that is, because its not entirely a lie,
But its not true either because something has been misplaced.

I wish to ask my friends, who am I?
But that may confuse them,
So I shall never ask my questions.

I know that a piece of who I am is gone,
But I have no clue where to start the search,
So I'll keep going, never being fully complete,
You never know maybe I'll be fine in the end.
Apr 2017 · 637
I'd Rather
AD Snail Apr 2017
I would rather be somewhere else,
Rather not feel so 'alive,'
I would rather curl up and die.

Sometimes I am afraid,
But most times I am just tired.

The world doesn't seem like my place,
I quite tired of this chase,
I no longer wish to find myself.

The body that I was placed in is now hollow.

I am shallow, after all I am a human being,
Not able to sympathies anymore can only play the role of 'me,'
No longer sweet, or the gently soul that everyone knows.

I wouldn't rather be a other,
I can never fix myself into this world,
So its best if I slowly lose myself and leave.

I'd rather fall into a deep sleep and continue dreaming.
Apr 2017 · 713
AD Snail Apr 2017
Be silent, retrain yourself,
Never usher out a word,
Perhaps it would be best if you were mute?

You do not want a violet reaction.

Don't need to be vibrant,
So let's just be silent, as quiet as can be.
You don't need to be as loud as a lions roar,
Its best to stay silent and hide in the back.

I am trying to keeping everything shut,
I have no talent to show,
So I shall be silent.

Not shy, but not wishing to be rude,
But is having trouble speaking up and not clamming up.

Smile and never spit out any bile,
Everything must be kept hush, hush.
No one needs to hear pointless chatter.

Its for the best,
To be the best at being silent.
Having some troubles.
AD Snail Apr 2017
Pounding onto the drums,
Acting dumb for the crowd,
Asking to be a little less proud,
And understand that we're all ****.

Hatred consumes us all, it comes so easily; its almost a gene of its own.

Painful truths and lies shoot us all down,
Everyone is bleeding out and trying to breath,
Everyone is falling from highs and trying to catch the prize.

The skies are covered in dim lights,
Telling the stories of those who lost hope in their dreams.

Everyone is being run down,
The guns are useful tools to pierce a person,
Words impeded in them, and once it hits you there is no turning back;
Your permanently damaged mentally and physically.

The painful truth about us; the 'Human race',
Is that we are all are the monster under neath the bed,
The skeletons inside our closets,
Ready to hunt us down and consume everyone is sight.

We are own parasites,
Every judging thought that turns into a spoke word,
Has already infected someone, and grown,
The rippling effect already taken place.

We are the demons that steal away another's child,
Damaging beyond repair,
Polluting their minds with pure hatred.

We destroy own another, our own loved ones, and random strangers,
That is the little bit of painful truth.
Not really sure what this is.
Apr 2017 · 607
Dysfunctional Love
AD Snail Apr 2017
Quietly I'll let you go,
Slowly I will allow you to get over me,
Gently I shall inform you I was not the one.

Do not muse over me,
I do not wish to be a bitter taste left on your tongue;
That is why its best that we drift away from this broken love,
And slowly forget.

You do not need to call me anymore,
Its no longer your concern to take care of me.

We were not functional,
And this dysfunctional Love only leaves us emotional;
Leaving us naked on the floor for each others to see one another faults.

Neither of us are peacemakers,
And never bring any justice to our cases of broken promises and hearts,
Leaving smudges of ***** lies polluting our skin.

These is our dysfunctional love and we need to know when to let it go,
So as we drift away, remember when I said "Its for the best,"
Because that is the most truth that spilled out of my mouth since the beginning.
Mar 2017 · 308
A Little Love
AD Snail Mar 2017
I miss your kisses,
And the sweet bliss we shared.
I remember when we we're free,
I still cannot dismiss these feelings, or stop reminiscing on our past.

We loved a little to soon,
And said the word to loosely,
That was simply our mistake, hopefully we learned.

I still dream of caressing your skin,
And how you beamed when I did so.

Such simple little things, sometimes mean the world.

I cannot get rid of this love,
You were my sweet little dove,
And I will not willingly let you go.

My angel, I know I'll will not be your only one,
But let me be your last little love.
Mar 2017 · 411
Numb Boy
AD Snail Mar 2017
My body is pale and chilled to the bone,
Everything I once was is long gone,
The light in my eyes have dulled slowly.

I no longer feel like the lively boy I once was,
Expressions of emotions seem so foreign.

Everything feels so hopeless,
I am unable to feel anything,
I am to far gone, to hollow inside to care.

I am a **** living inside the little boy they all once knew,
A criminal taking away all the things that allowed me to feel,
Now only the feeling of numb runs through my veins.

This is the outcome; all I have done to get better has just left me numb.

I can hear the drums still,
Understanding when to react and play the 'act',
Another day starting but I don't even notice.

I wonder sometimes if I'll every get better,
Maybe then everyone will return back to me?
But I silence those thoughts, and just through my sweater back on,
Its knitted with all the emotions I once was able to freely feel.

All there is left is this numb little boy,
In replace of the once brightest little star that was filled with such innocents.
Mar 2017 · 246
My Pain
AD Snail Mar 2017
Is is okay, to hide the pain;
The pain that is buried deep inside my heart,
The pain that screams,
And tries to rip its way out of my heart that is its cage?

I tell myself;
“It's going to be okay just hide the pain, it go away sooner or later”
I smile,
I laugh,
I dance,
I sing,
I’m Happy, not really.

But it is okay to lie about this pain deep inside my heart
Because if I you told you all my dark secrets,
My fears, my pain,
Then you would never be the same;
You wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye’s,
You wouldn’t be able to figure out if I’m happy or sad anymore,
You wouldn’t know if I was lying or telling you the truth.

So I’ll keep this pain locked away, buried deep down,
Stitched down to my heart so it doesn’t reach my voice.

So don’t worry, don’t think,
I don’t want to tell you my pain,
So don’t ask, because I’m doing this all for your own safety.
Pardon my wording and such, this is one of my older poems, so it may not be phrased right or the grammar may not be the best.
Mar 2017 · 390
Papa doesn't Understand
AD Snail Mar 2017
Papa you don't seem to understand,
You no longer believe I am still that little boy you grew up,
Your own little man.

You think I have betrayed you,
You do not understand how I became the way I am,
So you lash out and blame everyone else but yourself.

I stand so brave when you through your abuse my way,
I still behave the same way,
But you let lies and rumors consume, never given a second thought.

Papa you no longer treat me the same,
No longer show me the love that came so naturally.

I cannot save you papa,
I am not going to be your mind controlled slave,
So be prepared to wave goodbye.

Papa remember that I will always love you,
And I hope you finally come to realize,
That I was not the one to betray you, that was all you.
Mar 2017 · 284
Her Darling Unborn Child
AD Snail Mar 2017
She took her time crafting you,
And always remember that every dime she made would go to you.
Her darling little angel,
You aren't even here yet but she loves you unconditionally already.

She is keeping on my toes, knowing never to cause trouble;
She doesn't want you to have a mama that is a criminal.

She'll always be carefully; not taken any chances with her unborn angel.

Even when she becomes a wreck,
And worries about all the unpredictable situations that shall come along,
She remember she'll do everything for her sweet unborn child.

She will always protect, and very neglect,
Even now, even when the sweet cry's become voiced into this world,
And she'll get to see her small one open it's eyes.

She makes a promise to herself,
That her darling unborn child will be loved no matter what.
Something sweet, and more positive compared to my other pieces.
Feb 2017 · 173
I am not You
AD Snail Feb 2017
I am not a canvas that can be repainted,
I cannot be molded up into something else.
I cannot and will not change just because you want me to.

Dear ones, you say you love me no matter what,
But sometimes those words you voice sound like lies,
Because every time you turn around and tell me I am not "normal",
And say I need help, and you think something is wrong with me, it hurts.

You think that I can become just like you,
That I can turn into something that is in your mind "ordinary."
That I am just a canvas that can be painted over and started anew.

You wish to blindfold me and make me blind to what's truly me,
You wish to be a sculptor that cuts and molds someone in your "perfect image."

I cannot be the happy child you wish for,
I cannot be the ordinary one you dream for,
I am now the wary child on the streets, that is to afraid to speak.

You do not love me, you can't love me, because I am not you.
Feb 2017 · 598
Words Hurt
AD Snail Feb 2017
Every time a sentence is spoke,
It can never be taken back,
Its out now for the whole world to hear.

Once someone opens their mouth and lets words drip out,
Those words are imprinted onto the world,
And time cannot be re-winded.

"So speak wisely," Everyone says,
But no one can seem to follow this small simple rule.
Why is it so difficult to think before speak?

Arguments can leave scars,
Lies and rumors can hold such damage.

Words have an impact, but many seem to forget,
As the letters dance out of their mouths and into thin air,
Already turning into a wild tornado storm and destroying who every is in its way.

Words seep deep within ones skin, burring in deep,
And burning that victim, as tears soon slip out and begin to fall.

"Words hurt," They told me,
But I never knew that they would make a tare in one's heart,
Damaging for a long time, and placing it in deep into one's memory.

Words have affect, words do hurt,
And words have a lasting effect,
So choose carefully before you let out a sentence that is filled with hurt.
Words have a huge affect on someone, no matter if they are kind words or painfully, just remember that once those words are out you can never take them back, so please think before you speak.
Feb 2017 · 688
A Plan Not meant for Two
AD Snail Feb 2017
Let me hold my breath,
Before you throw me away and let go of my hand,
Let me have a chance to prepare myself for your upcoming plan.

I should of known, but how was I supposed to know,
That our hearts were worn out and the red string was fading away?

Your plan was your own,
It was no longer made for two.
But it's still hurt dear as the stone was thrown,
Flying into my window and shattering all my innocents.

I try so hard to hold onto the edge,
But the shards did their job and dug way to deep.

Maybe if this plan had a fairness apart of it for both parties,
Than perhaps I could be able to pull things together;
Stitch up my flesh wounds, that now have become something far worse.

My dear loved one, I know your no longer mine.
But that is not the thing that stings so much; its not the problem.
Its no longer the cause of my numbness.

I just wish you had given me some kind of warning,
Or at least told me about your plan, because I'll still mourning.

Your plan was not meant for two though,
So now I am left with nothing,
But all these shatter pieces of who we used to be,
Or rather who I used to be.
AD Snail Jan 2017
Cast away my throbbing heart,
Forgetting to feed it,
Slowing loosing my sanity.

My words never express the true heartache,
As I watch you take another step out the door.

Even a simply compliment,
Has me soaring so high in the sky,
I am having trouble finding my way back down to the ground.
But I never told you this.

I know you’re tried,
I know my love you kept giving me “second chances.”
So I cast aside the throbbing agony,
Ignoring my sanity and craving thoughts of wanting and longing,
Its not needed, even though my heart is screaming out.

Cast away your pity for me,
Finally let go and allow me to fall downwards.
You were always to good to me,
And I showed you no sympathy or gratitude.

I am an outcast even in my own body,
Deceiving and tricking myself,
Oh how I wished I asked how we lasted.

My love how could you be so devoted?
I am quite the **** queen of agony,
You should have floated away long ago.

Sugar coated lies with no such intention of devotion.

Give me one last kiss before you step out,
So I know exactly what I missed and shall never receive every again.
I will not complain, I deserve the pain.
Jan 2017 · 368
Petrified of the Outdoors
AD Snail Jan 2017
I feel secure in this little cocoon,
Never do I wish to metamorphosis;
I do not wish to take flight.

When I feel confident enough to take a peak,
I wish to sink back into my undamaging, innocent cocoon.
I do not like the idea of a ‘big world’.

Everything is not beautiful enough;
Its not as magnificent and imaginative like I want it to be,
Unlike this innocent and carefree cocoon I have molded my mental image into.

I am longing for some kind of change, but to afraid of the unknown to take it.

I am mentally unstable; I cannot handle the dangerous world,
I am much more safe and stable in this cocoon.
So leave me be in my little shelter,
I know it’s unhealthy you don’t need to remind me.

I’m I truly secure in this cocoon or is it all a fable?

I wish to be pure not mature,
Though sometimes I daydream of being both,
As I sleep away in the sheltered cocoon.

Everything is so frightening.
The outdoors that surround my cocoon are calling me,
But I can’t seem to shake away the worries.

“You’re so unsure of your own path, you never even take a step back,”
My thoughts sing song to me as I lull back to sleep.

I am to petrified of the outdoors of my own cocoon,
I can’t seem to win the battles of thoughts, even if it could save me,
So I stay silent and let it eat away at me never taking the chance.
Jan 2017 · 285
Maddened Laughter
AD Snail Jan 2017
My laughter bounced off the walls,
To thick but to thin at the same time,
Allowing my laughter to be heard at times.

The laughter resides in my heart,
Making everything seem ‘normal’,
Though I do not know if these broken pieces on the floor are ‘normal.’

Everything is spinning; as I dance around and down these empty halls,
With madness running threw my veins,
Everything seems to be hollow even this laughter.

I can’t seem to find my mouth able to form words,
My throat can only allow this laughter float up and out.

These walls have been through thick and thin,
And I am quite surprised they haven’t tumbled down of yet,
Because clearly those cracks are quite scarring and would shatter any perfection;
Wounds and bruises are painted on the walls but they still stand.

I slam myself against the walls,
Wishing to scream out in agony and pure hatred,
But all that bubbles out is this maddened laughter.

Revenge, oh how sweet it sounds,
Even though it is the thing that is tarring me apart, making it into something bittersweet instead.

This thirst is much worse then this cursed sound,
It’s the worst, making me go into a wild outburst.

Laughter after laughter, nothing else,
Not even a single breath of utter displeasure,
Witch I clearly feel building up within my heart.

These walls should have ears,
After all the entire entity should shake in fear,
Every time they hear the madden laughter reopen within my heavy chest,
And flutter out of my numb lips.
Jan 2017 · 289
No need for Apologizes
AD Snail Jan 2017
I am blessed as I take a small rest,
You hold my close and make me feel safe,
Even though you’re the one that is stressed,
So my loved one I must thank you.

You tighten your grip,
But I know if I every stated I wanted to leave you,
You would let me go so easily.

Oh, how did I come and stumble upon a angel like you,
You hold me like I am something precious,
Why my dear stranger; why do you hold on so tight?

Even while I sleep, I can hear your repeats of broken apologizes,
Tears are falling as you tell my sleeping figure: "I am so sorry."

Years pass on by and you don't seem to see the steep stairs.

You think you have stolen me, you fret to much about hurting me,
You my love your the on that needs saving,
Falling deep into your own inner demons hands.

Stop these apologizes there not needed.
Jan 2017 · 321
Never Enough
AD Snail Jan 2017
I am earning for this addiction,
Craving for another touch and look see.
Holding my breath as I take another sip,
I am hoping I won’t get tipsy tonight on this addiction.

At this angel it looks quite painful,
Though my mind is so high on enchanting earning;
I can’t look away I am bewitched.

I am quite disgraceful, aren’t I?
Oh well, I am quite fine with being shameful,
As long as my addiction can be craved, no matter the cost.

Dipping down and going for the ****, making lust seep into another.

“You’re an **** human being”, you scream,
I can only smile and continue being unfaithful.

Another kiss to cure my craving,
My addiction never can be fulfilled though,
So I soak in the bliss and then I am once again on the hunt.
Jan 2017 · 293
Troubled Lover
AD Snail Jan 2017
My heart aches with agony.
Everything is spinning around me,
My mind is racing and my brain is being picked away by these thoughts.
Its troubling me terrible so.

My lover have I lost you to the monsters in your closet?

Why are you so willing to let me go,
And hurt all those innocent people?

I am diving in deep,
Scratches and bruises are appearing upon my tender skin,
But I am willing to dive deeper, and deeper,
Till I reach you even though I am in great discomfort.

The injuries to my heart never stop it from loving you so,
I never can despises you or think ill of you,
Even though you pass around that poison like its a medicine that will save.

It stings you know, my dear one.
I tear up every time I think of you and your twisted doings,
But I some how forgive you,
And fall into this fake mind set that you are truly a generous human being.

My troubled lover, please put your attention on the issues at hand,
Stop your foolish judging and giving everything the knowing glimpse.

You feel so superior to the rest, never looking back once at your destruction,
Calling it a master piece; a fine piece of art.
Please stop this ridiculous game and playing everyone like a pawn.

My troubled lover, oh how I wish you would notice how all these burns affect me.

I wish you would just glance back at least once,
And notice how much I love you so.

My troubled lover,
You are a monstrosity that brings depression and illness,
To those that already weak.

My lover you aren't the person I once loved,
You are now a troubled soul that spreads the infection to others.
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