Present fills the tomorrows untold futures,
With fear and heartache.

Rooted Loss that never blooms,
But its petals are feared.

The spring of the grim reaper nears,
Time but a concept,
An knowing when becomes to soon.

My loneliness has a presences that wraps itself around me,
It arms drape over my shoulders, holding me close.

It breaths a promise into my ear,
That leaves me bare and saddened,
Words of stone, saying I will always be alone.

In a room filled with people,
The only one I dance with is my loneliness.
And what sadness me most is that it's a slow dance.

My dear friend loneliness despite leaving me hallow,
At least it will always be there to keep my company.

A brush of gentle lips,
A small innocent caress.
That gave her butterflies,
And heart beat shore with affection.

Eyes connect, caught like deer's in headlights.

A brush of torn lips,
A small innocent caress.
That gave me a stomach ache,
And heart beat dropped with dread.

Eyes fluttered closed, belief in it being a dream.

Entranced in a dance,
She is swept off her feet.
Time seeming to stop,
Mind made up that she is madly in love.

Hands creeping subconsciously to wrap around.

Enchanted in a pull of a dance,
Feet are heavy like there chained.
Time seeming to stop,
Mind finally catching up with the facts.

Tangled into the game of bittersweet love.

She has so much love,
She wishes to give it all to you.
Her eyes gleam with pure bliss,
Deeply drowned in maddened love.

That sadly has only one person wanting to play.

I am incapable to love,
I wished to return but I had none to give her.
My eyes gleam with glaze,
Deeply drowned in sorrow and regret.

My dear when I tell you,
"I'm a late bloomer."
I need you to know, that I meant to say is,
"I have lost my petals and my stem is bare."

Own ****** hands, The only criminal is I,
I have taken shears and torn ungracefully.

There the petals lay underneath.

A gentle breeze then came by and swept them away,
Never to reach my clutches again.

My dear I made myself bloom far to early,
Letting the petals of myself vanish.
Leaving me astray within my own vessel.

Locked behind caged ribs,
Left to destroy just the inside,
Left to be my secret; mine to hide.

Buried in but tearing at its prison walls.

Lied for my pride,
Not wanting to be supplied with aid,
No need for some peace of mind.

Little ripples of discomfort,
Form spasming as it slither under my skin,
Leaving a sensation that brings agony in its wake.

Little creature that lives within my chest,
You bring me to my knees and curling into my own frame.

None shall know of this little being,
It cannot be seen by another eye.
All that is known is the sensation and state it leaves me in.

Drowning in a muddy mind,
So high in the sky;
That I could feel the clouds.

Spinning around,
Feeling like I could take on the world.
Grinning like a mad dog,
Will I inject another shot of Mr. Cloud Nine.

He takes my hand and spins me around,
We're moving to the beat, doing the tango.

He promise sweet nothings,
Makes me feel a sense of alive,
I feel so empowered with him by my side.

He offers me his cigar,
I take it knowing I'm already too far gone,
Mr. Cloud Nine is my sweetheart,
He promises to never let me go.

I'll get up today,
Tomorrow I promise,
Soon I will rise from my bed.

I will lift my feather weighted;
My stone weight body up in a minute.

Just need some space,
Stop knocking on my door.
I'm getting up soon, I promise you
Or am I promising myself now?

Waking up, no I was awake all along;
Though I haven't lifted myself from the mattress,
For quite sometime, tomorrow I promise.

I'm drained from head to soul,
Not gaining anything from getting up, so I will lay here.

So tired, just wish to lay here and sleep.

I agree their is no real purpose
Nor great achievement to stay in bed,
But today and yesterday I have been drained head to soul.

Eating away at me,
Digging into my flesh,
And grinding down my bones,
It festers inside of me.

Slowly it feeds,
Leaving me feeling absent;
Amongst my own emotions.

Its to deep inside,
For me to cut away at.
Leaving me staring off,
Trying to go to space in my mind,
Because the fog isn't as frighten as the deep,
Imbibed emotion.

Left sitting for days,
Waiting for something,
To end this hopelessness that has made home,
In my hollow cage which is my body.

Midnight black,
Gently draping upon a pale frame,
Gracefully sprawling down to the marble floor.

Silence ensured,
As fragile eyelashes are drawn closed,
And a thin line is drawn onto mouth,
A face smooth and soft as silk in the dim light.

Tone made of riches and the thread is velvet.

Soft footsteps that elegantly dance across the floor,
The glow of stars and angels dust floats about,
Enchanting you to dance amongst the spaces love.

Fog gracefully rolls upon the dance floor,
It swirls around her petite ****** frame,
And it captures her elegantly in a tight embrace,
Given you just but a taste of divine beauty.

Her dainty ankles peak out of her midnight sky drape,
As she takes a noble step towards thee,
Vibrate eyes that shine just right, are set on you.

A entity, a goddess stands before you,
Leaving you breathless and putting you to shame.

Her refine wrists flick upwards to meet your face,
With such a delicate and define touch,
As she traces luxurious fingers and fingernails down,
Ghostly hands wrap themselves around your neck.

Wrapped tightly and swiftly with no mercy,
As you are suffocate by a elegant Deceiver.

They're used to a little boy,
That gave out hugs for free,
And gentle smiles filled with no pity.

He used to tell people they meant the world.
Saw good in everything, he did.

Tried his best to never speak out of turn,
And kept dark thoughts at bay for all,
Never allow you to feel down for long.

His gentle eyes held such kindness,
That was meant for angels,
But was given to even the most cruel creatures.

He wished to be dependable even when he was bruised.

He was such a good little boy,
And it was a shame he never knew.

That little boy, oh how I miss him so.
His innocents now all washed away,
Drowned away by his own demons.

He is lost away out at sea,
And drowned long ago,
Now that is all left is a impassive demon,
That shows no compassion.

Oh how I miss that little boy,
I would love to trade places with him any day,
But I made a mistake of letting his hand slip from mine.

Skin charred,
As the flame got to close,
Your flesh was not prepared,
For the intense heat.

She takes another step,
Blindly burning brightly.
Expecting you to latch onto her back.

She touched you,
Intoxicated by the feel of touch.

The flame that surrounds her always,
Stretches onto your own body,
Consuming you and leaving you boiling and aching.

Her needy touch is a flame,
And she mistook you for a moth

One kiss left my breathless,
It left me more lost than loved,
Losing my mind over this.

She brought sweet lips,
That spoke none of innocence.

Each hug was like a serpents grasp.

She brought my what she called love,
And it indeed was an addiction,
But for all the wrong reasons.

Scorched flesh,
So inflamed and infected,
Fresh damage to self.

Flames dance after thee,
As you break away.
Your in dire need for a rescue,
But hate to complain.

Burns meet silence,
As cream heals all but the screams.

They set your insides aflame,
Everything physically a crisp,
As you mentally try to breath.

A sweet symphony,
Is booming in the middle of the night,
Making itself known in my head.

Sleep is no longer important,
Listen to the different tunes dance around you.
Everything is pounding against your skull,
That you can't help but hum along to.

Vibrating notes that leaves bittersweet taste.

Leaving nothing misery in its wake,
Till you finally can drown it out,
But its to late, 3am flashes on the nightstand.

Sleep shall never come easily,
Not with my 'Symphony of Bittersweet Paranoia.'

Skin on skin,
Forcing on a grin,
Begin to feel akin to one,
Felt so foreign to another.

Sing in ones head,
Ignore the burning touch,
Hope to not say to much.

Bile trying to rise,
Just keep up that smile,
It'll be worthwhile, just keep holding back,
No need to be vile.

Soaking up self hatred,
Ignoring kindness,
No more self love to dip oneself in.

Allowing the positive to fade out,
As the negative sinks in.

Elegant love,
Misinterpreted into elegant pity.
Taking in ravishing hate,
Turning it into a new idea.

Dancing among despair,
No longer interested in the light,
That was always to bright.

Take in the negative,
Spit on the positive.

It aches, it twitches,
Thee heart beats are off tune.

Its burning in the acid it created,
Trying to numb itself with physically pain,
To help ignore the spiritual.

Red ink clogging its system up,
As it starts to self destruct on itself.
Unable to handle the black ink,
That's making its self known amongst the red.

Sync does not happen in a unstable heart,
Only scit **** beats that are signs of a deep sleep to come.

"I like the games I play,"
He confessed, trying to impress,
To make the questions come to a standstill.

He twirled and twisted the truth,
Making little white lies become poisonous butterflies.

"The boy was never perfect,"
Is what they say, as comfort,
It makes him want to scream,
But all he does is smile, and agree with them.

"I'm proud of being such a good actor,"
He states with assumed pride,
But its more of a sad confession.

The howled sound that let loose from his throat,
It sounds more strand then it should be,
But no one questions;
His quick silver tongue catches their attention away.

He has to keep his image up on stage,
So he keeps up the delighted look as the cameras flash.

"We have so much in common,"
Another states, and the boy thinks he going to be sick,
He just wants to take a remote, and click!

I wish to make myself into a masterpiece,
I yearn to be perfect,
I hunger to please my own living eye.

I don't need to make heads turn,
Or let artist take me to their beds.

My intention is simply,
For all those people to glance away,
I want them to simply walk on by,
No judgment in their eyes.

I simply want to be marvelous to me.

I remember the interrogation room,
I can still hear the voices boom,
Each question that was in burned inside my head,
Has informed and destroyed me.

I can still feel,
The clock of time, ticking by,
It's keeps reminding me,
This argument keeps going on and on,
And we both know we are done.

I don't have a voice lawyer,
That can talk back and defend me.
So I have to sit and take it.

The room is growing smaller,
Which is quite concerning because it was quite tiny already.  

My interrogators want me to talk,
But they only want to hear what they want to hear.  
So I stay silent, because I can't give them what they want.

They keep shining this spotlight on me,
And I feel so small, maybe there winning,
Because I just keep agreeing.

When I leave this interrogation room,
I know I’ll change myself all of again,
Because I aim to please,
And I never wish to go through that ever again.

Smile bright,
Keep it tight and in place,
Smile for the camera's dear.

Each camera is a person,
Taking your picture.

Keep up the game of pretend,
Try to stay with the trend,
You still want to have your best friend, don't you?

Try your best not to be offended,
Let pretend to be splendid.

The cameras are still rolling outside,
So your going to have to wait it out till then,
Be patient before you rush back into your bedroom.

The afterlife sound much better than the wildlife outside in society.

This magnificent game we all play,
With all this assumed real smiles,
Is what everyone one watching the T.V. want to see,
So keep it up my magnificent child.

Empty once again,
Drinking nor eating is enough,
The void soon consumes me whole.

I am used to being half empty or half full.

I keep trying to hold onto my old chips;
All the old information on how I used to tick.

Taking the medication will never get back all the pieces I need,
But I think they all disagree because they keep saying:
"Give him the medicine" They'll say,
Because that's what messed up disappointments get.

Cannot halt the isolation that consumes all of me,
The emptiness has already won,
Now its just the waiting game.

Sooner or later all will find out, I am far too gone.

Daddy and mommy told me,
"Don't be so idiotic,"
So I kept all the strange behavior to myself just for them.  

I'm too far gone, but that's okay,
"I'll get better someday," That's what my therapist says anyways,
So I put it on loop inside of my hollow spaced mind,
And maybe it'll become true someday.

I feel the claws digging,
I know that its trying to claw away at the skin;
That locks it all away,
What is it trying to get at, I will never know.

I feel the inside of my chest wanting to ripped apart,
I can feel the aching numbness in the pit of my heart swell.

Something wants to be set free from within my fragile frame.

I wish for this feeling to be no more,
I do not want to cave into the craving,
I cannot destroy my appearance of "Normal, or "Just fine,"
I cannot be "Strange," my mother said.

So smile and laugh even if it hurts to move,
The stitching will soon heal all wounds.
It was your fault anyways, for giving in.

I cannot try to claw away at the feelings deep within me,
It is unnatural to react upon these things,
"You must not be so strange,"
Mama will say.

The unknown feelings will soon turn into aching feeling,
Its likes a scratch that you must never scratch at,
Because people have told you that it will just make it worse.

So these feelings deep within in my chest,
I must ignore, I must be actually how society wishes me to be,
"Perfectly fine."

All these calories,
Cage my bones, and make me feel fifthly,
"I am to heavy," I repeat over and over again.

I am to big, I wish to be a twig,
I want to be perfect and be able to look in the mirror.

Why was I born this way?
Why am I so ugly, mommy can you tell me?
The magazines aren't helping.

Tell me how to not be a pig,
I no longer want to dwell on my skin,
I just want to be a little kid again.

I was told cutting away was dangerous,
But I am tired of all these shutting doors of opportunity.

Some one tell me how to change this imperfection of mine,
Because I am tired of feeling and seeing this ugly skin suit I am in.

Be silent, retrain yourself,
Never usher out a word,
Perhaps it would be best if you were mute?

You do not want a violet reaction.

Don't need to be vibrant,
So let's just be silent, as quiet as can be.
You don't need to be as loud as a lions roar,
Its best to stay silent and hide in the back.

I am trying to keeping everything shut,
I have no talent to show,
So I shall be silent.

Not shy, but not wishing to be rude,
But is having trouble speaking up and not clamming up.

Smile and never spit out any bile,
Everything must be kept hush, hush.
No one needs to hear pointless chatter.

Its for the best,
To be the best at being silent.

Quietly I'll let you go,
Slowly I will allow you to get over me,
Gently I shall inform you I was not the one.

Do not muse over me,
I do not wish to be a bitter taste left on your tongue;
That is why its best that we drift away from this broken love,
And slowly forget.

You do not need to call me anymore,
Its no longer your concern to take care of me.

We were not functional,
And this dysfunctional Love only leaves us emotional;
Leaving us naked on the floor for each others to see one another faults.

Neither of us are peacemakers,
And never bring any justice to our cases of broken promises and hearts,
Leaving smudges of ***** lies polluting our skin.

These is our dysfunctional love and we need to know when to let it go,
So as we drift away, remember when I said "Its for the best,"
Because that is the most truth that spilled out of my mouth since the beginning.

Is is okay, to hide the pain;
The pain that is buried deep inside my heart,
The pain that screams,
And tries to rip its way out of my heart that is its cage?

I tell myself;
“It's going to be okay just hide the pain, it go away sooner or later”
I smile,
I laugh,
I dance,
I sing,
I’m Happy, not really.

But it is okay to lie about this pain deep inside my heart
Because if I you told you all my dark secrets,
My fears, my pain,
Then you would never be the same;
You wouldn’t be able to look me in the eye’s,
You wouldn’t be able to figure out if I’m happy or sad anymore,
You wouldn’t know if I was lying or telling you the truth.

So I’ll keep this pain locked away, buried deep down,
Stitched down to my heart so it doesn’t reach my voice.

So don’t worry, don’t think,
I don’t want to tell you my pain,
So don’t ask, because I’m doing this all for your own safety.

She took her time crafting you,
And always remember that every dime she made would go to you.
Her darling little angel,
You aren't even here yet but she loves you unconditionally already.

She is keeping on my toes, knowing never to cause trouble;
She doesn't want you to have a mama that is a criminal.

She'll always be carefully; not taken any chances with her unborn angel.

Even when she becomes a wreck,
And worries about all the unpredictable situations that shall come along,
She remember she'll do everything for her sweet unborn child.

She will always protect, and very neglect,
Even now, even when the sweet cry's become voiced into this world,
And she'll get to see her small one open it's eyes.

She makes a promise to herself,
That her darling unborn child will be loved no matter what.

Cast away my throbbing heart,
Forgetting to feed it,
Slowing loosing my sanity.

My words never express the true heartache,
As I watch you take another step out the door.

Even a simply compliment,
Has me soaring so high in the sky,
I am having trouble finding my way back down to the ground.
But I never told you this.

I know you’re tried,
I know my love you kept giving me “second chances.”
So I cast aside the throbbing agony,
Ignoring my sanity and craving thoughts of wanting and longing,
Its not needed, even though my heart is screaming out.

Cast away your pity for me,
Finally let go and allow me to fall downwards.
You were always to good to me,
And I showed you no sympathy or gratitude.

I am an outcast even in my own body,
Deceiving and tricking myself,
Oh how I wished I asked how we lasted.

My love how could you be so devoted?
I am quite the ugly queen of agony,
You should have floated away long ago.

Sugar coated lies with no such intention of devotion.

Give me one last kiss before you step out,
So I know exactly what I missed and shall never receive every again.
I will not complain, I deserve the pain.

My heart aches with agony.
Everything is spinning around me,
My mind is racing and my brain is being picked away by these thoughts.
Its troubling me terrible so.

My lover have I lost you to the monsters in your closet?

Why are you so willing to let me go,
And hurt all those innocent people?

I am diving in deep,
Scratches and bruises are appearing upon my tender skin,
But I am willing to dive deeper, and deeper,
Till I reach you even though I am in great discomfort.

The injuries to my heart never stop it from loving you so,
I never can despises you or think ill of you,
Even though you pass around that poison like its a medicine that will save.

It stings you know, my dear one.
I tear up every time I think of you and your twisted doings,
But I some how forgive you,
And fall into this fake mind set that you are truly a generous human being.

My troubled lover, please put your attention on the issues at hand,
Stop your foolish judging and giving everything the knowing glimpse.

You feel so superior to the rest, never looking back once at your destruction,
Calling it a master piece; a fine piece of art.
Please stop this ridiculous game and playing everyone like a pawn.

My troubled lover, oh how I wish you would notice how all these burns affect me.

I wish you would just glance back at least once,
And notice how much I love you so.

My troubled lover,
You are a monstrosity that brings depression and illness,
To those that already weak.

My lover you aren't the person I once loved,
You are now a troubled soul that spreads the infection to others.