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lua May 7
the trees sway with the gentle afternoon breeze
as the hot day ticks by
the familiar whirr of a car zooms through an empty street
as joggers jog along the lonely pavement
stray cats hiss and scratch
a dog wanders alone
the busy life i once lived through
seems like a blurred dream
but this is a season finale
and a long, stretched out hiatus of some sort
and soon the next episode will start
life goes on.
Autumn Jul 2019
hands wrinkled and pruned
from ****** city water
the **** labeled blue "C"
tweaked all around

no red warmth

tonight I hold myself
contortion my arms and legs
until I'm small enough to fade
into the corner of the bed

no human skin

imaginary monsters hissing
hibernating over five years
they want to come out again
sink their teeth into my brain

no reliable breath

my pathetic veins stay blue
squeezing my cold body for safety
to no avail, my lungs remain stretched
about to rip down the middle
japheth May 2019
you’re not an
worth skipping.

you’re a
worth bingeing.
sunshine Feb 2019
you caught me at a bad time
eyes locked like a bullseye
I could feel your lips on my neck
like a disease without a cure
I let you infect my heart
until nothing was left and we were chained together
you knew this would never work
young, dumb and in love forever
you couldn't keep up with my schedule
I couldn't figure out you
so we fought in the kitchen over other people's messes
so we yelled in the car over the music blasting
our turbulent world came crashing
and like a well-rehearsed symphony
left you struggling with an ending
left you standing the rain while I turned away
sunshine Jan 2019
starting at me with those eyes
from the across the room
empty souls crossing in between our gazes
I know how badly you want to hold me
I know how badly I want to end up with you
the music so loud I feel my heartbeat
voices carry but yours stands out
I'm sipping back this bottle
suppressing all these feelings
but you keep looking at me
but you keep your hands on my waist
and I don't know why I find myself here
standing still in the warmth of this room
where the lights flicker
where you keep your lips close to mine
sometimes its better with the lights off
sunshine Jan 2019
it was about time I stopped staring at blank pages
thinking something could jump out
drag me into another dimension of time and space
how foolishly my imagination got me
and I fell headfirst into a new world
full of specks of memory and emotions
endlessly wandering and looking for any sign of life
looking for any sign of something new
with each breath, my voice seemed to echo out
my eyes felt like they were exploding in my skull
the edges of my skin turned into diamonds
I fell headfirst into my own mind
I spiraled out of control until I found myself
sitting back in my same chair
with these familiar walls and that same window
leaning back and looking up at the white ceiling
wondering if it could swallow me whole too
taking me back into that endless void of my mind
and I, spinning endlessly inside my own mind
only to find myself back in reality, every time
Colten Sorrells Jan 2019
sadly, I'm sadder
in this moment than I was
just moments ago
bipolar life is like a rollercoaster. I don't mind the highs so much, but the lows...

I think I'm gonna throw up
Colten Sorrells Jan 2019
existence is pain
and all my daily pursuits
just leave me empty
well, it's been a good run, mania...

nice seein' ya
Colten Sorrells Dec 2018
I wake up every morning
and try to be fruitful
do something, say something
try to be useful
but I realize at the end of the day
that I’m just filling time
with these meaningless things

I play games,
I write things,
get some sleep

feel the burn,
toss and turn,
then I rinse and repeat

and if, for some reason
I didn’t get up
then it’d all be the same
‘cos no one gives a ****

my love says I need help,
and that ****** me off
‘cos I know there’s no pill
that can make this all stop

when you have no desire
too tired to live
those antidepressants
aren’t gonna do ****
Believe me, I've tried
Colten Sorrells Dec 2018
I don’t want to do this
I just want to hide,
just curl up in a ball
while I wait here to die
I don’t know what to say
when you ask me what’s wrong
I wish I could tell you
but I’m just not that strong

the truth is, that
I just don’t feel like living
in a world so judgemental,
so cold, unforgiving
I give it my all
all this world does is take
and it still makes no difference
It’s always the same

I could just disappear
and no one would lose sleep
there’d be someone there
in my place in a week
I just don’t want to do this
I just want to hide
I’m curled up in the darkness
just waiting to die
not even sure what triggered this episode. I felt great when I first woke up
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