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You wait that one car when all bodies come home.
You wait somehow
There is clouds,
tender Sun light
and trees weathering with the wind
Yet the mounties are
You wait.
Countdowns have always seemed bittersweet to me..
The steady ticking away of time
The trickle of sand through the hourglass.
The fading of connections not curated.

I’ve always been morbidly aware of my own doomsday clock,
Slowly beating, decreasing, releasing my
Seconds into the atmosphere around me,
As I wait, sometimes impatiently, for it to hit zero.

Some days, I hope for my hourglass to run dry,
And while I know that that isn’t a healthy mindset,
Some days it is all that I can do to not hurry it along.

Not to take that revolver in my dad’s lockbox,
Not to take those pills in the medicine cabinet,
Not to take that rope and the one wobbly stool
that has sat at our bar for the past five years…

Just beckoning me.
Just wanting me to take that final step
into sweet, sweet oblivion.

If I do take that final step..
Who would be there to pick up the pieces for them?
To clean up the mess that this disgusting body left behind?

Who would be there to finish my paintings,
To sing my unsung list that is ever-expanding,
To write these words that have seemed so forced these past months?

Who would be there for them, when I could not be?
Someone, I am sure, but I have been told that I am irreplaceable,
And while I may not believe that,
I am scared of leaving a mess behind
That my mother cannot bring herself to clean up.

I am scared of leaving behind a mess that would irrevocably break my father,
A mess that would torment my brothers,
A mess that my sisters would never even remember.

And maybe..
Maybe I am scared of the call of oblivion..
Or scared of the unknowingness of it all, rather.

Or perhaps I am tired of thinking
of myself as a mess to be cleaned up,
Nothing more, and nothing less.

And maybe
That is all I need
To survive one more day.
I haven't been as active as I used to be.. Life gets tiring after awhile.
unknown Apr 2022
I was there.

In times of need, I was there.
Hugging you tight, even though in pain. I stayed.
Always beside you even when I’m too weak to stand up.
When you needed me, I disregarded everything.
Every pain, every emotions, every single problems I have.
I stayed strong, because you needed me.

Endless chances, endless pain.
It doesn’t go away, but then I was still there.
At your darkest days and all the lies you made, I still believed.
But then where were you when I needed real help?
When I wanted to be better, why didn’t you believed?

I wanted to change, I wanted to make up for what I did.
I wanted to be better.
I wanted to be better.
I wanted to be better.
But then I’m all alone, in tears hugging myself.
No one believed and everyone else wants to leave.

Still, I stayed. I was always there.
Isaac afunadhula Jun 2021
Must be drained from his blood like the taste from her lips curved from her body
It must be pinned down with her emotions crying under her skin over the broken *** screaming from her lost sobbing mind.
One could might hypothesize
That the tears would have
Drained more than
The veins drawing out
Of the confines of the muscle
Pumping sweltering anger
On such a transportation
Of creating a new home
Out of one recognized for three years.

The stacks upon stacks
Of emotional drainage
After the physical had worn out
From problem after inconvenience
After incompetency.
A departure I wrote an outline for
Before I stood at the border
Of goodbyes,
I quickly threw out.

The itch and discomfort,
The aching and drainage
The constant questions in my mind
Throughout the entire time
Divorced me from the clouds
That I foresaw above us
Hugging goodbyes.
The storm was in the lies
That made me hurt
To see such discomfort in your eyes.

Here’s to the storm’s dispersion,
No good deed can split the coming tidal wave.
32 lines, 221 days left.
I cannot love you anymore
You have turned caring into a chore
I am not your puppet
I am not your *****
My heart cannot take this anymore

I loved you until it bled
I loved you until my heart was dead
You gave me nothing return
You cruelly watched me burn
It is hurting me too much to care

I cannot love you anymore
My entire soul is sore
You will never know how sorry I am
You will never truly understand
Why I cannot love you anymore
i loved you until it killed me
Lost in my Head Feb 2021
Few suffer like the top of the hourglass
Drained by the bottom
Eternally powerless to gravity
Forced to repeat
I dunno quick little one shot
mimi Jan 2021
Words come crashing in tides,
Our past regrets haunting.
The world is becoming broken
And we’re left beyond repair.
Sometimes we think we feel love
But in the end it’s all thoughts.
Each day we wake up afraid
Of our mind and our flaws.
Praying the sun will set,
And the pain will end in soon,
But really it’s not even done.
All hope has been drained
So finally we are feeling numb
With no pain to ever recall.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
Today the words
Wouldn’t come out
I swear I just spoke
I’m exhausted and can
No longer adult
Someone just bring out
The toys.

                  - L.Frost
Rebecca Feb 2020
People are not your medicine.
I had to learn that the hard way.
Both perspectives.
The prescription taker.
The prescription giver.
Draining, heart wrenching, and sickening.
I will no longer be the medicine past people have made me be.
No longer giving all my oxygen and strength to those who won't try themselves.
Sure, playing either role may be nice but at the end of the day, you're left sobbing quietly alone in your room just wishing the pain would subside.
One thing to remember is,
You cannot make people your medicine and you are not others
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