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Casey Sep 17
that's what she told me.

But without it, who I am?
I don't think I would recognize myself.
essentially another form of "get over it".
Skyla Sep 15
Would you, If you could press reset?
You stole my heart, put it back in my chest
You hate me when I’m lifeless but I love my emptiness
I’m not the soul you once met
I just need to lay underneath the dirt and rest
All I see are silhouettes
Do you love me too much to forget
even in this mindset?
Or do you regret?

I don’t feel pretty, I feel scared

I wanna be your dolly, broken and impaired
Sad, skin and bone
In your arms I found a home
Made of glass and deeply fragile
You cradled me while I was in denial

Do you adore me, yet?

These handcuffs are tightening
Everything is frightening
I don’t feel the thunder but I feel the lightening

Just hold me, don’t scold me, I know that you worry, but I feel so lovely,
I’m lying, I’m dying, I hate that you’re crying, and you think i’m falling but I think I’m flying.  

You said that perfect don’t exist
Then why do I feel it in my emptiness?

You see my sadness and my brittle little head
   But you don’t see the gore or the bloodshed

I destroy you while I destroy myself
You don’t think I’m pretty anymore because I’ve destroyed my health

I  wanna be half, ‘cause I hate being whole
So I bow down to a porcelain bowl

You try to find my skin under the sheets
But you only find the swelling cuts and my bones, so you dig deeper underneath
But there’s nothing there.  Not even blood or muscle.  There’s absolutely nothing but air.  

And I know that’s not what you want to touch
And I’ve robbed you of the girl you loved
I’ve taken her place and I wear her face
and you miss her most, but for now all you have is her ghost.

You try to force life into the ghost of her body
How come you want the “healthier” her, but you don’t want me?

Do you not see how much I’ve done for you?
Replacing meals with fingernails and trying not to feel
Growing too thin so I can finally win
This game that you don’t even want to be in

I love you, and you love a girl who is withering away into nothing

You don’t love my body you love my soul
You love my heart, which has grown cold

I’m shivering under your fingertips in this hollow body, in this cold skin of mine
Not from your touch but from feeling no heat
No heat from your love, no warmth from your touch, just cold and sad and stuck.  

And when I look in the mirror and tell the ghost of me that she looks pretty
She screams in return and her eyes ache for me to see that I’m absolutely hideous this way

Darling, do you adore me yet?
Alex Smith Apr 29
Like an albatross
I criss then cross
Lines of red ink on me
And what's the cost?
I keep fighting,
But lost
And cut my right ear off
Like Evander Holyfield
Or Van Gogh,
An artist,
Now trust.
And me the curse
Who only gets worse
The more you get to know him.
Everything I do
Is a ******* sin.
And life is a pool
I can't jump in-
I can't swim
And then I sink
And think
Of those who can't swim too
In my ocean of negativity
And dying virtues.
These are my cues
To leave out
And choose
The ones who know what
I'm about
Before I lose
My sanity to clout
And pick a fool
Like me.
A maniac and insomniac
And freak show
To be.
I stand in a puddle of water
Liquid pooled around my ankles
Dripping from my eyes so slow I didn’t notice them at first
But when they become apparent, foreign fingers brushed them away
And I’d disregard the wetness to pull back the hands

Who do these hands belong to?

The puddle becomes a pool
I stand in the shallow end and wiggle my toes
My fingers have grown pruney from where my fingers dip in the water
Blisters have settled on my soles and children splash at my face
Droplets trail to my collarbone and I blink away water or tears and wonder
Ears listening to unrecognizable laughter

Whose children are these?

The water sits level at my mouth
I should feel weightless but my clothes drag me down
The pool has become a lake and I stand in it shivering
Perched on my toes there is a precarious balance for air
The tears don’t stop and keeps the water rising
My sobs echo across the surface
Murky figures wave at me from the shore and smile like they know me

Who am I?

They say a river never forgets
That it knows its way back to the ocean
But my river swirls around my head and drips from my ears
From my eyes
The lake forms a lock of memories that can be touched
But never held

A lake is where memories go to be forgotten

So I drown in a Lethe that pours from my eyes, from my mind
And I sink to forget and be forgotten
Bit personal, won't lie

Permission to use with credit
mer Jan 7
"i'm fine,"
said those who hide their faces from their friends
those who force their laughter and fake their smiles
dull eyes

"i don't care,"
said the ones who were mocked endlessly
teased, ridiculed, excluded, demeaned
the taste of tears

"i'm used to it,"
said the ones who can't sleep at night from anxiety
their hearts race in constant fear of the unknown
numb fingertips

"i can handle it,"
said those who stare at their reflection for hours
those who can't stop thinking they're not good enough
distorted faces

"i'm sorry"
said the ones who scratch themselves 'till they bleed
their bitten nails red and painful
dried blood
Débijonne Oct 2018
but when i said
‘living on the edge,’
this was never
what i meant.

what i meant was real party all night
without parents’ permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self-destructing notions.

what i meant was real rollercoasters,
or go on life adventures;
not roller coasters
of all my life’s emotions.

what i meant was swim in the ocean,
or face my darkest fear.
not an ocean of my
darkest fears face me.

but i when i said
put ‘happy’ and ‘die’ together,
i meant to actually ‘die happy’
not to be ‘happy dying.’
wrote this piece for National Mental Health Week.
sushii Aug 2018
It pushes everyone away.
It ruins all my relationships.

I died at the hands of my thoughts today.

He tells me that he loves me,
He tells me that it’s okay,
But they won’t let me believe it.

is love real?
is happiness real?
is anything real?
because at this rate, it might all just be fake.


in fact,

that’d be better, because then i wouldn’t have to feel this pain.
sushii Aug 2018
why do you push everyone away?
why do you hurt everyone?
why do you hurt me?
why do you care so much about what they think?





why can’t i break free?
Raven May 2018
The darkness is seeping in
Into my mind
Into my heart
And into my soul

It's taking my thoughts
So now they are no longer whole

They are broken
Fractured
Shattered
Seeping into nothing

They are being consumed by the darkness
Along with me

One day I will no longer be able to pretend
And everyone will see
The me I have kept hidden away
May/24/2018/2:05PM/14 years old
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