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myrrh Mar 6
Pain in my arm from reaching out
Third time's supposed to be the charm
But I've lost count & don't know when I'll max out
Mentally taxed & received an emotional drought
Heavily deceived despite knowing the pattern
Opening & showing your heart & now it's shattered
With each day I feel more battered; it's hard
Wishing for a future that's bright
Whilst relishing in the empty mind space of night
If I'm worth the fight,
then I can take a hit.
It isn't whether I win,
it's if I refuse to quit.
That's funny, because just wait,
for about 24 hours.
Where I'll gain the tremors,
but lose uncertain power.
An inner conflict is my battle,
but one I don't think ends.
Should I be authentically useless?
There's a home I could transcend.
I could ascend upon my limits,
I'm a king to every kind of thinking.
I control my darkness,
in the rapid form of blinking.
Open, close, open, close,
My fists could match the sides.
They're knocking on my skull,
of course I'm gonna abide.
I lost purpose when I dropped value,
when nothing stopped me from the pain.
if all I give to the world is anger,
why shouldn't I receive the same??
I relapsed again, I hate myself.
Punched a wall so hard I instantly bruised my knuckles.
Pulled out a patch of my hair.
Made my leg blue from hitting it so hard.
I feel like I deserve this.
And is my thought differing from the truth?
I don't think so.
Keep living, y'all.
I'll do the same.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated.
Nicholas Green Nov 2018
my heads aching, because my minds racing , holes in ma socks because of the floor that am pacing worried about these Demonds  I’m soon to be facing
up at night in a cold sweat ,  heads a mess ****** up mindset ,  clenching my fists whilst gripping that tight chest and i feel like it’s hard to grasp a ****** breath

how have I let

it get so bad was it because of how I acted , always naughty for mum and dad , horrible to my mrs and kids treating em bad, or was it because I was failed by the care system as a young lad ? is that why i feel like I’m going crazy  , insane or mad uncontrollable thinking flash backs in ma  brain making me sad , thoughts racing, changing  fast just please go away , how long will they last I will never forget but I hope that they pass

I no I got to open up but I feel hopeless , I feel uncomfortably soulless , probably not 2 hard to notice  , I no I need to be strong and get focused but right now I’m  at my lowest point in my life literally feel like giving up this fight but I need to do what’s right  I made this step forward so I hope everyone was telling the truth I hope that they are-right ,  saying we will all help you be there for you , telling me it’ll be alright

Kuz av bin like

awake with no food for more than 10 days in a row trying to escape my mind but I have no where to go , there used to be days  when I felt amazing have a vibrant glow but snap straight back , to vexin , supper stressin , this is real life no messing struggling finding it hard to cope , hopelessly falling back down depressions *****

for my family , friends and loved ones I no it’s got to be hard the things iv done the things iv said  , they never leave my head and it pains me so much feeling mentally scarred, so many times iv tried to change but I feel to weak to do it alone

so today I’m ganna try open up , I feel scared and it feels hard , but I’m begging for help to start  focusing good , a new chapter in my life am closing the last ****** one up , a better partner a better dad a better all round happier  man

the end seems so far but I hope there is light , amma hold onto that to get me thu this fight , I just don’t feel as tho I can do it without help , I feel mentally drained, emotionally strained help me please get these demons out , and get them tamed .
B Nov 2018
I want to disappear.
not physically, but mentally.
I don't want anyone to know me.
it would be so easy.
Aaliyah Houvener Aug 2018
i am taking actions to better my health
i called my therapist instead of running  like i did last month
i talked to my doctor instead of not talking my meds
i want to get better
but it feels like a fight i can't win
but i am trying
Lyn-Purcell May 2018
I rest but don't sleep.
I eat but don't taste.
I hear but not listen.
I linger but not dream.
I rise but don't wake.
I look but don't see.
I touch but don't feel.
I'm feeling rather off waking up this morning...
Parker Poole Apr 2018
i am just
**** tired                                                  
   of being
                                                          mental­ly sick

P.A.P 4/25/18
Lost Mar 2018
Drowning in a sea of my own creation, a black void of crashing waves that erode my bedrock, slowly but surely.

The knight watches from the cliff top, his sword dangling helplessly by his side, knowing the fruitless endeavour of attempting battle with the creature, was just that. He falls to his knees, begging the merciless gods to release his world from its onslaught of tendril esk darkness.

But the cries fall on deaf ears as the monster deity unleashes yet another wave of black and the sky falls into the sea with an impossible *****.

The storm rages on as its host shambles around its own reality, the now black skies reflect in its eyes, but the light of the stars has since been extinguished. The firery core has been contained within the maelstrom of black. And the throbbing sentience is being infected and enslaved by the demon god once and for all.

The knight is a fugitive in the world that was crafted for him. His armour is battered and flawed from the constant losing fight he was destined to wage, forever. The arm that once held the mighty sword of light feels like the weight of a thousand men were standing on it. And the sword is glowing ever fainter.

But still, the war goes on, the casualties rise and the demon god is winning. This is no fairy tale, our hero is not recovering and the monster has no weakness.

This is real life.
My... life.
So I’m trying this thing where I write poetry, without poem formatting...
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