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I thought vulnerability was for the weak.
Even when I let you inside my thoughts
I've had both hands on your steering wheel.
I swerve hard left turns on the difficult memories,
dodging the on coming traffic of blatant truths.
My minds is a pile up on intestate 98
but I have you on the detour route
to Mr. Nice Guy lane on the road of "life is okay".
The next stop is "I am happy" street on the corner
of "you will be all right" avenue and "I don't care" lane.
But these fabricated roads are painted over signs
that trick you into believing that I am truly "fine".
But all the cars have crashed and burned
and now you know the truth.
Insomnia is literally killing me right now but hey makes some interesting poems
Never whole
since in this hole
I fell
A bottomless well
and since time started here
(when all of time stopped)
this spell
I’m under
makes me not well

The company
I’m in
a grin
One who spins
A tale to weave
of make believe
These items to sell
Story he tells

My brain
set on fire
from his grinning
Cheshire
The maniacal laughter
and madness
inspired
I’m tired
I’m mired
Situation is dire

Without choice
he is hired
All thoughts are rewired
Has risen to “Sire”
This liar and thief
Plays *****
and cheats
I’m beat
can not win
Left to stare at that grin
Written: May 28, 2019

All rights reserved.
myrrh Mar 6
Pain in my arm from reaching out
Third time's supposed to be the charm
But I've lost count & don't know when I'll max out
Mentally taxed & received an emotional drought
Heavily deceived despite knowing the pattern
Opening & showing your heart & now it's shattered
With each day I feel more battered; it's hard
Wishing for a future that's bright
Whilst relishing in the empty mind space of night
If I'm worth the fight,
then I can take a hit.
It isn't whether I win,
it's if I refuse to quit.
That's funny, because just wait,
for about 24 hours.
Where I'll gain the tremors,
but lose uncertain power.
An inner conflict is my battle,
but one I don't think ends.
Should I be authentically useless?
There's a home I could transcend.
I could ascend upon my limits,
I'm a king to every kind of thinking.
I control my darkness,
in the rapid form of blinking.
Open, close, open, close,
My fists could match the sides.
They're knocking on my skull,
of course I'm gonna abide.
I lost purpose when I dropped value,
when nothing stopped me from the pain.
if all I give to the world is anger,
why shouldn't I receive the same??
---------------------------------------------
I relapsed again, I hate myself.
Punched a wall so hard I instantly bruised my knuckles.
Pulled out a patch of my hair.
Made my leg blue from hitting it so hard.
I feel like I deserve this.
And is my thought differing from the truth?
I don't think so.
Keep living, y'all.
I'll do the same.
All feedback is welcome and appreciated.
Nicholas Green Nov 2018
my heads aching, because my minds racing , holes in ma socks because of the floor that am pacing worried about these Demonds  I’m soon to be facing
up at night in a cold sweat ,  heads a mess ****** up mindset ,  clenching my fists whilst gripping that tight chest and i feel like it’s hard to grasp a ****** breath

how have I let

it get so bad was it because of how I acted , always naughty for mum and dad , horrible to my mrs and kids treating em bad, or was it because I was failed by the care system as a young lad ? is that why i feel like I’m going crazy  , insane or mad uncontrollable thinking flash backs in ma  brain making me sad , thoughts racing, changing  fast just please go away , how long will they last I will never forget but I hope that they pass

I no I got to open up but I feel hopeless , I feel uncomfortably soulless , probably not 2 hard to notice  , I no I need to be strong and get focused but right now I’m  at my lowest point in my life literally feel like giving up this fight but I need to do what’s right  I made this step forward so I hope everyone was telling the truth I hope that they are-right ,  saying we will all help you be there for you , telling me it’ll be alright

Kuz av bin like

awake with no food for more than 10 days in a row trying to escape my mind but I have no where to go , there used to be days  when I felt amazing have a vibrant glow but snap straight back , to vexin , supper stressin , this is real life no messing struggling finding it hard to cope , hopelessly falling back down depressions *****

for my family , friends and loved ones I no it’s got to be hard the things iv done the things iv said  , they never leave my head and it pains me so much feeling mentally scarred, so many times iv tried to change but I feel to weak to do it alone

so today I’m ganna try open up , I feel scared and it feels hard , but I’m begging for help to start  focusing good , a new chapter in my life am closing the last ****** one up , a better partner a better dad a better all round happier  man

the end seems so far but I hope there is light , amma hold onto that to get me thu this fight , I just don’t feel as tho I can do it without help , I feel mentally drained, emotionally strained help me please get these demons out , and get them tamed .
B Nov 2018
I want to disappear.
not physically, but mentally.
I don't want anyone to know me.
it would be so easy.
Aaliyah Houvener Aug 2018
i am taking actions to better my health
i called my therapist instead of running  like i did last month
i talked to my doctor instead of not talking my meds
i want to get better
but it feels like a fight i can't win
but i am trying
Lyn-Purcell May 2018
I rest but don't sleep.
I eat but don't taste.
I hear but not listen.
I linger but not dream.
I rise but don't wake.
I look but don't see.
I touch but don't feel.
I'm feeling rather off waking up this morning...
Parker Poole Apr 2018
i am just
so
**** tired                                                  
   of being
                                                          mental­ly sick

P.A.P 4/25/18
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