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There’s something about the black woman in I.

There’s something about the black woman in I that I can’t figure out.
And there was a time when I spent my days basking in this “not knowing” situation.
A time when I blamed the men and women around me, the people that couldn’t see what I wanted them to see but…
How would they see what I can’t?

I kept on crying about how disrespectful ****** were to me, how the women around didn’t understand the feeling of not feeling enough, how I blamed myself for everything that was happening because of me.
And yes, if it was because of me, then I am at fault and should blame myself for it
But the picture is bigger than that, it’s tougher than that, it’s darker than that.

Few years later,
there’s still something about the black woman in I that I can’t figure out.

Always complacent, always trying to be soft after a life of being the hardest rock, always trying to be mellow jazz when I was the heaviest metal, always trying to be touch like a piano but I kept on being the drums.

I’m still my own weakness, you know?
Now I’m not lying to anyone, I’m just lying to myself.
I walk in this made up power that I’m supposed to have and I built a whole bridge of it but it always trembles.
“You’re so beautiful for being a black woman”
It trembles.
“Oh you’re so well spoken for coming from the hood!”
It trembles.
“Are you sure you didn’t have any help making this?”
It trembles.
“You’ll never be like her”
And it trembles.

Still, I keep on going over that bridge because
I need to fake it until I make it, right?
I’m so tired of faking it, I’m so tired of feeling this way.
I’m tired of being policed over my blackness,
Over my hair and my body,
Over my womanhood and my mind,
Over my sad little soul.
Still, I keep on going through it in the hopes that I find what I want to find in the end.
“Oh what do you want to find?”


Oh, dear heart.
We were supposed to walk on lilies and green grass,
I’m sorry that we can’t.

Eight years later,
There’s something about the black woman in I that I can’t figure out.
And just like before…

I never will.
It’s so funny how you spend enough time forgetting something that once broke your heart in a thousand pieces
ProfMoonCake Jun 8
I saw you today.
Your shoulders filled the frame.
Your eyes looked like pools of hope.
I looked away every three seconds,
pinched myself—
Is this real?

I spoke to you yesterday.
We laughed.
Intimacy is scary.
The faceless souls on the internet
make me feel safe.

They don’t know how I look,
how my hair flies everywhere.
It’s easier, you see.
They’ll never see my thighs,
or squirm at my nose.
But you—
you will see it all.

You are the sun,
and I am the moon.
I’m scared of the eclipse.
When everyone photographs it,
I stay hidden under covers.

How can I tell you?
How can I tell you
about the dreams and demons?
You are so bright—
I’m scared I won’t help the shine.
JayJay Mar 8
I’m sorry I got that question wrong.
I’m sorry I can't move on.

I’m sorry I'm not smarter.
I’m sorry I couldn't be stronger.

I’m sorry how I take on as much as I can
only to ***** it all up.
And I’m sorry I couldn't find the man
inside my empty cup.

I’m sorry I waste my time away
trying to find a dreamy way
to happiness
when of course,
there's no such thing.

I’m sorry I don't talk much anymore
or that I let on how my heart is sore
from all the roughness
and how it keeps beating
without a source.

In fact, I must confess,
I am dying under boundless stress.
Each day my depression attacks,
reopening these countless cracks.
So many times have I walked this hall
feeling so weak and so small,
bracing for a final fall
just waiting till my lifeline snaps,
like any second I’ll collapse,
but of course I never do,
I know better than that.

But if I were to give my final words today,
this is exactly what I would say.
But that I won't undergo
I suppose you’ll never know

how sorry I am that there's nothing I’m on top of
and for dormantly letting endless piles of work tower above.

And how I’m sorry for caring more than I should
and letting myself be so consumed.

I’m sorry for impeding the impedeless
and for hoping in the hopeless.

And finally,
most especially,
I am sorry
for wanting to be so important
and that I became nothing but torment.
I am sorry for wanting so hard to be heard
when it's clear I’ll only ever come third.
I’m sorry for thinking I could matter
or that I could make things better.
I am sorry for believing
that I could amount to anything
at all.
This idea started brewing up in my head earlier this week. Recent events made it come to life
amelie Dec 2024
i want to write
i want to fill this empty page with brilliant words
i want to blow people away with my witty metaphors and symbolism
but i cant seem to get it out

trust me I have so much to say
too many thoughts
too many unfinished poems
just sitting,
unpolished,
unperfect,
unacceptable,
it's either too wordy or not wordy enough,
too meticulous or not meticulous enough,
doesn't rhyme at all or doesn't rhyme the way i want it to

i want to be good like all the others i see on here
but i just cant seem to measure up
resisting the urge to delete this because i don't think it's good enough
Girl
Daughter
Sister
Cousin

Have you noticed how from the moment we are born we are given names.
Descriptions that bare the weight of expectations placed onto tiny shoulders that cannot yet hold up the weight of the body they have?
As we grow those name, those descriptions they grow in number and become heavier too.

Girl
Daughter
Sister
Cousin
Woman
Friend
Partner
Wife
Mothe­r
Caregiver
Provider

Placed upon our shoulders is the weight of every person we care about.
We, as females, are charged with caring for them all.
This is what the world expects from us.
Perfection is what we try to force from ourselves on behalf of everyone else.
Often we loose ourselves in the fray,
always expected to make it work,
sort it out,
fix it,
listen,
empathize,
understand
and so much more.

Yet for all of this, when we have little left to give;
when the weight becomes to much and our hardened shells crack,
letting out a little of what we ourselves feel, we are told we're
over emotional,
dramatic,
To just calm down,
it's not such a huge deal.

Except that it is...
While we are everything for everyone, more often than not we are alone in our burdens.
So while we give others what they need to be okay;
we do not get the same in return.

See, being a good woman is the
thankless job
that society has given us...
duck Sep 2024
look at her, they say.
so polite and hardworking.
I reply with an okay-
and try to be like her.

look at her smiling on the stage, they say.
shining with a grade 8 in piano.
I reply with an okay-
and mold myself into someone they'll like.

look at her grades, they say.
getting top marks in every subject possible.
I reply with an okay-
but I'll always be inferior.

and they say, that's just how life works. </3
David Bojay Jul 2022
too many lies have made me blind

i'm just trying to make myself feel and be better, but i wasn't a great partner.. always two sides to the story

she pointed out things i already knew about myself, i'm not perfect but i try to be patient with myself... if I could I would've rushed the process

i'm worth it, yes... i think... but sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm worth my next breath of air

i've always had an issue with that until it backfired, one bullet turns into 100

right at me, if they were real i wouldn't try to dodge

questioning the "logic" behind these emotions

imaginary weight? but it's dragging me down before the sun rises again

i don't have anything to believe in, i'm not the one for her... is what she's decided

nothing is right for me... after endless mental agony

facts don't make me feel better, but it's good to be honest

always better to be honest... things are **** at the moment

there's nothing to do but live through it again

i was... dumb to think otherwise

they say to step away at first sign, but you always want to try to fight it

for the sake of making things work, even if they don't

i've given up plenty of times, this time it feels like i shouldn't again

when i should, again

here it comes

i get it, i get it

ahhhhhhhhhhh

yes i'm flawed... i know... i'm still... growing eww

sooner or later

"just let her go"

it's so simple... she's vanished

and it wasn't meant to be, but i thought she was the one to settle down with afterall

she's hung up on an image, multiples

if it makes me feel better, believe it

she just wasn't into me

just focus.. on living, not just exisiting

imagine loving someone that doesn't love you back

thinking about a certain future that's been taken away


my mind is lost right now.... i'll let it run for a bit until i can catch upppp


dreams unlived


i dreamt about our kids last night and I forgot to tell you


an ending with too many photos to feel alive to
Savvy Jun 2021
I guess I'm not enough for you
Those nights I stayed up
Those things I said
The things I did
Never enough for anyone

People will always want more
Things aren't like how they used to be
You can try, and try, all you want
But everything will never be enough
I'm ****** bro, hahah.
B May 2021
I just need more.
I need one more night with you
because I miss the way you feel.
I miss the way your lips feel so right
The way you make me melt when you smile at me
The way I feel when you send me a message
The way it makes me smile when you think of me
The way it makes me feel when I think of you.
I didn't get enough, so I need more.
I need more butterflies when you accidentally touch my leg
or sit closer to me than I think you mean too
or laugh at my jokes
or whisper to me when our friends are yelling
or even when you look at me like I'm a camera on a tv show.
I can't believe that you make me feel this way.
And I can't believe it's gone.
I need more.
Can I have more?
Can we just have five more minutes?
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