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Aug 2018 · 1.4k
stopdoopy Aug 2018
Wishy Washy.


Between high and low,

Hot and cold.

Am I delicate like the load of whites? do I need to refresh my color with a strong drink- bleach?

Or am I tough and resistant like denim? toss me in for an hour, shove soap down my throat, and I'll come out like new?

Maybe I'm a mixed load, balancing between the two; teeter-tottering from feeling to feeling.
The day I wrote this I had dreamt of someone who used to be very dear to me who I am having to forget, to better myself. She hurt me bad and I'd been having the same dream of us repairing our relationship for a few months now, and I've felt like a washing machine with my guts twisting and pulling with my emotions going from one end of the spectrum to the next; low in morning, high in the middle of the day, unknown at night. I've had amazing friends, Trixie, Luigi, Houk, Rin, Cait-Cait, and many others who've helped me through these past months who I can't thank enough for their continued support. Whenever I have these dreams and feel this way it feels like a step backwards and I end up feeling guilty for no reason just because I have them, and so I'm hoping that by writing this out it's a step in the right direction. Feeling like this is normal after you've spent some great times with someone you've cared about- weather it's months or years, it hurts and it's okay. I know time will heal these wounds eventually, so for now here's a Band-Aid.

Dedicated to everyone who's been hurt and felt this way or similar, and to my amazing friends;  I hope we all find what we need and can better ourselves, and be happy.
Aug 2018 · 1.9k
stopdoopy Aug 2018
Many years I've spent in your grace.

Days filled with joy, orange sunsets on summer nights,

but slowly, and then all at once, they turn red.

In the next moment it's over, and you can breathe in the breeze;
Fresh Air.

Free from bindings I carefully crafted, out of a stifling cell, gone is
The Warden.

You know what they say,
"you and me and the devil makes three",
but you're the devil in disguise.

And honey, I'm not in hell no more.
I'm really glad I made the titles of these past poems a pair- because Orpheus is how I used to feel but now it's Eurydice, or at least it's where I'm getting to- not giving a **** about them or being under their control.
Aug 2018 · 2.9k
stopdoopy Aug 2018
I wish to gaze upon thee, look at the expanse of virtue.

You truly are a rival for Aphrodite.

An ethereal being.

I am but a priestess, at your alter, worshipping.

If I could meet those eyes, ghost fingers over satin skin, card through sleek locks, then surely I'd be blessed.

For you I'd do as Orpheus for Eurydice, without looking back.

To love a goddess such as yourself is eternal.
I really wanted to write about Hatshepsut and her lover instead but either I found the wrong woman pharaoh or I dreamt the whole thing I've read about her lover before so... couldn't do that. What I remember reading was that her successor started destroying things she's built and having her name erased off of things which is essential for the afterlife, so her lover broke into her tomb to write her name, thus ruining his own chance at an afterlife because desecrating a resting place was a huge no-no. So yeah Idk where I read that or if I did but that's the idea.

So I had to settle on a couple who's names I could remember/actually look up their story and here it is.

Just a heads up because it pertains to a poem coming up, I wrote this months ago.
Aug 2018 · 339
The Grand Canyon
stopdoopy Aug 2018
Over time you'd carved out space.
Your current eroding my toughest stone.
Gutting me for all to see.
For so long I'd forgotten what it was like to be without you,
But you put up dams and barriers, diverting your water;
and now, Colorado, you've dried up.
Sometimes it'd rain and I thought that you might return.
After so much time together we became synonymous.
How would I exist without you?

Now I know.
You may have cut deep into me.
Leaving your mark for all to see.
They still come for me, even when you're gone,
To look upon my beautiful layers and vibrant colors.

The pit you whittled out is vast but you could never fill what was.
I'm left with nothing but the dry, harsh heat.
Don't come back to this canyon.
There's no room.
Hope y'all enjoy this one! My computer crashed before I could save the first version, so I had to work out a second and then I was surprised to see the site saved the first; so I mashed them together. This is already a personal fav. I also dreamed about the person it's about tonight and ugh, I'm tired of it, get out of my brain so I can move on with life already.
Aug 2018 · 347
Make Me Sing
stopdoopy Aug 2018
Sweet lips and kind eyes
I'd sing you all the praises a man can
My Overworked Angel

touch soft and gentle
you radiant being
a feather against my body

warm and gracious is she
perfumed voice
enough to make me bloom
Written because of Cait-Cait's poem,  "I wasn't made for love".

I'm really gay and had to make an unofficial companion piece that doesn't fit it as well as I would've liked, okay bye.
Aug 2018 · 185
stopdoopy Aug 2018
Standing here in the heat
talking upon asphalt
you're light and joking
a breeze in the stale summer's air
then suddenly
grey and rain
it's sad and hard, you don't need to be tough
retreat to the cave before it is too late
we take shelter here now
why are you apologizing?
don't worry mother, I made it rain last week too
nothing is wrong
you think we're safe
but we are already burnt
I got to see my friend's mother who is more like a second mom to me and it was great, we talked in a parking lot for like an hour and she cried about somethin and we just all carried on, but then I got home and now my shoulders are a nice reddish pink
Jul 2018 · 133
stopdoopy Jul 2018
I remember the days
on which you said words
that trickled like honey
into my heart
to make it sweet for you

Autumn fresh from summer
"I love you"
and it took only a few months
and I was smitten with you

Winter brought forth feelings
as warm as the drinks we drank
a few more and I whispered
"I love you too"

Spring was the season
a pool I was drowning in
until I found you flirting with her
in front of my very eyes

And just like the first season
everything in me died.
Inspired by my first love, Kodee. They're dead to me now, no hard feelings really, but I'm done with 'em. That **** really ****** me up for a while though; took a few months until I felt normal but once I did, boy howdy.
Jul 2018 · 190
stopdoopy Jul 2018
The problem is
if you want someone to talk to you
you can't wait for them to
for they might never do so
go out and make the first move
for they might be doing the same as you
Jul 2018 · 1.8k
stopdoopy Jul 2018
To Transcribe the thoughts
of perfection into words
would destroy the value
and beauty of her
Jul 2018 · 22.6k
Don't Meet in Their Temple
stopdoopy Jul 2018
(In a vacant church Little Girl and Big Man sit on a parish
a few feet apart, in between them lies a book titled"My Feelings".)

(The curtain opens. Little Girl sits staring at Big Man. Big Man gets up and goes to the statue of himself in front of them for a closer look.)

Big Man: Will talking in person really make a difference?

Little Girl: I like to think it does.

Big Man:  (turns to look at her incredulously.) What wishful thinking, you're so naïve.

(Little Girl opens her book and starts to read aloud.)

(Big Man cuts her off with a noise every time she starts to say something until she falls silent.)

Big Man: Just as I thought, it doesn't change anything.

Little Girl: But you don't-

Big Man: (cuts her off again.) You just can't let things go, that's your problem. I told you I didn't want to do this, yet you dragged me out here. It didn't accomplish anything!

Little Girl: That's because you don't even want to listen or try to talk, you just want to yell and blame me!

Big Man: That's enough, this conversation is over. (Walks off stage right.)

(Little Girl screams in anger and throws "My Feelings" at the Big Man Statue.)

(The Curtain closes.)
I wanted to try something a little different! I've never written stage directions or a play before but I thought this would be a nice change. I didn't really convey the raw anger or passion, nor was it the scene what I originally wanted but maybe it's a step in the right direction. Trying out different styles is neat. Not happy with this piece though but... oh well.
Jul 2018 · 206
A Vague Memory
stopdoopy Jul 2018
I believe I was in love before.
A burst of warmth,
like a gust of wind in the summer.
A joy that clouds the mind and makes it fuzzy.
Yes, I believe I was.
For how else can I explain the tears?
The pain when it ended?
The anger I was DENIED to express without causing further damage?
The sickness that penetrated so deep I could not eat for days.
Yes, I was in love,
but now it's a vague memory.
I wrote this almost exactly a year ago after reading cait-cait's poem "Obituary" by which it is heavily inspired- love you dude, happy birthday!
Jul 2018 · 1.2k
Our Star
stopdoopy Jul 2018
Remember that time
I told you I'd felt
like a plant recently?
I'd gone out
and soaked up some sun
after those dark winter months.
The feeling  is
the same when I think
of seeing you again.
To hear that sparkle of a voice
the light of your touch.
You are radiant,
and I a faithful stalk of green.
not the best but I'm very happy with this piece
Jul 2018 · 310
stopdoopy Jul 2018
Sometimes love isn't what you need.
Jul 2018 · 228
stopdoopy Jul 2018
Expressing my feelings for you, it worries me.

How would you take it?

Is it awkward?

Are you annoyed or flattered?

I don't need you to feel the same.

I just need you to understand, what I say, feel, mean.

Drenched in two tones.

Both full of love.
And they weren't worth ****
Jun 2018 · 179
stopdoopy Jun 2018
You can't always speak.

It's tiring,
to say the same spiel all the time,
lying isn't much better,
but the truth isn't an option.

It would hurt,
and we're already miles apart from where we began,
and I don't want to live without you in my life.

So sometimes I can't.

let's just sit here in silence a little longer.

So I can choke down the misery,
and smile for you.

Like a friend,
instead of someone who so hopelessly adores you.
and another one, tbh they'll probably never end

jk- the break up poetry will end eventually cause now that person is dead to me ****
Jun 2018 · 277
Thems the breaks
stopdoopy Jun 2018
Sometimes I wonder
Is this even real?
what if it's a dream,
a coma,
what if we're already dead?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
wrote this a long time ago but im really feeling that last line right now on so many levels
Jun 2018 · 192
Only a Friend
stopdoopy Jun 2018
I ended it to make things easier for you.

One instead of two,
but now I ache as I watch you both,
you've pulled away,
the distance increasing.

I know you didn't choose me,
but I chose you.

Even if only as a friend.
post breakup again, yeet

the good think about only writing at certain moments is that you forget them, you move on and  now you can laugh about it
Jun 2018 · 426
Fresh Air
stopdoopy Jun 2018
I knew of a girl
in a little green sweater
her eyes were bright
just like the weather
she came from a sunny place but
I slowly learned her insides were more of the rainy type
she said she had the emotional health of a cheese grater
I never really knew what to make of that-
it could be taken so many ways
but what I did know was
she was strong, soft, bold, and outspoken
she might've felt flimsy like aluminum and full of holes,
glass with little cracks to seep through,
but to me she was solid titanium that could shred through anything,
diamond with dangerous piercing points
love ya my dude

(I was going to call it "You Deserve Better" but... you feel like the new title)
Jun 2018 · 322
stopdoopy Jun 2018
being struck by lightning
what a sentiment
we think of you as this beautiful destructive force
and you are
but is the electrocution
worth it to taste
that sticky sweet acid
or what about the
searing of flesh in a shattered pattern
branching out
just like I am to you...
Jun 2018 · 1.3k
If you or a loved one
stopdoopy Jun 2018
Do you ever wonder if they care as much as they say they do?

Why can't they answer your message?

Why do they only give a few brief words?

Why does it feel like you're the only one trying?

If you have theses or similar questions
then it might be time to cut yourself free and wait.

Wait until they ask you how you are.

Wait until they answer your message.

Wait until they try to put some effort in.

If it never comes, then they don't.
don't just wallow in your sadness either though
Jun 2018 · 198
stopdoopy Jun 2018
I like to check on you
I don't know if you notice
what I'm doing
what I'm asking
what I mean
it thrills and scares me that you might
you broke me once
but I don't want you to think of me as damaged
I don't need the sympathy
I love you and you don't feel the same
but I need to know the truth
Jun 2018 · 217
stopdoopy Jun 2018
Sometimes I wish I could just cry,
to get all my emotions out,
drain the thoughts,
but I never can.
Now i'm stuck with them,
a needle just poking through the surface of fabric
just enough to ***** yourself on,
only you cant stop,
and soon your hand is covered in red,
just like your face when you
break down and the tears trickle
Jun 2018 · 200
short and sweet
stopdoopy Jun 2018
Sometimes you just got to go out

and get what you love,

and right now?

I love me some mother ******* ice cream
old poem, really wanted ice cream
Jun 2018 · 310
stopdoopy Jun 2018
I should've known
all this time
how I got over new friends
the hurt when you didn't tell me first
frothy anger when I found out about the first
trying to take your time, "protect you"  
daydream about kissing you...
but we were friends
the first poem...
that night in November when I came to conclusion...
I felt we were- could be more than friends
you felt the same but
there was a second man already
and I had to put my delusion aside
and be happy for you
and for myself...
based off a past relationship, I didn't like how jealous I was and it disgusted me
Jun 2018 · 928
stopdoopy Jun 2018
Letting you go to be happy.
A worthy cause in my heart.
If only it didn't hurt so,
but I can let you go.
We can remain how we were
I can be happy this way too.
On that day,
I became a pearl
instead of a rose.
low key steven universe/irl inspired ok bye
May 2018 · 595
stopdoopy May 2018
Sharp and dangerous.
That's what you think when you hear about them.

"They'll **** you quicker than you could blink"

"You'll hear the soft ****** of charms, spurs, and then it's over"

"The gunslinger- now he's straight from hell, no one could out draw that man, no matter what gun you have"

"I've always heard you had to watch the swordsman, he's like a ghost, never know where he'll be"

Now, I knew next to nothing about them.
Everyone they visited usually ended up dead.

Hard to confirm.

Standing here and looking at them though...

These soft men, all smiles, joking, relaxed.

I don't know about the stories but they're sharp and dangerous alright, etching their mark on my heart.

They aren't known for asphyxiation, but they sure stole my breath.
I wanted to try to write something about McCree and Genji but hmm... not sure how it turned out, oh well.
May 2018 · 212
stopdoopy May 2018
Time to fall back into the murky waters again

You did so good

Splishing along the surface

trying to keep yourself afloat

making all those luscious bubbles

but it's time to sink below

and rest.
Suppose I have to post at least one poem, this can be read however you want.

I know it seems suicidal but tbh this was made because I was looking at water pics on tumblr and I just had to write something bout it.

— The End —