Sometimes it's almost frightening,
daunting
to come here and see
all the beautiful poems,
all the poets
who are so much better
than me...
I have so much admiration
so much awe
that sometimes I wonder
why I try to write at all,
but now and then
I'll come back here
and do my best to pen, to write
and hope I can overcome
my sense of fright...

Time hides from me anymore--
          I tried to invite it to stay
I've double locked the door
          so it won't get away--
but still, it eludes me
          and I keep wishing it would just come
and set me free...
           I'm beginning to feel
that time has no time
           for the likes of me.

Time never stops.
It waits for no one.
It doesn't care
whether it's the moon
or whether it's the sun
time just marches on
and leaves us all feeling robbed
and needing more
but the worst thing about time
is the way it seems to pour
through our fingers
like grains of sand
and no matter how hard we try
seems we can never plan
to have enough
to save it up,
to make it stay
time just keeps slipping, slipping
far far away...

What a gift to come here today
I was feeling off
(I'm sad to say)--
but after reading a few poems here
I suddenly feel full of love and good cheer!

Wandering around this wasteland of my mind
makes me wish I could just leave you/your heart behind
but no matter where I go, no matter what I do
your heart, your love, your being keeps clinging to
this shattered heart of mine and I wonder when
you will stop and realize that your love still lives within
the inside of me and that I can't just stop caring, you see
so please, please, won't you just come back to me???

Three wishes I was given
but they were not to be used on me
I had to wish for something special
for other eyes to see--
so I wished for a rainbow to shine
on every dear family member
and friend of mine--
and then I wished for them to follow
the rainbow all the way through
and discover a *** of gold (yes, real gold!)
for them to use or hold onto--
But wish number three was the easiest of all
I wished for good health and blessings to befall
all of those I love so dear and true
and I hope you know, that these 3 wishes
are all wished for you!

I awoke with a start
to the silence of no beating heart
lying there underneath my ear!
I wanted to choke down my fear
yet a scream was about to unleash from me
when suddenly your beating heart broke free
and made me realize it had never really stopped--
my ears were all plugged up and when they popped
the sound came through at last so loud and clear--
"lub dub lub dub lub dub"... sigh...so precious to be able to hear!

Seems every time I come here I see
another change to my beloved HP--
oh well, I guess I'll try to stick around
and hope my writes don't sink or drown
in this abyss of the unknown --
(which seems to be the here and now) --
I hope all my peeps are still here somehow
and hope too that everyone knows I still care
it's just so disconcerting to come here and stare
and wonder what the heck is going on here
Perhaps in time it will all become clear?# Ami

Dropping to my knees in prayer to a god
who might or might not be listening--
hoping somehow the ache in my heart
will reverberate far enough along
as my tears are streaming, glistening
and find their way through
the silent waves of grief and worry
that envelop and grip my heart
to find god's undivided attention
for just a moment or two--
"dear god, I beg of you--
stop all the pain that has its clutches
upon many of our throats in this land
and swipe away all tears
with your mighty hand
and please, please if you can see through
to the core of me now
do the magic that they say you can do
and heal not just myself
but the many many others too
who are in pain, bereft and alone,
who are in dire need of your love, in need of You."
Amen.

Not only am I drowning
but so many are going down
along with me--
our hopes, our dreams, our ideals
are being swept out to sea
the man who claims victory
is more than just a man
he embodies evil and greed
like no other in this land--
he cares nothing for AMERICA
unless it brings profit his way
and he will stop at nothing
to rule forever and a day...

So don't bother to save me
as I am falling beneath the sea,
I cannot tread water
for he is determined to drown me
and so many others
who only want what's best
for our beloved U.S.A.
and oh my god
this test
is far too much
and I kneel down and pray
and ask the gods above
to watch over the entire globe
for beware, I see it coming
this man in charge
has not much of a frontal lobe
and we are doomed
not just as a united country
but as a human kind
for we've elected an official
who has literally lost his mind...

the hour is late and upon the wall
i see words written in some
other worldly scrawl
and a part of me knows
I should probably be afraid
yet the only fear I have
is being swayed
to the side of the darkened gloom
that seems to penetrate
every corner of my room
and though I know
the morning will bring the light
it doesn't help me
while I'm here
in this blackened night--
peering at the writing on the wall
which is etched
in some other worldly scrawl
and finally I am able to decipher
and clearly read what is written there:
*"Those who sleep here
must become aware
that when the night grows dim
and light shines through--
there will be death and horror
lying in wait for you."

Missing in Action--
that would be me--
I hide out in my dark room
sometimes afraid
to leave the gloom
but when I finally
find my way back here
I always find writes
that seem so perfect and dear
and I wonder why
it takes me so long
to come back here to read
when so oftentimes
that I do--
it sparks the hidden need
I feel for connection
for all you amazing poets here
thank you, dear poets
for helping me to clear
a path to a new and improved me
I hope I'll be here more often
and that you all
will be happy, safe, healthy and free...

While trying to decide if ever I can confide
my deepest of secrets to the one I love--
                      even
beyond the depth of the ocean
or the awesome blue skies above...

I shyly gaze into eyes that make me realize
that never before have I known this joy--
                      and I ask,
who on this amazing, green, beautiful earth
ever dreamed that my true love is  not  even a boy?!

Wondering if ever I will be brave and endeavor
to spill my heart to the one I love...
                     if only
I could know that she cares as much for me too--
then my heart would soar to the heavens above!

I dove in head first--
didn't think about it
let the huge bubble
around me burst--
ignored the warning signs
of shallow water all around
not the least fearful
of landing on the ground
instead of the murky, watery sea--
but the ground came fast
and slammed right into me--
still I got my *** right back up again
and climbed that huge ladder
all determined to be the one to win
and jumped this time feet first--
and yep,
still made that bubble burst,
but this time I landed smack into the sea
and swam far, far away from here
seems it was finally my time to just be free!

the realization comes
my eyes are opened wide
i hear the constant drums
and lose my heart to the impending tide--
the moon pulls me
the sun shuns my heart
no one can really see
that I'm truly falling apart.

i cling to dry ground when i can
but the pull is calling
and slowly the sea takes over the land
as i drift out helplessly
my body afloat
my mind undone; taken by the sea
just let me float away
(no use in saving me)
i won't see another day
now that i'm floating free...

I so often wish I could find a cottage garden home
and hang just the right curtains,
plant beautiful flowers
take leisurely hot, steaming baths and showers
never again leave to go work in the grind
of dealing with customers
who have seemingly lost their minds...
just give me a cottage garden home
a few books to read
where my mind can roam
and allow me the quietness and solitude
just some peace and quiet -- shhh!!!
no, I'm not trying to be rude--
it's just that all day long I hear grumbling
I hear complaints galore
and my job is such that I can't ignore
the craziness of the public tis all too true--
so I really do NEED that garden cottage home
to escape and run away to...

"Want to know a secret
Just between you and I?
I am not really living my life
just patiently waiting to die..."*
But I never got an answer
when I sincerely asked her, "Why?"
###

regret and guilt
eat me alive at times
wishing so much
i could undo
all of my crimes--
so many things
from my past it seems
all the huge mistakes i've made
seem to haunt my vivid dreams
and oh the pain, the fear
that constantly encompass me
whenever I think that one day
all in this world will be able to see...
but there is no undoing
that can possibly be done
to mine own undoing
you see, i'm the one
who committed the acts of sin
and no one can help me now
no one can let me go back and begin
to try to undo what's done somehow...
so off i go trodding through
until the end of time
when my days will come to an end
**and all will know my sins, my crime...

Spinning like a red rubber ball
that bounces and careens
off a hard, brick wall--
I land on the floor
and spin and spin
for hell hath wrought
the fury without and within
and the danger lurks
just around the bend
I hope and pray
the world doesn't end...
(but I doubt that it will--
so I'll continue to spin)...

adrift in an endless sea
of doubt and uncertainty--
but I know the day will come
when somehow
i will once again
find me.

Time's embrace has captured me
held me captive
where none can see
the bonds, the scars, the pain I feel--
but me and TIME both know
that it's all too real
and some day soon
I might escape to freedom again
away from this misfortune and doom
of an empty and dreadfully ink-less pen.#

A moment in time
that can never be retrieved--
regret and guilt
are its boundaries
forever holding it in place
as if the moment
can never fade
not even to a fair shade of grey
for the regret and guilt
hold it tight
and forever it will stay...

I heard her calling out to me
tried to ignore her,
begged her to set me free
but her scent, her taste
kept calling to me
I ached so
for her to just let me be
but the lure, the pull
her enticing ways
kept gnawing and eating at me
for days
and finally I gave in to her call
and drank in her aroma, her scent
tasted the essence of her elixir from hell
and I sit here now
trying to tell
which way is up--
is the room spinning (or is it me?)
I should have insisted
she let me be,
but I'm weak and her taste and lure is strong--
I should have known better--
giving into brandy
has always been wrong...

Forgive my ineptness
at showing my true self
Sometimes my heart gets placed
                                                          ­        alone
                                              on a shelf
and stays there waiting to be found
by someone who truly wants me around.
And if by chance
no one claims my heart
or truly wants me
(even a small part)
I'll just leave my heart
                                                           ­      alone
                                        on that shelf
and wait for someone to see
that surely there is love waiting
somewhere out there (for me?)

How did it happen?
How did every human being
on the planet
become so broken,
so ill equipped to deal
with the realities of life?
How did it happen?
What turned me into one
who cannot fathom bliss
one who cannot see even a sliver of light
on a dark, cloud filled day?
How did it happen?
I look everywhere for just ONE,
just one positive, caring soul
who has FAITH in this world
that mankind will not consume me
and all else that lives
upon this earth of ours.
How did it happen?
No where is there relief
from pain, from fright, from inhumanity
and cruelty of heart--
all I see anymore is hate and fear
and a collected effort
to simply destroy all.
How did it happen?
by Ami Shae

upon awakening
from the abyss
of my darkest dreams
I did my best
to stifle my inner screams...

My
Head is pounding,
heart is thumping,
my tears are flowing
and this of late,
is all I know:
Humanity seems to be
beyond control.
Humanity seems to have
lost its collective soul
and I honestly don't know
where I need to go...
Sometimes I think I might drown
in all the sadness
in all the pain
the torment and inhumanity
that seems to surround
me no matter where I travel to--
no place is safe anymore
nothing is sacred
or respected or revered
Humanity seems to have
truly and completely
disappeared...

Of all the voices in my head,
yours is the only one
I keep hidden
under my bed...
and if you're wondering why
listen sometime to how you sound--
it's as if butterflies are speaking
as they fly
your voice soft as the flutter of their wings
as they go peacefully by
and whenever I get scared at night
I just think of you
and imagine that your voice
will surely get me through
til morning brings me back the light...

I keep hoping the day will come
that all mankind will live as one.
I can't stop hoping, can you?
Somehow we have to make it true--
that love really does make the world go round
(I just hope it happens before we all drown).
I keep hoping the day will come
that all mankind will live as ONE.

Sometimes whenever my heart is laden down
                                            with all the sadness that surrounds
                  our globe, our hearts, our minds and souls
I have to wonder if heaven really knows
                                            how much we humans ache to be free
of all the seemingly unending misery?#

...can describe the pain
of what so many are going through
no words can give back
the lives lost
all I know to do
is hope hope hope
each and every day
that somehow our world
will find a better way
than to maim and ****
when things are not what we agree upon
if we don't find better ways of coping
one day soon, our world will just be gone
(and then there really will be
NO WORDS)...

I painted your portrait today
your yellow hair suddenly
turned gray--
your green eyes went black
your smile
went slack
and the paint ran
down the canvas
in rivulets of what looked like
discolored blood
pooled  there on the floor
--formed it's own kind of mud
I stood there
not at all proud
of my rendition of you
yet--knowing your portrait
was something
I was compelled to do
and if ever you come by
to see me again
I'll let you have it
(the painting)
minus your evil grin.
(it's lying there on the floor)
Oh, you won't miss it, I assure you--
it's right here just inside
what used to be
our front door...

That metaphorical
knife?
Cuts Deep,
So very Sharp
and painful
slicing into my soul
I wish you'd taken it
with you
when you said you had
to go...

It's the waiting
the not knowing
the uncertainty
and fear...

but it's the moments
when the waiting is over
that keep me coming back
year after year...

This club I'm in is so mundane
it's the lonely hearts club
and makes me insane--
No one to listen,
no one to really care
all I have of late
is my lonely heart to share--
but I'm not giving up
I know my day will dawn
and when it does
I'll put my best dress on
and go out on the town
to find someone real
someone who can walk
into my heart
without having to steal
all the joy they find there
and yet, they'll gladly receive
the joy, the love I would willingly give
if they'll only believe--
you see--all I want,
all I really even need
is someone to care, to love
it sure would be nice
if it came at godspeed
and rescued me
from this club I'm in
and help my lonely heart
to find a real and true friend...

I met up with Time
and had quite a talk with her--
she keeps stealing my minutes & hours
making my life
an absolute blur--
so I told her in no uncertain terms
that she'd better give back
all those minutes & hours
I worked so hard to earn
and she reluctantly shook her head
so woefully
and without much of an apology,
she looks at me,
saying that what she steals
she does NOT return--
And as for all those minutes she stole?
She said she let them burn...
(****!)

If I could choose my fate,
I would give my eyebrows, my nose
my teeth away--
just to know that somehow
I was able to say
that others who need
who are so openly lost
and afraid
would have a life of joy
and hope and the gift
of knowing
that when they prayed
God stepped in
and sent an angel--
(maybe me?)
to help in anyway
I could
so that those less fortunate
could live and be free...

Saw your words last night
on the social media site
you proclaim such happiness now
yet, you refused to keep your vow
of always being there to love, to help me
that's okay--I'm learning it's better to be free.

The pain that came crashing down
landing on top of me this day
was one that I cannot fathom
ever going away.

It hurts.

Hearts shatter
does it even matter?

It hurts.

Pain lives on
Will it ever be done?

It hurts.

My voice breaks with tears
when I look back
to see the wasted years.

It hurts.

And still, like a warrior
my heart struggles
to move on.

But still...

It hurts.