Why did it have to be like this.
I was always meant for more.
No, I know I did.
I deserved better.

But it will never be over.
I know that now.
That what's happened has happened
And that there is more to come.

How the lines are laid out.
All set to stone, my fate in the hands
Of some omnipotent fool.
There's not a ******* thing I can do.

Maybe things will be better
That's what I always hope at least
Maybe this time, it never hurts to try doesn't it?
But honestly, who am I kidding?

There really isn't a single thing I can do to change what's inevitably going to come, all I can do is do what I've always done.

Drown in my self -pity like the ***** that I am.

-Kore

angels fall like fireworks
sizzling
crackling-divinity
sparking on skin-burning
brightly
as i held him tightly
as i held him as if i’d die if he would let go

he let go

and i fell, falling like a shooting star
silently screaming as my splayed heart strangely kept beating
“i love you, aziraphale and all that you are” and my love looked down
and i saw him weep
(for me
for me!
Because of me)
i saw the tears from all his eyes run down his face into the sky
as he told me “you and i, all that we are, i will find you again no matter how far
away you land
a thud on the sand
a splash in the sea
i’ll find you again
please!
wait for me”

i fell and angels all around me screamed out their dying cries
i fell and thought the fire all around me was surely nothing but lies
i fell and saw all around me it was better to be ignorant than wise
i fell and the stars all around me fell too, falling through the skies

i fell but i could not stop watching his eyes
those endlessly seeing
Throughout all my being
brilliantly ****** eyes

and i thought to myself
what else
could i possibly want to see
then his eyes crying for me
why would i want to see my life without him
a life with no hand in mine
a life spent twisting my spine
a life with wings bound in twine
a life with no sign of the Divine

oh MOTHER
why would you do this
why must you cast me away
i’d beg and i’d barter
(don’t make me a martyr!)
anything for a chance to stay

oh mother doesn’t listen
oh mother doesn’t care
oh mother i cry out; my tears glisten
oh mother are you there?

no one is there and i’m all alone and sometimes i wish i was made of stone
or better yet,
a galaxy
-brilliant and bold-
no pain to be had, no story to be told
just light all round me
light from the burning, turning sun

the sun, the sun it glows so bright
it feels warm, like a hug from him (so tight!)
so golden, so glittering
so molten, so obliterating
so like his countless tears

what is there for me to look for?
what is there for me to find?
the battle is over; they won the war
and i'm lost to him for all of time

oh sun please don’t listen
oh sun please don’t care
i cry out as my tears glisten
oh sun please just be there

burn my eyes black and haunted
burn them like these wings, undaunted
by the tar upon them

destroy my eyes so completely
so the only thing that can run so fleetly
through my mind is his eyes weeping so sweetly
as She casts me out and the kingdom is restored so neatly

burn them black, i tell you
burn them like i fell, oh hell, you!
burn them crisp, oh i smell you!
oh sun, you lovely ball of fire
grant me this, my one desire
make me blind so all i see
is him
weeping for me

…

it did not work
sun, you failed me

they are not black and haunted
they are not blind and bleeding
they are sickly, ickly yellow
and somehow always needing
to see him again

I fell for the elegant lull of your heartbeat,
it thumps within you
but why can I feel it beating in me?
deep in my bones and etched onto my lungs?
Your love suffocates me,
its sinister grip unforgiving as it chokes me.
—oh, is it blissful.
**** me, love,
throttle my bleak soul
who never knew of a love so exquisite;
then see me reborn,
with each touch you grace my body with;
with each syrupy lie which spills past your mellow lips.

Needed what I never got --

got what no one should have --

now I yearn for what no one should,

and it hurts like
a dog tethered in the yard
barking its fool head off

and no one is coming home

do me a favor
are you having trouble
finding the door?
tell me are you lost
was the exit not
worth finding anymore?

you've been sitting in my head
for what seems like an hour or two
was it at least comfortable?
I think the space in my mind
is big enough for you

were you walking in circles?
are there blisters on your feet?
honey, you've been running on my mind
for the thirty second time
on repeat

it's not that I don't want you here
you're always free to wander in my dreams
just know it hurts a different kind of way
when you think about someone you can't keep

and as much as I want to kick you out
this run down mind of mine
rid me of infatuation
let heartache be a sign
but why do I remain stubborn
still I let you stay
promising myself to
free this heart from you the next day

empty promises soon fade
maybe tomorrows turn into maybe nots
I let you make yourself at home
within this foolish heart you caught

by now you might be wondering
what am I to do?
the simple answer is nothing
but then again I haven't got a clue

who knows? maybe indifference isn't the ideal
what's a girl gotta do to make her wishes real?
Paying it no mind won't make it hurt any less
but don't worry
looking at you from afar is what I do best

the only way i can describe the way you made me feel was pure ecstasy.
now you make me ache like an old would on a cold day,
temporarily forgotten,
never gone.
why can't i rid you?
everything feels like a dream,
and i can't wake up.

brother knows you better
brother knows you the best
he stands beside you, steady
as they lay your lover to rest

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, softly and slowly
why is it now that he chooses to be kind?
when all that you have ever wanted
is now six feet under, left behind

weeks later still, he watches you with sorrow
and under the weight of his gaze, you crack
anger flares and strikes
“why do you look at me like that?”

he turns his head away
but you’re stubborn and won’t turn back
“what loss have I suffered that you must be
so sorry, and look at me like that?”  

brother had always been a poet
he had always been soft with words
but the ones that gave his answer
this time, they really did hurt

                                        “tell me,” you had demanded,
                                        your breath puffing under the sun.
                                        he had smiled bitterly as he replied—
                                                        ­                        “a great one.”

Delicacy in its purest form
Might have cried a tear tonight
Torn a chipper down foreworn
Tickled pink in fright

She wants to ****
To die in black
Not so simple anymore
She’s aches and whack

Can she feel the naught?
Cultural worthlessness
She is an endearment
They’ll **** her if she’s anything more

Baby

i'm rewriting my past
and rebuilding my mind;
i've been killing myself
just to feel alive,
but it doesn't work anymore.
so i'm learning to dream,
and it's hard to believe,
but i don't really want to die.
i'm rewriting my past
and letting my fears go;
i've been killing myself
just to feel alive,
but that's not who i am
anymore.