A brand new morning
The same old feelings,
I have to face the day.
Put on a good show,
Put on a great display.
It’s so cliche.
I don’t know how to say
That I’m not okay.

I’m falling apart now,
Fading away.
New moments keep coming,
Old feelings stay.
I need you to lean on,
I can’t stand today.
I don’t wanna sprint through this,
I just need to keep pace.

I'm told knowledge is a virtue.
Knowledge leads to understanding.
Fulfillment.
Shrewd eyes perceive it as arrogance;
Self-elevating over others.
I must love believing I am better,
As so the snickering goes.
In reality, it's sadness.
The joy of sharing knowledge
Is shamed back into a pit,
For knowledge is the enemy of ignorance
And a protégé of wisdom.

There’s a thin line between hero and villain.
Everyone’s a hero in their own story,
But someone must be the villain.
Both are born through trauma and grief,
Yet one rises above
While one brings others down.
A gentle push from fate
Spirals an innocent mind.
Eventually a choice is made.
The proverbial line is drawn.
And teetering on that line
Is the indifference of man,
Waiting for their push.

Maybe I can
Howl once again.
It seems, you’re far more damaged…
I’ve been a fool.
If it’s easier
I’ll stand for you.
Tell me when you can howl once more.

If I were you
And I could see the moon,
Maybe I’d understand why you weep.
I’ve been a fool, but I’ll make amends.
I’ll learn how to see.
Tell me if you can’t...see...no more.

Don’t abandon your light.
These nights will always come.
You’ll sing again and...
I’ll be the freak
That keeps you company.

Done with me,
Ending us early,
It seems to me you got all you needed
I bet.
“It’s all me,
I know it’s hard to believe,
I didn’t mean to mislead,”
You said.
When did you know we wouldn’t make it?
Why’d you spend so much time tryna fake it?
Texting that guy, you told me not to worry.
But you ran to his arms in a hurry.
And here I thought I deserved love
But you only gave me hurt love.

It’s all blurry, it’s all faded.
All of the time that I wasted.
2 a.m. deep talks all wasted.
Charm City harbor nights wasted.
Foundation for love, I gave it.
Island trips and diamonds, you were chasing.
Does he do the things for you that I do?
Or were you looking for something new?
Does he know the games that you’re playing?
Does he know that your love is dangerous?

It’s all blurry, it’s all faded.
He’s probably thinking he deserves love.
He doesn’t know you give hurt love.

Diamond skies.
Moonstruck eyes.
Silent lips
Tells no lies.
Stardust quietly floats around,
A frozen blanket mutes the slumber town.
The chill runs deep
While the season sleeps.
But my heart is warm,
And that, you can keep.

Underneath the clouds
But stumbling above the ground.
I quietly shout
What’s keeping me around?
What keeps me silhouetted in the background
Of your fickle heart and your crown?

When I open my eyes,
A blurry masquerade of a reality unmade.
I can’t tell if I’m awake.
And I can’t tell if I made a mistake.
I’m putty in your hand
At home with the ******.

I can’t tell if I’m awake.
And I can’t tell if I made a mistake.
And I can’t tell if I’m insane.

I heard them talking.
Saying how I was a fool,
And everybody knew.
Except for me I guess.
But nonetheless,
I had to see if these wings
Could fly,
Go beyond the azure sky.
What should I do?
Keep my feet safe on the ground?
But what if I
Find something no one’s ever found?
If I fall,
At least I know I tried.
When myself and fate
Collide,
I’ll greet it with a smile.
It’s better than
Lying awake at night.

Life is never expected.
Experiences, I collected.
Spent a lot of time reflecting
On aspects of me I neglected.

A house in Beverly Hills?
I don’t need it, I don’t need it.
Ferrari with rims on the wheels?
I don’t need it, I don’t need it.
Victoria’s model, no secret.
I don’t need it, I don’t need it.
Superficial stuff, you can keep it.
I don’t need it, I don’t need it.

You’re synonymous with music.
It’s like you’re my favorite playlist.
Sweatpants Saturday with your hair in a twist.
I was yours before our first kiss.
You protect me from my demons.
Strengthen me when I’m weakened.
Wanna get high on the weekends.
Attracted to you like a beacon.

Stay as you are.
I need it, I need it.
Be my shooting star.
I need it, I need it.
Don’t feed into external stuff.
I need it, I need it.
‘Cause you’ll always be enough.

I dream of a dream that dreams of me
And in this dream is only me.
Only me, and yet it seems,
This dream begins so differently.
A man is standing where I stood
Beneath a lamp post wearing a hood.
I approached this man to understand
Who this man could be.
I remove the hood just to see
This unknown man is actually me.

Me in every way, and yet, in every way, he's not.
Same nose.
Same ears.
Same face and eyes
But it was the details that gave me the most surprise.
Like looking in a ***** mirror,
The imperfections were growing clearer,
This me that isn't me.
From the void beyond the lamp
Came more of me.
Me with scars.
Me with blue eyes.
Me with long hair.
Me, a female.
Me, a radical.
Me with apathy.
Me with confidence.
Me, missing limbs.
Me, defeated.
Me, triumphant.
Me, me, me.

All of me here at the same time,
Separated by choices we made
Or choices made for us.
We all looked into our familiar stares
Awaiting answers that never came.
An endless sea of me
With so many possibilities,
But we all go separate ways.

I am haunted by the dream;
The dream that dreams of me.
The dream where I saw all of me
And all I could ever be.
Although we went our separate ways
A nagging thought stays;
Could it be I have not seen the last of me?

What if one decides
He’d rather have my life?
What if my demise
Will make them feel more alive?

They want to take what I have earned.
Yes, that must be so.
But when they shall stake their claim?
That I do not know.
They’ll come with knives, they’ll come with fire.
They’ll come with guns and rope.
They’ll come with poison, they’ll come with bats.
They’ll come with prayers and hope.

I have become my worst enemy.
Me, me, me….
Which is the real me?

Don’t know what I’m doing here.
You’re so far out my league, but
I saw you standing there
And I knew I had to speak.
I swear
I’m not usually this shy.

I’m not tryna be your guy.
The last one left you jaded.
I wanna make you smile
And maybe get faded.
I swear,
There’s something waiting for us tonight.
And I
Know I’ve been drinking
But I
Really have been thinking
Of you.
What I say is true,
I just wanna be in your world.

Hearing the words but they don’t come out my mouth.
I can’t work up the nerve
To ask her to dance and maybe buy her a drink,
I think I might throw up.
Another song, hope I’m not wrong,
I’m leaning on the jukebox.

Standing in place like nobody is there,
I can’t believe myself.
A million reasons I should go over there
But I hide in my cup.
Another song, hope I’m not wrong,
I’m leaning on the jukebox.
I’m pleading with the jukebox.

I love you
Just like the movies.
I need you
Just like the movies.
You leave me
Just like the movies.
I chase you
Just like the movies.

I think this is my scene,
And I forgot my lines.
What am I supposed to say
To make you fall for me?
I didn’t get a script.
Am I just stuck inside a montage?
Or better yet, it’s all a collage.
The camera makes me nervous.
Can we edit this out?

Thought it would be
Just like the movies.
Your leading man
Just like the movies.
I know that you are the star.
If I’m supporting cast, well that’s alright with me.
I’ll play your fool
Just like a comedy.
Narrate our lives
Just like a documentary.
Dance you to the stars
Just like a sci-fi musical fantasy.
Tell me the theme, tell me the theme and it’s yours.

I’m not a good actor.
And I don’t like CGI.
But I rehearsed this moment
In case this was my breakout performance.
Scene one take two
Lights, camera, and action.
I hope that kiss
Was to your satisfaction.
Do we walk towards the sunset
Or wait til credits roll
Just like the movies?

Don’t come back.
I know that you can’t understand.
I wanna fight.
I’ll win this time.
You don’t think I can?

Last time
Everything was numb, my heart was cold.
Yet somehow you convinced me I was home.
If I shut my eyes,
When I wake up, you’ll be gone?

If you were me,
Would you still be
Obsessed with the damage?
Am I to blame?
Maybe we’re the same;
Wanderers that can’t feel.

I hear you breathe.
You’re just out of reach.
Walk through me and I vanish.
Am I a fool?
Lingering beyond my time, waiting for a sign.
I cannot leave.

I’ll wait for you
To fall asleep.
Make it easier for us both.
You’re not alone, you’ll never be.
I’ll be here,
To share a dream.
To share your thoughts.
To share you.
Don’t say a prayer,
Just let me in….

She stares in my nervous eyes
Her steady hand touches mine.
Im breathing her in, the air's getting thin.
Im open wide.

She presses her lips to mine,
My hands climbing up her thighs.
And all I could see was pure ecstacy
Tonight.
Oh, my head wont stop spinning,
No, my heart won’t stay still.
Oh, nothing can be better...no,
She has only begun.

She's laying inside my arms
While she seduces me with charm.
My emotions sway, I beg her to stay
Tonight.
Recover my beating heart
So naive from the start.  
I know that she'll leave once she's done with me
Tonight.

Oh, this room won’t stop spinning
No, what have I become?
Oh, the fantasy's over...no,
I am coming undone.

She logs on to see if she's been trending,
Do anything to make it to the top.
Addicted to the glamour and attention,
Can’t imagine why she'd ever stop.

The reflection in the mirror is confusing
‘Cause she can barely recognize herself.
She needs the perfect lighting and a filter.
She wants to live the life of someone else.

She just changed her hair and it looks perfect.
Upload with a caption for her fans.
Gotta take a picture of her dinner
‘Cause she knows she’s gotta feed the ‘gram.

She’ll never be sober, long after it’s over.
The feeling she gets, it gets her so high.
The love that she’s chasing will never embrace her.
Even if it’s not there, she’s still gotta try.
And she’ll never face it, she’ll want to replace it.
But every night when she sleeps, she’ll ask herself why.

Cold
That was all I felt
Not a broken bone or wounded flesh
Just cold
I'm breathing heavy but I'm not panicking
My breath forms a cloud around my face
Before disappearing into the fading skyline
I knew something was wrong
I knew because there was nothing wrong with me

My eyes were polluted with the sight of death
Carnage at my feet
Life leaving their blood and bone host
Lives more important than mine
Yet I was chosen
I was the one fate decided to keep
It were as if hands were plunged into the mud and grief
To spare me the tarnish
The light in the dark hollow
Or the dark in the light bastion

A void captured my true emotions
Holding them captive until I figure it out
The papers had their stories of me
"Miracle Man" they called me
The one death forgot
The one who escaped a tragedy
Without a scratch to show truth
A walking folklore
A bedtime story for the kids
Any other man would have felt blessed
Lucky or even grateful perhaps
I just felt cold

Sleep became a chore, and the bottom of the pint became my guilt
One day I bring my gaze from upon my mug
To see a man dressed in purpose
A man with a stare
A man with a story
A man of pain and misfortune
He didn't have to say anything
He knew
I knew
We could feel it
The cold followed us, ever looming on our shoulders bare
Through those blank faces that torment our memories
Constantly reminding us of the burden we choose to carry
Through all the dust, fire, and filth there stood us

Anomalies

She’s awake in the night, she is dreamless.
The tears start to form, they are streaming.
She tries to cry out, but she is voiceless.
My, my, it’s maddening.
And to think that all she loves
Have turned their backs on her.
While her emotions have declare war on her.

Apathy has set in, she is hopeless
That someone will see that she is falling,
And feeling deprived.

She’s all alone as depression slowly covers her room.
The pressure is there, malignant, questioning if she
Can get through the night.

With a mask on her face, she feels stronger
To face all the world, she’ll convince them.
A performance she gives, and they believe it.
But I see her disease, she is breaking.
I’ll take her home.

‘Cuz I sit and watch as depression slowly fills up her wounds.
It spreads to her core, malignant, I wonder if I
Can catch her before she falls.

I’ll hold you tight
Like a memory you think of when you’re low.
You don’t let go,
Smiling and singing ‘til your heart is full.
We’re slow to realize how quickly life can change
And how fast these days roll by.
It’s like a tidal wave and we’re just floating on.
So let’s look to the sky and know
We still have tonight.

As the fire dances on,
I can see us in the flames.
So vibrant, so alive.
Oh I’d write it out on paper to remember everything,
From all the days and nights we shared
But I’m so lost inside this moment
I hope I’m never found.

After tonight
I’ll be alone again driving home beneath the star light.
When all that’s left of you is your scent,
These memories will get me through the days.
Whisper to me what you swore you’d never say.
I’m hanging on every word.
The hardest tears and the hardest years ahead,
But I look to you now
And feel so safe in your eyes.

As you and I melt away
I can’t let go
Of everything that I cannot control.
Who am I to be?
Who am I supposed to be now?
When we collide, is it true?
We’re stuck in time
Of everything that I cannot control.
Who am I to you?
Who am I to you now?

You tell me
Fairy tales.
All of this means nothing
When you and I melt away.
I’m holding tight
To everything that I’m afraid to know.
It’s part of me.
It’s part of you now.
The years that passed never settled in.
You kiss my lips
And I don’t understand your affection
Of who I am,
Of who I am now.

I stay grounded
When you look to the sky.
You wanna fly, you wanna fly.
I guess that I
Will watch you fly away in your new light.
Leave me behind under the weight of time.
And you sing of dreams, and fairy tales.
I don’t fit in those details.
You wanna know who’s the boy underneath?
Well so do I.
So do I.

I gaze upon the cosmic void,
Alone and tired from my journey across the frontier.
I pick my feet up, and drift across the surface.
And all I’m surrounded by is silence.

I reach my hands up towards the stars,
Trying to catch a passing comet by its tail.
Flagging down UFO’s to see if I can catch a ride
Along this space highway to anywhere.

I often think of coming home.
I wonder what I’d look like after all this time?
Would I be familiar, or would you greet me as a stranger?
And all I could think to say is sorry.

I see the hues of where you are.
The planet looks like a giant marble with an azure aura.
I need to say goodbye, and I wish you were coming.
But I desire to float on.
Float on….

Her eyes held the story of the tale of our young love,
Somewhere beneath her somber eyes.
Locked up away from me in a tower of her making.
Why do you hide away my love?

I’m in! I can save her
From the torment of her prison.
Escape the walls that echo out her pain.
But these eyes are not hers,
They are frozen in apathy.
“I never told you to come.”

Her hand I squeezed tightly while we ran down the corridor.
Desperately searching for the exit.
I felt her demons closing in now,
They were foaming at the mouths to
Deprive of us safety and love.

Then she fell down
On the floor, crawling, breathing hard,
Begging me to give up.

“You’ll be dead
Before you even reach the stairs.
They’ll take you too, I swear.”

The darkness surrounds her,
Slowly dragging her away now.
She won’t resist it or even fight.
“****** your memory,
Just forget all about me.
You’ll be safer once you do.”

I can’t just abandon the hope of restoring her heart.
I know it’s in her waiting for life again.
Snatching her away from the shadows that have plagued her,
Striving for freedom once again.

That’s it! Think I found it!
The exit from this construction
Laced with the smell of fear and mold.
I was too excited of the thought having her back,
I barely felt her slip away.

Turning to see her face just to be greeted by a pain
Piercing my flesh, piercing my soul.
She holds the knife, unaffected by her actions.
“I’ll be the death of you, you know.”

Like her, I too was slowly dying.
Her face welled up but she’s not crying.
Through tears I beg don’t let the dark win.
…
…
…
“Leave me to die.”

Homeward bound, fast asleep,
She doesn’t even know what she’s done.
The quiet fire that rages on inside.
They don’t even know what she’ll become.

They will come with anger and pitchforks
To quell what they created.
Tainted sight, they will twist and ***** with truth
To justify your defeat.

You’re marked, you’re marked for all to see.
But, my sweet, I know it’s not your fault.
Don’t scream, don’t let them see your pain.
Don’t leave them reassured in their assault.
Just sleep for now.
Shh, shh, I’m here.

When they left you alone bleeding out tears,
You were ready to give in.
But I carried you.
I did.
When they left you alone shattering your lungs,
You were convinced of this sin.
But I gave you life.
I did.

We’ll make them fear you.

That night, you stole,
Something precious from me.
One glance, my heart,
Couldn’t disagree.
Everything was fine until
I walked in on your last ****.
Even though the signs all showed, I didn’t know
That you’re just evil.

I catch you sneaking out at night,
I knew something wasn’t right.
I thought that I knew you.
It’s always robberies in progress
Or some threat you made to Congress.
By the way you got some blood on your shoes.

Don’t try to distract me,
You always side track me
Your outfit does attract me, let’s get back to my point.
Thought it was love at first sight
But you just want to plan heists.
Am I just someone you see you can exploit?
And she said
“You’re my minion now.”

This piece speaks with subtle attitude.
Its whispers echo over the crowded gallery
Yet only I can hear.

My eyes are fixated on its delicate details,
Tracing every stroke of the brush.
My sight is paralyzed.

The colors move and swirl,
Caught in a maelstrom of creativity.
The hues melt off the canvas,
Bleed down the wall,
Pool at the bottom,
Mixing but not blending,
And all I can do is watch.

Slowly the others follow suit,
Bleeding down the walls in a patient rush,
Stretching across the floor
So desperate and calm
Until It caresses my shoe.

It climbs my leg, rising and rising,
Staining my pants and skin.
It rises and rises still,
An orchestra of color making permanent residence.
I am terrified yet my breathing is slow,
Watching the details form.

Engulfed by color I turn to see
All the masses staring at me.
Speaking to one another with subtle attitude,
Whispers echo the crowded gallery,
Their eyes fixated on the delicate details,
Tracing every line,
Paralyzed.

My fear was met with thunderous applause.

Sweet tea
And mustard stains’ what I remember first
Of the night we watched
Fireworks at the Inner Harbor,
Then I threw up.
Nervous from your mild touch
As you held my hand, it wasn’t planned.
It was mid July
And we watched our favorite band
Play our song.

That’s all we had.
That summer night
And neon lights to guide our way home.
You kissed me softly on the cheek.
Your eyes said words I couldn’t speak.
I’m whistling our playlist
And hoping your kiss won’t fade.

While I try to sleep,
I couldn’t help but to think
This just might be my moment.
So I grabbed my keys, took dad's car,
I’m practicing my repertoire.
How was I to know
What I’d see in your window?

The shadows moved from right to left,
Feeling my heart break in my chest.
The clear picture made me sick
To see who you replaced me with.
When it rains it will surely pour
And my socks soaked to the floor.
I wish I would have stayed in bed.

I clutched my hand upon my cheek.
My tears said words I couldn’t speak.
I’m deleting our playlist
But still hoping your kiss won’t fade.

And we looked at the summer for the last time
In the twilight of our youth.
And we spoke to the summer for the last time
In the highlight of our truth.
And it was real but we never knew.

You needed emotions for the first time,
It reflected in your eyes.
I hid my emotions for the first time,
As it echoed through my lies.
And it was real but we never knew.
We never knew it.

When you can see who you could be,
Maybe we’ll meet again.
When I forget all my regrets.
Maybe we’ll meet again.

You say you love me, ooh, make me better.
When they all abandoned you, I would never.
Diamonds only debut under pressure.
So whatever you’re going through, it’s together.

When your mind feels like a zombie,
When you can’t trust nobody,
We’ll wait ‘til after dark
Get away from everybody
And I’ll sit in the dark with you, ooh ooh.

What if a mouse
Had the power of a human?
Would it do as a human does?
Or would it continue as a mouse?
What if a human
Had the power of a god?

We yearn for something greater,
Something that gives meaning
To our flesh and bone.
Answers to questions we desperately seek,
Only to find our ambition
Outweighs our ability.

We want something we don’t understand
With the hope that we will.
Should a man possess the power of a god,
That man will not be godly.
That man would still be a man,
But seen as a god to other men.
Who would teach that man to be a god
If no other man has been a god?

We shun the notion of a mouse
Being human,
Yet laugh at the challenge
Of being a god.
But what’s the difference?

I am
The guy on the side,
The one you desperately try to hide,
But that’s alright.
I’m willing to let it all slide
Just as long as you show up on time,
Then everything is fine.
It’s lust, that I understand
But don’t get mad if I don’t hold your hand,
Because I’m not your man.
By and by, put your feelings aside,
And remember this it what you implied.

It’s 12 a.m. and here we are again.
Tears on your sleeve,
How hard you grieve.
Oh I know all about who you were
And who you are now,
But what really changed?
Fairy tales you were told
Seem different as you get old.
And it’s left you with a longing for
Something more.

It’s 2 a.m and here you are again.
Tears on my sleeve.
How hard you grieve.
But what made you believe
That he was the man of your dreams?

Oh, tell me how you feel.
Lend me your voice tonight.
Whisper it in my ears.
Slow down, slow down.
Just tell me how you deal
With fire all around you.
Paper hearts disappear.
Breathe in, breathe out.

As it begins,
You explore who you are
And how you fit into the world.
More questions than answers.
Answers begets more questions.
You know you must choose a direction.
The abundance of obstacles
Clutter your path,
And an overwhelming sensation occurs,
One you’ve experience before;
Fear.

As you fall,
You are unaware of lost footing.
The world shows multiple grays,
And all the fear
You fought valiantly to subdue
Reminds you it never left.
The fires spread,
Consuming all for its feast,
Conflicting with all you stand for.
You hit the ground soaked in its residue;
Chaos.

Through the pain
You endure the worst,
Discovering the secrets of the fickle world
And who you must be to survive.
Adapt, reinvent, unlock
Your next form, your new wisdom.
Reach down, gather your strength
And stare down the flames
With an unyielding resolve,
And achieve what chaos thought you could never do;
Rise.

Took my breath from me.
Passion swept us off our feet.
Sunk her teeth so deep in me,
Left me numb in this reverie.
She gives a smile for me
As my blood falls to her cheek.
Sing a lullaby off key.
What has she done to me?

While I was sleeping I felt compressed.
Weight of the world, I felt on my chest.
Open my eyes, I just see blood-red.
No going back.

Undead fantasies replaces memories of old
Like a story once told, stripped away,
I won’t need them.
The world just stares at me,
But there’s no life out there for me.
I just want her to take me home,
See what’s beyond this flesh and bones.

I must be dreaming, it’s in my head.
My body’s empty, I feel undressed.
I’m barely breathing, but there’s no stress.
No going back.

She looks like temptation.
There’s no way I’d ever tell her no.
She tries so hard to fake it.
She can’t let anyone know.
As soon as the lights get low,
She starts dancing real slow
And I just go with the flow.
But she just wants to leave.

She dreams big in this small town.
Bright lights, fame, a house in L.A. hills.
But she’s scared she’ll never make it,
Stuck here with her desires unfulfilled.
It’s right there on her face…
It’s right there if you’d care to see.
The tears stream down her face...
But it’s hard to see in subdued lighting.

So she’ll dance in a thong.
And she’ll dance to every song.
Bring fantasies to reality,
But hers remain asleep.

The center of attention, she commands the room.
She’s on her own frequency, try to stay in tune.
She’s lookin’ like champagne, never coming down.
I never stood a chance.

She’s got eyes like the sunrise, a smile like July.
She speaks life with every word, no wonder I’m alive.
She’s smoother than champagne, she deserves her crown.
I won’t resist the trance.

Sweaty palms and a fever, how do I approach?
My feet left the ground now, I’m losing control.
Then she offers me champagne, a night on the town.
I need a heart transplant.