What are you?
A snake with a
seemingly flawless jaw,
slithering through me,
I can't escape from you
and from this craving
that arises so desperately,
you bit me once and ever since
you've been an itch that
I've been resisting
(don't scratch , don't scratch)
I'll scratch until I run out
of tears and anesthetic,
until my heart has made peace
with you leaving so effortlessly,
just slithering out as easy
as you slithered in.
I'm so desperate to get out of you
but so desperate to breathe you in
and never breathe you out;
I'm the hole dug outside,
lips are the shovel
and love's the dirt we use
to fill the hole back up,
and what are you?


A snake.

i'm not quite sure when
i fell inlove with you,
but there's no turning back
i drink you
increase my intake
the dimmer i get

i like you
hot, milky, and sweet
i drink you
not to escape reality
but to feel more awake in it

they say a good, warm cup
of anything
resembles a human embrace
so maybe it's not caffeine
i can't get enough of

maybe it's erasing
all the armless hugs
maybe it's loving myself
in ways he never did

i drink my cup of tea daily
like popping a bottle of comfort
on the weekend
increase my intake
the deeper i feel

i like my cup of tea
hot, milky, and sweet enough
to erase the sour taste
of his name dying in my mouth.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou all for reading (: any thoughts on this poem?

This is a poem for me, to me.

You have a horrible singing voice
but God knows,
singing while you wash away
dishes somehow makes
cleaning your heart
less cumbersome.

I've been worried about you;
you seem to be craving
a psychopathic thrill,
the kind where you feel
everything but remorse;
what a change of course,
you didn't let the monsters change you,
did you?

Intensity sprawls over
your dainty skin,
either full equilibrium
or capsizing until you sink,
either confessing to possessing
a soul gone obsidian
or your confessions completely shrink.

Girls like you
are the reason why you don't see
many small kids out late at night;
you're either fully pacific
or completely acidic,
either lulling stability and resolution
or chaos enveloped by your convulsions.

You're a ******* storm...
Now make sure the world knows.

I know you are lying there,
probably unconscious
of where you are,
I know you wanted to
find a backdoor to finally end
your journey to the stars,

But I want you to know,
you will one day be able to
breathe on your own,
one day, you will recognize
your beautiful body as
your beautiful home,

An overfilled vessel,
filled to the brim with
the complications of existing,
I know you are in pain,
but sweet Hope,
I know you'll smile again.

If I had to pick a highlight of this year...

It'd be you.

I feel like I should have picked
someone closer,
someone you might call family,
a friend perhaps,

But I can't.

When my heart has been crackling,
burning by the fire that my soul ignited,
when the home in my bones
felt more like hell,
the living room became frail,
and my bed sheets became
soaked in tears,
you kept my thoughts sober.

You witnessed my intensity,
you witnessed my extremes,
you witnessed the fires
I failed to calm
when I kept bringing the burn
instead of the cold,
you've witnessed me
desiring to put my life
on permanent hold.

And still you remained..
You did not mind being
drenched in my rain,
And for that, there are no rhymes
that can thankyou.

- Crimsyy♡

I've two sides;
Anti's the one I'm not.
I start to decipher black from white,
I start to part two halves of my mind,
separating the moon from the sun,
bathing in this runner's high;
Tonight I won't say goodbye,
I'll just whisper *"Goodnight."

My heart's a fountain of blood,
spiraling out of control,
you're the one who tugs tightly,
I'm on constant patrol,

Drink me, make me feel real,
behold my soul to your eyes,
memorise every inch,
so you'll never say goodbye

Leave me now,
prowl for my mind tonight,
I'll invent a face
for my name's sake.

You wore a grey sweater,
denim jeans,
and an expression to
match the weather
which I took to mean
the forecast of your heart
hadn't been sunny
since that night I broke it in half.

But I knew I had to
give us another chance
when the light in my eyes
began to dance,

Because love only hurts
on the way out,
a substance we sip so strong
and can't go without,

And we all surrender
to the heat
because it's what makes
our hearts beat.

My Melancholy,

I cannot welcome you anymore,
I can't run towards you
with open arms.
You make me think of the moment when Cinderella's  only hope
was reduced to shreds;
You tasted just as hopeless,
just as irreversible,
unleashing this desire in me
to turn my back on you.




**A/N: Looking forwards to happier days ahead  (: what did you think of this one? Please comment... thankyou for reading! ^.^

Vinyl Chloride*

I try to soothe
my haggard mind
late at night,
I try to run from you,
because your damage
soaked all my bones
and all the happiness I owned.
Your name dug my grave
ahead of time,
I'm sorry, but you crossed a line;
You cannot trespass my heart,
you cannot say you loved me most
because when I bled in the dark,
your presence was a ghost.

I do not like the feeling
of the invisible seatbelt
strapping words to my chest,
still, I'm not safe yet.

I do not like the feeling of deadline
mouth shut, closed
human heart numbing,
I think I'm becoming
sad again.

I do not like the feeling of
my mind bending to work you out,
you are eating away at my heart,
silent music of my decay,

You're my poison gas;
*I do not like the feeling of missing you.

"Do me a favour;
*do something else".
Do me a favour;
mind for yourself.

Do me a favour;
stop pretending you care,
Do me a favour;
do not "be there"

Do me a favour;
just let me fall,
Do me a favour;
don't even call,
Do me a favour;
don't speak at all

Eradicating you might be too kind,
Perhaps ****** might be too kind.

In this dangerous situation,
I don't want you to be an enemy,
But I can't hide my opposition
to how you deal my heart
your blasphemy;
I am quiet, but I care,
I am quiet, but I bleed
when hit by your darts,
So convince me blood is art,
as I fall into your snare,
I see you have it in you
to split me apart,
but I have it in me
*to forget you by heart.

The corners of my mind
are filled with new life,
Where gunfire and silence intertwine
and happiness crawls on a knife.

Please, please
take a step inside,
witness the frozen breeze
of the monsters I've mummified.

You will find no easy path,
my mind is a complicated maze,
either peace or utter wrath
mixed with a hurricane to glaze
me as I bathe in the ash
of my self doubt blaze.


Title is French...have fun figuring it out
muahahaha.. thankyou to Kitty Ting -
**Our conversation inspired this poem.

Acetone

You're my hopeful undertone
and *that is where
all this love is
vulnerable like acetone,
because if one day
this all ends,
where will hope go?
I must place my hope
in the stars,
because even if all else crumbles,
they will still be there,
shining, burning,
reminding me dead
things in your heart
get lighter the more it gets dark,
reminding me that a star lit sky
is capable of fixing
a person's broken parts.

Toluene

You slip away from me
just as I'm about to reach,
time escapes us
like a clover
missing its fourth leaf,
stuck in the jungle
of my thoughts,
I can still find you but
I feel like you're the closest star,
visible, but too **** far.

And where's my luck
when the wrong date
on the calendar turns out right?
I haven't seen you
in a fortnight
and now I'm starting to feel
the absence bite.

I'm falling apart
because I can't remember
your lips or
how it feels to
drown in your kiss.
You're a nuance in
my memory:
I always remember a lot more
when it comes to you.

But this time,
I've forgotten the
sublime ways you
made me happy,
And I'm reminded
in each aching moment,
of how the breath in
my lungs constricts when
you're not near;
I miss you dear.



*Hey everyone...a little sad poem but that's because I felt that way. Please comment your thoughts / constructive opinions on this poem. Thankyou for reading! ^.^

1.  When I am bored,
     I will play with my hair,
     until I have more split ends
     than your ex.

2. I wish I could go back
    to not living inside my head.

3. I get nervous around you,
    although I know you're no
    danger to me,
    I just want to be loved;
    When I am poking you,
    I am actually poking my breath
    out of your arm;
    Forgive me if it makes
    you uncomfortable,
    I mean you no harm.

4. I don't want to indulge you
    about what I ate today,
    I want you to examine me
    as a poem,
    maybe then you'll be able to hear
    the meaning of an "I love you"
    frozen in my throat;
    I will wait until the time is right.

5. I am but a balloon
    floating, floating,
    in the world in the
    body of a girl.

Maybe I'm not meant to be

normally spectacular,

overachieving,

the epitome of perfection,

or a bundle of weak bones

held up by mere accomplishments

that add nothing to my worth.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

Sublime words always ready,

ready to be spilt on paper,

ready to be read by accident

but kept on purpose.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

A mystery or a person or both,

a mystery status of alive or dead

circulating the air,

everywhere and yet found nowhere,

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you,

roam the world without

an adieu;

a supernova for everyone to admire

but unreachable.


**A/N:  Thankyou all for reading! What do you think of this one?

"Who would love such a
toxic conundrum?"
I whispered in the early
hours of my existence,
starting as a lukewarm
substance,
gazing into my pristine heart,
my empty core.

Then the fate of life saw to it;
to stain my skin and give
my emptiness a name;
Hurt,
no.
Ignition, match,
or maybe their hands.

I can't tell when those things
had a distinct identity
and didn't just seem to be
my heart twisting and
my core splitting,
soaked in chemicals,
all mixing.

There are cigarette lighters
everywhere you turn,
they look like brown eyes,
rough hands and vinyl collectors.
But I realize I am something
to be inhaled;
choose dying over pleasure,
give me your utmost devotion,
touch me as I burn.

Framing me as "good"
will do twice the harm,
admit that I'm faulty
no more false alarms,
I reside in every face,
any religion, any race.
Always buffeted between
right and wrong,
from head to toe,
I'm flowing with flaws,
and to escape this bloodstream curse,
I'll write my misdeeds out in verse.
- Anti.

Your eyes looked like
you'd never want to leave,
Your hands seemed to be
crafting something beautiful,
something, something
like the breath of a shadow,
the hope you'd decide to stay,
but now it is me, not you
that wants to roam away.

Why have you not left yet?
I've heard that when you
combine my fading heartbeat
with the tears parading down my face,
a haunting melody is produced...
I swear to God, it's your favourite song
and you keep abusing the replay button,
but you still don't know me.

The heart inhabiting my chest
is not my own,
I'm sorry but it had to be done,
I can't love you darling,
I've borrowed someone else's heart,
traded my softness for something
twice as hard.

You decided to
smile your way through,
all the way into my heart,
with the smile of a silent assassin
I can't recall letting in,
and the eyes of a risk,
a risk I'm willing to take
because what do I have to lose?
In the end,
the rage that makes your heart quake
is equal to the love
which makes your bones shake
and out of all the madness
coating the world in debris,
you'd still be the one I'd choose.

I'd love to erase all the pain he caused
and heal your thin scar of a chest
cause I know no matter how you try,
some things you haven't forgotten yet

When I thought of your soul leaving,
I couldn't stand the ache from not knowing
if your heart was still beating,
I hope you don't take the risk just for fun,
I hope you know you've got someone

I need, I need you
to keep your blood running through your veins,
keep your gloves on
since the heat's gone,
I need, I need you to stay

I know I've been "checking up on you"
for the last week,
but lately I haven't been able to fall asleep,
cause I can't listen to the sound of
my own heart beats
when the only music I can hear
are maracas shaking

and I cry

because those aren't maracas shaking,
those are your prescription pills quaking;
since you've been digesting them,
has your vision shifted from grey?
Because, although it might be
selfish of me to ask,
I want to know if you
thought of me at all today.

Caffeine, oh won't you
awake me as you always do?
Even with effects circulating
and my mind over-contemplating,
I'll ask you to be my next move,
a mistake I won't need to soothe,
lungs taking deeper breaths,
bringing all distress to sudden death;
A bundle of rawness I inhale,
A bundle of vulnerability I exhale.

I'm a cluttered fairy
strewn all over the mattress
on my stomach,
hair; a cluttered catastrophe
but in the morning I know
I'll be able to comb away
all the knots from my heart
and songs will be the match I need
to ignite a spark.
And now, I am done
with being an actress,
I am done with
overdoing things, with
overthinking about you;
have you thought of me at all today?
Either yes or no, it won't matter babe,
Ain't sure I need you to live anyway,
if I didn't cross your mind, I won't weep
I'm not alone,
it's 11:55 pm
and I'm taken by sleep.

- Crimsyy

Carbon Monoxide*

Without you, it seemed
a part of me was incomplete,
it seemed there was a void
that nothing else could fill,

But you never brought
my heart summers,
all you ever gave it
was a paralyzing chill,
a cunning cut from air
and I couldn't believe
how wonderful you appeared to be
until you almost killed me.

It's not me, it's not me, you see.
It's not me you're questioning.
It's not me who propels this
dark side of my psyche.

Anti hides behind my friend, Hope.
Anti hides behind my friend, Light.
Anti has resided in me for quite a while.
Anti hides behind every face-lighting smile.

Anti is not my happiness,
It's all the sides of me I'd rather not see,
All the sides that feel so right
when they speak of the
wrong things to me,
So real, so authentic.
Anti's not who I'm meant to become;
a contradiction manifesting
itself into my body.

Sometimes, I feel it take over me,
Sometimes I let it win.
That's usually when people
start to not recognize me,
That's usually when I feel
my kindness freeze,
I feel my impatience
and tolerance cease -
I can no longer digest
anything around me.

Methanol*

I was a bandage
which you ripped off
as soon as your wounds
were healed,
because I was loyal
and what a mistake that was
because I can't be anything else,
except what lies on
the opposite end of the spectrum;
completely detached and indifferent.

Maddening methanol,
blinding me with your impurity,
but now I see
what a fraud you were.

"Losing" you didn't injure me,
your absence didn't sink
its teeth into me;
you were sour as
sudden abandonment,
I was more than glad
to be rid of *you.

I can taste the clouds
when our hands are intertwined
and his utterances always linger
but more like euphoria than
a shattered spine.
And I've never spoken to him
a lukewarm truth,
I've never loved him in grey;
We're amateurs,
cradled by caffeine on
Monday mornings,
still learning how flowers
can break through skin
that's mourning.

Tears eroding my love for you,
Too many rivers I've cried for you,
I wish I'd never kissed you,
I wish you'd never held me,
I'll be fine again
right after I demolish your face,
You were never going to lead me
to a bright place.

You, you only messed with my head,
brought my love back from the dead,
made promises you couldn't keep,
never said goodnight,
let me drift alone to sleep
and living in your silence
has told me all I needed to know;
all the words you haven't said
have shown me exactly what you meant.

I can't amputate my
disappointment forever,
I can't keep burying my face
for your name's sake,
now my pain will leak in ink,
and don't dare ask if I'm still yours,
because my answer will be
a slammed door.

We clicked, a
sublime combination
like cloud and rain.
We have punctured minds
and somehow mine is
coming undone,
spilling into your hands
thoughts I'd kept in my head.
You're warm.
Not edgy, not twofaced,
not laced with superficiality.
You're warm.
Honest conversations
decorate us and I
have never looked
so wonderful before.
You make me grin,
and I know
'making your own sunshine'
is all a mental thing,
but now it's so physical,
I can feel it spreading
through my bones.

i've outgrown people
and habits
the same way you've outgrown
your favourite jumper
like, remember that time
you thought i would die for you?
did you really think my
self sacrifice would go that far?
well, you weren't wrong
it would have if i had let it
but i've outgrown you
and my habits
and this you realized the day
i walked out with your heart
in my hands and crushed it
without remorse because
everyone's always got
their jaws open,
thirsty for more
and i can no longer feel guilty
for thinking of myself
because sometimes
i get thirsty too.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one

My name's Anti and I crave
the dark side of a day,
I'm insecure and
sometimes I can't define what I think,
I push people away,
I've gotten so huge,
my victim sees a shrink.
I won't be tamed by pills,
a substance holds no power
over a force that kills;
sure, I'm prone to blind infatuation,
extreme heart palpitations,
but has no one ever told you
of my evergreen determination?

Things I know to be true
at 10 pm on a Friday night:
I know I feel more at home
on my own, alone,
I know that alone to me
is not the feeling of
suffocating inside your own skin,
I know my skin is
the only real estate I'll
ever permanently own.
I know my skin
is not my enemy,
I know my skin
is always ready to welcome me.
I know my mind
is a lovely place to spend your time in
if you don't mind the looming threat
of a tornado or an earthquake.
I know your love is like
a vestigial *****
I do not require
but am willing to carry.
I know I love ferociously
and somedays that love
is a vestigial *****
I could go well without,
like tonsils in my throat
limiting my voice,
but does your heart ever
give you a choice?
I know I'm breathing
and nothing is falling apart
around me,
and even without you here,
I know I'm safe.

Tar*

You tried to undermine
what I was to you,
who you became after
you met me;
I do not believe you were better
before I came into my life.
I know you find it hard to tell the truth
so I can't give you fault
if it kills you to swallow it,

But before you met me,
you were a walking trainwreck,
Coated in insecurities that were
flashing like neon signs
in the way no one had seen
your face in days
because of all the makeup.

How easy it was though
to wipe that facade off
once you realized that even
without coloured in eyebrows,
someone would still truly
care for you.

I truly cared for you,
and the only payback I ever received
were empty promises of
"I'll be there, text me tonight,"
feeling so alone by your side
that even a teacher's drawers
felt like better company,
a knife to my back
when I wasn't there to notice,
and jealousy when I
finally started smiling.

My head tangled up in
knots I just can't hide,
they can never crawl out of my mouth,
the words I say feel like a draft,
a draft of my mask uncurling
but there is a time where
all my monsters come out to play;
they've learned to swim in my craft...
don't you know hurt stains a person
the same way a permanent marker
stains skin?
I cannot keep this masked
habitat within me.
Time to tear apart the veils
before Anti declares me its bride
and when the sun goes to sleep
behind a curtain of black sky,
I'll survive, I'll survive
Resist the pull to the other side.

I want to place my head
on your chest and
feel your heart race forever.

- Crimsyy♡


Something I did yesterday (26/9/16)..
and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Some things and some people are worth staying alive for.

Butane*

I swallowed knives,
coughed up blood,
your un-inked mistakes
entered my body
and you didn't feel
like love anymore,
you were mind-numbing,
a flame guzzler,
itching for someone
to love you
no matter how
fake you were.