Things I know to be true
at 10 pm on a Friday night:
I know I feel more at home
on my own, alone,
I know that alone to me
is not the feeling of
suffocating inside your own skin,
I know my skin is
the only real estate I'll
ever permanently own.
I know my skin
is not my enemy,
I know my skin
is always ready to welcome me.
I know my mind
is a lovely place to spend your time in
if you don't mind the looming threat
of a tornado or an earthquake.
I know your love is like
a vestigial *****
I do not require
but am willing to carry.
I know I love ferociously
and somedays that love
is a vestigial *****
I could go well without,
like tonsils in my throat
limiting my voice,
but does your heart ever
give you a choice?
I know I'm breathing
and nothing is falling apart
around me,
and even without you here,
I know I'm safe.

I'm an expert of this artifice,
A trickery, a disguise,
to let this mask remain
is a mental sacrifice.

I hide away every flaw,
taint my face with happiness,
it is a ruse
I over use, over abuse,
a bloodstream curse.

And so I keep them coming,
like my sanity isn't running,
I keep them there, under my nose,
won't let no one glimpse my woes

I puke smiles
but are they real?
I puke smiles
but is smiley how I feel?
Nobody willing to investigate,

I puke smiles
just to conceal,
I puke smiles;
they're your "happy" meal
and they're never up for debate.

We'll send our monsters
to their graves,
ten feet under our capes,
and they will never know again
the meaning of 'escape'

When they think they've
pulled the last straw,
when they think they've
nailed us to a wall,
and they start to believe
we won't get up at all,
Think again.

We're heroines,
sober on our scars,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything,

Heroines,
more than just a pulse and spine,
we carry our nerve,
we carry on just fine,
drunk on the belief that
we could pull off anything...

*Even living.

The sequel to "Graceful".... I don't think**
these sequels will ever end, Friend XD

"Define sublime"
Well, sublime is you,
your aesthetic heart
even in days sour and blue,

Sublime;
when your shoe is untied
and your eyes tell me
you've cried,
but you smile away,
and survive another day,

Sublime;
your midnight tears,
they eradicate our worst fears,
believe it or not,
they keep you here,

Sublime;
when the dark wants to love you,
but you push it away,
no explanation,
just a simple goodbye,
yet another toxic relationship
you leave behind.

Sublime;
Sublime is you,
Your aesthetic soul
even in days sour and blue.

Nicotine

Your quiet, unexpected
utterances
crawled their way
through each artery,
filling every gaping void
so effortlessly,
all the way to my
blackened heart;
my love, my love, *my love.


**A/N: There's a very sweet story behind this short one ^.^ please comment your thoughts/constructive opinions  and thankyou so much for reading! ♡

My mouth's a myth magician,
but my eyes can't tell lies,
lie to me and tell me you
believe me when I tell you
I am fine...

What am I supposed to tell you,
what am I supposed to say?
On the positive side,
I didn't ache the same way,
but on the negative,
I'm sure I've lost you again,
meaning that you losing me
could be the beginning of you
finding your meaning
without me there;

Okay, Friend?
You may not gamble
with my feelings,
you may not place a bet
on my love because
I bet my love will go extinct
if you do not water me.

I don't want to be your playdate,
I don't want you
to ruin my mixtape,
I want to keep my engine running,
and my body fueled,
my stomach can do
without the abuse

Because it has confused
you for food and I can't eat,
without thinking that I've
mistaken you for a flower,
and am now chewing
on the thorns,

I don't want to be your friend,
I want to poke you inside and out,
I want to cause goosebumps
to crawl all over your skin,
and I don't ever want to
breathe you out, I want
to breathe you in,
right now, is that a sin?

"There are other fish in the sea"
but my fishing line
goes straight through,
never picking left or right,
there are no other fish in sight...

So I'll keep swimming,
I'll leave you behind on the shore,
and there you'll be safe,
and faraway, I'll be okay.
Okay, Friend?

My head tangled up in
knots I just can't hide,
they can never crawl out of my mouth,
the words I say feel like a draft,
a draft of my mask uncurling
but there is a time where
all my monsters come out to play;
they've learned to swim in my craft...
don't you know hurt stains a person
the same way a permanent marker
stains skin?
I cannot keep this masked
habitat within me.
Time to tear apart the veils
before Anti declares me its bride
and when the sun goes to sleep
behind a curtain of black sky,
I'll survive, I'll survive
Resist the pull to the other side.

This was not love,
just a false alarm,
though my definition of home
was in your arms,
Our mosaic never
stood a chance,
the way you'd refuse
when asked to dance,
you could tell love scared you.

Methanol*

I was a bandage
which you ripped off
as soon as your wounds
were healed,
because I was loyal
and what a mistake that was
because I can't be anything else,
except what lies on
the opposite end of the spectrum;
completely detached and indifferent.

Maddening methanol,
blinding me with your impurity,
but now I see
what a fraud you were.

"Losing" you didn't injure me,
your absence didn't sink
its teeth into me;
you were sour as
sudden abandonment,
I was more than glad
to be rid of *you.

Light belongs to everyone
even amongst the darkest shade of black,
now tell me, what is it
that my soul lacks?
I'd love to be illuminated
by you,
and I'd just like to say
I really admire the way
you're there when I need you
every 9 o'clock
when I stare out
the corridor window,
no matter the tone of day.
Oh Luna, these mortals
send my sanity astray
while you...you my dear
cremate my lamentations
to show me that underneath it all,
there is a bundle of paranoxisms,
beautiful and bursting,
otherwise known as *me.

I can taste the clouds
when our hands are intertwined
and his utterances always linger
but more like euphoria than
a shattered spine.
And I've never spoken to him
a lukewarm truth,
I've never loved him in grey;
We're amateurs,
cradled by caffeine on
Monday mornings,
still learning how flowers
can break through skin
that's mourning.

Acetone*

I spend a countless amount of time
daydreaming, picturing, imagining
small moments that could have
the ability to fill my heart
with such happiness,
people would inquire if I were a firework.
My mind carves my face, relaxed against your neck,
the ultimate safe place for me to be
when I can't run from the weight
of achievements still waiting to be accomplished.
My mind carves you, holding me,
our movements synchronizing,
we're anti-socializing,
enveloped in our world where no one, no future, could touch us or break us apart.
We're dancing to the lack of melody,
focused on feeling the beat of our hearts...
But that's just silly, just a fantasy
because I don't suppose the world
could stop spinning for just enough time to let us figure it all out.
Will the distance be insufferable?
Will this eroding earth leave our hearts vulnerable?

I want to feed on your heart
more than I want to feel your lips,
kisses don't heal bruises,
bandage solutions don't
wash away mistakes.

I have a tendency
to love what leaves,
and as I wait for rightful affection,
you've made my heart into
a mindless metronome,
one side of me head
over heels for you,
cannot think of ever leaving you,
but then once again,
12 am reminds me
of exactly why
I absolutely loathe you.

I could have devoured you,
swallowed you whole,
coated myself with
your very essence,
but, I could talk infinity
into trading its forever for
a nanosecond of you
and nothing would change;
I'm just a plan B for you.

I want to say I meant
"I love you",
you made some moments
truly magical so,
thankyou for stopping by,
but I cannot let you
place the moon in my sky.

- Crimsyy

Tripping over rollercoasters
of rhymes,
I can't sleep;

I'd put my nose in your mind,
Lace my fingers through
the unpeeled layers I'd find,

But this time, I know
I've been caught; you've come
armed with hand cuffs;

I try to break free
but grow weaker as
I'm being fought.

- Anti

My name's Anti and I crave
the dark side of a day,
I'm insecure and
sometimes I can't define what I think,
I push people away,
I've gotten so huge,
my victim sees a shrink.
I won't be tamed by pills,
a substance holds no power
over a force that kills;
sure, I'm prone to blind infatuation,
extreme heart palpitations,
but has no one ever told you
of my evergreen determination?

Ammonia*

Burnt pieces of my heart
with your spit on them,
burnt pieces I want to send away
and never see again...
They are just unwanted souvenirs
from lies I don't want to hear again,
presents I don't want to receive again.

Seething for what
seemed like an eternity,
I am finally unleashing all
the pent up fire;
your time for my mercy
and forgiveness has
expired.

I am slowly coming to terms
with the damage you have caused;
I was a city and then
you ravaged me...
covered me in bruises,
tattoos, smoke and graffiti.

Suffocating me,
you smell of cunning endeavors,
childish behaviors;
a touch of you is
toxic enough to make me
wish I didn't breathe.
My lips might say otherwise,
my mind might even say otherwise,
but my ammonia-soaked bones
will never forgive you.

You're double sided
and I knew it,
my instincts never lie

Girl you think you
can beat me down,
but open your eyes
cause you're the only one
who's frowning
since everyone's gone running
running away from you
and all the stupid things you do
and all the insensitive things you say

So go along,
I hope you drive away,
I hope you know
you won't send me astray
I've got my barriers put up high
A tear over you will
never escape my eye

You ain't worth crying for,
you ain't worth waiting for,
you ain't worth staying for
I'm gone, I'm done
So get gone and done.

(I want I want I want)

A morning fully complete,
weakened mood,
tears on the bed sheets.

Thoughts of you
should lift me higher,
but quite opposite,
erode my mind.

Thinking in grey
comes as easy
as breathing;
as easy as my shallow breaths
begging to hear gun shots,
but somehow this nightmare,
somehow you are not vile enough
to make me want to leave.

Thinking in technicolor
is a caustic riddle, puzzle
for my migraine to solve
give me back existence,

(My skin my skin my skin)

It's not me, it's not me, you see.
It's not me you're questioning.
It's not me who propels this
dark side of my psyche.

Anti hides behind my friend, Hope.
Anti hides behind my friend, Light.
Anti has resided in me for quite a while.
Anti hides behind every face-lighting smile.

Anti is not my happiness,
It's all the sides of me I'd rather not see,
All the sides that feel so right
when they speak of the
wrong things to me,
So real, so authentic.
Anti's not who I'm meant to become;
a contradiction manifesting
itself into my body.

Sometimes, I feel it take over me,
Sometimes I let it win.
That's usually when people
start to not recognize me,
That's usually when I feel
my kindness freeze,
I feel my impatience
and tolerance cease -
I can no longer digest
anything around me.

Tar

How could you have
expected me to defend you,
when you had, without an explanation,
bid me adieu?
How could you expect me
to wipe your slate clean
when you were never
what you seemed?

Your stain remains though
your traces have been
blurred and sugarcoated,
all the trouble you caused
hidden under your hood,
I receive the blasphemy
and you're a ***** for the applause,

Your lungs coated in tar,
you inhale smoke
and exhale bitterness
just to criticize
what you cannot polarize;
right, wrong, and too much.

Bipolar me,
and bipolar weather,
A playground in my mind
with a mood swing set,
and a slippery slide,

Happiness - a game of roulette,
what's holding me together
is being untied,
I'm coming undone on my own,
say you're there yet
my walls feel alone,

Say you care but
you sure don't show it,
If you care I
sure don't know it.

Do you know how crazy
it's driven me?
All these possibilities,
and could be's,

I bleed and I bleed,
no bandage,
I strive, I survive,
All I feel is damage.

Don't get too close to me,
I might be unkind, savage,
Don't leave me alone,
or there'll be nothing of me
left to salvage.

The weapon you have,
symmetrical, is your face
a conversation passport,
a neon sign,
"Do not begin your speech,
go away,  leave me alone"

But the last thing you want,
and quite frankly,
the last thing you need
is to be by yourself,
where your mind can help you
to slice your pulsing wrists
into a hundred pieces,
and suddenly,
you're a bleeding mosaic,
but at least you look
happy and beautiful.

You puke smiles,
and they light up your face,
but if somebody were to stop you,
take you aside and say,
"I know you're not okay" ,
would you beg for a piece of space,
or would you let them stay?

You puke smiles,
so no one sees your petals fall,
no crutches to hold you up,
so by yourself, you make them believe
you can manage standing tall.

Acetic Acid*

Your effect rapid,
I'm contaminated, coated
in your acetic acid.
You have taught me
to just dip my feet,
not throw my body 
into the void
because the void does not 
always respond lovingly.

You have taught me
I love you is a trapdoor
too many fall in,
I love you is a romantic knife
with teeth,
illuminated by moonlit nights.

And most importantly,
your damage taught me
rapture and love
are *not the same.

i've outgrown people
and habits
the same way you've outgrown
your favourite jumper
like, remember that time
you thought i would die for you?
did you really think my
self sacrifice would go that far?
well, you weren't wrong
it would have if i had let it
but i've outgrown you
and my habits
and this you realized the day
i walked out with your heart
in my hands and crushed it
without remorse because
everyone's always got
their jaws open,
thirsty for more
and i can no longer feel guilty
for thinking of myself
because sometimes
i get thirsty too.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one

Will you let me make
a mosaic out of
our broken parts,
or will your stubbornness
force me to pull away,
send all our pieces astray,
and mourn you even though
you will have not passed away?

I might have left it too late,
too late to notice that
you occupy my heart and
without you, it'd be empty,
devoid of love,
but distancing myself from you
sounds like drowning myself
in blacker shades of blue.

And you're still living,
and you're still breathing,
and this don't sound
like the me I knew,
but then again, maybe
the me from nowadays is new,
the me from today and yesterday
will be dying tomorrow day,
but tomorrow day,
will you still hold me tight?

Oh the fear of being alone
plagues my head,
the fear of losing you
has become my shadow,
following me everywhere,
even into the dark
where shade is not
meant to be found,
my bedroom light feels like
the light of a thousand suns,
it burns my face.

God, how could i fall in so deep?
God, I cannot even speak,
God, I wish for eternal sleep,
what I seek keeps escaping me
in such cruel ways,

Baby I'm in a trance,
and my feet know
only your dance;
Please wait patiently for me
to snap out of it.

How do I milk these thoughts?
I extract them from her skull,
I turn off the colour switch
so she won't want to exist in this dull...
I scream inside her
and she fights me,
endlessly, tiredlessly,
She's trying all the solutions in the book
but without a grain of confidence,
she's a fishing line with no hook,
sinking into my kind of
state of mind for eternity,
penetrating my inner walls,
she knows my name as she falls,
She has become me.

Love (if I'm capable of that),
Anti.

Acetic Acid*

Did you darken my skin?
Have you erased
any traces of light within?
You turned heartless,

I became lifeless,
all that life inside my bones
wasted in all the minutes
my analog clock ticked,

Proving to me you were never
going to keep your promises,
and it wasn't a matter of time.

I know now it was not
the fear of failure that kept you
from trying.
It was the fear of responsibility,
for you could never take any.

I love eroding, it seems..
I love a brown eyed boy,
I love second chances
why not let you try again,
I love kiss me senseless
because somehow when I
think about nothing,
I feel everything
I love you, hug me tighter
but you never linger,
you need to go
and your tummy ache
seems to replace me
but I don't mind....
*of course I ******* do.

Maybe I'm not meant to be

normally spectacular,

overachieving,

the epitome of perfection,

or a bundle of weak bones

held up by mere accomplishments

that add nothing to my worth.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

Sublime words always ready,

ready to be spilt on paper,

ready to be read by accident

but kept on purpose.

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you;

A mystery or a person or both,

a mystery status of alive or dead

circulating the air,

everywhere and yet found nowhere,

Maybe I'm meant to be,

like you,

roam the world without

an adieu;

a supernova for everyone to admire

but unreachable.


**A/N:  Thankyou all for reading! What do you think of this one?

Would you use this scalpel
as I'd tell you to?
Would you dig a hole
in my veins?

In this instance, right away, now
please, get this disease out of me,
you will hear no sirens,
you'll only see the tears running.

In this instance, right away, now
please, understand that the hands
of my mind have turned violent.
They shake me up and bend me
until saliva meets bone
and all I've eaten for dinner today
is "fresh air",
smells of petrichor,
oh how can my mind not adore
temporary starvation?

Please!
Realise I do not want this,
I do not want to die...
But the doubts and fears
in my head continously multiply.

Desperation meets bone,
my current body is no home,
not like any "home" I've known,
and I wish I could "move out"
but I'm stuck in this skin...
please plant some seeds into me..

And then...
Use this scalpel
as I tell you to,
confiscate my blade,
make me stay,

And then I will remain.





I do not know what I am feeling,
I do not know what I am feeling,
but I feel like an abandoned
collector's case left in a corner
to rot or do as I please without
so much but the guidance of the wind.

But the wind is not stable
and therefore neither am I,
I cannot tell whether I'm
imagining this all or
seeing it with my very eyes.
Reality and fantasy have
merged into one and
I can no longer tell the difference
between a dream or everyone's nightmare;
I die in both.

I do not know what I am feeling,
I do not know what I am feeling,
but if my soul's exterior had any texture,
right now it'd be peeling;
no it is not beautiful and it
cannot make fake roses
like an orange peel might.
There are no flowers here,
only a garden of late nights and tears.

Outside, spring is evolving
Inside, my lungs are decomposing.
I do not know what I am feeling,
I do not know what I am feeling,
but I feel like an abandoned collector's
case left in a corner;
I am a case long closed ,
given up on and
I am collecting dust.

I lay in a cluttered catastrophe
of sweat, shock, and sheets,
woke up just before I could see
what you had in store for me.
Say it now or leave me alone,
my mind is not the place
for you to roam,
won't you find
someone else to scare?
I want no part of
your decomposing dare.
I could grow fond of you,
but I'd rather not,
I'd rather not nurture you,
I guess you'll die with
an unfulfilled desire...
But who am I to
deny you your dreams?
Come in unannounced
and terrify,
terrify me.

- Crimsyy

Did we just act
on a whim
just to be loved
and feel loved
without asking
if either of us
could swim?
By now, I'd hope somehow
you'd know what to do.
Guess you still don't know
who's worth fighting
or dying for,
guess I still wear my heart
on my sleeve
up for lease too easy.
You've ignored its rent,
all your love, I don't know
where it went,
all my time, uselessly spent,
and since you're breaking
my heart in two,
I'll only ever get
skin deep with you.

Acetone

The places where you
lit fires just for me
begin to dismantle themselves
as soon as your absence is felt;
Your hands were the stitches
that held them together.

Vulnerability inevitable,
yet somehow it feels
safe with you,
close enough to fire,
close enough to be highly
flammable when
exposed to air (love),
close enough to reveal
parts of me I'd always conceal.

This love is
violent and gentle,
somedays, an arrow to my heart,
others, unbearable to pull apart
and I guess though
that's what love means;
taking the euphoria with
the smoke,
staying through merciless
days of bloodshed,
just to keep a throbbing beat alive
and kicking to the gut,
adding salt to a bleeding cut;
I could bleed myself dry for you.

Roses now bloom
in my ribcage
and stability begins
to collect in these
inelastic lungs of mine,
still here to inhale a sunrise.
And in my bones
a cage is collapsing to the ground,
as sadness reaches its expiry date,
and I stumble upon Worth,
a new city I've found.

**A/N: Thankyou for reading! Please comment your thoughts on this one  (:

Toluene

I've buried origins in foreign soil,
I've buried me in all my turmoil,
but you are the shovel
digging deeper into me,
and I don't mind.
I don't mind feeling the love,
but I mind the sick -
the sick feels like all
the reasons to die.

When absence
becomes a metronome,
I know we've been too far apart,
even hearts cannot force
a beat to leap when
souls grow cold and
hands become ashtrays
in the dark.

And though this world may decay,
my love for you will never fade;
darling you make me feel
as if I'm coming home,
darling, you're dripping
all the colours of the rainbow
all over my heart's monochrome.



*A/N: Utter  nonsense...but anyways here's a new poem. Have been very busy with school - a week full of assessments one after the other.
Please comment your thoughts on this poem (: Thankyou for reading! ♡♡

Your mouth on mine
and I know I
won't be able to resist;
the horror wants to
pull me away,
but you keep me grounded,
I love you and so I stay.
"Let's make it worthwhile" you say
we pour 3 hours' passion into
the last 3 minutes of our day,
I feel the emptiness leave me
to mingle with yours
and suddenly two empty vessels
become a whole.

You float around me like pollen,
but you fail to make me sneeze,
take off your veil,
and look me in the eye
before I rip your plans apart
without a single goodbye.

There are things you'll
never take from me,
such as the joy flooding my heart
when his face lights up,
the warmth I feel when I close
my eyes in the sun,
the feeling that I'm actually someone,
You'll never make me feel like no one.

How do I know I have
a beating heart
if I never bleed?
Save giving up for the weak.
I'll save deafness for your words,
no doubt I'll never listen
and they'll go unheard;
save tears for the hurt.


- Crimsyy

I am just a human,
and today, I am emotionless,
today there is no love
residing in my bones
is a gap

The gap between
love drunk and sober,
The gap between
I thought there was an us
and it's over,
The gap between
I love you and I hate you,

I want to remember,
now I want to forget,
now I regret all
the little moments I
wasted on you,
all the little moments I
could have used up
loving myself a little more,
doubting myself ,
killing myself a little less,
more time taken out
to untangle my messy head;

You will regret this,
there is a limit to
how much I yearn,
there is a limit to
how much I burn,
once I say goodbye,
I won't return, so
darling, I'd be concerned.

I am your illness,
now pay attention to me,
I'm the reason you thrive,
I reside inside,
You're a taxi cab
and I'm your driver,
When they inquire about
your lack of sanity,
You can tell them I
drove you insane.

Thanks for letting everyone else
know my name,
Now my corners and crannies
are home to cobwebs of shame,
And I can't crawl out of any of them...
You are a cursed disaster,
nothing natural about you,
although,

You have the deepness of the ocean,
the warmth of the fire,
Deep planted roots of the earth,
and the breeze of the air,
a breeze of "I'm stronger than you",
a breeze of "I'm defeating you".

But I do not like having
my breath taken away
so suddenly,
I ponder my own existence;
Just smother me in dirt
so at least  I'll know
where the destruction
is coming from.

- Anti

He's got a face
coloured a warm silver
everybody keeps their soul thin,
his is thicker.

He's got a closet mind,
coathanger walls
and those thoughts
*******, they're not his,
they might be mine,
I'll erase them in time.

He wears his quietness
with the shades pulled down
and I just want to
take away that frown

Cause he's got a soul
coloured a sparkling gold
everybody keeps
their soul hidden,
his is **bold.

You decided to
smile your way through,
all the way into my heart,
with the smile of a silent assassin
I can't recall letting in,
and the eyes of a risk,
a risk I'm willing to take
because what do I have to lose?
In the end,
the rage that makes your heart quake
is equal to the love
which makes your bones shake
and out of all the madness
coating the world in debris,
you'd still be the one I'd choose.

you can carry a heart
but you can't tell it
what to feel for you

maybe this whole time
i haven't been afraid of
falling inlove
i've just been terrified of
loving the idea of someone
so much that it overshadowed
the whole.

i haven't been afraid of
falling in love because
i've dived in so
deep under water
i don't want to see the way up
because in love, breathing
becomes less of a burden,

no i haven't been
afraid of loving,
i've just been terrified of taking
a spark

and turning it into
the whole **** fire.

- crimsyy

a/n: thankyou so much for reading! I hope you like this poem as much as i do (:

It is too late -
Your name has already carved itself
into a song- and what an ironic song
you chose to represent yourself with...
I will remember you for centuries,
it says but let's remember
that the feeling is mutual;
You will not forget me now and then.

You will not forget mind numbing kisses,
you will not forget holding me
as if our lives depended on it.
And cursedly, I will not forget you;
I will try to, but everything
will start to resemble you.

Even these words - are they getting you
out of my own head or are they
digging my grave just an inch deeper
into dirt - dirt you dug out, just for me,
with a smile, a ribcage, and
a heartbeat that feels like my tombstone
teasing me, beating down the seconds until
my heart stops, *just for you.