“My heart ached. These people were full of joy and happiness, and here I was, isolated; alone.

I was simply overlooked, they had no idea i was even there.

They didn’t know who i was.

     I wasn’t sure I did either

But in the end, did that even matter? Who or What you are?

I no longer thought it did.

But when did my opinion- what i thought- ever count?

No one else knew I was here … And for that I was glad; I did not want to speak with anyone.

I was filled with a certain kind of misery. The kind where guilt eats away at the soul; it devours the strength and darkens the light. It was the kind of feeling that fills you up, to the point where forgiveness can’t find its way through.”

My bones ache
Like crumbling stone cliffs
Constantly battered
By a sea of exhaustion.

To crave affection
Is to crave-
To long for-
The display of love
And care.

To want affection,
One must first want
To be loved
And then want
To be shown that love.

To crave affection
Is to long for the knowledge
that one is loved and as much as
I shame myself for that craving
I can find no fault in it.

I’m not religious

But sometimes i
see an angel in
the eyes of the little girl down the street.

I’m not religious but
Sometimes I find a bit of faith
In the kindness of others

I’m not religious
But sometimes i pray
To whoever is out there
To help me make it through the day

I’m not religious but sometimes
We all need a little bit of hope
And heaven.

I’ll never be the ‘nice’ girl
Clean and pure like fallen snow,
But I will burn away the hate
And any demons you may know.

I promise that I’ll be here
When the darkness hurts your heart
I will glow, burn, and light the way
Because ‘pretty’ can’t match art.

I’ll burn with the rage of fire
But I won’t be your glowing moon,
I do not love nor give trust freely,
But it’s strongest when I do.

You might only see my shielded heart
And my ever-guarded soul,
But find the crack and then
I’ll be yours- eternal, broken, whole.

I’ll never be the nice girl
Because I’m ‘better’ than just nice-
Because my fire burns the brightest
And I’ll be willing to pay their price.

I tell people that I'm not 'nice'
and they immediately assume
I'm telling them
I'm mean.

What I meant to say is-
I'm not soft
or fluffy
or flowery.

But I like to think
I'm good
and that I do
good things.

I'm honest
and I'll always tell you
what I think you need to hear
whether you want to
or not.

and I'll always be there
whether you're looking for me
or not,

but I won't whisper
fake, meaningless, sweet
nothings
into your ear.

I won't pretend I like
the way you
insult people's love
or appearance
or culture.

And I won't pretend
to be who I'm not.
Just to make you think
I'm a 'Nice' Girl.

My heart pounds.
My lungs stutter,
chest tightens, hands shake.

Words echo
harsh and
loud like two drums off-beat.

I don't want
to listen
but they don't want to stop.

Oh.
You... and her.
Oh.
Well...
I'll just
smile and laugh

and keep your
smile
in the back of my
mind.

I'll just
push those
thoughts
away.

She would watch
the world
Burn in flame
And crumble
To naught but ash
Because then maybe, all
would finally
be
Equal.

I know a girl
Maybe more
than she knows
herself.
You see,
She looks
In the mirror
And believes that
She's plain.
But when I look
At her
I see
so much
More.
I look and see
Sparkling eyes
As deep
As the universe
Itself.
I see her hair
Shining with
Layers
of soft, secret
Beauty.
I see her
I know
Her joy
Her sorrow
Her.

Before,
This was a home.
Now,
It is poison.

I want to breathe but
The air is toxic and
Your words- they are harsh-
Cut deep
and they hurt.

I want to sleep but
The monsters keep me awake.
They haunt
Only me.

I want to rest my
Weary, aching feet but
The chair, the sofa, the bed-
This house
is made
of Fire.

Before,
This was a home.
Now,
It is only poison.

Seeps into the soul;
An incurable nothing
Slips into the mind
    -- And Stays There

You can pretend
That the black gloss
On my lashes
Will glue my eyes shut-
Make me blind to truth;
To ‘true knowledge.’
Go ahead.
Tell yourself
That my red-painted lips
Only spout nonsense.
It will only make it sweeter
When my wing-lined eyes
Give you whiplash
as I walk past you
To get my degree;
My award;
My paycheck.
Maybe if you’re ‘nice’
I’ll buy you an ice pack.

Everyone remembers
That roses have thorns
And that ivy is poison,
But nobody told me
That the fire in her eyes
Would rage and ravage
My heart and soul.
And nobody told me
How much I would love it.

A b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z yes. z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a no. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z stay? z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a go. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z left? z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a right. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z day? z y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a night. a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z.
M a k e y o u r c h o i c e.

It might be in the way
The buildings seem
to smile at each other
Or the way
The street lamps flicker
Hello
As you walk by.

Maybe it talks
To the small town
just south of the border
By way of the people
who come
and go.

Perhaps the spirit
Of a city
Flows through the power lines;
The grids of fire and lightning.
Maybe the lights are akin to life.

Maybe the city's mind-
Its complex, high-functioning brain
Lies underground.
Its neurons are the subways
Moving the people like so many thoughts.

Maybe the soul of a city lies
Within the people who dwell there.
The new ones that add to it
The ones who are just
Swallowed whole

Into the abyss
Of lights and life and love.

If someone asked me
how I would describe
color,
I would tell them this:

Yellow
is stepping outside in spring.
It is the welcoming
embrace of sun.

Green
is lying in a field of grass.
It is the rustle of leaves
in the summer breeze.

Blue
is standing in the light rain,
and the sweet birdsong
when the sky opens up.

Red
is the feeling when your hands brush;
her lips on yours, breathing the same air.
It is the fire in two hearts that beat together.

I wish I could
draw that smile
from your lips

I want to make you
laugh... and-
Oh, i dunno.

I want to hold
your hand
in mine.

I want to take
the fast train with you
and go far away from here.
~
Wǒ xiǎng gēn nǐ
zuò kuàichē
qù lí zhè'er yuǎn

~
Heroes
They call you,
Heroes.
There's just something-
Something about that
Word.
~
I’ve got this special
Kind of magic,
And wouldn’t it be
Just awesome,
If I could be one-
A Hero-
Too?
~
I did my best.
And I defied you.
Disobeyed you.
I’m sorry
(but it was worth it).
I’m sorry.
~
I don’t want to leave.
I’m not ready to go
I don’t want to go.
Please.
Hold on.
Hold on for me.
Please don’t let me go.
~
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.

Time passes
in seconds,
minutes,
hours.

People pass by-
day
by day
by day.

She sits, statuesque,
in the glowing light
of Dusk
waiting for the end.

yet...

An angel comes
on wings of red and gold.
He carries with him
a saving Grace.

She stands,
A hand on his shoulder,
Under green-shadowed
Arches.

His tears flow freely-
Fallen petals on
Stone
Cold
Ground.

Indigo-ivory blossoms
Soak up
Despair.

Why is saying goodbye
so easy
when every word
every syllable
every sound
of "hello"
was so
*******
hard?

Dear [insert name here],
This is For:
A girl made out of glass,
       The world sees only her mask.
A shattered scarlet smile,
        It might be the blood
        of those who broke her heart
The weeping willow tree,
        It weeps for what it sees
The boy that ‘cannot love.’
        He only does what he is told
This broken-hearted ‘thing,’
        They call me ‘freak’
A ‘left-behind-but-safe,’
        There is no real safe place
A queen who can’t want ‘life’
        Or love, or anything at all
A silent mourning scream,
        No one hears her call
The banished lovers lost,
        Because there are so many

And for
The undead ones who miss Hell.
Because they know
Hell,
Is better than this place
Where everything is pretty
And everything is 'normal'
Or it is worth
less
Than nothing at all.
Sincerely,
Someone With Things to Say

A cooling breeze
trickling in through the window
on a humid night

the lights outside
muffled by the drizzling rain,
the rustling trees

the comfortable warmth
of my bed, this blanket,
and your arms around me.

She breathed into them,
The sound of it like a prayer-
Etched into your skin
With permanent ink.

What words
Were so important
That you had to remember them
In such a way?

I️ do not wish you to Heaven
Nor do I️ wish
The fires of Hell
upon your soul,
I️ only ask the abyss
To grant you the eternal
Nothingness
Emptiness
Longing
Pain
That you had given me.
Sincerely,
Jane.

I’d like to think
That as a person,
I am good;
That I do good things.

But sometimes,
As I lie awake at night,
I count my blessings
And I count
My sins.

You go out late
at night, and i stay here,
picking up the pieces
of the mess you left behind.

(i am the mess you left behind
and i spend the night
picking up the broken
pieces of myself.)

You were like
that warm spring day in March.
You were my seventy degrees
the tulips poking through the ground
the first crocuses of the season.

You were the warm breeze
the shining sun.
You were my warmth
at the end of the winter.

but you were also a lie.

Because you became that snow
after snow
after snow
You were the less-than-thirty

The flowers froze
and crumbled.
The sun was still there
but it was a cold, harsh light.

You were kind and beautiful,
warm and bright,
but you were a lie.
You were my snowstorm in March.

L i s t e n   f o r   t h e   s o u n d   o f   a   b r o k e n   h e a r t ,

C a l l i n g   f o r   a   s i g n   o f   l o v e .

G a z e   i n t o   t h e   e y e s   o f   a   s h a t t e r e d   s o u l ,

S e e k i n g   h e l p   f r o m   u p   a b o v e

Look into my broken eyes
And thus wholly truthful be:
Did you love “us” truly?
Or only the idea of “me”?

She had galaxies
In her eyes
And her tears
Were falling stars.

To all the girls
And all the boys
And all those in between

Who bleed the colors
Of all the lights
That no one’s ever seen.

I was in the old sector of a city
one day
and I thought
of this boy
whom I might've
            liked
                to love
                      in another life.
I remember he told me
one day
he'd want to live
in the old part
of a big city.

I asked him why,
and in all honesty,
            I wouldn't be able to tell you his answer.
Walking through that neighborhood,
I think
I might've known why.

Modern cities
are full of culture
and people
and noise,
but the historic districts-
the original apartments
and bricks
and stones-
they have souls
and thousands
of memories.
Those buildings have witnessed
        history
in the making.

I could live here
In this old, old town
Running around
Late at night
Kissing up against
Worn brown bricks.

I mean yes,
Fear can rule.
But those people-
The ones who think
They rule fear,
The ones who think
They are fear,
Never account for
The few
Who stand up straight
And spit on Fear
They will stand up
And slap you, fear,
in the face.
They are the ones
Who will save us all.

Paint me a picture
Show me the world
Through Color and beauty
It never grows old.

Draw me as I am
Freeze me in time
Capture the moment
Leave the Past behind.

Sculpt and carve
Build up and chip away
Make something that will stay here
Stand Tall and never sway

Create something, anything
A picture or a memory
Remember forever
Keep it safe for me.

You are the center
of your own world.
You look forward and you
turn around and you
are still looking forward.

(Even if someone tells you
you’re facing backward,
to you it is still forward.)

You are your own
pivot point- the axis-
The pin in the paper.
When you stand
you stand still.

(Everything else around you
Will change and
Sometimes you change too
But you’re still you.)

**** it,
I'm strong,
independent,
and I'm my own
******* person

But ****,
I'm lonely.

I want
a hug? maybe?
the touch of
someone who cares
the comfort of affection

I crave
that warmth.

We built our house at the base of the mountain.
When the tremors began, we ignored them.
When fire and ash rained from the sky
we covered our heads but did not run.
We knew in our hearts: this is how it ends.
When they come in a hundred years
they will see green grass and purple blossoms.
They will know nothing of the pain
save for the hollows of our bodies.

We built our house
at the base of Vesuvius;
in the shadow of that mountain
we made our home.

When the tremors came
we shook it off and carried on:
it was just the island settling.

When fire rained down,
and smoke and ash filled the sky
we did nothing but watch,
as the air darkened.

We knew- in the back of our minds-
that the end was coming, and yet
we did nothing because what was there to do?

They will come in a hundred years
and see the green grass and
the beautiful, vibrant blossoms
and know nothing of the fire that destroyed us.

in that dark room
Of shadowed histories

the Snake smiles,
and raises a glass-
the Blood on his hands
dripping onto clean cloth.

the Sparrow watches on;
Caged in her own regret.
her face is a blank Mask.

the Fawn gazes across a
would-be bright future.
trees and grasses Glow
With promise and dreams.

THEY run the World.
the rest of -us- suffer through;
raised by Hope,
cut down by Snakes.

I find it funny
How we live our lives
Showing our love
And gratitude
And everything else
In the value of
little
metal
pieces
And slips of
paper
Whose value
Is more than it should be,
When all we do is
waste away
Until the world is naught
But dust and starlight.

Burn the silver from her eyes,
Sharp is the dagger that cuts blood ties

Swift is the arrow that breaks his heart,
Blunt is the ax that cleaves them apart.

Iron teeth and nails of steel,
Cool, the icy wind that heals.

Dare to calm the roaring flame,
Count the people who fear her name.

Drink the blood of fallen foes,
Unseen hands that no one knows.

The many faces she must wear,
A nameless burden, she must bear.

Shadows creep in the dead of night,
The assassin is silent, out of sight.

Slow is the sword that cannot win,
Conceal the flame, keep it in.

Break the collar of restraint,
Black, the keys you must obtain.

Burn the darkness from the night,
For she is the Queen of the Light.

Hiding behind
the lethal blade,
he
slices open to
reveal blackened
pain
and sorrow beyond that
which most could ever
comprehend.

I tried.
I promise you, I tried.
I loved you and
You told me you loved me
And I knew you did.
And because I loved you
I let you go
And I knew
You were at peace.
At least for a little bit.
You were safe.
And I was hurting
And I wanted to scream.
I wanted to set the world on fire.
But you were not in pain,
And that was all I could ever ask for.

But then he came

And he brought you back.

And it hurt you.
You were in so much pain.
I could see it in your eyes.
Feel it in my soul.
And then you were gone.
Again.
But it was not a peaceful end.
And you were gone.
Gone for good.
And he won.
The monster we made with our loss.

And then I felt myself go.
And it was okay
Because I was with you-
My Love.
You were there,
And he was there,
Waiting for me-
          I could see him.
The other half of me.
And I was gone.
And my family
          My family.
They were hurting,
But I was at peace.

I hope they knew.