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(seven years later) xoxo
You have nothing to apologize for--

Not to me..
not to anyone.

It is me that crosses the line--  over and over
again,  just by the way that I talk to you.
I regret nothing.
I take nothing back.
I did what I had to do once I saw the quality
of heart and soul that is on the inside of you.
I asked for nothing throughout the years..

I just yapped alot.

But nothing I ever said,  was not
and is not,   true.
You are every single part
of every single bit of it, young dream

   That.. and so much more.
I could have said so much more.
That is the quality of heart and spirit
                           that you have in you.
I should have said more

But the beautiful lyrics  of your songs
say that I have said enough--
That I have done what it has taken
to finally get the wonderful view
that the Universe  has of you--

    imprinted onto the insides
    of those beautiful eyelids of yours.❤

Since when was it Beethoven's fault
that he elected to allow his heart  to bring out
into the light of day, the heavenly music

that his rare and gifted spirit, so beautifully felt

There is no law against feeling, sweet-one..
And it is not a sin, to choose to believe..

                   In yourself;
..and in your deeply-Loved place
within this deeply-aching Universe.


..Nor is it an offence to want to dream, my beautiful friend;
And so you apologize to no one, you absolutely beautiful girl.

No one..

We were all meant to shine.. as children do.
#excellence; pursued
Yemaya Jun 21
my sister was like a music box,
gentle and pristine
I made her rugged
her walk and her talks

I opened my skin
exposing my mind
and I fear her gears cannot be rewind

her perfect clockwork now intertwined
with coils of my past

I have failed as eldest
it should not be her burden
to carry trauma I've amassed
Yemaya Apr 27
Alone on the playground,
counting minutes.
Too much time alone with yourself,
to wonder why you even try.
preston Apr 25

There is the core of who it is that you are..
inside of you,  my beautiful ανάσταση

                           and it will never, ever leave you.

When we are hurt real bad..  and in such unjust ways,
we can sometimes lose ourselves--

                                          from ourselves..

But that part of us will never  not
                           want to be found.

We become afraid because the pain from the hurt
has been so bad.

There is a central part of you  that has been protected  
from every bit of that harm--

                                      that is the core  
                of  who  it  is  that  you  are.

    I­n its utter and magnificent beauty,
    it is wholly  unable to be corrupted
              by this less than loving world..

And in it's perfect ability  to see,

       it will always let you be the chosen one
                                                     to find it.

This is the picture painted,

             of you,
                finding you.

please forgive my inability to see

  The killer
came crashing down
smashing,  thrashing through.
What is tender's  tender

       so  for itself,   to do?

As it runs
right over the top of her.

This taker.
This killer.

In the black,  
now in between
so lightless and thick..
        blotting out  all screams.

There is an annihilation  here.
A void.

A terror.
To stay, means certain death

      but to leave  
      also means certain death
      So the  d is m e m b e r men t   begins
      As she is ripped, completely into half

And those halves,  into half..
.. into half
--into half..
into half.
     And still it tears.. rips..  shreds.
Until all,  in between
is nothing  but black.
A black it can now  pretend to fill
with all of its empty promises..

and all of its counterfeit, everything.
And then--  just up and leaves
once it is fully satiated.

     And for a while..
     the black had something.

Clinging to the rocky crags
on either side of the unlit valley
are the pieces of her--
war-torn and shuddering.

Of the black, black   empty.
Of what is now  fully

   and  completely  dark.

      ~       ~      ~       ~

Timmy  ain't real tall
but look at his stature,
as his majestic strings   dialogue
the introduction.

And Warren's gotten so fat
See him now, looking so dearly,  back
at his half-pint of Chunky Monkey--
picking it back up,  for the fourth time..
scraping... scraping.. scraping..

But watch his eyes  light up
as Timmy looks up--
  over the top
of those wild-man RayBans

And with a gentle nod,  it all begins..

-- as our Warren  now digs  deep
into his Gibson's beautifully-wanton  ways..



­    Rectifying.

Clarence, the Magician..
Stephan--  Humble, Unparalleled
And Dave's  so chill
he's part Creole.. I just know it.

So great a cloud of witness:
surrounding you, my beautiful..
coaxing  you.

    Identifying it all for you.

"He came dancing across the water
         Cortez,  Cortez..

            What a killer."

ah Neil..
tell me, my brother
have I lost my way?
--Warren digs deeply into its start
as on the edge of my bed
I dig deeply,  into her.

Love is a much more beautiful killer.
M Vogel Dec 2021

Sadly true,  and difficult.. all of it..
but you are the defiant-one--

Your greatest act of defiance
is to love deeply, the very one
that she so excelled at
in nearly completely dismembering.

We who care about you,  cringe
at the thought of you even remotely
agreeing with the horrendous
message  that she put into you.
No one that cares about you
agrees with that message..
including you.

She did her job well, gorgeous..
you are split almost  into
two separate people--
the you who agrees with her
because of the guilt and shame
she put on you,  
for going against her self-centered  
view of the world
(and the all too vulnerable, little you)

But there is another part of you  
that thrives through creativity..
almost as an advocate/encourager
of the misfits.. the downtrodden.

You are in essence, a comforter
of your own,  broken  

and dismembered self.

You throw your head back
And you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack
'Cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
(That's all I know so far)
And when the storm's out
You'll run in the rain
Put your sword down
Dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud
You'll be proud of that skin full of scars

That's all I know so far
That's all I know so far

I will be with you till the world blows up

my beautiful little scrapper

M Vogel Oct 2021

In time..

You will learn to forgive yourself..
for  all  the reasons  why
  you think you need
  to forgive yourself.

The blame,  and shame
placed in to you
was done  in the most  
horrendously unfair way..
when you were  at  such a
and impressionable age.

It  was  your  v u l n e r a b i l i ty
that was so horribly cashed in on.
The greatest horror of all
was the shame and blame
that you were forced  to carry..

as if it was your own doing..

   It    Was    Not.

No masters or kings
when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence
than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil
of that sad, earthly scene..

Only then I am human,
Only then I am clean..
Oh..  oh Amen,

Amen..  Amen.

Take me to church,
I'll worship like a dog
at the shrine of your lies
I'll tell you my sins
and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

xo xo
preston Oct 2021

That which is of the heart,  capable
of making its stand  in the world
  calling "good", that which it sees  as good..
and then bleeding  from the inside
on its behalf;

  This beautiful Art..

This magnificent creature
This one who  is capable
of raising from the dead
    That, which has fallen:

In to despair
In to the Blackness of the pit--

  An un-supported suffering
  An Un-loved, grieving
A fallen-one
falling between the cracks

--Until,  with a Kiss
and a hand-chosen
prairieflower,  gifted--
Bringing,  back to life
all things..  once, dead

in the heart of a little boy
in the heart of a little boy..

love erases all fear

in the heart  of a little boy

i l-  y❤

     You are blessed by God
     and that blessedness
     leaves me breathless;

aw.. ****,  love..

The shame didn't come from me
and neither did the all-consuming condemnation..
     yet my direct words to you  make you feel
     as though I am the author of both

Love,  infused with truth
is a language all its own
but you can't do it.. can you
You are wholly unable to see yourself
as someone truly Loveworthy

You can't see it,
and so it is my words to you
that you attack
     and then run from
     and then run to

and then fall in love with

     And then  you rage
     and then  you hide
     as it churns
     as it churns
     as it churns

     And you think its from me
     And you think I am the author  of both

But it was   i n   y o u   before we ever met
and because of that,  I lose everything
because I won't stop doing
what it is  that I do.

Love is different
than what it sometimes feels to you

Her telephone rang 'bout a quarter to nine
she heard his voice on the other end of the line
she wondered what was wrong this time
She never knew what his calls might bring
with a cowboy like him, it could be anything..
And she always expected the worst
in the back of her mind

He said, "It's cold out here and I'm all alone
didn't make the short go again, and I'm coming home
I know I've been away too long..
I never got a chance to write or call
and I know this rodeo has been ******* us all
But I'll be home soon
and honey is there somethin' wrong?"

She said, "Don't bother comin' home
by time you get here I'll be long gone
There's somebody new and he sure ain't no rodeo man."
He said, "I'm sorry it's come down to this
there's so much about you that I'm gonna miss
But it's alright baby
if I hurry I can still make Cheyenne..
Gotta go now baby,
if I hurry I can still make Cheyenne."

He left that phone danglin' off the hook
then slowly turned around and gave it one last look
then he just walked away
He aimed his truck toward that Wyoming line
with a little luck he could still get there in time

And in that Cheyenne wind he could still hear her say..

She said, "Don't bother comin' home
by time you get here I'll be long gone
There's somebody new and he sure ain't no rodeo man.."

He said, "I'm sorry it's come down to this
there's so much about you that I'm gonna miss
But it's alright baby,
if I hurry I can still make Cheyenne

Gotta go now baby
if I hurry I can still make Cheyenne.."

She never knew what his calls might bring
with a cowboy like him, it could be anything..
and she always expected the worst
In the back of her mind
come away with me
M Vogel Aug 2021

You are in there,  I am certain of it--
Behind the gear's finely-honed,
precision fit..  gear
in to gear
in to gear

into gear..
And I wonder..  do you want out?
The machine  on the outside, self-repairs
Any attempt towards dismantle  from
the external,  is futile..
But the internal,  beautiful girl..

"I don't know what you mean, about 'machine'"
She is apprehensive, those beautiful
brown eyes,  looking up at me..
"Look down, sweet girl"
Her thighs, fully parted,  as I slide
in to her.. those amazing hips,
moving so perfectly with mine,  extracting..

Milking from me, my warm  pulsing *****--
a deeply-penetrating lubricant,  pulsed
deeply into the machine
As if to lubricate its gears..
As if..

But penetrating so deeply, as to now
permeate the insides  of the
mechanization's innerworkings--
turning from lubricant, to that
of a corrosive nature..
Fully coating now, the inner you..

as it turns back now, into that
of a healing balm
Bringing to you  a moment of Light  
  and internal clarity--  
long enough for you to see

That the machine  is made vulnerable
by the ever-changing qualities  of
Love that found its way through
As the awakened parts within you, for the
first time.. understand
the machine's love-blocking, nature

And you begin to choose, mid-******
the machine's dismantle,  from the inside--

'Little by little..

Line, upon line..

Block, upon block..

Precept, upon precept..'

Until we have the chance,  once again..
to do it all again
the power of christ compels
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