When the leaves turn over
you won't be here..
the breeze bristles, stings against the skin.
Wind solemly echoing, something that's pinned.

As the day leaves and the night folds over,
the presence once here is missing..
with saddened eyes and a salted cheek,
the tides roll without the lul to catch the needed beat.

when the year passes and people move on
you'll be inbedded in their memories..
Name in a frame by the candle vigil,
Forever missed by the people you left.

When the leaves turn over...
Our favourite time of year...
My heart will ache for the person missed,
Yet someday i'll move on too.

It's a bittersweet feeling as the illusion seeps through.
Red runs, dribbles, streaks;
travels into the distance.
Crimson molds and darkens the stem,
corrupts the root of all that is numb.
The river flows between the northern mountains,
one catastrophy laid to rest after another.
Water dilutes the strength of pain.
also washes it away.
Another layer, dose me up
The illusion helps to breathe it out.
Black drops of intensity,
the final touch
maybe this will get the pain to stop...
Gaze at its beauty,
wash it away,
start all over; it's the only way.
Dip the pallette just once more,
Down the leg,
exile the pain.
It's all i'm asking for..

I love a sunburnt country,
but now the land's ablaze.
the oxygen we breathe has turned to dust
yet our request for help is denied.
I love a sunburnt country,
but there's not much left to last.

Firefighters aren't getting paid,
Neither are their bills.
yet our leader claims we're all fine
but he can afford to jet away.

The wildlife is damaged.
Koalas are losing homes.
much like the population
as the fires rip through their walls.

I love my sunburnt country,
but this has gone on too long.
while it's nice you're in hawaii Mr. Morrison,
everyone else is left to stand alone..

Maybe one day you'll feel okay.
But for now just sit and harbor the pain,
You'll be better for it in the end.
One day you'll be stronger than before.
But today vulnerability is a-okay,

Because in the future nothing will be able to conquer you.

Zodiac sign, written in the stars,
Fate's not too kind for this fragile heart.
How does one deal with the critical blow,
Both parents, same day
Same anatomy..
How?
How is it that this one day both my parents tell me they have cancer.
Statistically how. It blows my ******* mind.
Stars aline, like ****.
Whats the point of life.
Early 40s and they just might die
Good thing im already dead inside..

Petals in my hands
constructed of your favourite novels.
They tell the stories of bloodshed,
the leaves lined with conflict.
Stem, twisted in contempt.
Yet the petals in my hand,
affection and care.
Delicate work of love,
how it warms these hands.

To you, I share this rose,
Made from your favourite novels.
Whilst the fiction of catastrophy lives on,
may these paper flowers show my heart
forevermore.

Living your life behind window panes, blue.
Life feels like a daydream,
voices screaming to give up,
what are you even doing this for?
Sometimes you breathe, but all you feel is pain.
Sometimes you cry, yet your skin is untouched.
Most times your loved, though you still feel alone.
There's a war in your mind and you don't know what for.
You don't want to be sad forever,
you need to escape those panes of blue.
Hand to heart, feel it beating still.
You won't be sad forever,
I know this to be true.
You're wonderful,
and even truely loved.
Just breathe and take your hand with mine,
I also have scars, they're painful inside.
Let us harbor our pain together, not alone.
We'll be fine.

How does one escape the snowball effect,
when does it ever cut slack?
Dear lord, oh lord, if that's even your name.
Why have you constantly forsaken me?
we are grown to be kind, taught to love one another,
yet I live in a life of bruisement.
What kind of god tortures the kindness of life by rewarding the evil that dwells inside of those who care nothing of others even if it changes the kindness forever, into something that becomes cold and hard, not trusting a soul and running from everything because everything is so scary like being damaged from a breeze is catastrophic to the nature of that once purest soul and I can't breathe all the time because im paralysed in fear because you god, constantly rip things away till there's nothing for me left.
And you wonder why I don't believe in you.
You've done nothing for me. like ever.
Stop trying to rip away my mother,
she's all I have left..
There's nothing anyone can do, it's all a waiting game, a game you constructed. why? have I not paid you enough? was getting sexually assaulted not enough for you? was being kind to those who done me wrong not enough to show you I was worth a little slack? because I get it god you win, I'm done with the games.
I have minimal friends, I'm constantly alone, no body wants me.
You constantly keep trying to take my family, killing them in the cross fire between this situation you've developed. I deal with the scars, the emotional damage. forever a trigger in my ******* (nightmares)dreams.
I've paid my dues, why can't you ******* see it.
Why believe in you? You're no better than the devil.
the foundation of me is falling apart because I cant bare the loss of anything else. the shingles are falling off the roof, I'm ready to cave but I just cant move. The paralysis has me in too deep, suffering eternally like one of your marionettes. Quit tugging on my fishnet lines because I promise you "lord", there's nothing left inside.

I Love You. The scariest words to
say,
yet even scarier to hear.

Whole.
Dinged.
Damaged.
Fractured.
Cracked.
Broken.
Pieced together.
Taped and glued.
Dropped.
Shattered.

the foundation of everything
honest to god truth
faith.
what's the use?
The darkness inside you
creeps its way in.

How does one recover,
repair broken trust?
The reaper is on his way,
your soul is no use.
Call a saviour,
pray to the lord,
Maybe he'll decide to pity you.
cause i sure as hell won't,
so good day to you.

Today I thought of you.
The memories, the laughter,
true moments we shared.
Today I think of you,
knowing that I lost you, maybe forever.
2 years is a long time.
cut-throat to communication.
I wish i could see how you are,
knowing what you're feeling,
but are you alive?
I don't know.

I started a master's degree.
Are you proud?
I hope so.
Even though i'm pushing through life,
I'm so cold and hallow, baring in mind.
Baring in mind everything that's happened
there's been so much more since then.
Yet I can't tell you, open my soul.
I ran. afraid of pain.
Afraid of being damaged more.
I can't take it.
Unbearable.

Today is the day i thought of you.
the first year was hard,
to not think about you.
I was so devestated and mad,
placed in a position i couldn't handle.
why did you do that to me?
why?
I know you were hurting, but i was dying too.
I'm not mad anymore, I promise.
Just disappointed and sad.

I wonder if you think of me.
Then I laugh at how absurd it is.
You were so mad when I left,
I don't blame you.
But I don't think you realised
What was going on inside.
2 years of depression meds, to fill a void.
Development of eating disorders,
consuming everything to hide the numb.
so damaged and alone, nothing helped
Yet you know i would never commit suicide.
2 years of emotionless limbo.
now I'm not bubbly anymore.

I hope you're happy.
Still breathing,
alive.
I'd talk to you again if i could.
Lost touch,
can't find you anymore.
But I atleast hope that you're happier than I.

In this day, I think of you.
I'm sorry, And I miss you.
x

Warm on the outside.
Cold on the in.
Walls that develop enclosure.
Segregation of a compassionate soul
Torn to a mind set of old.
Aches beat still of a damaged heart,
Effort isnt in control.
Motivation at wonderland speed
supressed by depression and tolls.

Pick up a pen, spell your words
line your ink with temper.
Tear out the page and burn it still,
Happily ever after.

Baby, you're a lady.
you're meant to be dainty,
swimming in seas of purity.
Baby, be a lady
Perfect, trim & proper.

Baby, what's a lady?
no really, what's a lady?
Consumed by rivers of lust and sultry.
Baby, i'm not your "baby"
but let me tell you i'm **** well perfect.

Paranoia..
You've got me figured out.

Paranoia..
Come now, you're much too loud.

Paranoia..
Too hard to live without.

Paranoia..
Spelled out with capital letters.

Imagine..
It starts to get louder.

Imagine..
Your body talks.

Imagine..
It shakes, it rattles your bones.

King..
You're Methodical, sleuthed in silence.

King..
You've got me figured out.

King..
Check mate.

I thought I found you..
I was wrong.
I really wanted to believe,
believe in us..
Yet i was ready for it this time.
The inevitable..

How does someone love you,
When the love for yourself is so numb?

Scared.
Moments are scary.
The moments that catch your breath,
Paused.
Motionless time.
Feel the air in your lungs.

Love.
Love is scary.
Consuming potential destruction.
Breathe.
They love you.
Let yourself give in.

Words.
Words are terrifying.
They're either nothing or everything.
analyse.
They mean it, don't they?
Don't take it to heart.
They're broken..

Faith.
It's not always there.
We search for hope in something higher,
but only when we believe.
Hold on, give it time.
even if it's not there.

Me.
I'm scared.
I don't believe, I bail.
when things get rough it's better to run.
Protect myself of oncoming damage.
I'm broken..

Sorry.
moments are scary.
feel the air in my lungs
but when i breathe, it's trauma.
Unbearable pain.
Suffocation.
...

How did we get here?, how did we fall?
Plummeting through the universe.
Taking each other down with the ship,
trapped and drowning in silence.

Damaged pieces welded shut,
we're empty on the inside.
Suffocating in hatred feeling,
turns out we were not good to each other.

You used to say hi with hurried goodbye,
the black bird jets its wings.
Decayed trees linger the walls,
and leaves entrap the heart.

Hurting bares a mark to each,
Souls escaped in breath.
Innocence once pure and pledged,
has darkened and hardened in edge.

Molded, shaped. Nothing new.
Neither one can change.
though I can try hard each day,
I'm sorry I wasn't good to you.

Black bird flies through the night,
Perched itself to the tree.
While the tree is sad and decayed
The heart still feels like home.

Breathe in, breathe out
the pain is all the same.
Faith stained, i'm not the same
Yet people choose to believe in me.
Why?
Meaner, Darker
Could care less about the feelings.
You let the past get in the way,
critique for the way I recover.
So?
Am i void and empty?
Simply because i'm not pretty inside
have I disappointed your old reflection?
I'm actually good. I can't help it if you're tilted.
Before.
bright and bold, Loved by everybody.
Made mistakes that penetrated deep
but now standing before you
redesign, a newer model.
Cold.
Me. You. It's still the same
Hard times, times are troubled
Shield themselves to save the truth
Run. Gun.
Metaphorically.
Strong and confident, in and out
Bare and hallow leaves a mark
With every breath I still hurt
don't toy with it.
I'm done.

Say Love
Easy Love
Mad Love
Wild Love.

We are the ones
In the morning
All stars
Let it go.

If this is it
I need something
Too high
Off she goes.

Beautiful Trauma
Lips on you
**** ***** love
Thick skin
Give it up.

Consume
Crazy
Fever
Scars
Silence speaks
Feel it still.

Would you be so kind
That's what I like
True
I like me better
Can it be you?

Out of the woods
Chivalry is dead
Hold me down
I think I love you.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Please stop staring at the hole.
With magic i could be one once more,
But fairytales aren't standing tall.
Ruby shoes run out of wishes
I'm sculpted, carved. just like pumpkin.
There's just no light inside. It's gone.

Change.
I've changed.
I know I have,
but not for the better.

Burdened.
That's me.
Burdened by the past,
burdened by the pain.

Friend.
you.
or what used to be you,
I don't know how i feel.

Beaten.
Beaten down.
mentally, physically, emotionally..
Nothing but a shell.

Family.
Fights.
all the time, never quiet,
Just be gone.

Me.
Nothing.
Worth and valued,
I'm nothing.

Anxiety.
breathe.
I can't breathe,
suffocated by feelings.

Cry.
Niagara falls.
water falls,
Yet everything is bare.

Friend.
you.
I'm so mad at you,
triggered memories of insensitivity.

Father.
Love me.
I've achieved so much,
yet i'm still never enough.

Music.
Loud.
Drown out the yelling,
I can't take it anymore.

Food.
Comfort.
Let me hide my pain,
i'll just eat to fill the void.

Sleep.
Just sleep.
that's all I need,
yet my voice screams in my mind.

Friend.
you.
or what used to be you,
Cut me some slack because i'm drowning too.

Feeling something that was once happiness
is now nothing but a memory.
Wretched with grief and anxiety,
Pain in my chest swallows me whole.

Caverns of black and purple,
my heart lies deep within
expelling inks in tones of red,
yet my body feels no lighter still.

I close my eyes, there's darkness there.
But there's darkness everywhere.

Water pours over head,
steam fills up the room.
Crossed legs upon the floor,
tears fall down my face.
difference to water is between my sobs,
the salt lays thick on my tongue.

Fatigued in life, not just my breath
each day begins to drag.
Challenge myself to leave it still,
because harming helps no one.

Drowning.
Drowning in silence.
I'm lost.
So terribly Lost.
In a crowd of people
I feel like nothing more than just a ghost.

You're oblivious.
Oblivious to me.

Help.
Help me.
Help me to help you.
What do I have to do?

Strip.
Strip the sheet.
Bare my soul to you?
Not good enough.
Probably.

Body.
Fine.
That's not mine.

Stay.
Stay anyway.
I know I'm not a 10.
But my arms are open.

Attention.
Attention.
Please look at me.
Help me.
Let me help you.

Sigh.
Fine.
Nevermind.
I tried anyway.