I am lost in the world
And I can not be found
I see nothing but darkness
As I look around
Just a vast empty space
That forever I'm bound
I will scream my lungs raw
But I don't make a sound

Then my head starts to spin
And I fall to the ground
Angrily my fists clench
With a fury they pound
I'm defeated again
Turned back into the clown
Not the type who is happy
No, I wear a frown

Always in my own way
Feels like life's upside down
Forget linear path
This full circle is round
Try to rise up for air
Lake of shame I will drown
If to win you should fail
I'm anointed and crowned

There is no love in my life
No one to hug and hold tight...

-

I don't feel that presence
To know they'll be there
I'm not warm and secure
By somebody who cares

-

I am empty; alone
Only hollow inside
On my face show a smile
But just want to cry
I am trapped in a cage
My one wish; To be free
Can't escape my own skin
Life's a joke played on me

As a dear friend you care for me
Sure as the air I breathe
To love me anymore than this
Not sure if I believe
Each day anew the Sun will rise
But nighttime hides away
Thus, your love and affection
If here, will never stay

Was given Cinderella's ball
Before midnight's last strike
Must scurry from the pageantry
Else, face a certain fright
Extravagance would disappear
Revealing to the Prince
Her true self in the deepest way
The pains that made her wince

Afraid once she was vulnerable
Find out was all a lie
A ****** that would pierce through her heart
With certainty she'd die
Truth though, if given that moment
Each flaw the Prince could see
Each one a part of Cinderella;
Part of her beauty

Suddenly, she understood
She did not have to hide
What was closed off long time ago
And buried deep inside
Still with some fear, her heart she gave
And with a lightning strike
Fulfilled with happiness and love
And stepped into the light

An attempt to tempt temptation we're facing
The entire nation is wasting
While the time clock is racing
Sitting idle I dwell
Don't know what to do
A bottomless well
filled with good intentions
That I forgot to mention
while men's sons
climb the walls
Fingers bleed
so I choose to run
Pain outweighed only by guilt
An attempt to hide so no one would see
Added my hand by not lending a hand
The inevitable entropy

Criticize the critter's size
This infiltration among us
A monstrous demon
indeed in need of expatriation
The daily battle uphill
An upheaval, this weasel
An endless war of soldiers who sold their souls
Signed their mark on the dotted line
Became a mere dot left in time
Sand in the glass we know will not last
Last train leaves the station
Can not stay
Have been shunned

Should have listened when told
On an endless list now too old
The souls that time has forgotten
A swirl in the whirlpool for getting into this mess
A choice we did not choose
Being lost made us lose
A loser with nothing to lose
Loose with our lips
Quick with the fists
A tunnel with no light
The endless darkness in sight
Filled with fear, we do not fright
For what is wrong feels so right
Take the plunge
I just might
Endlessly spinning in time
while getting so high
Spinning out of control
This way I live, this way I die

You have brought back these feelings
Resurfaced those fears
Of the fire inside
that had so many tears
A weak flame that was dying
Alive once again
Has now muddied the line
between lover and friend

That's how it goes for me
I don't know about you
The words passing might be
in that moment were true
They kept traveling on
Possibly a comet
As my feelings grow strong
Expectations not met

Once again feel a fool
Even though it's not true
And my heart gave to you
Time again I will do
But this time not the same
It's because you weren't here
Could not reach out and touch
So our bodies weren't shared

Just the words that were said
And the sound of your voice
Resurrect from the dead
Could not stop; Had no choice
Seems like that's how it is
In your lasso I'm snared
All it takes is one tug
And again I will care

Pilot light to a stove
A slight twist and it strikes
You've invaded my heart
Bursting flame will ignite
But if carelessly handled
It's me who gets burned
Walked all over and trampled
Same dolt who won't learn

I have built up the walls
But we're both trapped inside
The tight space is so small
There's nowhere I can hide

Face-to-face with you now
It begins and it ends
I'll get through it somehow
Are we lovers or friends?

A presence
presenting
a continuous torment
torturing
incessantly
until, even with cessation
only a tenuous self
is present
leaving only the resin

The maniacal
manifestation
is an infestation
festering around in my head
Its existence,
a creation
created at inception,
hacking my brain
Forever a trap
creating a
maniac

Acrimonious
to all mankind
Not acting
like a man
Not one word
that's kind
Committing crimes
and getting oneself
committed
A deviation
creating a deviant
Shifted values
due to a devalued
self

An esoteric
essence
seemingly sentenced
on this journey
by judge and jury,
not by one's peers
because the many
not able
to peer
into this individuality
The duplicity
of duality
that is my reality

Challenging myself
to a dual
One in which
I both
win and lose
But in the end
not breaking even
or coming out ahead
Always ending
further back
instead

Its back breaking
and always aching
Pain from which
not capable of
faking
Effort I’m taking
Of myself making
Time for a new king
For kinsmanship
is aloof
And this man’s ship
has sailed away
Sipping a port
at a shipping port
And yet
slipping away

Deeper still
In the depth
of still water
Sinking
into the abyss
Lost and gone
But not missed
Is this the end
of our fable?
Or will our “hero”
enable himself
and in the end
be able
Deciding who to be?
Cain or Abel?
For the hurricane
is hurrying along
Its aim always the same
Constant pain
A payment he feels
for the displaced
placement
which just in case
is placed
same place
he went

Ink in the face
A disgrace
When suddenly
encased in his brain
are racing thoughts
of a plan
he’s ace’n

A label of insanity
given by those
who claim sanity
when the reality
is their thoughts are free
and optimize
a sanitized
and homogenized
batter
And in the end
it doesn’t matter

Offering suggestions
in which they
feel threatened
Pathways congested
and protested
Testing them
Even worse,
bested
A problem beset
upon them
Time to steady
the flock
Roll n’ Rock
Inoculations we’re getting
Start the injections

“It’s been an honor”
Mounting my Lipizzaner
A disarmer
A charmer
The armor
‘mi amor’
Leaving me
wanting more
But as they keep score
the task is daunting
A life that’s haunting
with such splendid decor
-
Yet, can’t take any more
Their taunting
is leaving me sore
So to the atmosphere
I open that door
and flying up above
I soar

Forever more
Feel pain no more...

With no argument I think most people agree
With the adage stating that, "you are what you eat"
But it's possible there's information not known
Having equal importance or maybe more so

All the nutrients eaten; We intake our food
It will travel through digestive tract once consumed
Same can also be said of our actions and thoughts
They're the building blocks making up all that we are

Brains are not like a rigid or fixed type machine
An old dog and new tricks go together it seems
Our plasticity will let us both change and shift
It makes pathways; New neural links over the rifts

These connections might possibly benefit us
But this same mechanism can also do stuff
With a negative scope, the outlook and belief
We might think we're no good; Our lives filled with much grief

If we're constantly saying things inside our heads
Like self-doubting, self-loathing and feelings of dread
Then our brain will re-wire to fit this outlook
Once ensconced in this spectrum; Not easily shook

The same way that a person engages with time
Like activity, also is true with the mind
A small change in the way that we look at ourselves
The new thoughts and beliefs in our mind start to meld

With the make-up within that each one of us holds
Self-beliefs and self-doubts from our birth till we're old
Like a painter with ink; Our brush never is dry
We are always creating what's in our mind's eye

So don't hinder yourself with a picture that's bleak
Just believe in yourself and go get what you seek
You are capable of so much more than you know
All it takes is belief and in time it will show

Uh oh, I feel it
It's coming again
One more unwanted visit
From my longtime friend
There's no notice given
As he barges right in
And no length to his stay
Don't know when it will end

He takes over my space
As if it's always been
Just his place and not mine
Who's the one paying rent?
Feel my presence erased
Put on hold and suspend
Don't confront; Do not face
Feel I can not defend

Everyday forced to face
Sadly, what could have been
Feeling lost and disgraced
I'm imprisoned again
In this bottomless pit
Where reality bends
Won't give up; Will not quit
Digging out with a pen

Beg for mercy and pleas
In these notes that I send
Penned emotionally
On my life it depends
Don't just look; Need to see
The real trouble I'm in
My words quietly scream
Fight alone I can't win

Someone please just help me
A spare hand you can lend
Don't need much to be free
Very little you'll spend
But without it I'll bleed
Boxer who can't contend
I'm struck down in defeat
Ref has counted to ten

Not how it has to be
Room is starting to spin
Get me up on my feet
Reset this bowling pin
Knock me flat in the street  
Won't sit still like a hen
Punching bag that you beat
Think I'm yours; That is when

Rising up suddenly
Spirit back on the mend
You're the one looking weak
Everything is pretend
Cleaning house; Need to sweep
From this filth I've been cleansed
Helped in my time of need
Thankfully by my friends

Days ahead bright for me
My life here want to spend
But can't get too comfy
He will strike; Don't know when
Out my eye hole I peep
Could return once again
Promising not to leave
Me and my longtime friend

I’m a soldier
in a war
sold to the highest bidder
Biding my time
getting high
but not getting
anything out of
life

A lifer
a loser
lost his way
was on his way
on a journey
was earning
a living
was living
a life
in spite of
spitting in the face
of all I was faced with
Couldn’t face up
to the need
I was feeding
A hole
from which
my soul
was bleeding
Unknown reason
harboring this treason
give it time
it will season
Belief system
the Devil
finds pleasing

No matter
how much I tried
and from everyone hide,
including myself,
what was
deep inside
If I went
and made
an attempt
a fool I'd be,
wasted time spent
A lament
at controlling
the tide
And each day
from the next
more and more
of me died

There was a time
when all my efforts
went unheeded
and instead
succeeded
But these courtships
did not breed
or plant the seed
Instead was seething
to be
leaving
Escaping from me
with each breath
I’m breathing

A horrible time
indeed
Unfamiliar,
making me ill
Not having free will
Undeserving
and not for me
to get
Must get angry
and upset
Breaking steps
So many
missteps
I’m falling
more than I’m standing

Steps I’ve climbed
mostly blind
by my blindfold
Its knots
I bind
the moment
I ‘rise-and-shine’
so that
in time
when rising
like yeast,
the hiding
inner self
self-defeats

Every hand folding
as I’m
raising the bets,
doesn't make sense
From where
did I get
this invisible pet
Originally set
and previously molded
in the early stages
of the morning
in a story
that’s boring
and been told
time and time again
with
lost love ones
and friends

A friendly reminder
that a
“stitch-in-time”
is not
a time saver
if the referenced ‘stitch’
relied upon
was built upon
lies
Consumed
from others
that we
self tie
but mostly
force fed
by the very hand
controlled
by my head

It’s a numbing thought;
reasons sought
Elusive?
‘yes’
but pieces
caught
My peace disturbed
by actions
brought
from a desire
to numb
so that these thoughts
will be
forgotten

Decayed
and rotten
left for days
in a
wrought iron cage
Anyone
with sage
too afraid
to consume
but 'In-Doom'
I trust
and with full ******
my smile
displayed;
Forward I go
for sins
I pay
and lie within
this bed
I've made

Not night;
thick of day
No difference displayed
Skewed indifference
to the
different
paths
that have been
laid
like the path
of destruction
from this day
back
in my wake
Bindings
can't brake
A life's mistake
Lay me down
my soul
to take
Lying in state,
a viewing,
my wake
My mind
now awake
-
Cruelty's laugh
makes me
an ***
A crass reminder
of a life
that's past

Perched before the mirror,
my eyes open to see
the greatest of loves there in front of me

With a smile, a chuckle,
a nod and a wink
I’m falling in love above my bathroom sink

My ocular captions
are fixed in a gaze
and neither denies
our lust-worthy ways
Never before
have I seen such a marvel
Brought almost to awe
yet I recant such sparkle

For my status is equal
or better than such
I say with full modesty
(as if I must)
The greatness exuded
Displayed on both sides
It is something that I
and the other can't hide

All of those who now know
and all those who shall see
will admire and greet us
down on bended knee
Consternation displayed
only to be outdone
by illustrious gestures
to this royal son

But enough of the rest,
there is just you and I
“All of those poor, poor people”,
we say with a sigh
They will truly not know
what it is to be us
When you don't have to worry
And don't have to fuss

This supremacy life
is a difficult one
My heart would feel pity,
(If I had one)
Instead it’s disgust,
disdain and the like
The fuel that's propelling me
forward with blithe

Still across from me now,
a reverent sight
Another near equal
and one who just might
be the only one worthy enough possibly
To stand here beside me for others to see

They think they all know
but know nothing they do
It's the jealousy had by them
for I and you
They’re like chlorophyllic plants
Dripping in so much envy
They try and they try;
They try to prevent me

From being the greatness
I know I can be
If just given a chance
Then perhaps they would see
But alas, in the end
it doesn't mean ****
What I care for is me
Only me
and that's it

Except my love for you
It's so deep can’t you see?
It is real
I can feel it
I truly believe
Only you I can trust
The one person who matters
The one I turn to
when life breaks and it shatters

All others are pawns
I can move on the board
Sacrificial pieces
for falling on swords
No dispute; I am king
Come stand here with me
It’s us versus them
And trust me they will see

It might not be today
It might not be tomorrow
But it will be soon
when they join me in sorrow
Make all of them pay
For what they’ve done to me
For the pain they’ve inflicted
Their fault, you will see

Anything that I do
Even though I will try
They keep holding me down
No idea; Don't know why
They are all out to get me
So plainly can see
But one thing you won't see
is not the last of me

Here, take my hand lover
and come with me now
We'll go out in the world
and together show how
Their pathetic existence
can benefit us
We may step on some ants
But there's no need to fuss

The hole that is empty
That is our damnation
Use things superficial
Instant gratification
It's a short-term "fix"
But will make-do for now
In our path, leave destruction
This much I will vow

Happiness, thoughtfulness
or concerned empathy
Some examples of words
unfamiliar to me
Therefore, no one can feel it
Must feel like I do
Only then I'm complete
Feeling I belong too

“Never forget”
It’s structure set
there’s something that
I just don’t get
When people told
to take a sec
The thousands lost
Their lives just swept

And many more
forever wept
An empty hole
with families wrecked
Commemorate
the date is set
As if a giant hurdle leapt

Most people easily forget
A numb that lulls
themselves will let
They patronize
like I’m a pet
Their pettiness
to me will vex

It’s takes more than
just bowing necks
A promise
for one day is kept
Real charity
Not on the net
Read Facebook posts like
“What the heck?”

My boiling blood
want to snap necks
A danger sign
like floor is wet
Not military
or a vet
But a salute
those lost will get

Just for one day
forget the rest
On this day we will act our best
Let bias and all hatred rest
Each other love
Hearts will be blessed

We see each other time to time
New recently, old friend of mine
Each separately caught in a vice
Having same goal; make the world nice
And neither man would be naive
or gullible that he'd believe
Our World is Just, and a fair place
While living lives that are disgraced

If ears I've bent; a tale for thee
Crooked it's not or make believe
Beginning of a good tale goes
'Twas once upon a time or so'
In kingdom far as eyes could see
There lived two sets of Kings and Queens
Empires reaching far and vast
Not once before had their lives past

Each King sat high upon his throne
Great charity; for this was known
So much so that they were renamed
Not shying from spotlight and fame
"King Midas"; the title given
A moniker by far fitting
Not hands held out but standing near
Closest of "friends" quite insincere

Always there was one if not two
Surrounded themselves with a crew
On shoulders they would carry him
That's when the ending would begin
A life that's full; would self-indulge
Within his pants they'd spot the bulge
Eyes growing wide; hearts filled with lust
And with each other fought and fussed

To surpass this, nothing exists
Not one thing higher on the list
Of aphrodisiacs is known
Gets them to beg and wail or moan
The thickness almost splits the seems
Allowing one to see the green
No, not the Hulk but it's a beast
Maker of wars; killer of peace
In their hands wanted, once they see
The thick stack of luscious money

But once the tide begins to turn
Since through that money they had burn
They're quick to leave or toss him off
If he needs them, replied in scoff
A man of wisdom, thought he was
Life filled with pain, so get a buzz
For you numbing will guarantee
All of the hurt will quickly leave

Not many pains greater than this
Seductive is betrayal's kiss
There's strength in numbers; that is true
In time of need they will leave you
To foot the bill; To pay the price
Not just with money; With your life
As struggles hit and hardships fall
No one will help ; No one to call

Oh how the mighty have fallen
Coyotes lunge; Vultures mauling
When tripped up started to stumble
Offering help? Instead they pummeled
Never thought life would be this
If only one answered his wish
They saw him fall; they could have helped
Instead they kicked him as he knelt

He staggered, trying to get up
Himself gather; that's when they struck
And pushing him much further down
Each strike drove closer to the ground
They were his friends or so he thought
But wasn't real; short time was bought
A shattered man left in their wake
Cause not one minute they could take

There was a chance he could bounce back
Changing the course; get life on track
Instead he can't cut from himself
The concrete block that was his wealth
Tremendous love that he had once
Family and friends; played for a dunce
He was a fool for he believed
Was innocent; Somewhat naive

Thought people, by nature, were good
But found evil in its place stood
If warning received at the start
Could stop them from breaking his heart
As a blind man, kindness he dealt
They took advantage; Stole with stealth
A hard life but there's no amount
His values would never discount

No dollar sum he would receive
Where morals or integrity
He'd have to waiver; Put on pause
These are the most important "laws"
Dictating for the world to know
No matter what you say or show
This "takes the cake" and it transcends
Can't justify or spin and bend

His character; What makes a man
Can knock him down but he'll still stand
It doesn't matter what's served up
All might be gone; World takes your stuff
But no way for these to be stripped
Naked and starved with heart that's ripped
He goes forward with smiling face
"I am not them"; The ones disgraced

The Sun gone away
Now the blanket of night
Feel alive and awake
Time of ‘day’ I feel right
Want to go out and play
Others fill up with fright
Don’t know why I’m this way
I was given this life

The Moon casting its rays
A pale hue of gray-white
A new species is made
It’s a fabulous sight
Like a rise from the grave
From dark earth with no light
Sprouting roots; here to stay
Never quit; rather fight

A “night owl” they say
Dark abyss I take flight
Hefty price that I pay
Usually lonely plight
If somebody said ‘hey’
Nightly cake; take a bite
We were one in the same
My dark world could be bright

It’s something we all chase
Like a kid with a kite
The wind swept us away
But that string we held tight
We were scared and afraid
But deep down knew we might
Dividends would be paid
Able to reach new heights

You say that you hate it
No longer be playing
All those misbehaving
Watch out
'cause you're slaying

Relationships fraying
Lose more every day and
No train at the station
Don't matter
Not waiting

Full force
Instigating
No more being patient
Before, vanished; They went
Without dedication

It's not a vacation
Sent to the space station
Left out in creation
Just imagination

A mere calculation
One thing
I'm just saying
Been set back and waiting
But now time to weigh in

This angst
On displaying
While you out here hating
Think those you erasing
You're simply replacing

Your demons need facing
Not running and chasing
A loop
You've been placed in
Self-made your own prison

But not by decision
Somewhere lost your vision
Sent back to beginning
So stop and just listen

Remove hesitation
There will be frustration
No capitulation
And not giving in

Beyond preservation
Give birth to a nation
A 'star'
Who is facing
Each day with a 'win'

I'm very good with numbers; Always been inside my brain
They freely shift and move about; Allowed to dance and play
However, one equation baffles and confuses me
That one plus one will equal two; This is not what I see

It's people who must be confused; Wrong value they give "one"
Because the single integer alone can't have much fun
It's only with another "one" first one will come to life
With purpose, reason, starts to smile; Now feeling satisfied

The presence of the second one gives first one happiness
When one is standing all alone life has not much to give
Can not survive a vacuum; It is dark and empty space
No digit there to interact; One's value just a waste

Some people disagree with me; Say one is fine alone
And doesn't need another one for value to be shown
I don't completely disagree but my experience
That I feel most fulfilled with life when I receive and give

The elegance of the exchange; Where miracles exist
Life's greatest gift is that of love but with it there's one twist
How it takes two to tango; Love is not a solo dance
To give another all your heart is taking a big chance

But can't compare reward to risk; The blissful ecstasy
Cause "one" is more like just a half but with love it's complete

Open your heart
Let go of fear
no wasted thoughts
if others care
To dance and play
Or paint and sing
your heart is filled
The joy it brings
This beauty is
what matters most
No more nightmares
And haunting ghosts
A big mistake
in life to make
To foolishly
For granted take
True value much
Like currency
Eyes often shut
And can not see
Our family, friends
Those who are close
The ones we love
And cherish most
With them time spent
Cannot be faked
These moments are
What memories make
And that is what
Life's all about
It's not that hard
To figure out
Sure you can build
Mountains of toys
Aquire things
And find some joy
But what you feel
Will quickly leave
You'll cry in pain
As you bereave
Yet sadder still
You never knew
What matters most
A love that's true
Cause shiny things
May make you smile
That only lasts
A little while
An instant fix
Is what you sought
An instant fix
Is what you got
Like getting high
It did feel good
But not the way
That true love could
It's lacking depth
Was empty, shallow
Sent down stream
Without a paddle
Love does not
Only exist
Inside the arms
Or lover's kiss
In any place
It can be found
With open eyes
You'll look around
A subtle smile
A stranger gives
Can be the light
So someone lives
Of course much less
Dramatic still
Small gesture or
Act of good will
When reaching out
With open heart
And open mind
Great way to start
Just stay the course
And follow through
Cause what you'll find
Surprise to you
The love and all
The kindness shown
To others gift
But returned home
The happiness
you freely delt
Inside you swelled
Makes your heart melt

Pitter patter pitter patter
Of each drip drip drop
As it ricochets off my window panes
Or glances by my door

The gurgling and chugging
Ushered from my rooftop
Moving with a purposeful haste
As if a finish line it seeks out
To which it will be graded with a score

Their lanes help subdivide them
Into a mini-highway system
Flowing and gushing through
As the droplets begin to pour
This marvelous eco system
Running with high efficiency
A pedestrian in their Water World
Sauntering, I take my tour

These waterways and fountains
Are the perfect camouflage
With their help I shield my pain
To the world outside my door

With so many falling drops
Hiding from others all my tears
And no need to hold them back
My life has happiness no more
Dewy drops from sky above
And moisture pods from eyelets too
An endless storm of paindrops fall
Forever lost what was before

Without effort, cast your chill
These scattered thoughts - I am confused
A lightning bolt I caught for you
But you had seen it all before

Nothing fancy; nothing new
Like fresh cut grass with morning dew
And so my Paindrops fell for you
But you don't want me anymore

You can trip and take me down
You may hurt and make me cry
Even back me in a corner
Take it all from me, you’ll try

Make this pain inside my brain
Till the water works run dry
I’m confused or now insane
How I was when I was high

Spit at me and give me shame
Say that all my words are lies
Just a pawn inside your game
Hell is where I’ll burn and fry

Strip me till I have no name
In this shell to rot and die
Try to make me something plain
But will never say ‘goodbye’

Acting weak is how I feign
Have for you a big surprise
Nothing for you but disdain
Keep me down or so you tried

Not pathetic or so tame
Life I’m taking back is mine
Thunder roaring is the train
You’re a joke and one that's wry

No more constantly a strain
As I look out at the sky
Cork that’s popped from crisp champagne
Rising up and now I fly

Pieces of me
thrown away
like trash
Never consulted
Never asked
The direct result
of another’s conviction
or more commonly seen
consequences
from blind ambition

Paranoid
The fix is in
But no invitation
for me,
former me
or forever me
and all of my imitations
beset by my
limitations

Forwardly I lean
step in between
lines upon lines
hidden;
can’t be seen
Falling ill
Now trapped
by its machine
And from my vein;
My blood I spill

A still surface
with sticky sheen
amber tones
from which
I glean
a reason
Thrilled
What it might mean
A hunger
that
can not be filled

Nothing but lies
giving me chills
A shell
with values
not instilled
Instead
it’s dread
Their words
I’m fed
"Nutrients"
to fill my head

My outer skin
Its layer
thin
Not to attacks
No single act
or prayer
could patch
and fill it in
A hole
that’s black
is my first sin

A game
in which
no way to win
and no ending
once it
begins
With opened eyes
commence to see
The dorsal fins
surrounding me

Head starts
to spin
What could have been?
It doesn't matter
in the end
because
there's nothing
here for me
A demon-like reality

Where what you seek
Placed at your feet
The icing; sweet
Choices; not three
Have cake or eat
One choice not two
But want to eat
and have it too

All efforts
to retrieve the treat;
An outcome that
ends in defeat
A princess swept
off of her feat
But this feature
princess;
a creature
Spirit of
a soulless seeker

Deceitful speaker
Flames;
he’ll eat ya
Offers pain
Can’t heal;
life drained
Then reaching out
to use
life-line
but with each ring
hope further wanes

An answered call
done just in time
The chills
running all down my spine
Stand tall
just like Douglas-fir pine
With racing thoughts
filling my mind
I will be saved
Free from it all
God must exist
No time to stall
In battle
warriors
may fall
but no man's ever left behind

Only to find
With said spent dime
A dynamite kind of answer
-
A type
that might
cause strife
Can't plan for
Needed answer
Plight
like cancer
New chance to live
Worldly romancer
On planet Earth
A tiny dancer

A romantic thought
to think
fight fought
Instead a sinking ship
just dropped
This life?
If could
an ‘OUT’
would opt
No more
can take
Just make
it stop

A girl
who I knew
was the new girl at school
And the boys
all used to
in a gaze
see her through
hollow eyes;
Salivate
as if she
were a dish
And their stares
were affixed
In their heads
just one wish

Nothing new
No surprise
In a trance
In a state
Under hypnotic spell
Never cease or abate
Lick their lips
“Just you wait”
A nightmare
but awake
Lived each day
In torture
till no more
she could take

Like a cake
you would bake
Recipe
you would make
Stalk with stealth
A cheetah
Not a sound
Lie in wait
Fat and bloated gazelles
not aware
of their fate
Mindlessly
stood about
with one thought
‘I must mate’

Every day
sit and wait
like they were
on a date
The boys on this car ride
Not two hands;
They have eight
Always grab
and they *****
Sexually
violate
Decency and respect?
Not possessing these traits

Not one way
show or say
No reflection
Today
What they want;
Get their way
And for her
there's no say
Transformation from prey
This day forward will stay
All that ****
our protagonist took
ends today

Thinking that they will keep
And forever their treat
Going on for so long
They're not even discreet
They're not able to see
that this "thing"
Is a "she"
Cost til now has been hers
it's time they pay the fee

What's in front of me now?
Can it help me somehow?
Does it benefit me?
Kneel before me and bow!
Narcissist
Not enough
to describe
how they ****
They're the ****
Parasites
Leeches
And they are stuck

If you wish
to get rid
Trap inside
Close the lid
Bring the bug to the fire
Ice cream truck to a kid
These soul-suckers will burn
Agony; writhe and squirm
Not my motive
admit
I'll enjoy
They don't learn

Going to
take a guess
that you can not digest
any type
of abuse
It must cease and desist
Gonna end it today
Now's the time
They will pay
Sudden surprise attack
It will blow them away

Arsenal
Loaded up
Today's walk
Is a strut
As she enters
The gauntlet
Starts hearing the ****
But what happened
Might stun
The explosives,
hand guns
When it came to weapons
Truth be told
She had none

Well at least
In the sense
Of conventional type
To do so
Is like them
And just would not be right

But she wasn't unarmed
Had a "weapon"
her 'Voice'
Will be silent no more
And today
Made a choice

She bravely
Was the first
Against them
To speak up
None before her had dared
Each had kept her mouth shut

It's the fear
That's the ammo
To control
their minds
Facing up
To a pack
When alone
It takes time

Once there is
The first one
Who's had it
She is done
I am not
An object
Or a trophy
That's won
I demand
My respect
Like all others
Will get
Perhaps you did not know
But your match
You just met

A new precedent set
Now the filth
Are in debt
Margin call
They can't pay
Feel the heat
Start to sweat
Because one
Becomes two
Just like that
Seams unglued
Thought they could
Get away
But it all
Will come due

Had their wagers
attached
Only to
The small fact
They got caught
Now distraught
"What are you looking at?!"
Even though
They can't see
Ignorant
And naive
How they're feeling right now
Life for her
Used to be

Now those days
Are no more
That one voice
Now a roar
Found a new confidence
She did not
Have before
The filth pile
Could not see
In no way
To believe
Not a "thing"
Or an "it"
She is a
Human being.

You'll always be at rainbow's end
Eternal *** of gold
A fairy tale told long ago
Forever I've been sold

I try so hard but out of reach
With each hand would grab hold
No need for words so please don't speak
Would never let you go

But when I give up in defeat
The cycle getting old
The hill to climb becomes too steep
Turn down 'Yellow Brick Road'

The Wizard who I wish to meet
Told he can take me home
I hear the scurrying of feet
New shadow is well known

But like they say it's "Trick-or-treat"
And both will I be shown
With me you stand here in the street
No longer I'm alone

Now found; forever I had seeked
But actions had been cloned
Reached out but this dream could not keep
Like that; I'm turned to stone

You laugh and turn off in retreat
A call without a phone
A diet forced myself to eat
These actions had been sewn

This game of love again I'm beat
And tossed like trash I'm thrown
You stole from me just like a cheat
This life I live alone

No tears to cry but inside weep
My head, the space I roam
No need to hide; Escape don't seek
From now on is my home

I'm ready for war
I'm ready for war
Let's start the campaign
Send me out on my tour

A challenge to those
up ahead and before
Struck me hard in the face
Knocked me down on the floor
A pathetic disgrace
Left me ****** and sore
Want so bad: I can taste
Change what happened before

I'm not knocking this time
Gonna kick down that door
You'll get yours; I'll get mine
Trust me, this much is sure
Can't explain or define
A disease without cure
Sweet revenge comes to mind
Want to open that door

But inside I will find
Same mistakes as before
Time to leave that behind
I can be so much more
Won't succumb; Not this time
Like a lion I roar
Life has costs; Paid the fine
I've been given the tour

One directive - 'be kind'
Having this, never poor
'Cause my pockets are lined
Can not buy at the store
Pierces through window blinds
Bubbles up from the floor
Search not needed to find
Fills me up in my core

All the planets aligned
A lost ship finding shore
Couldn't see 'cause it's blind
Spent my life looking for
Granted gift when it's time
A full rainbow is poured
Open heart; Open mind
To the heavens I soar

She loves me
She loves me not
She ***** me
Then I'm forgot
She dumps me
But still I'm caught
Took from me
All that I've got

Quite funny
Yet also not
Days sunny
Now just a thought
A bright dream
That I have lost
Was once sweet
But turned to rot

I know you’ve heard these words before
I've said them many times before
I wish that I could use them more
To make things better like before

There was a time these words had meaning
Sheathed in heartfelt cries and feelings
But a shaman who can't heal
Is just a man and nothing more

Like worn-out, old and ***** pennies
Now diluted by the many
There's so many, many pennies
Don't care there's one on my floor

My cries of “wolf” no longer heeded
When these words are truly needed
To the darkness they've receded
Blindly searching for that door

In my chest still beats a heart
While pained regret tears it apart
Can't fix or go back to the start
And you don’t want me anymore

My anger and my finger pointing
Foolishly like I'm anointed
Not the one you are annoyed with
You were wrong; I was so sure

Attentively I listened to you
In-and-out my ears your words flew
Silenced; Gave no value to you
Truth revealed strikes at my core

Awakening I newly have
With gained awareness of how bad
I took for granted what I had
A rolling tide erodes the shore

Alone I sit and think of when
We were not lovers just good friends
Fun times together that we’d spend
And from that my heart starts to soar

Reality then brings me back
Jolts like a sudden heart attack
A deep sharp pain gives me a whack
I scream until my lungs are sore

Can't fix the memories or replace
My nightmares wake me; Teary-faced
Past filled with guilt, shame and disgrace
Start questioning what life is for

‘Stop and take time’
is a phrase to remind
Often paced
in this race
we call life
We will face
Ourselves stumble and fall
far from grace
Get upset
thrown off track or lose sight of
and just plain forget

A respite put aside
Even small amount set
Where our life’s placed on pause
No more trying to get
We’re not running or chasing
This moment is still
Left behind is that drive
To consume and fulfill

For a minute it's tranquil
We clear our filled heads
Ruminating no more
on what’s done and what’s said
Meditating
A stillness
to find inner peace
Or get back what’s been lost
If not all;
just a piece

Like a mighty oak tree
you were an awe inspiring sight
Respect commanded from your presence
Crooked men were filled with fright
And while I grew, your hand was stern
Your leadership steered our small tribe
Fed discipline and regiment
Came from a past you could not hide
Kept calm and steady under pressure
Always ready and alert
The one who people would look up to
when in fear or if they’re hurt
A true natural born leader;
A sapient and astute mind
While viewed as witty and gregarious,
approachable and kind
These qualities and human traits
were visible so all could see
You were a brave and valiant man
yet, even still much more to me

They sent you off to war when you
weren’t much more than a boy
Permission was not something asked
when foreign country were deployed
And even though you weren’t commissioned,
rank gave you command of men
So every day tried to ensure
that they would make it home again
You did the best you could, I’m sure;
Was rarely ever talked about
You may have left, but had it with you
And a part did not get out

“Protector” who is watching over
Principle ingrained in you
When duty calls, the first to answer
Shared the ‘code of honor’ too
Just like that hero in the pages
of those comics that you read
So,“Truth” & “Justice” and “The American Way”
were not just slogans to be said
A perfect fit was your career
to those of us who knew you
Always said fell into it
Was something took “for now” to do
While trying to decide a path
Direction in life that you’d take
It’s funny, often life will choose;
Decision not for us to make

And every time you went to work;
That uniform you would put on
Not knowing what you’d have to face
Potential risks and unknown harm
Like ‘suiting up’ to go to battle
Might not leave it with your life
But did not hesitate or waiver
Was your job; Did not think twice
The risks were something you accepted
but in-no-way they defined
The thirty-four years giving service;
Same town lived in and spent time
Relations built; working together
Being there if ever needed
First one responding when alerted;
Helping those who begged and pleaded
Also, if they simply asked
No matter whether big or small
‘Protect and Serve’ - a lifelong duty;
Run to aid those if they called
But this was much more than an oath
Embedded in your moral fiber
Like a coded prime directive,
was not something you could fight or
try denying if you wanted
I don’t think you ever did
Reminder from those comic books
you fell in love with as a kid

You had a ‘Superman’ t-shirt
The one emblazoned with an ‘S’
Would wear beneath your button up
Discretely so no one would guess
You laughed it off as just a game
A type of joke or of the like
While growing up you were a fan
Since you were just a little tyke
I knew for you that there was more
The message you respected too
Face bad guys while maintaining morals and character
A narrative describing you

By definition human beings
Species flawed that make mistakes
A perfect man, not what you were
A task no one can undertake
I know you cared for each of us
You did the very best you could
but discipline, the critics draw
These actions are not understood
Until much later on in life
The child has become adult
Time granting wisdom, with this gift
Deciphering and figure out
Perspective is a funny thing
Eyes opened after having it
With all you dealt with in you life
Amazed you did not lose your ****
A stunning feat that is for sure
What you endured and undertook
Career added and family too
Not one page could write in your book

I only wish, I could have told you
Finally these things I know
Appreciate in ways could not
How passing time has made it so
But that same time took you from us
No longer are you with us here
At least not in a mortal form
My heart though I still hold you dear
Now added to that shirt you wore
You don a brilliant scarlet cape
While flying high up in the sky
And from you bad guys can’t escape
You kept us safe; You taught us well
Each day your wisdom’s guiding me
Impossible to fill your shoes
It's not something I try to be
Instead I strive to be the best
rendition of me possibly
and hope that it will be enough
when looking down, you’re proud of me

So many thought that they knew you
but deep down never did they know
From all of them a secret kept
There was something you did not show
They foolishly ate up your act
To them you weren’t more than a man
Don’t worry dad, I will not tell
but I know that you’re Superman.