this is the life i want to live
I say from the ground
no it isnt
but itll be part of it
to have it to waste and wallow
the time to let myself be swallowed
I really wanted to brood a little longer
Wallow in the hole I’ve dug myself
But you broke me down
And I think
You made me smile
You ruined my plans... but I think I’ll forgive you
i am tired of asking for help
for now ill let myself wallow
in the water i have soiled
because i know that
this time ive done what i can
to float through to the other side
i dont want anyone else to ruin their
cloths trying to drag me out
I wish I could escape from you.
Escape from the emotions I have about you.
I wish I could escape from this captivation that entangles me,
I tell myself that one day we could be together,
But I feel myself sinking into that familiar dark abyss of loneliness again.
You caused it.
Seeing you with her caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces,
Once again I'm alone.
Once again I feel alone.
Once again I feel trapped.
Because I am I love with a man older than me,
And entangled in a love that will never be.
So I sit here,
And wallow in this familiar desperation,
The loneliness keeps me company,
But only for now.
My recent reluctance plays on repeat
My shaken hands radiate with heat
I choke on my words
Throat thick with lies
I swallow them down
Gagging on my pride
Regret in my chest
I attempt to catch my breath
Praying for solace
My head to the ground
I'm stuck in this moment
I don't want to be found
When your feeling guilty.
I do not seek out a brighter day
A wish of happiness, no more
Vaulted hope; Cracked safe opened and released
Laughter and cheer walked out the door
Position every window blind shut
Draw the shades so none shall see
Must keep sunshine’s heavenly rays locked out
And preserve this perfect misery
Written: March 16, 2018
All Rights Reserved
Get the sudden feeling that I
I'd be as at home in earth as on
Because I get home to no messages
Which means no one knows me and the
ones who know me must barely care
I get the sudden feeling that half
the reason I have for living
ultimately isn't there