Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
The bathroom is white
And bright like heaven.
I fill the tub with Epsom salts, bubbles,
Some essential oils
(emotional vaccination),
And bless the water like a priest.
Then I disrobe,
Fold my arms and dip myself in,
hair weighing me down.
The water is womb-temperature.
I float a little. I think about why I’m here.
I ask God
But the tiled walls
And the shower curtain
Don’t answer.
Then I rise,
put my robe back on, moisturize
So that I’m like a baby again,
And go about my night,
Helpless, teary-eyed,
Begging to be held.
CAL Mar 22
three kids
boys

bipolar disorder
manic depression

she left me to take care of other kids
when i was nothing more than a kid myself

she turned me into a pretty statue
sitting on a shelf

she may have gave me
the beasts that ate her up

i may never tame them
may never be enough

my mother
if you're wondering

gave me a fight
she stayed up pondering

she had stayed up all night
and ignored us all day

she did lots of bad things
her beasts never went away

she had problems
pills, drinking, rage

she gave me things i can't handle
not at this age

she had things she shouldn't have
a bad brain and shrinking body, straight edge scars
and

me
ive never really had a mom, i had to be a big brother before i could have one
but i dont have those brothers anymore either
Empire Feb 1
tw self harm


I tried
my medication
self control
music
suicide prevention chat

But in the end
I bled a lot
And made myself
A few new scars
I feel drugged and hopelessly alone and my arm really hurts...
Mishka Wayz Jan 6
Your mind is hurting your mind is in pain,
Struggle, fight on, but in vain,
I will make you see the truth that you are nothing but rain,
Your mind is turning crazy you're going insane!!!!

Find me in the murky forest full of dark secrets and gloom,
Go quick for while you search for me the thorns will bloom,
The darkness will rise, the forests will go cursed and old,
If you won't be quick enough you will turn to nothing but mold…

Quick enough to accept me as a friend,
Don't worry I have a hand that will lend,
But at the same time I'm a ghoul who is not even worth to be sand,
You are a saint, and!?

I curse the dark and the golden,
Make minds go messed up and all molden,
I deceive and hurt, coz I'm just trash,
I slay others, and I spread pain like rash…

The emerald forest is my happiest mood,
Find me there and I will be good,
I will explain why the darkness is my food,
I will explain why I'm so twisted, dark, and rude…

I always knew I was not worth enough,
Everything was ruined and broken when I tried to work out the stuff,
I hurt others and made others cry,
I knew it was better to hurt thyself and live than just quickly die…

So that's why I took myself to the role of cutting,
My mind is going crazy, my thoughts are rotting,
Turning cruel evil and cold as stone,
Dark thoughts and hatred are surging through my every bone…

I hurt the mind till they get angry and in rage,
Or if not, then I hurt them till the tears wet the page,
I show them how life is hard when you care,
Start living for yourself and finding joy in hurting, it's an order, not a dare!!!!

When you care you got no time for yourself and your troubles,
They pile up and they won't pop away like bubbles,
You get hurt when you care, you feel pain,
You always have thoughts of drowning in rain!!

So why don't you come and join the fun?
Brush away those silly thoughts of suicide and drop your gun,
Come on, live for yourself and only care about your life,
Someone bothering or annoying you? Well don't be stupid, stab them with a knife!!!!

We all have a dark side, we all have a piece of mind,
Why don't we start thinking only of ourselves and come to bind?
We can leave the emerald forest and share our secrets not,
We all, all are just meat that should just rot…

That's right, if you feel hurt, useless, and alone,
Then love the feeling, for you have the cruelty and darkness that you own!!
You know you are trash,
But at least you can spread on others the pain like rash…

Make them be lower than your soul,
It's alright. We are trash, but here is the cruelty and the darkness that plays the role,
We can hurt others till they go screaming and crazy,
Make them see the truth, make their vision be to the reality not foggy and  hazy…

Show them what they really are,
Whether it takes a time of peace or a ****** war,
We will be trash from near and far,
Like reality shows us, we are a rusty nail, not a shining bright star…

We all hurt and deceive, hurting with truth and not lies,
Isn't it always pleasing to watch a child who knows the truth and cries?
We all are ghouls to the people who don't need to die,
We are demons and ***** to darkness, we make others scream in anger and from pain just cry…

I am just a rusty nail that hangs off from the belt,
Oh if you knew how much the pain felt,
Come on, I wanna say hello, open up the door,
Who is it? It's me, the thing that is nothing but to the darkness a simple nasty *****…






~Mishka Wayz~
Do you get what I mean?
Mishka Wayz Jan 6
The drums in my ears, the galloping of horses right behind my back,
I stand looking at the murky thick fog, with the word ringing in my ears, "Attack!"
I stand still, pondering of what to do and why,
Pondering in my head, why don't I just die…

The black hooded riders gallop on their horses right behind me,
There is a legion of them, thick as smoke with no hope of being free,
Ravens screech above my head, smoke pours from my head, back and shoulders,
I want to reach out, want to give up with this feeling of me being crushed by a million boulders…

My head drums, my temples throb, my vision goes blurry and hazy,
My eyes cloud with a murky green color of insaneness, I'm going crazy,
I grab my sharp big knife, and start to stroke it absent mindly,
Meanwhile, I struggle on, with the hooded riders behind my back whle I stumble on-ward blindly…

I still have hope in my heart, as my feet carry me,
I look at the dim pale objects of people, walking happily and free,
While I… stumble in this murky thick fog, and behind me there is hooded figures with their swords,
The numbers so many of them, it's like black thick smoke, except of the figures there is hordes and hordes and hordes………

I fall on my knees, stumbling over ****** grass,
I see holy-water ahead, but the smoke atop my head tells me to pass,
Falling on my face, I give up, breathing hard and almost dead,
I give my last efforts, when a figure gallops up to me on a stallion and with it's sword just cleanly slices off my head…

The blood paints the grass, as my hand is holding the knife,
The blade is stabbed deep inside my chest, taking away my life,
My eyes go pale and my body stays motionless, in a death-like freeze,
The fog clears, the figures disappears as the smoke gets blow away by the soft gentle breeze......







~Mishka Wayz~
(The fog is caused by my thinking vision, the hooded figures are dark thoughts and wishes, the smoke above my head is my depressions, the Holy water is a friend who will really care about me, the boulders are the bad things that I remember I did in the past, and the Ravens are tauntings from my low-self esteem self)
Lynn Scott Mar 2019
Breathe in and out
Get to the ball
Breathe out and in
Try not to fall

Breathe in and out
Sprint down the field
Breathe out and in
The strength you wield

Breathe in and out
You hit them first
Breathe out and in
Your shoulder hurts

Breathe in and out
You dribble fast
Breathe out and in
Get hit at last

Breathe in and out
Air born you go
Breathe out and in
Time becomes slow

Eyesight blurry
You hit your head
Eyesight blurry
Your nose bleeds red

Dark tiny spots
Cloud your vision
Dark tiny spots
Hard collision

It all goes dark
The pain's still there
It all goes dark
Blood in your hair

Open your eyes
You're laid in bed
Open your eyes
Holding your head

Try to get up
Think of your name
Try to get up
Wracking your brain

Start to panic
No memory
Start to panic
Eyes that can't see

Wet tears stream down
Leaving their mark
Wet tears stream down
Blind in the dark

You can not see
No one is there
You can not see
Nobody cares

Sitting alone
No memory
Sitting alone
Eyes that can't see
babygirl45 Jan 2019
If I showed my  true colors,what would society think?
Would they laugh,show pity,or read the ink?
I am exhausted from smiling every single day
When i know the pain won't  go away.
Every night i cannot sleep
Because my thoughts run so deep.
They went for a stroll
But got ****** into a black hole.
My focus is no longer there,anymore
I don't know why I am like this, I swear.
Pieces of me
thrown away
like trash
Never consulted
Never asked
The direct result
of another’s conviction
or more commonly seen
consequences
from blind ambition

Paranoid
The fix is in
But no invitation
for me,
former me
or forever me
and all of my imitations
beset by my
limitations

Forwardly I lean
step in between
lines upon lines
hidden;
can’t be seen
Falling ill
Now trapped
by its machine
And from my vein;
My blood I spill

A still surface
with sticky sheen
amber tones
from which
I glean
a reason
Thrilled
What it might mean
A hunger
that
can not be filled

Nothing but lies
giving me chills
A shell
with values
not instilled
Instead
it’s dread
Their words
I’m fed
"Nutrients"
to fill my head

My outer skin
Its layer
thin
Not to attacks
No single act
or prayer
could patch
and fill it in
A hole
that’s black
is my first sin

A game
in which
no way to win
and no ending
once it
begins
With opened eyes
commence to see
The dorsal fins
surrounding me

Head starts
to spin
What could have been?
It doesn't matter
in the end
because
there's nothing
here for me
A demon-like reality

Where what you seek
Placed at your feet
The icing; sweet
Choices; not three
Have cake or eat
One choice not two
But want to eat
and have it too

All efforts
to retrieve the treat;
An outcome that
ends in defeat
A princess swept
off of her feat
But this feature
princess;
a creature
Spirit of
a soulless seeker

Deceitful speaker
Flames;
he’ll eat ya
Offers pain
Can’t heal;
life drained
Then reaching out
to use
life-line
but with each ring
hope further wanes

An answered call
done just in time
The chills
running all down my spine
Stand tall
just like Douglas-fir pine
With racing thoughts
filling my mind
I will be saved
Free from it all
God must exist
No time to stall
In battle
warriors
may fall
but no man's ever left behind

Only to find
With said spent dime
A dynamite kind of answer
-
A type
that might
cause strife
Can't plan for
Needed answer
Plight
like cancer
New chance to live
Worldly romancer
On planet Earth
A tiny dancer

A romantic thought
to think
fight fought
Instead a sinking ship
just dropped
This life?
If could
an ‘OUT’
would opt
No more
can take
Just make
it stop
Written: April 17, 2018

All rights reserved.
Samantha Marie Jul 2018
I have learned from a young age that I would attract a certain kind of attention. Prepped for the stares I would receive for being more well endowed in the areas that spark lust in men. From a youthful age sexualized, only sought after for one purpose. One glance and thoughts are shifted to fantasy. Never asked about feelings or emotions, just questioned about how I can satisfied needs. I am only looked at as a fun time never a long time. They all believe that because I look a certain way, that I must have all these men in my bed, and that I am only in their presence for pleasure. My sanity is often questioned, once they realize that I am not a seducer or temptress that falls in to the hands of multiple men. But they also have the mentality to wonder why someone like myself is distant, guarded and closed off.
(Looks gone to waste in their eyes, tainted in my own)
07/30/18
I have never learned self love in my life, still haven't
I have had multiple voices telling me how I should look, what I should show or not to show, how I should use these(looks)
My body& looks have never felt like my own, they are loved by many but hated by the keeper.
Next page