Maybe the darkness will bring us together
through many a tear-dissolved dream,
so maybe the darkness will bring me to you;
through the film that clouds all I see.
Maybe the darkness will piece me together
into something neither could see,
and maybe the darkness can bring me to you -
so we can finally be.

Words float in lost eyes,
broken veins are calling me.

The bite of your words in my ear, the touch
of your thoughts as they patter like specks of
rain on my skin, the feelings I have for
you, this undeniable and uncontrollable
attraction... they make my eyes glisten with
happiness and my stomach fill with nausea.
I cannot tell if this sickness that you
give me is just fear or if it is the
knowledge of an illusion that my heart
is presenting to everyone. Even to myself.

I am afraid that when I cross your path,
the sight of me will lead you astray
as it did with so many other bleary-eyed
men looking for the newest drug
to glaze their limbs
and haze their minds.
I am a frenzy,
craze,
sought after delicacy leaving
the sweetest tinge on your tongue.
Wrap me around your finger and destroy
me before I destroy you,
leading you from your path
to the cliffs, rocky and sharp.
Watch you don't get killed
during the fall.
Land right
and the water might just
spare your life.

Breathe in my life,
Love away my fear,
Drink in my mind and
intertwine with me.

Little lady, devil in her heart,
holding you tight
for a chance at a new life.
Until there was her,
there was no weaving
deception. Tricking,
trickling, dancing
deception
winding around your lips
and drawing you in
with the current of her gaze.
No more death for her,
not a second time,
that's what she wants.
Theft, deft, sifting
through your mind
with trickster fingers
with desperation concealed
deep within her eyes,
always trying to find a way
to take one last breath.

So close yet so far, the magnetisation
of atoms is wrenching me halfway across
the world towards you. I can feel your air,
inches from mine, yet time flinches away
from me. I would wish for nothing more than
to be caught in your embrace of fire - two
years of wishing, and now as the days count down,
I wonder if your breath, your voice, your nature...
if it will be the way I always expected.

I am sympathetic towards the blind ones,
Who have been engulfed by how alone they are.
They cannot hear the others that are like them,
So all they do is shine their lights from afar.

They hope that another will see them,
Even though they are so far apart,
As they don't have the strength the reach them,
But they need someone to light up the dark.

Do you feel it?
Do you feel my rotting soul?
Do you even remember the tight skin
splitting at the seams when you looked
at it? I'm lying underneath the cold,
dark sheets with black lines shifting
beneath my surface which twist
themselves into a deep haze
and force my head under the water.
Your hands of ice trail and burn
their way across my mind and tear
their way through my ripped
paper body before I bolt upright
to the sound of your rattling breath
quickly fading into the slow night.

Beneath this dress, there is matching red underwear to be found.
It says something about me, that I like the hidden parts
of myself to be the boldest. Perhaps I am wearing it only
to turn myself into a symbol of ***, a goddess
to be reckoned with, but I like the power that gives me.
Underneath the wine red fabric, I am utterly naked -
stripped of all that is my own and left, stranded,
a faceless body to be looked at. Beneath that
there is only skin,
yards and yards of skin, stretching
beyond horizons you couldn't possibly have imagined.
It glints with youth like dew in the light.
It is pale and untouched, mottled with veins and vessels
all carrying the same purpose: life.
I am haggard, crooked and old
but my surface is soft and warm to the touch.
I'm so smooth and perfect that if you strip me to my core
I'm like driftwood - misplaced and beautiful.
The grain of my body flows into knots and splinters,
twisted and graceful. I'm frozen in motion,
my limbs in shifting stillness, dance
captured in the undulating surface of my body.

Unstack your load onto me
as my fountain rusts out, and I will
throw my love on your frozen ground
to thaw, unlock and lift it all away.

I will twist the sun and the moon
to change the weather and seasons for you.
This is pouring rain,
yet this is paradise.

Dilapidated. Dust seethes
within my lungs.
Gasping
for air, my hands
reach out to grab hold
of a better world.
Fading and old - broken
light tears me apart
for days.
Revealed rust,
dark eyes,
decrepit limbs.
Tumbling.
I am worn, weary,
filled with dust.
Thick, ugly dust,
choking me,
drowning me,
destroying me.

There's a molten ground of explosions and fire
beneath my feet, somewhere
wretched souls go to manifest their hatred.
A light in the distance is slipping
from my fingertips
and I can't reach it,
it's flying beyond my grasp
and I am going to be left alone again.
I can't find the strength within myself
to hold onto it and slowly, oh
so slowly, everything
is becoming dark and dreary.
I am afraid
because there is a corner of my heart
which still feels
and it has been washed a cold,
fractured blue
whose song is that of broken
mirrors and bleeding hands.
Why can't I love?
Why is there a battle of lost,
defeated lovers within me
which never stops raging, a battle
of fear and pain and loneliness?
Why can I shine so brightly
to the newcomers yet become dull
and lifeless to those I have seen
every side of so easily?
Why is there no guilt within my soul
yet the dark truth of death
knits itself through my brow
and seeps into my lifeless eyes
with such haunting truth?

Grass beneath my feet
and soil in my hands,
tipping.
Your lips on mine,
wrapping me around your fingers
and splitting the silence
with anticipation,
falling.
I keep waiting for the world
to one day become still
but you dizzy and confuse me
as if you are a planet
and I am the asteroid
caught in your orbit.

I shovel the endless yellow ocean
and I am the rug, the floorboards,
opening and closing beneath quiet feet.  
Skipping stones and drifting tones, the world is quiet
and uneven, full of meadows and sadness.
Children jump through the bright haze
like lovers to conclusions, heavy with dulcet words
and poetry. I watch their edges blur
as they ricochet off one another
and I can barely remember.
neither here nor elsewhere; I am okay,
a feather on the waves. Something of a memory
shifts across the surface, glinting on my tongue,
and leaves again faster than before.
Woven with the wool resting on your eyes,
I am sure that your bonds are my bonds,
but skin is soft and isolation climbs underneath it.
I am a horizon endlessly unravelling
and you are an echo of a distance I can no longer recall

All I hoped
was once a dream,
but fortune was in my favour.

I came to life
to live and love
and give all light a flavour.

A cave within
was filled with thoughts
drowned by emotions contained.

First of the friends,
show me the way,
to be, no longer, estranged.

Something inside me is like a blade
sawing through a nerve,
jittering with the harshest of sounds:
a crash of instruments so horrendous
it pulls the teeth from your skull
and plucks the nails from your fingertips.
Why am I broken? Why is there nothing inside me?
I tried so hard to love, I loved you
the moment you danced for me
that September night, yet I'm fading away.
There's a plastic shell filled
with the thin liquid of my soul
and I'm seeping out through the cracks.
Soon there'll be little left of me,
only the slightest trickling of leftover fluid
which managed to elude the cruel, thieving hearts
who took me for their own. Where will I be
after your hands brush the surface of my cheeks
and try to fix the many fractures in my body?
I'm going to be left alone and afraid
in the dark at the end, regardless
of who looks at me with light in their eyes
tonight. All of them are the same
when the clouds fall around my mind
and I'm blinded by acid rain
burning the eyes out of my head.

Emotion carves itself
from the tip of my knife,
dripping with blood.
Darkness emerges,
lying awake,
screaming into a pillow
pressed over my face.
Smothering myself.
I will dream
to play the game of deception,
pretending I am no longer alive.
Broken, shifting ice creeps
beneath my skin
when you whisper to me
in your violent ways.
I hear your voice,
hurting me,
compelling me,
telling me.
So,
tell me why.
Smother my bones,
drain my life,
drink my mind
and tell my why life
doesn't work anymore.
I'll scream
with a bleeding throat
when you tell me why.
I'll scream
with ******
when you tell me why.
I'll scream for days
but I'll finally know why.
Smother my soul
and tell me why
as you feel my breath falter
and the spirit
leave my body.

You ask me to believe in you,
To trust you,
To love you,
But how can I do those things
When you are a mere chat window
On my laptop,
And the only way I can see you
Is through a small video clip
On a blurred phone screen?

You and your empty words.
Sometimes I wish
You would just leave me alone
So I can rejoin reality.

I am utterly, entirely yours,
For only you to destroy.

I am a broken glass girl
Being melted and reformed
Into something beautiful again
By the heat of his sunshine.

Wellbeing is an illness that plagues my mind
regardless of what others believe it to be.

Shred this paper weight hanging from my mind
and watch me change into someone better.
The mists will clear and I will heal, becoming
new again. The colour will rush back to
the earth and the grey sky will evaporate
into vast stretches of iris. The deathly
creep of rot will fade and I will change,
watch me change into someone kinder. My
evolving personality will cause
this murky world to be shrouded with light,
to be clouded with right. Hatred will dissipate
and so will the hatred I hold for myself.
I will unbutton this skin of self loathing
and unsheath the gleaming within. I will spread
my wings and be free from this cage of expectation,
watch me change into someone stronger.

An exchange of hearts,
the closest we could get to a touch;
nobody thinking about what would happen
when our bodies rejected the hearts
and we died because of the love that we craved.

Some people are born
With crystals in their eyes
And hope in their skies
Of blue and green watercolour dreams.

No such shimmering exists
In here. The glimmer
Of past wonder has long since
Been destroyed by fear of existing.

I am feeling everything,
And I wish I couldn't.
I want to go back to feeling nothing.

I want to go back to the monotonous months
Which had no colour
Or false hope of brighter days.
I don't want false hope,
I just want to shut it all out again.

Maybe it would all be easier if it was that way.
Maybe we would all be happier if it was that way.

It was a cold time. I lay in the frost
alone, immobile and blue from the treacherous
air, but then you passed and lay with me just
to keep me warm, seeing something worth saving
in my empty eyes. It was a cold life.
Yet movement came back to me, dispelling
the ice and banishing it from my heart.
You were the fire for me, the fire that gave
me my sight and filled my eyes with starlight.
The fire that heated me and danced with a
scarlet tranquility in the night, calling
me forward into safety and saving
me from the wind which so harshly froze my being.

Someday the light will guide you home,
And it'll click, move together, and you'll suddenly know
That even though you're tired and your heart has run cold,
Your soul is not shattered and you're not completely alone.

Shimmering caves deep within
Hold the purpose for our beings;
Shrouded in love and forever belonging to the soul
Of that one we found called, "Home".

They may look to the sky or to their reflections
in windows and water but I am only looking at you.
The way petals fall into the sky when the wind
pulls them apart or how colour seeps
into daisies has never intrigued me. Why would it
when I could look at you, the timeless flower
who takes language and turns it into a colour?
You never die no matter what the weather is,
blooming and blooming.
You make me try to blossom and become beautiful
even if I am wilted and ugly.
You see me as a flower too beautiful to leave
behind when it's you that is the beautiful one.
You're the flower I pick every time I see it
and somehow you never die
because your beauty is too intense to allow
your colours to fade,
so I'll keep you tucked behind my ear
and I'll sing with the swans
because your beauty is reflecting on me.

There is something that needs
to be dedicated to the beauty
pictured within: the effervescent and wild
youth dancing in the rain
of your heart. Alone and free,
buy yourself a single flower.
Watch it bloom in its impermanence
and keep it until
there is no colour left
because you never want it
to stop singing with its clean beauty.
Appreciate its life and decay
and allow yourself to be happy
because of the beautiful colourless flower
you sought out to be alive with.

Eyes closed in darkness,
burning and twisting feelings
call to me.
That dance we do when we're together,
childish and insecure,
soaked through
from the blue, grey, blue.
We watch it rolling,
dull, heavy and silent,
in the intermissions,
eyes open and breath fast.
Our bodies flutter closer
in confusion,
My feet won't meet the earth.
Two eyes beam and glimmer
in the dirt, a deep,
white blindness, and they scatter me
all at once, render me wild
and impatient.
Lonely birds are quiet,
unnerving.
The mountains are consumed
by an advancing sky.
Nothing is singing.
Trees echo over a white world,
limbs crawling over the earth,
a single cry playing on repeat
until it slowly fades away.

You have always been my heartache,
But I'm not placing you under the blame,
For love caught me off guard before I could breathe,
And it unknowingly swept me away.

It dragged me under to a hidden city,
Where I found myself as I started to drown,
So I looked to you to save me,
But I knew you wouldn't follow me down.

I was silly to think that maybe there was something
here and I was enough for you.
My poor, numb heart needed someone
and I thought you could be the firefly
to thaw me, but now I only feel
the stupidity of my actions,
of how unapologetically I pursued you
with so much blind hope.
I waited. I waited and waited
and boy, did you have me fooled,
because I thought you were going
to wait for me too.

For a moment, everything lingered. Words
lay suspended in the evening air between
us and we sat together. The silence
cradled us and we had nothing except
enjoyment - the enjoyment of experiencing
one another - yet my eyes fell to the
floor as I realised that this was a mere
dream, being half the world away from you.

When you are feeling sad
And happiness isn't real,
It's easier to forget how to live
Than remember how to feel.

It's dark beneath my skin
I'm shivering
          Shivering from the
                    cold
My skin is falling from my bones
          Torn
                    and old
Stone fingers turn to dust
Wooden teeth leave splinters
          Like jagged
                    strangers
          tracing my skin
                    in the night
Transparent eyes
          Glazed
                    with sugar
          Blue
                    and white
Black blood pouring
          From my mouth
                    like literature
It's here to stay
          All of it
                    is here to stay
Coat your hands in tar
          Or
                    feel tears
          Heavy
                    on your hands
          Heavy
                    on your heart
Keep your eyes closed
          If
                    you want
          to see me
                    breathing
I'm here
          Ready with
                    my lips
          and my chest
                    seething

Your calling ends and I, instantly, am
eagerly awaiting the next. You change
me from introvert to extrovert, causing
me to seek out your company - you are
the warm place to restore my energy.
This is the week which will last a winter,
and this snowfall turns to vapour
as you thaw my frostbite.

You have eyes like needles,
pulling me together
into something cohesive,
something beautiful.
Soft silk draping from my arms,
cotton dreams, lavender goodbyes.
Canvas memories
written across my eyes
with the sound of sorrow weaving
designs into my skin,
let me in
let me in.
Feel the softness beneath your hands
as you fix my broken bones
with polyester thread,
look at me with your piercing
gaze and repair my wounded soul.
Create a work of art,
literature, mastery,
with the tide of your lips.
Stitches, stitches,
skin on skin.
Now I am changed,
reel me in
reel me in.

There was a gloom in his eyes. A dark, washed
out gloom where all colour faded to grey
and demons spun their webs to lay in.
An absent, forgotten realm of colour
crumbles away in his hands and becomes dust
slipping from his grasp as the cold, thieving
wind snatches it from his palms. Even ice
can't withstand the harsh, bruised winters
in his heart. It shatters with deep, gutteral
screams as the cracks reach to the core
of his world, a world of black and white
disintegrating with every rattled breath
he somehow manages to draw between
the dried, broken skin of his lips.
Life is not life, where each day is walking
into an ocean of dust
hoping to finally drown.

Everything is falling apart again;
my head won't create the words I need
to sustain my fragile state of mind. I
cannot even bring my thoughts forward to
help you understand, or write them into
something cohesive. I am completely
unable. I am terrified that this dreaded
block on my hands will never lift and
I will never get the power of words back
which I use for entirely everything.

All good things
They tend to fade
Leave you reeling
It’s no simple feeling

Like some silly coincidence
It flutters in the distance
I never saw you again

They prayed the night you left
I stood under the temple lights
Never felt a thing
Waited for you to come
Through the heavy doors

The trees won’t speak
Not like they used to
Your alto song whispers
In the forest that festers
With the age of you
The age of you

Throughout the existence of our earth, beauty
and logic have never been as one. I
know that now because your beauty has no
logic to it, and there is no beauty
in describing you logically. These
functions and algorithms within me
cannot process your astounding beauty
and I cannot take it for one more second.
Why isn't there a fathomable reason
for your infectious smile, those eyes of earth,
or your face as it lights up entirely
when you see someone you love? No, my logic
cannot solve why you are so beautiful
as you shine in that light
which only I seem to see.

If grass was a girl,
She'd be so beautiful
That words wouldn't justify her.
They would have to be unwoven and recreated
For them to fit her.

She would shine and grow in the light,
But feel all of the pain in the world
When in the darkness.
It would make her wither away into nothingness
And disappear.

But, out of the blue,
She would appear again
To always be there for everyone who needs her.
Those people, however,
Would not appreciate her love
And would trample over her as if
She were nothing.

If grass was a girl,
She would be crushed by the world
And see a fractured image of it
Through a long broken window.
Her happiness would be stolen by the selfish,
Who take for themselves and never give back.


That's the thing
About the girl named "Grass".
She's broken, unable to differentiate
Between those who care about her
And those who do not.
She becomes isolated in a cocoon of sadness
Because no one appreciates her for who she is.

However,
A drop of rain later,
She is happy again
And becomes even more beautiful than she was before.

I am halfway to becoming an artist,
someone who will have the power
to weave beauty at her fingertips
into true masterpieces.
However, the journey
is no longer one I can enjoy
as it has become a race;
I am halfway to becoming destroyed
and what scares me most
is I feel as if the killing
will happen sooner than the awakening.

How can your hands
be so warm
when your blood
is so cold?

I remember the morning being bitter,
harsh wind bruising my forearms,
skin prickled and rough.
I had cruelty within me until I saw you
and my body shifted in time,
dimensions warping
around my self,
the fabric of space
weaving around my body.

Insulation.
Steel beams tremble under the weight
of you. Eyes, effervescent light
making the shadow beneath me
midnight grasping the earth,
pulling it into an embrace.
My heart jitters at the scent, the memory.
I cannot forget the sun in my eyes
blinding me, the sound of the ocean
seeing the city for the first time.
Now there are waves rushing against
the window panes, sand piling
at the front door.
You got what you came for
yet you never want to leave.
I think I can still breathe you
if I remember the line, the rhyme,
the way you held mine as your own.

Something.
Something about my history haunts you.
I will be heard.
You will feel heat you never knew,
have black spots in your vision
for the rest of your life,
the shape of my fingers tattooed
on your shoulder.
Hearts will blister, birds will sing,
I will fall in love over and over
again
again
again
until I have used up
every atom, every cell
blooming in a dark corner.
They can believe that happiness
is a dying song
but it screams

its way from beneath the earth,
explodes, blossoming and blossoming
into colours that don't exist,
feeling you never touched before.
It quakes and shatters and convulses
in the dark
but tells those who are lost
the way home,
tracks my hands to guide the marks
of my paint on the page.
Language, rhythm,
trace my body
and love me to the grave,
keep me in my place,
whisper to me
who I should love, who I should worship.

You. Always, only you.
Old eyes, you feel past lives
crooning, cocooning your arms
and breathing in your scent.
You know how to find light,
you know how to make my eyes blur,
to make me adore the world I see in prisms,
shifting angles. I love to an extent
no one will ever understand.
I love to an extent
that I am apart from the world.
I feel the joy of the planet,
fell in love with sight and transparency
long ago. Colour sighs
for she is weary, lost to war
and dust, but I will never forget
when she danced in the air,
illuminated particles, infinitely suspending them,
freezing them in time.
I remember how she laughed
when she stained your face yellow,
creeped into your eyes,
golden hours
spent on nothing at all.
I remember morning warmth
drenching my limbs in beauty,
breathing softly
to the whisper
of your heartbeat.

There are some clumsy minds in this world
but she has a good soul.
The girl with the head of fire,
wild and true; she is
a goddess of flames and beauty
in her certainty of herself.
Something about how fervently alive she is
pulls me into a chaos
I hope I never escape.

These words are all I have - hear me
talking, talking.
These words are all I am - hear me
talking, talking.
I hear you calling me in the dead of night.
I can hear you crying in the dead of night.

You lean towards despair at any given
opportunity, always tripping
over the fence that way. But maybe, just
maybe, you'll understand some day that

these words are all I have so hear me
talking, talking.
These words are all I am so hear me
talking, talking.
Hear me calling in the dead of night.
Please hear me crying in the dead of night.

I was told that heartbreak is beautiful,
that I can use it to create something,
use my skills to create words of beauty
from the beauty of my pain. Yet I can't.
Pain before was my muse, but then you
replaced it and now you're gone. I have
no words because my words left me, you
took them. I wrote my love into an
ancient ballad of confessions, only for
you, and it turned out to be a goodbye.