Hello, Nine-one-one? I'm calling to report a missing persons. She's been missing for more than forty-eight hours, and I'm beginning to become ill with worry. Yes, she's gone missing before, but she always seems to turn up again not long after. She's never been gone this long. I don't know what to do. She is everything to me; she creates new life, she brings me new ideas, she builds worlds no one else could create. She's the reason I can do what I am best at, and without her...I've become nothing. It feels like a piece of me has been ripped out and stomped on multiple times. I now wake up and feel as if there is no new life to be found, to be created, to cherish. There is no more beauty to worship. I can no longer bring alive an idea from my one of a kind mind because there are no new ideas to be born. Not an idea to flow from my brain and through a pen and on to some paper. There is nothing to inspire me because she is gone, and probably forever. Without her I'm lost. Her name is...Creativity, and I suspect Writers Block of taking her...

Three days ago you told me you'd never leave,
Three days later you're not talking to me.
Three days ago you said we were cute,
Now Three days later I'm hating you.
What happened to us between then?
Was this last week just pretend?
Was Winter break the last parade?
Before you decided to end my days.
Now I board down a ***** of heart break.
You got me pondering life while standing on an iced lake,
Not caring if I fall through,
Because I'm already drowning in the coldness of not being with you.

Why can't I write?
Why can I no longer bleed words?
Has life taken that much of a toll
That I can no longer write about my world?

Isn't pain or happiness supposed to inspire a beautiful or heart wrenching poem?
I am currently experiencing both feelings in my life, but the words still do not show.

I spend hours on a keyboard, and weeks on my phone; trying to type a simple tiny poem.

But the blank page stares at me, mocking my lack of inspiration. I feel a lack of dedication and not an ounce of motivation.

I've lost it...

I can no longer express my feelings through ink or through the keys on a computer. I thought this was my skill, but I guess writing is no longer in my future.

"Do not quit" they scream,
"Do not give up" they yell,
"Do not walk away" they blurt,
but no one is listening, and that's what hurts.

I have a happy expression
Surrounded by unhappy faces.
Which were caused by me during my many destructive stages.

I ask myself
"How can they still care when I simply have no love to give?"
All this sudden realized guilt
Makes me not wanna live.

So mom, dad, sister, and friends,
Lets bring out the truth
and no longer pretend.

Just tell it to me straight,
Speak those aching words,
Say your lives would be better
If I wasn't in your world.

Because you can deny it all you want,
But your eyes speak the truth.
Telling me you wish i was never born would certainly not be rude.

For I am the storm that has rained on your parade,
Don't worry, my death by nature will come soon,
Maybe any day.

So I'm sorry for what I've said and done,
But I know that means absolutely nothing.
Though I would do anything,
To hit that reset button.

Will you please break me free of these memories?
You were once a friend, but now you're just a bitter enemy.
We're two strangers that know each others secrets.
If you said you still love me, I wouldn't believe it.

And I've been standing in the rain for far too long.
My body has become weak, and my mind less strong.
I’m broken into pieces, from the hammer you grip.
Though I’ll still let the phrase "I miss you" slip through my lips.

I want the good memories gone
And the bad ones to stay.
So I never come back to you
I wanna remain far away.

Because you're an illusionist,
Who has mastered hypnosis,
You have many tricks up your sleeves
Along with dead roses.

Rain of water
Turns to rain of blood.
A reign of terror,
Falling from above.

A maniacal laughter rings out
Like a sinister clown.
We have porcelain faces
With a painted frown.

Riots erupt,
Fear is obsolete;
We have been here before,
No point in a retreat.

Progress?
None is made.
Stuck in a dark setting,
Ringmaster of a black parade.

A kiss from your lips
Can make bitter taste sweet.
The feeling of your touch
Can bring feeling back to lost feet.

Dark days are irrelevant
In this apocalyptic place.
I feel nothing but happiness,
When I see your beautiful face.

But those sunny days
Don't seem to last.
Nothing but storms
Seem to be my forecast.

Because I see you with him,
And it produces pain.
I'm outside with no umbrella
And it's starting to rain.

The feeling of regret
Coincide with the feeling of death.
The feeling itches closer and closer
With every single breath.

The howling winds
Cover my screams.
Bed drenched in sweat,
As I awake from my dreams.

Lighting strikes,
Thunder roars;
Not just outside,
But behind my door.

Rain pounds the window,
Bringing everyone into the hall,
Or was it the sound of my body,
Swaying against the wall?

Whispers in the wind
Softly speak of love
During the summer months.

The trees sing,
The birds talk,
The air is clean.

The world is your home,
Go off and roam;
Leave your lonely days behind.

Be free!
Reap the whirlwind,
Seek the happiness
You lost when you were no longer a kid.

Because winter is coming
And the winds will no longer whisper
Lovely thoughts and happy sayings.
They will whisper frozen words and deadly sayings.

The seasons affect your brain.

The artist picked his inspiration.
The artist found his muse.
He fell in love with her,
But his love was refused.

Until he painted a picture so beautiful
She shed the tears of love.
He need speak no words
Through the painting she would blush.

She was a permanent solution
To a problem many artists face.
He had a troubled life,
And she put him in his place.

Their love was natural,
Their love was pure.
She too had a disease,
But he was the cure.

She would stare into his hazel eyes,
While he stared back into her blues.
It wasn't but three months,
Before they said “I do”.

The touch of her lips
Felt like heaven in his hands,
They would lock lips
For hours on end.

Her hands brought comfort,
Her smile brought joy.
She was so desirable
She was like Helen of troy.

Once dark paintings he made,
Now make the saddest person smile.
He developed a sense of positivity
It became his well known style.

But life is not a happy story,
It has no happy end,
Misery accompanies joy,
They're like two best friends.

The love was still there,
But only in his brain.  
She wanted out,
No matter the pain.

She packed up and left,
Leaving nothing behind.  
While he went out for flowers
To bring back to his lovely wife.

No note was written,
No trace of where she'd gone.
He waited for days,
Wondering what he did wrong.

They say real men cry,
So he must be the manliest of men
He felt his heart break,
And his brain snap from its stem.

He trashed his house,
He trashed his paintings.
He punched the walls
And his body began shaking.

He stabbed his work
He screamed to the sky
He fell to his knees
And began to cry.

From that day forward
He remarried to *****.
He was never a winner,
He was always meant to lose.

Once a popular painter
Because of his happy work,  
Now only paints sadness
Like he did before he found her.

You’re a person unknown
A foreign entity.
No longer in my life
Yet you’re still haunting me.

Memories and people
Constantly pass through my mind,
But the unwanted ones
Get left behind.

Not you though,
Our memories I want.
You is what I want
You’re the one I love.

January has come and gone,
Another day that lasts too long.
Memories begin to fade in and out,
Extreme weather threatens another drought.
Sadness dawns like the early sunrise,
Depression reigns with no surprise.
Oppressive thoughts that could ****
Under the ruling of another pill.
Gambling with fate I laugh in its face
Lying in bed, dreaming of a place.
A place of happiness and place of sunshine.
Sadly no such place comes to mind.
March arrives with four more months
Opening my mouth with no response.
Reminiscing of times that I put to waste.
Reminding myself I should have cherished these days.
In this life I’m sad enough,
Soon to be more when my friends are gone.
On this journey tricks will be thrown.
Not about this journey and I miss my throne.

Note to self:

- Never love again
- Love is a limited trend
- Never be their friend
- Walk away in the end
- You’ll only get hurt
- Don’t even try to flirt
- Shutter your feelings
- Remember your heart isn't done healing

My life is a whirlpool of darkness.
I'm living in seclusion like the Loch Ness.
And in this life I really try my ******* best,
But I always end up getting treated worst than the rest.

At least in my eyes;
At least in my dark mind.
I used to be the positive kid,
But now I always wake up thinking negative.

Destruction has corrupted
My ill mind that's erupted.
And now I just say ***** it.
My attitude has changed,
But everyone is just clueless.

Oblivious to the situation,
Do I need to draw you an illustration?
Of how I’ll be dead soon enough,
Cause I look at this world in disgust.

Smoke rises from the water
Like my love rises from the grave.
Up until this very day
I thought everything would be okay.
But that was until I saw an old photo of a ghost.
A person that I miss and love the most.
But that connection is dead.
The bones broken down to meal.
So I need to walk away
And act like it's no big deal.

I feel the walls of my mentality breaking down. The defense mechanism has failed. My weakness has been found.

Bombs bombard my frontal lobes. How much time do I have left? That's a question nobody knows.

But the army of stress wages through. Setting fire and killing cells,
torturing them as the army continues to move.

My head throbs with pain, my legs join my arms in what feels like an earthquake; Heart pounds with tremendous force, my body is on a crash course.

The room becomes an amusement park ride. While different moods pass me by. Day after day the symptoms increase. Today may be the day when I accept defeat.

Socializing has become a thing of the past, all I have is panic attacks. Happiness has finally been lost. Without a map, and at what cost?

Control center has been compromised. Here I am, I have met my demise.

He's so possessive
He turns aggressive.
Fire burns his passion
And his intentions impure.

Being over protective
Is not impressive.
Locked in a prison
Is what it's like.

Abusive,
Bruises,
Secluded,
Excuses.

Love has become an illusion.
A mystery is the conclusion.
Fear has polluted your body.
Cleaning yourself up has become your new hobby.

I write poems,
I write home.
Missing everyone
And I feel alone.

State of sunshine
Not in my mind.
"How you doing?"
I'm doing fine.

But that's a lie
And I wanna die.
All I got here
Is to get high.

My dad is here
But he cause tears.
Verbal abuse
Lingers near.

Words hurt but he don't know.
Only 5 months but it went slow.
Plan landed and I came home.
Now I no longer feel alone.

Down and out
Running into the ground
U are always there for me
Galaxy I'm chilling in
Sadness is a sin when you're druggin

You wrote me like a book.
You made me who I am.
Before I met you I was a boy.
After you, I was a man.

A broken man though,
Unrecognizably shattered.
Heart ripped from my chest,
Then stomped on, and left battered.

It's my own fault though.
I was a man, but immature.
I was blinded by personal problems.
When I should have been blinded by your allure.

But your heart is more broken.
I can tell from when we talk.
I can tell every time we texted.
And I could tell on our last walk.

Trust and kindness is what you sought.
And trust and kindness is what I brought.
But as we developed. You saw different.
Our love was free but became imprisoned.

It's still locked up.
Serving 25 to life.
But if it ever gets out.
I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you.

No Lights

I sit in my quiet room
Where no one can bother me.
Where I can't hear anything.
I can't hear any yelling, fighting, or screams.

in this room I write.
I write my life away.
I also dream in here.
I dream for better days.

At a young age.
No kid should see these fights.
That's why I sit in my closest.
Where I can't see anything.
Because there are no lights.

It's 3am and the sky is dark.
Except for the stars
That make up a work of art.

No clouds, no fuss.
The moonshines through,
Lighting my room just enough.

A rough day of a rough week,
But this is the best time.
A time of peace.

Nature is calming.
Nature is anxieties worst enemy.
At 3 in the morning
The world doesn't exist to me.

Your laugh made me smile
In the most down of times.
I was the luckiest guy
To have called you mine.

Your hair was so soft,
Your eyes were so calm,
And your lips always tasted like
That special cherry lip balm.

When I was with you,
Everything felt right.
My favorite moments
Were when we would stay up all night.

All we did was talk.
There was no fighting.
We talked about everything.
While in the covers we were hiding.

We slept all day,
We were perfect from the start,
I just wish I could turn back time,
And redo my part.

I really did love you,
I wish you believed me,
Because maybe if we tried,
We’d still be cuddling.

So high you can’t stand straight.
So you call me up even though it’s late.
It’s been six months since the last time we talked,
But at 2 a.m I took that extra long walk.
I was tired as ****, but I definitely did it,
Because I still cared for you,
Even though I should have quit it.

I carried you home that night on my back.
And the next day, you didn’t even have the courtesy to text me back.
Until three months later when you were in the same predicament.
And once again, I got up to take care of your incident.

That night you were too drunk to drive,
Even though you grabbed your keys and were about to say goodbye.
Luckily, your friend Lucy called me on my phone.
Said she wanted me to take you home.

I tucked you into bed and I told you goodnight,
Slept on the couch, until the day shined light.
And in walked your mom, She asked why I wasn’t home.
I had to tell her I didn’t want you sleeping alone.

I said you were sick and I just left.
I did want to be the one to talk about our mess.
After that day, we never said hi,
Even though I saw you getting high
Right after school by the coffee shop,
I just walked pass, didn’t want to stop.

You didn’t make any moves,
I guess that’s cool.
Just realize what I did for you.

What I did was love after you ****** me over,
Before our relationship, I was like your brother.
And like my real family, you just walked out.
Explanation is the key sentence you left out.

It’s all good though; I try not to care anyways.
I try to stay positive, look forward to better days.
I’ll find love, and maybe this time it’ll be different.
That’s if I buck up and just listen.

Finding peace on earth,
I lay out like a star.
In the middle of a field
Away from it all.

The clouds float by
Fading away,
As my imagination
Begins to play.

The wind blows soft
The trees speak words.
Creatures all around me,
I hear whistles from the birds.

The skies are blue,
I can see into space.
I close my eyes,
And drift to my happy place.

This is what it’s like,
To feel relaxed and alive.
No drugs or alcohol,
I don’t need to be high.

Rainbow skies
& Blue Eyes.
Beauty so magnificent
It can make a grown man cry.

Flowers dance
At the sound of your voice.
A man should count his stars
If he’s your choice.

So much luck
He’s a four leaf clover.
Luck of the Irish,
If you’re his lover.

If he is
I’m happy for you,
Though my smile
Is painted on a mask.

If I’m a “friend”
I’m bound by silence.
But why should I speak?
If you found your significant other.

I remember that one night,
Your hands were so cold.
And all through the night,
They were mine to hold.

Our arms wrapped each other
While the blankets wrapped us,
It was you and me,
And no one else.

The TV was off,
The room was dimmed.
The candles shined bright,
Shadows bounced off the trim.

I stared into your eyes,
For what was nearly two hours.
I was lost in their beauty
Like I was staring at flowers.

That night I said I love you,
And a smile filled your face.
It was the first time I ever said it,
I just couldn’t wait.

That night was very special,
Because I spent it with you.
How much I miss those nights,
You have no clue.

I’d make a deal with the devil,
Just to get those nights back.
You and I belong together,
Opposites do attract.

There are flowers in the garden,
There are flowers near our feet,
There are flowers all around us,
They grow from underneath.

There are flowers in your house,
There can be flowers in your hair,
Flowers can make you smile,
In a time of despair.

Flowers are what you give a girl,
On any given day.
Especially when she’s sad,
It’ll make her feel okay.

Or give one to your mom
To show your appreciation.
Flowers are what you use
During any type of celebration.

Right now, I see some flowers,
They’re quite eye catching.
I appreciate everyone who should up,
But I must be going.

There are flowers in the room,
So please no one cry.
I’m going to a better place,
It’s time to say goodbye.

My mother begins to talk,
She talks as she weeps.
I kiss her on the forehead,
Before I have to leave.

I hope she felt my presence,
As I float up above.
People brought me flowers,
I definitely feel the love.

Another win, another celebration.
Fifteen world championships
That’s inspiration.

But are you ready? For the beast?
Because rumors are swirling
That he’s been released.

Four men are the least of your worries,
Because you’re about to be interrupted
On this golden journey.

You've defeated him once before,
But he is no longer weak.
As he is much stronger
Since he defeated the deadman's streak.

Now he’s coming for you,
And your championship.
It’s not so much another run,
But for the pain he loves to inflict.

So forget Mr. Money in the Bank,
And the four other gladiators.  
Enjoy your title run now, Cena.
Because Brock Lesnar is an annihilator

Hey, Mr. G, remember me? I was the kid in the class with Davey G. And after I moved on to another grade, I continued to visit you so in your memory I wouldn't fade. I just wanted to say, you meant a lot to me, because you were the only teacher that didn't look down on me. You gave me hope, you gave me inspiration. Even though I didn't follow your advice through graduation. But you did a lot for us, and all your other kids. And because you were the cool teacher, the board treated you like spit. But you made school worth going to, you changed all of our lives. We became sort of a family in 5th period, even if all we did was fight. Because of you, I passed and went to the eleventh grade. You did everything you could even though you were underpaid. And let’s not forget what you did for Davey G. He wanted to drop out, I remember those words “Mr. G, you saved me”. Though we didn't exactly follow through, and ended up in bad places, you gave us hope for a minute, you didn't judge our cover, but read through our pages. The day you said they were firing you, I swear I shed a tear. I knew what you were going through, and I felt your fear. I tried everything to save you, but it was too **** late. I remember the goodbye like it was yesterday. I shook your hand the way you taught me to, and we shared a gripping hug. That day was one that surely ******. But not as much as the first day of the next year, when I walked past your class, just to see some teacher yelling at their kids, looking like an ***. But I hope you’re good G, because I think of you a lot. I hope you got a better job, because you deserve another shot. I hope your future students appreciate you as much as I do, and hopefully we cross paths again, because that’d be pretty cool.

The sunset glows a golden hue,
Not a white cloud in the sky.
The rain has just passed us
And the wind is waving goodbye.

The storm is still roaring thunder.
Letting us know of its presence.
Thank you for cooling the earth.
The humidity was quite unpleasant.

I stand outside for a smoke,
Feeling the soft cool breeze,
I close my eyes and relax,
I haven’t been this calm in weeks.

As night dawns upon us,
The sun says goodbye.
But beauty isn't gone,
Here comes the night sky.

You’re my father and I strongly dislike you.
I can name a hundred reasons for why I do.
But let’s start with the first, how you treat my mom.
I don’t care who you are, you do that, and you’re gone.
My mom is my life, I love her, and she is my protector.
She always has been since you were never there.
The way you talked to her and the way you treated her.
My entire childhood was an emotional roller coaster.
Spending hours with my mom, who was crying in bed,
All because you couldn't keep a calm head.
Then you’d yell at me when I told you what you did.
I was only looking after my mom, I was only a kid.
That’s all I remember, is you’re verbal abuse.
Always with your big mouth always profuse.
Still to this day, you’re still picking on us.
That’s why I packed and I left your house.
I came back home, where my heart belongs.
To stay here with the parent I love, my mom.

All I am…
Is less the man
Than I used to be.
I crumble more
Every single day.
I have no idea
How to Stop
The decay.
All I am…
Is a wounded soldier
Left on the battlefield,
Left to die left to be killed.
No man left behind?
Motto for the military
Not the motto for life.
“Given up? Here’s a knife”
“**** yourself, because you’re useless”
“Don’t know how to fix yourself you’re clueless”
Says the man in my head every day.
All I am…
Trying to do
Is find my way back.
But confidence, and energy
Is something I greatly lack.
No map, gps, or phone.
I’m out here all alone.
Who Am I?
I don’t know.
All I am…
Is a lost soul.

I remember the first time we said hi
You complimented my shirt
Then said goodbye.
I remember the first day I came over
We went to bed drunk
And woke up hung-over.
I remember the day I asked you out
I remember that smile
I remember that night out.
It was the fourth of July
An oh so magical night.
Before the arguments and before the fights.
I remember thinking how lucky I was
I remember how all night we hugged.
The fireworks shined bright like your eyes,
I had to have been the luckiest guy alive.
I held your hand that entire day,
I remember how the skies turned gray,
But with you by my side,
It was like the sun stilled shined.
That day I made you mine,
I wish, I wish you were still mine.

In your arms I felt comfort.
In your arms I was when it thundered.
In your arms I felt security.
In your arms felt like eternity.
In your arms I liked to stay.
In your arms I’d spend all day.
In your arms I felt more than loved.
In your arms I got a sense of trust.
In your arms I held you back.
In your arms I kissed your neck.
In your arms was the very best thing.
Being in your arms meant everything.

The worst type of critic
Is the critic with in me.
I always judge my work
Even if it's written perfectly.

Just like other critics,
I cannot silence this one.
But it takes a toll on my work,
It takes out all the major fun.

I love to write,
I love to share my ideas.
But I think all my work is crud
Even if it's beloved by my peers.

This makes the delete button
Oh so popular.
The inner criticism is choking me
He's got his hands against my jugular.

But I love what I do,
And I'll fight to the death,
Even if my work does ****,
At least I tried my best.

I have to remember,
The best is what matters,
Practice makes perfect
I just have to continue climbing that ladder.

It'll be a tremendous feeling,
When I reach the top,
Because I'll know no critics
Even myself,
Made me stop what I love doing.

Writing.

Those thick thighs
are a sight for sore eyes
But your best feature
has to be your brown eyes.

and this aint a lie,
When I say im in love with you.
We haven't talked much,
but baby im drawn to you.

I miss you so much,
from the second you leave,
I can't stand you go home
to that ****** bag steve.

When im the guy
you so rightfully deserve.
I don't mean to be cocky
but you said it first.

but i'll wait for the day
When you come back and say,
That you wanna be with me
until our final days.

Sadly, you never did,
I was just another kid,
Who you wanted to ****
and then called it quits.

Such a hippocrite
After running your lips
about how much ******* one over
makes you wanna flip.

But thats exactly what you did
and don't even try to deny it,
Because if you do I got ammo
to call you out on your ****.

So whatever,
you're just another girl.
Another human being passing me
in this ****** up world.

You've come and gone,
And I'm moving on.
Don't even try to chat me,
I'm way too strong.

Your eyes speak words
Your mouth can't
or is afraid to.

Your smile says more
Than a picture.
A prize winning photo.

Your hair speaks comfort
I wanna spend eternity
In your arms.

My heart beats
endlessly
for your love,
In not sure i have.

May 13, 2014                             8:21 PM

Would you take me back if we had one long talk?
Or would you continue not to listen and carry on your walk?
If we had proper closure, and maybe settled things,
I could prove to you how you were and still are the girl of my dreams.

I did a **** job the first time, but everyone deserves a second try.
Though, if it truly isn’t meant to be, I want a proper goodbye.
Not the **** hug we shared on that warm night last summer,
Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but it was quite a ******.

I was moving up north the very next day,
Chillin for only 15 minutes was not okay.  
I want to prove to you I’m the proper guy,
Take me back and I promise to never make you cry.