He's so possessive
He turns aggressive.
Fire burns his passion
And his intentions impure.

Being over protective
Is not impressive.
Locked in a prison
Is what it's like.

Abusive,
Bruises,
Secluded,
Excuses.

Love has become an illusion.
A mystery is the conclusion.
Fear has polluted your body.
Cleaning yourself up has become your new hobby.

Another win, another celebration.
Fifteen world championships
That’s inspiration.

But are you ready? For the beast?
Because rumors are swirling
That he’s been released.

Four men are the least of your worries,
Because you’re about to be interrupted
On this golden journey.

You've defeated him once before,
But he is no longer weak.
As he is much stronger
Since he defeated the deadman's streak.

Now he’s coming for you,
And your championship.
It’s not so much another run,
But for the pain he loves to inflict.

So forget Mr. Money in the Bank,
And the four other gladiators.  
Enjoy your title run now, Cena.
Because Brock Lesnar is an annihilator

You’re a person unknown
A foreign entity.
No longer in my life
Yet you’re still haunting me.

Memories and people
Constantly pass through my mind,
But the unwanted ones
Get left behind.

Not you though,
Our memories I want.
You is what I want
You’re the one I love.

I feel the walls of my mentality breaking down. The defense mechanism has failed. My weakness has been found.

Bombs bombard my frontal lobes. How much time do I have left? That's a question nobody knows.

But the army of stress wages through. Setting fire and killing cells,
torturing them as the army continues to move.

My head throbs with pain, my legs join my arms in what feels like an earthquake; Heart pounds with tremendous force, my body is on a crash course.

The room becomes an amusement park ride. While different moods pass me by. Day after day the symptoms increase. Today may be the day when I accept defeat.

Socializing has become a thing of the past, all I have is panic attacks. Happiness has finally been lost. Without a map, and at what cost?

Control center has been compromised. Here I am, I have met my demise.

There are flowers in the garden,
There are flowers near our feet,
There are flowers all around us,
They grow from underneath.

There are flowers in your house,
There can be flowers in your hair,
Flowers can make you smile,
In a time of despair.

Flowers are what you give a girl,
On any given day.
Especially when she’s sad,
It’ll make her feel okay.

Or give one to your mom
To show your appreciation.
Flowers are what you use
During any type of celebration.

Right now, I see some flowers,
They’re quite eye catching.
I appreciate everyone who should up,
But I must be going.

There are flowers in the room,
So please no one cry.
I’m going to a better place,
It’s time to say goodbye.

My mother begins to talk,
She talks as she weeps.
I kiss her on the forehead,
Before I have to leave.

I hope she felt my presence,
As I float up above.
People brought me flowers,
I definitely feel the love.

The worst type of critic
Is the critic with in me.
I always judge my work
Even if it's written perfectly.

Just like other critics,
I cannot silence this one.
But it takes a toll on my work,
It takes out all the major fun.

I love to write,
I love to share my ideas.
But I think all my work is crud
Even if it's beloved by my peers.

This makes the delete button
Oh so popular.
The inner criticism is choking me
He's got his hands against my jugular.

But I love what I do,
And I'll fight to the death,
Even if my work does ****,
At least I tried my best.

I have to remember,
The best is what matters,
Practice makes perfect
I just have to continue climbing that ladder.

It'll be a tremendous feeling,
When I reach the top,
Because I'll know no critics
Even myself,
Made me stop what I love doing.

Writing.

I have a look of disgust while staring at the snow on the ground.
Constantly stepping in dirt and mud as I walk through town.
The winds howl outside my window, waking me every night.
The season only lasts a few months, but it feels like there is no end in sight.

Goosebumps continuously cover my arms,
and my body never stops shivering with chill.
Depression sits in the air, winter is a ******* pill.

I write poems,
I write home.
Missing everyone
And I feel alone.

State of sunshine
Not in my mind.
"How you doing?"
I'm doing fine.

But that's a lie
And I wanna die.
All I got here
Is to get high.

My dad is here
But he cause tears.
Verbal abuse
Lingers near.

Words hurt but he don't know.
Only 5 months but it went slow.
Plan landed and I came home.
Now I no longer feel alone.

A kiss from your lips
Can make bitter taste sweet.
The feeling of your touch
Can bring feeling back to lost feet.

Dark days are irrelevant
In this apocalyptic place.
I feel nothing but happiness,
When I see your beautiful face.

But those sunny days
Don't seem to last.
Nothing but storms
Seem to be my forecast.

Because I see you with him,
And it produces pain.
I'm outside with no umbrella
And it's starting to rain.

I love the summer, I love the warm wind.
I love the smell of the barbeque,
and grabbing a cold beer from the ice filled bin.

Laying in the hammock with a few good books,
While the sun shines on me, helping me tan my looks.
The swimming pool is ice cold on a hot summers day.
The soothing feel of the water helps take the stress away.

Hamburgers, fries, hot dogs, and cola;
This American night cannot get any better.
Family and friends, sharing endless laughs,
Having too much fun, as the time starts to quickly pass.

Ending the night with a late night bonfire,
Watching the smoke rise hire and hire.
Finishing off with magical, jaw dropping fireworks.
Gazing in the sky with amazement, this is life's best perk.

Fragile like glass

                          Be careful with her heart

because piecing back the shattered  pieces

                                                ­   is always the hardest part...

Your laugh made me smile
In the most down of times.
I was the luckiest guy
To have called you mine.

Your hair was so soft,
Your eyes were so calm,
And your lips always tasted like
That special cherry lip balm.

When I was with you,
Everything felt right.
My favorite moments
Were when we would stay up all night.

All we did was talk.
There was no fighting.
We talked about everything.
While in the covers we were hiding.

We slept all day,
We were perfect from the start,
I just wish I could turn back time,
And redo my part.

I really did love you,
I wish you believed me,
Because maybe if we tried,
We’d still be cuddling.

Today was so beautiful,
This Monday was Peaceful.
I felt love and tranquility in the air,
I was met by some adoring people.

But tomorrow will be different,
A beautiful soul, met with a blank stare.
Tomorrow will be like any other day,
No love, no passion, not a single ******* care.

Will you please break me free of these memories?
You were once a friend, but now you're just a bitter enemy.
We're two strangers that know each others secrets.
If you said you still love me, I wouldn't believe it.

And I've been standing in the rain for far too long.
My body has become weak, and my mind less strong.
I’m broken into pieces, from the hammer you grip.
Though I’ll still let the phrase "I miss you" slip through my lips.

I want the good memories gone
And the bad ones to stay.
So I never come back to you
I wanna remain far away.

Because you're an illusionist,
Who has mastered hypnosis,
You have many tricks up your sleeves
Along with dead roses.

Rainbow skies
& Blue Eyes.
Beauty so magnificent
It can make a grown man cry.

Flowers dance
At the sound of your voice.
A man should count his stars
If he’s your choice.

So much luck
He’s a four leaf clover.
Luck of the Irish,
If you’re his lover.

If he is
I’m happy for you,
Though my smile
Is painted on a mask.

If I’m a “friend”
I’m bound by silence.
But why should I speak?
If you found your significant other.

I no longer walk the line
like Johnny Cash.
I was born into this world
bold and brash,
but I couldn't last.

I'm knocked down,
and unwilling to stand.
A ten count has begun,
and it's almost the end.

"Nine" the referee yells.
Time stands still.
It's the final countdown,
and my blood has began to spill.

The sunset glows a golden hue,
Not a white cloud in the sky.
The rain has just passed us
And the wind is waving goodbye.

The storm is still roaring thunder.
Letting us know of its presence.
Thank you for cooling the earth.
The humidity was quite unpleasant.

I stand outside for a smoke,
Feeling the soft cool breeze,
I close my eyes and relax,
I haven’t been this calm in weeks.

As night dawns upon us,
The sun says goodbye.
But beauty isn't gone,
Here comes the night sky.

Rain of water
Turns to rain of blood.
A reign of terror,
Falling from above.

A maniacal laughter rings out
Like a sinister clown.
We have porcelain faces
With a painted frown.

Riots erupt,
Fear is obsolete;
We have been here before,
No point in a retreat.

Progress?
None is made.
Stuck in a dark setting,
Ringmaster of a black parade.

Hey, everyone, I don't know how many of you remember me, but it's been a long time since I was really active. However, that is going to change and even though I will be getting more busy in my life within the next couple of weeks, I will still be making plans to continuously be active on Hello Poetry.

My hard drive got wiped a few months ago so I lost allllllll of my archived and unpublished poetry I had ready to be published on Hello Poetry, so its been a struggle to write again.

I've also been working on other writing works like short stories, but I absolutely LOVE Hello Poetry. When I joined in 2014, I was instantly overwhelmed with how amazing this community was and still is. It was better than other previous poetry community (cough cough WP).

I can't wait to start publishing again and I hope if you remember me, and liked my old world, you'll like my new stuff.

If you don't know or remember me, hi, I'm Ryan :)

Cheers!

- 5/14/18

It's 3am and the sky is dark.
Except for the stars
That make up a work of art.

No clouds, no fuss.
The moonshines through,
Lighting my room just enough.

A rough day of a rough week,
But this is the best time.
A time of peace.

Nature is calming.
Nature is anxieties worst enemy.
At 3 in the morning
The world doesn't exist to me.

I just wanted to post an update to every wonderful person who follows me, and say Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays! I know I may be a little late for other religious holidays (but I'm not for Festivus ;P), but I still wish you a great ending to the year 2016.

This time of year can be very stressful, or heartbreaking. Don't stress yourself out more than you have to, and don't feel so bad about whatever it is bothering you. The holidays are supposed to be a fun time, and a time to be cheerful. So go hang out with your friends and family, let them know how much you love them, go make new friends, have a few drinks! ENJOY!

Again, I wish everyone here a Happy Holiday, and a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Also! Follow my new twitter @RyanWritesStuff for I haven't been on much, and you can keep updated with me on there. I'll follow you back, and it's a much better way to stay in touch too.

Why** can't I be happy?

Actually...
                 why can't I feel it?

                                                    I know I'm loved,
                                      but my mind can't comprehend it...

                                            My anxiety just screams
                                          "NOBODY LOVES YOU!"
                                        "YOU'LL LOSE THEM ALL!"
                               Maybe I should just push everyone away now
                                  and find comfort within these four walls.

                           Because it seems like If I have nothing left to lose
                 I'll no longer have to go through with this self mental abuse.

Note to self:

- Never love again
- Love is a limited trend
- Never be their friend
- Walk away in the end
- You’ll only get hurt
- Don’t even try to flirt
- Shutter your feelings
- Remember your heart isn't done healing

So high you can’t stand straight.
So you call me up even though it’s late.
It’s been six months since the last time we talked,
But at 2 a.m I took that extra long walk.
I was tired as ****, but I definitely did it,
Because I still cared for you,
Even though I should have quit it.

I carried you home that night on my back.
And the next day, you didn’t even have the courtesy to text me back.
Until three months later when you were in the same predicament.
And once again, I got up to take care of your incident.

That night you were too drunk to drive,
Even though you grabbed your keys and were about to say goodbye.
Luckily, your friend Lucy called me on my phone.
Said she wanted me to take you home.

I tucked you into bed and I told you goodnight,
Slept on the couch, until the day shined light.
And in walked your mom, She asked why I wasn’t home.
I had to tell her I didn’t want you sleeping alone.

I said you were sick and I just left.
I did want to be the one to talk about our mess.
After that day, we never said hi,
Even though I saw you getting high
Right after school by the coffee shop,
I just walked pass, didn’t want to stop.

You didn’t make any moves,
I guess that’s cool.
Just realize what I did for you.

What I did was love after you ****** me over,
Before our relationship, I was like your brother.
And like my real family, you just walked out.
Explanation is the key sentence you left out.

It’s all good though; I try not to care anyways.
I try to stay positive, look forward to better days.
I’ll find love, and maybe this time it’ll be different.
That’s if I buck up and just listen.

"Do not quit" they scream,
"Do not give up" they yell,
"Do not walk away" they blurt,
but no one is listening, and that's what hurts.

The artist picked his inspiration.
The artist found his muse.
He fell in love with her,
But his love was refused.

Until he painted a picture so beautiful
She shed the tears of love.
He need speak no words
Through the painting she would blush.

She was a permanent solution
To a problem many artists face.
He had a troubled life,
And she put him in his place.

Their love was natural,
Their love was pure.
She too had a disease,
But he was the cure.

She would stare into his hazel eyes,
While he stared back into her blues.
It wasn't but three months,
Before they said “I do”.

The touch of her lips
Felt like heaven in his hands,
They would lock lips
For hours on end.

Her hands brought comfort,
Her smile brought joy.
She was so desirable
She was like Helen of troy.

Once dark paintings he made,
Now make the saddest person smile.
He developed a sense of positivity
It became his well known style.

But life is not a happy story,
It has no happy end,
Misery accompanies joy,
They're like two best friends.

The love was still there,
But only in his brain.  
She wanted out,
No matter the pain.

She packed up and left,
Leaving nothing behind.  
While he went out for flowers
To bring back to his lovely wife.

No note was written,
No trace of where she'd gone.
He waited for days,
Wondering what he did wrong.

They say real men cry,
So he must be the manliest of men
He felt his heart break,
And his brain snap from its stem.

He trashed his house,
He trashed his paintings.
He punched the walls
And his body began shaking.

He stabbed his work
He screamed to the sky
He fell to his knees
And began to cry.

From that day forward
He remarried to *****.
He was never a winner,
He was always meant to lose.

Once a popular painter
Because of his happy work,  
Now only paints sadness
Like he did before he found her.

Those thick thighs
are a sight for sore eyes
But your best feature
has to be your brown eyes.

and this aint a lie,
When I say im in love with you.
We haven't talked much,
but baby im drawn to you.

I miss you so much,
from the second you leave,
I can't stand you go home
to that ****** bag steve.

When im the guy
you so rightfully deserve.
I don't mean to be cocky
but you said it first.

but i'll wait for the day
When you come back and say,
That you wanna be with me
until our final days.

Sadly, you never did,
I was just another kid,
Who you wanted to ****
and then called it quits.

Such a hippocrite
After running your lips
about how much ******* one over
makes you wanna flip.

But thats exactly what you did
and don't even try to deny it,
Because if you do I got ammo
to call you out on your ****.

So whatever,
you're just another girl.
Another human being passing me
in this ****** up world.

You've come and gone,
And I'm moving on.
Don't even try to chat me,
I'm way too strong.

I have a happy expression
Surrounded by unhappy faces.
Which were caused by me during my many destructive stages.

I ask myself
"How can they still care when I simply have no love to give?"
All this sudden realized guilt
Makes me not wanna live.

So mom, dad, sister, and friends,
Lets bring out the truth
and no longer pretend.

Just tell it to me straight,
Speak those aching words,
Say your lives would be better
If I wasn't in your world.

Because you can deny it all you want,
But your eyes speak the truth.
Telling me you wish i was never born would certainly not be rude.

For I am the storm that has rained on your parade,
Don't worry, my death by nature will come soon,
Maybe any day.

So I'm sorry for what I've said and done,
But I know that means absolutely nothing.
Though I would do anything,
To hit that reset button.

This isn't any sort of poem, just a thank you to everyone who has followed me and who supports my poetry. I've been on Hello Poetry for exactly a year, and It has been so much fun to interact with other poets and to read everyone's amazing work. I hit 101 followers yesterday and it my not seem like a lot to some people, but i love each and every one of you peeps! You're all wonderful, and awesome, and feel free to message me anytime! Keep doing your poetry! I hope you're having a swell day :)

Broken into pieces, and smashed all over the floor.
Rest in peace my heart, i wish i could've used you more.
Obviously I've been destroyed before, but you did not care.
You kicked me while i was down, this surely wasn't fair.
The end has come, and yet you show no emotion.
Not that I'm surprised, you never showed much devotion.

Three days ago you told me you'd never leave,
Three days later you're not talking to me.
Three days ago you said we were cute,
Now Three days later I'm hating you.
What happened to us between then?
Was this last week just pretend?
Was Winter break the last parade?
Before you decided to end my days.
Now I board down a ***** of heart break.
You got me pondering life while standing on an iced lake,
Not caring if I fall through,
Because I'm already drowning in the coldness of not being with you.

She has chemical dreams and toxic wishes.
She wastes her breath on silly superstitions...
like it's nobodies business.
She kneels down and prays, but nobody listens.

She has visions that seem to come and go.
She imagines a future that feels so alone.
A time where every body is delved into a selfish abyss.
Where kids are growing up without a hug or a kiss.

Every year the bad days grow longer.
Positivity fades, and the negative thoughts get stronger.
Welcome to a future where all the heroes died.
Now its reflections of villains in these kids eyes.

Change happens when one matures.
Immaturity has become an epidemic, and we can't find a cure.
What ever happened to a soul that's pure?
She's the last of that kind, a species that's become a blur.

Who knew I would fall in love with you
from a gutsy "Hi" and "How are you"?
Who knew a few weeks later
We'd spend all night talking,
A night we would always remember?
Who knew that we had nothing in common
but still found each other to be the perfect match?
Who knew we would be giving out promises that we said would last?
But of course who knew that would all change?
Who knew tears could leave so many small stains?
Who knew love, such a beautiful, and magnificent thing...could sting?
Who knew I would lose you...my everything?

Why can't I write?
Why can I no longer bleed words?
Has life taken that much of a toll
That I can no longer write about my world?

Isn't pain or happiness supposed to inspire a beautiful or heart wrenching poem?
I am currently experiencing both feelings in my life, but the words still do not show.

I spend hours on a keyboard, and weeks on my phone; trying to type a simple tiny poem.

But the blank page stares at me, mocking my lack of inspiration. I feel a lack of dedication and not an ounce of motivation.

I've lost it...

I can no longer express my feelings through ink or through the keys on a computer. I thought this was my skill, but I guess writing is no longer in my future.