How many times can I not sleep?
It's getting worse everyday,
I'm losing more sleep every week.

My bloodshot eyes worry my mother,
but I can't talk to her
because I'm nothing but a bother.

I don't sleep walk, I day walk.
When I think I'm thinking
people actually hear me talk.

My mind no longer reacts.
Everything's a blur
I have an increase in panic attacks.

I pop a sleep pill
and I try to lay very still.
My alarm clock went off again.
Another sleepless night at the end.

Life is just a compilation
of sad, and depressing beats.
It's the world's worst mixtape
created by a "fabricated" being.

Whisper me some words.
Lead me to your home.
Let me kiss your body
while we're all alone.

Show me that deep love.
Set my soul ablaze.
Make me forget my name;
make me quiver for days.

Love ain't so easy,
but with effort we can make it.
Love is quite a feeling;
it's best if we embrace it.

You're trekking through muddy waters
feeling those chicago blues;
singing "I can't quit you baby",
as if you believe those words are true.

Take the Summer night in.
She'll be a beautiful stranger soon.
She left you in the dark
but forgot about the moon.

We are born without memory of whom we once were.
We are born exposed to the elements and incoherent whispers.
We are stripped of our power, if we had any before;
doomed to live life again chore by chore.

Why ask 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦?
when there is a better question to be asked.
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥?
The afterlife is said to be so tranquil, so at ease, so overwhelmingly free.
But perhaps that's all a hyperbole?

Maybe the afterlife is chilling,
maybe we are confined to be alone.
Maybe there is nothing there,
just us floating in the abyss
without even a thought of home.

Or maybe until the day arrives where you're offered a choice.
Do you stick around for nothing or regain your voice.
If you say 𝘺𝘦𝘴, then you're off into the light.
If you choose to live again, you could make this one right.

Maybe we continue to mess up and never learn from our mistakes.
Perhaps death comes at a time where our creator thinks we need a break.
Maybe dying to just be reborn is a second chance, a second take.
Maybe each time we live, we learn, and then truly awake.

Maybe this life that we continue to live and relive is a test
and in order to reach the true afterlife we have to achieve our best.
So maybe we'll continue to live until we become like our creator.
And if we never learn, maybe we're stuck in this world;
to relapse, forget, repeat, not doing our own self a favor.

It's been quite a while;
about ten years of drear,
but a new decade has arrived;
I'm sorry you were met with such little cheer.
The previous time that has passed
was not too kind.
You'll take some getting used to,
so I hope you don't mind.

What will it take to break from these chains
that I locked myself in and lost the key?
I'm not a magician,
I don't have a trick up my sleeve.
And people pass me by, but don't even blink.
Unless I ask for a shot, then they pass me a drink.

I've waited for him to sleep
just to have a few minutes alone
so I could hear the softness in your voice
while you whispered over the phone.

I've waited up for you
well into the deepness of the night
so you could cry on my shoulder
when he would cause a fight.

I've waited for the day
he stopped knowing I was your friend.
I so badly wanted to tell him
that I've been in his bed.

I've waited for the day
you and I could stop the secrets.
It was thrilling at first
like winning you was an achievement.

But you're not a prize;
you're human, like him.
So I said goodbye to both of you,
letting everyone win.

It was supposed to be a fling.
I wasn't supposed to fall in love.
But that's exactly what I did
and her touch was better
than any of my favorite drugs.

I'm exhausted from the fallout
of this bittersweet symphony.
I'm falling away to time with
this long clinging misery.

I've grown weary of writing
such dreary poems.
How many times can I express
how much I feel so alone?

If nothing is going to change,
maybe the problem is me?
But I'm as complicated as a math problem
that asks to find the x to the c.

So what happens from here?
After I'm worn out from writing this grime.
Do I give up the only thing
that I ever saw worthy of my time?

And in the end
she broke my heart.
Both as a lover
and as a best friend.

When we met it was like a fourth of July event. You cared about my thoughts like someone paying four quarters for two cents.

And when we began to talk it was like two friends that haven't seen each other since their high school graduation, but we only knew each other for less than one of Earths rotations.

It took me 152 days to build up the courage and ask if I could make you mine. That smile you had when you said yes is still tracing around in my mind.

But how quickly love comes around just to be dismissed. The smallest things I did would get you overtly ******.

Though, I was supposed to forgive you cause you're excuse was you're a "classic *****"? Thinking back, I don't know why I didn't just quit.  

Because it was revealed that empty feelings and meaningless words were thrown around by you like a stone at two birds.

What really gets me is I was told I could once again trust literal moments before you turned those promises into dust.

You destroyed me and buried me alive. Then went and told me you're sorry while looking me in the eyes.

It's fine, I'm over it because my heart really belongs to someone better. Someone who still sees the beauty even in the bad weather.

So when you see me post "I miss her", don't be mistaken by thinking it's you because I never got over her, you were just a rebound that didn't come through.

You sent a spark to my heart
and set a fire in my soul.
With you I'm not afraid of shattering
like the relationships of old.

Around you, the inspiration fills me up
like a candy dish before Halloween.
For once in my entire life
I feel like someone is the person for me.

You gave my confidence power.
Your beauty is like a sunshower.
You're the definition of empowered.
You're soft and sweet,
You are my delicate flower.

It's ten at night
and my trust has
collapsed like a broken bridge
even though time has barely passed
since you taught me how to live.

In only a quarter of earth's rotation,
you've taken my heart
and wreaked devastation.
You poisoned my imagination
and crushed my inspiration.

I fell for your lies,
your feelings in disguise.
You were so down to earth,
but actually in the sky.

I'm shaking as I write,
I can't even hold my drink.
I'm sorry if this poem makes no sense
I can't even think.

Baby, I adore you in a special kind of way;
where I only need to think of you
to know everything will be okay.

   You're my warm winter blanket,
even in the sweltering summer.
I was a blank coloring book before
and now you have filled me with color.

   I don't look at the world
the way I did before I met my girl.
  I've never admired the flowers
or soaked in the love of this world.

    You've made everything brighter,
and I don't know what to say.
       All I know is I just want you,
even on your rainy days.

You and I were miles apart,
but connected through the stars.
I guess their lights must've burnt out
because now you're nothing but a memory
I sing to a empathetic tune on my guitars.

You stabbed me in the back
so I stabbed my wrist.
You snickered at my pain
so I let some blood drip.

Now that I'm content,
I say "Baby, I love you".
You reply the same,
but only one of them is true.

Don't hide behind the lies
when I know the truth.
If you keep hanging on
I'm gonna have to cut you loose.

I need to be healthy,
I need to fix me
and I cannot do that
when you're lying through your teeth.

I wrote a letter to Santa Clause,
despite my age being twenty-three.
I asked him for a ride
to where ever you are for
Christmas because I need
to see you so desperately.

I have two years of hugs to give
you, I wanna feel your grip,
with that an endless amount of kisses
to descend upon your rosy cheeks,
and colored lips.

I want to ring in the new year
with you in my arms.
It just doesn't feel like the holidays,
when you're so far.

Ignoring me is the worst thing you can do.
What's alarming is you know this too.
Yet, you still continue to read my texts and not reply;
Then make up an excuse, like I don't know it's a lie.

I supply your heart with the love you need,
but you keep me waiting on one knee.
Is it because you know i'll always come back?
Maybe I shouldn't have let you in on that fact.

So I'll wait a few weeks for you to reply,
and act like it's okay, even though that's a lie.
When will I ever speak up, and let you know the deal?
Probably never, and that's the problem; I don't think you care how I feel.

I'm down and out
spiraling in twists of fate.
It has me contemplating a date,
one I can no longer await.

So a sweet goodbye to a few,
and to some the finger is raised.
No more suicide these days,
but my time has come to go away.

Minimal bags packed,
and a ticket to somewhere unknown.
Somewhere no one knows the real me,
and where I can be alone.

At least for a bit.

           Until I have my mind figured out.

Running west is the only way to escape this black cloud.

                                                                                                  Mom, you
                                                                                                         should be
      
                                                                                                                  proud.

A shallow heart
gives her fresh cuts
with puffy red eyes,
and shattered trust.
The protective walls she once built
has just turned to dust.
Love comes wrapped in thorns,
especially when based on lust.

Show me your heart,
and I'll trade you my soul.
Give me your trust,
and I'll give the greatest love story...

ever told.

Her eyes tell a story that
her tongue simply cannot.*
Her beauty is untouched,
*but her insides have begun to rot.