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396 · Jul 2017
The Same Boy in the Mirror
JAC Jul 2017
"You? Ha,"
he grinned.

"You're just like me,"
he said, his features glued to mine.

"Lost, and searching
only in your own reflection,"
his eyes narrowing
as my eyes focused.

"You can't possibly believe
you'll find what you want to find,"
said the boy in the mirror,
holding my gaze.
396 · Dec 2016
Like Little Children
JAC Dec 2016
We are like little children
Learning grown-up things
Do that again,
Don't do that again.
Learn,
Don't learn.
We are always little children
After all.
393 · Jun 2017
Overpriced Coffee
JAC Jun 2017
You are overpriced coffee:
You taste like all of the wonderful things
That wake me up and warm me
But you leave my pockets empty
And leave me needing more.
390 · Apr 2020
Everest
JAC Apr 2020
Now the oxygen is thin
and bodies lay in snow-capped caves
we'e weighted down by heavy lids
carrying today's rations
and yesterday's burden

one of your breaths is three of mine
sleeping as easy as seeing
in white-outs too far up
nowhere is warm anymore
and we're telling tales of altitude sickness
while coughing into our sleeves.
It's been a long time again, I hope you're all well.
JAC Sep 2018
September snaps August to her knees
with a crisp breeze and the first drops
of orange on the one-coloured horizon

spring flowers outlive their welcome
while leaves begin being beaten down
by the cold wind of the end of summer

rain sweeps her hand through your hair
taking with her the sweetness of the sun
and leaving the cool hope and beauty of

shedding one's sunburned skin
in the cold wild of the end of summer.
JAC Jun 2019
Today we were
talking about
yesterday and
tomorrow we
will talk about
today somehow
even though
today never
happened because
we spent the day
talking about
yesterday
today.
386 · Aug 2017
An Inherent Fear of Flight
JAC Aug 2017
All those tiny houses,
crammed together, packed
as if they were afraid of flying.

Someday we'll live in one of those houses,
I told myself, as I watched them fly by
outside the train's window.

There was a simple romance,
an unremarkable sweetness
about believing that.

I was alone on the train -
it came from the side of the tracks
where people don't have office jobs in the city,
and I came from the side of the morning that no one likes.

I liked being alone on this train.
It meant I had time to be romantic
without having to be hopeless.

The sun was too tired to rise just yet,
sending instead a half-hearted glow
over the little sardine shelters
that scrambled past my sleepy window.

For now, I left my fear of flight unhoused,
taking trains between here and where
then and how, now and there.
Finding bits of work in between,
celebrating victories
far smaller than those little houses.

I was much too afraid to take a plane.
383 · Feb 2017
Gravity
JAC Feb 2017
I'll take my share of gravity
And nothing else
Heaven knows I need some space
But see, there's no gravity there, is there?
JAC Apr 2017
Your room has seen your secrets:
Your dangerous apathy
Your restless midnights
Your inviting sheets
Your missed mornings
Your tireless love
Your tired admiration
Your sore beauty
Your tentative bravery
Your half-awake kiss
Your sober frustration
Your wasted excitement
Your naked safety
Your thoughtless stresses
Your mind being torn apart
Your soft intakes of beautiful breath
And it will never, ever not want you.
JAC Sep 2018
Up at quarter after seven
out by hopefully eight

take the 36 or the 199 rocket
eastbound to Finch

about nine minutes
give or take, seven stops

then southbound thirty minutes
to Bloor, cut to St. George

down to St. Patrick
they're not really saints

I have my own key
even though I shouldn't

so I let myself in
and tiptoe to you

you know I'm here
because it's Friday

and you smile while
I slip into bed with you

and hold you
until we wake up.
377 · Oct 2018
A Neon Dance
JAC Oct 2018
A headphone splitter cable
for a late-night neon dance

like fools to the rest of the world
fully content in our own rhythms

the lights swirl around us in streaks
as we peacefully forget we're not alone.
373 · Mar 2017
Answers to Avoid
JAC Mar 2017
The answer
We've both been searching for
Is the question
We both avoid.
370 · May 2017
One of Those Conversations
JAC May 2017
It'll be another one of those conversations
where neither of you really say anything
in all the words that spill from your lips.
Half of you wants to cut them off
Press the knife of your lips to their sentence
and tell warm stories until you cease being a storyteller
without even a word

But half of you wants to just scream to them
that all you're screaming
is poisonous nonsense to validate them
To validate yourself
To insist feebly and unconvincingly
That the time you burned together
wasn't a waste
of the only thing more precious than time:
Them.
368 · Jul 2017
Admission
JAC Jul 2017
I'm lying to you,
and I'm afraid to admit it.
This cannot be my admission,
because I am a liar.
Do you see my dilemma?
JAC Jul 2018
I said It's just so easy
what is, what's so easy you asked
the words slipping from tired lips

we lay in pitch black
your back to my chest
our eyes not adjusted

being comfortable with you I said
you laughed, the best sound I know
no it isn't you said

we could see silhouettes now
each of us tangled in the other's
breathing in tandem

who made you the expert on me I asked
you did, silly you whispered
and I understood.
Still working on dialogue poems.
367 · Mar 2017
The Darkest of Eyes
JAC Mar 2017
I must apologize for my eyes.
It's really difficult
For me
To get mine
To leave yours.
367 · Jun 2017
Dear Walls
JAC Jun 2017
We will
Knock you
Down.
There are walls everywhere.
JAC Jun 2017
He will build you a liquid castle,
and you'll dive into it,
because you love shiny things.
We all do.

You'll swim the moat 'till the chlorine burns your eyes
and sears your liver 'till it doesn't hurt.
Then nothing will hurt
(and hurt and hurt and hurt)
as he tells you how beautiful you are
with your flushed face and mind
(and laugh and laugh and laugh).
When his breath warms the mortar on your neck,
your castle is on fire and it wasn't even yours.
The fire is sweet (and sweet and sweet).
He'll sink soft teeth into the balustrade,
whispering your drawbridge open.
You want (and want and want)
to embrace this siege:

Crumbling walls
mend
so
****
wonderfully
when you want them to.

Your crumbling castle
has kept you captive,
but you're freeing your feeling, feel your face;
your face is on fire but you're freed and falling
off the edge of even your edges,
and you'll land in the lava lining your lover,
but it heals you and he'll never know it.
You can forge your failures into ferocity here
and have him help if he's helpful,
have him leave if he leaves.
Only then will he know
you forged a castle of steel
under his archer's eye.

You
won
this
*battle.
Haven't thrown a long piece up here in a while.
JAC Jun 2017
Withholding, confiding
Understanding, trying
Wondering, deciding
Smiling, crying
Staying, fleeing
Sleeping, tiring
Learning, being
Wishing, desiring
Thinking, bleeding
Listening, losing
Helping, conceding
Whining, choosing
Loving, winning
Overcoming
Finding, sinning
Not becoming
An empty word
Waiting on the fence;
A together verb
In the past tense.
364 · Oct 2018
Southbound to Rosedale
JAC Oct 2018
A soft hat makes it considerably easier
to avoid the inevitable purple headache
it's always too warm in the winter here
everyone wears their coat and sweater
but the heat stays on for courtesy

don't let the voice wake you
as often as it wakes everyone
you know it's coming so drown it out
with something sweet in headphones
like Tom Petty or the Nutcracker Suite

sometimes peacefulness surprises you
on your way to Rosedale in the dark
submerged in December outerwear
falling asleep against the cool glass
of the southbound train window.
363 · Nov 2018
Like the First Snow
JAC Nov 2018
I fell into you
like the first snow
fell into us

at first
not ready
unsure of what to do
sliding and slipping
but we both stuck around

soon we found
each other beautiful
we spent time together
in the dark and
in the mornings

eventually
you covered everything I knew
in a soft and wonderful blanket

sometimes
each of us tired of the other
when once we were graceful
now we were relentless

but now
by the fire
I see you out the window
and remember
our lovely dances

so I run to you
and you welcome me softly
like angels in the snow.
363 · Oct 2018
Nikes
JAC Oct 2018
As crisply as new shoes
meet ancient pavement

confident and certain
but not yet broken in

we set off into a sprint
hand in hand, grinning

and we could run for miles.
358 · May 2018
Epigram 057
JAC May 2018
If everything happens for a reason,
surely not every reason is a bad one.
358 · Sep 2018
A Sea Robin Poem
JAC Sep 2018
The lights flicker
every once in a while
at number 6 Sea Robin

I'm too young for ghosts
and too poor to fix it
so I will just believe in angels

at number 6 Sea Robin.
Just yesterday I moved into a new apartment, leaving my home for the last two years behind.
356 · Sep 2019
You I Saw
JAC Sep 2019
It's so nice to see you I said
but when you turned around it wasn't you
and someone else hurried away, confused
I didn't think anything of it
until I knew
the last time I saw you
it wouldn't even be you.
356 · Mar 2017
But I'm Not
JAC Mar 2017
Of course
I'll say
I'm happy
For you.
355 · Aug 2019
The Forest
JAC Aug 2019
You blink
in the depths of a sparkling forest
full and rich with sweet colour and sound
a vibrance and power dense with life

blink again
and you are all that's left standing
hot and splintered in a blackened silence
the sky pushed away by a mass of death

blink once more
the earth and sky stay dark.
JAC May 2019
A drop of you
and instantly
I am you
and you are me.
It's been a while, but I absolutely love this one. Got me excited again.
JAC Dec 2018
The first few trains in the morning
in early January are still so dark

you'll feel as if you're still sleeping
trying to make out familiar buildings

we're only now recovering from holiday glow
so no one here wants to be here

but out the window is a hint of comfort
a whisper that the week will so soon end

if you blink they'll wink right back
the flickering blue and yellow lights

of home.
352 · Sep 2018
Made to Break
JAC Sep 2018
There's no question
we were made to break

but are we to shatter
in a shower of sparks

or may we fall apart slowly
after having loved a lifetime.
350 · Nov 2018
Winter Preludes
JAC Nov 2018
I.
Some of the leaves are still green
crawling between cold alleys in morning
thin wind stringing them along
carrying them towards December

II.
The trees are decorated too early
every year is an unsurprising imitation
but still you are warm inside with your family
making up for the colours you lack outside

III.
Cocktail dresses flash like little winks
hints of resolve so ready to be broken
the gold flows like goddess ichor and smiles
kissing like lovers who will leave tomorrow
loving as if we aren't

IV.
Love is in the air like chlorine gas
and no one is the wiser for it
the streets are still covered in old, dark snow
but we're too tired of it to notice
it's only a few sleeps until spring.
I love T. S. Eliot.
348 · Mar 2017
You
JAC Mar 2017
You
You remind me
Of you
Before you
Were someone new.
JAC Sep 2018
Close your eyes
and listen to the sound
of eternity circling you

it dances in swirling steps
in rhythm you can feel
with fingertips outstretched

when you stop a moment
it will always find you again
if you want to befriend reality.

if you don't, that's okay,
it'll wait forever for you.
JAC Aug 2017
There will always be one morning
you'll remember waking up
and promising yourself
you will never forget
who is beside you
sleeping, calm,
happy, and
safe.
346 · Sep 2019
You I Knew
JAC Sep 2019
Today I recall every time we spoke
and every time we didn't
and I tell myself I knew you
but I didn't

what I knew is that you were unstoppable
a force of integrity and passion
golden and swift
and I wish I knew you
when I had the chance to.
JAC May 2017
You were the only one
Who mattered
And now
You're the only one who doesn't.
JAC Sep 2018
It began as most things do,
with the softest of breaths

next came the leap, of faith
of risk, of character, forward

then arrived the water, harsh
the icy rush of consequence

and at the end of the chapter
there was absolutely nothing

but little traces in the wake.
Hello! It's been a while. I swear I'll post a little more now that I'm all settled at school and in my new place. This will be the first poem in my second book.
337 · Oct 2018
Hymn to a Storm (Reprise)
JAC Oct 2018
I enjoy the way your hair
is always kind of everywhere
and the way your mind is like that too
as if everywhere is nowhere for you
the way you explain so nicely
just what you have to say, precisely
while your smile, beaming like an eclipse
hides conversations behind your lips
so thoughtful, so understanding
with a presence simply demanding
that I smile around you
and so, I do.

--

I miss the way your hair
was always kind of everywhere
and the way your mind was like that too
as if everywhere was nowhere to you
I miss the way you'd explain so nicely
just what you had to say, precisely
while your frown, the moon in an eclipse
kept conversation far beneath your lips
you were thoughtful and understanding
with a presence simply demanding
that I be there for you
but I wasn't.
The first stanza was written a few years ago, the second only recently.
JAC Aug 2018
That night
we nearly drowned
in a downpour

and when the sun
seared the morning
we didn't catch our breath.
JAC Jan 2019
It was sweet of you to sit beside me tonight
I needed someone to listen to the air with me
the two of our faces submerged in a mess
of cold winds and wintery spite and sounds
coats pulled to our ears covered in wool hats
shivers peddling their little dances through us
tremors from the soft of our shoulders
to the flats of our fingertips and holding tight
to our chests trying their best to force even breaths
we sat and waited for whatever we waited for
each unhappy with circumstances we dismissed
in a coat-and-glove-inducing January whisper
too early to be dark out and too late for light
but it was sweet of you to sit beside me.
329 · Jun 2017
Your Garden Heart
JAC Jun 2017
Little one, don't harden your heart
You're almost done, your garden, your art
Some of leaves and growth and green
The rest of paint, the beauty you've seen
Translates through you
And those who knew you
So all you see and all you leave
Are growing more than you'd believe
For you are a garden of life and seed
And while you do have all you need
You grow abundance, you've love to spare
And so, with all you know, you share
Your art, your garden, and don't despair
For they'll all remember you for this
And you've always more for whom next you kiss.
329 · May 2017
Change
JAC May 2017
To change one thing
We need everyone
Why does it only take one
To change everything?
324 · Jul 2018
Flowers
JAC Jul 2018
You outgrew me
and I didn't mind

I grew at my own pace
and later left you behind.
JAC Sep 2017
The duchess of Kipling
does not speak to me.
She stands outside
with her sweater and hat
and we don't even see.
The duchess of Kipling
has nothing to say,
for we forget to listen
outside a rushing subway.  
A simple "hello,"
is all I can offer,
and maybe a dollar or two -
nothing that helps
as much as we say
we all continually want to.
Her mouth hardlined
and shoes too small,
she's still surprised
I say anything at all.
As if "hello" and a sandwich
could give her a home.
322 · Sep 2017
Ghosts You Understand
JAC Sep 2017
I guess, sometimes
we leave people behind.
In the time it took for me
to see this was to be,
I must have left a few,
and I'm sorry if it was you.
But then again, perhaps I'm not -
you're better now, and if you forgot,
then I'm glad you did, it must be grand
to live with some ghosts you understand.
317 · Feb 2018
Epigram 017
JAC Feb 2018
I have to
admit this
while I can

I will look
for you in
everyone.
316 · Sep 2018
On the Use of Love in Poems
JAC Sep 2018
I write
to show you
all these wonderful things
I've fallen in love with

in hopes
that you
may fall too.
313 · May 2018
All Over
JAC May 2018
Sometimes I'll
come to you in pain
but I won't know
how to tell you
where it hurts.
310 · May 2017
Or So We All Wish
JAC May 2017
I write to share humanity
And the only thing humanity shares
Unanimously, is love.
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