I dip my finger in the still water
the ripples move away like pulses

I step foot into a room
the people drift away from me like I'm diseased

I call out your name and can barely wave
'till you see me and flee

I was alone, outside, apart, my back to everyone.
He came up behind me, I could feel his warm breath on my neck it made me close my eyes.
As he started to touch me, I tensed up.
He laughed and said we all ways have fun, for him I guess that's true.
My body burned with his touch, but not in a good way.
He lead me away - completely numb, compliant, submissive.
I am too afraid to leave; part of me knows I deserve this.
When you are raised to be an object, how do you find a voice?
I can barely utter please, stop, and he laughs again, he knows he has me trapped beneath him.
I hate myself for this, over and over again.
Same story, different guy, it will never end.
How can I grow past pain, past fear, when it is continually inflicted?

We have the same hands;
Or at least they're similar.
I've noticed before,
But I forgot until today....
What your hands look like,
It says a lot about you.


Mine are the hands of a pianist:
Long and slender fingers.
Mine are mostly soft and gentle and afraid --
Yet callused where I hold my pen.
Mine are seemingly smooth and fair,
Unless you look close and see the freckles and scars...
                 (My faults on display like tiny decorative stars)

snowflakes falling
            ice forming
                        time stopping
                                    crystal clarity
                                                to the point of
                                                            a brain freeze

~ Pop Culture by Icon For Hire

I just need someone
to save me from myself.
                                                     **my head
                                                  m y     a r m s
                                               m  y         f  a  n  g  s
It's a full time job.
Any takers?



It's okay,
I wouldn't either.

Lets talk about how years evolve from days,
And when it comes to me, no one ever stays.

They say girls like something shiny
And that may very well be true
Bigger is better but I'll take tiny
No matter the size I'll make do

Of course I have my favorites
Or those meant for special occasions
Getting dolled up I want to savor it
Adorning myself prematurely for my sins

Perhaps they get jealous of each other
So maybe I'll take them all out for display
They sparkle perfectly making me stutter
Stroking each longingly before we play

His green eyes stare into mine
Glistening in the candlelight
Shifting their gaze as it flickers
He kisses my hands and up my arms
Melting my heart and the snow

Sometimes I wonder
if you think of me,
in your bedroom,
while you're jerking off
to *******.

Just cut me
Just pick up the **** knife and cut me
You've already left jagged wounds
Prove that you're capable enough to inflict them to my face
I'm tired of the rocks thrown from the distance
I'm tired of the blows from behind, of the back stabs
So look me in the eyes
And cut me

If I'm a drought,
You're a desert storm.

i am forever
being broken and shattered
and someone
with enough pity
comes and lies to me
to blind me for a while
blindness is not
a cure for madness
but rather a fuel
not many have learned
not to fight fire with fire
it is a rare few who know
the secret to be a downpour
somehow you bring one
where ever you go
it follows you
like a loyal companion
as little time
as i’ve known you
you found my secret quickly
whether it was intended or not
i never needed any
of their falseness
it only sunk me deeper
you have found out that
all i ever wanted was
to dance in the rain

I don't want someone
So illuminated
With a bright light
Too keep me up at night

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

I want to be your moon
With you as my sun
I ache to be your dark sky
Touched by your brilliant stars

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

I don't need black
Or white
I need both, harmony
That you bring

I want someone with contrast
Darkness, shadows
That makes the white whiter
And the black blacker

I want your darkness to add to my light
And my daybreak to enhance your night

At times I feel like I stole something
             If you rotted
If you have laid yourself into the earth
             Just know that
You made my soil far richer than I could have
             You are the reason I bloomed

You all want to be my friend
Shower me in compliments
Until you actually get to know me
Then you disappear
And I feel even worse

I just want the kind of peace
you get when
you hum to sad song

                 I just want the kind of smile
                 that slips onto your lips when
                 you hear little kids laughing

                                  I just want the kind of love
                                  you feel when
                                  someone wants you to know they care

                              I just want the kind of complete
                                       you make me, dear~

dear "two a.m.,"

soon i shall leave you
we knew the day would come

but i hope you remember
and i hope you forget
there is so much with you i treasure
and so much that i still regret

please don’t think of my spontaneous outbursts towards you
i want you to recall it raining and us dancing and laughing
let my tears slip from your mind
but don't let my scars fade
they are what proved i was real

ask deep questions that startle those you are with
don’t let up, get the answers so you can learn the questions
this is the only lesson i can teach you
for i know won’t be remembered for my intelligence
but for my use of words and how often i gave them

live, love with your heart
i know now that it’s okay to stop thinking
if only sometimes
let my words and my love live

i’ve tried to make my words count
and my love strong
some words i regret, some i didn’t mean
some love was held back, i wish i hadn’t

but they are my legacy
they are what live on
what nothing can strip of me

as the clock strikes "three," just please, don’t completely forget me

~"sg"

dear "two a.m.,"

soon i shall leave you
we knew the day would come

but i hope you remember
and i hope you forget
there is so much with you i treasure
and so much that i still regret

please don’t think of my spontaneous outbursts towards you
i want you to recall it raining and us dancing and laughing
let my tears slip from your mind
but don't let my scars fade
they are what proved i was real

ask deep questions that startle those you are with
don’t let up, get the answers so you can learn the questions
this is the only lesson i can teach you
for i know won’t be remembered for my intelligence
but for my use of words and how often i gave them

live, love with your heart
i know now that it’s okay to stop thinking
if only sometimes
let my words and my love live

i’ve tried to make my words count
and my love strong
some words i regret, some i didn’t mean
some love was held back, i wish i hadn’t

but they are my legacy
they are what live on
what nothing can strip of me

as the clock strikes "three," just please, don’t completely forget me

~"george"

Why don't you eat?
          Aren't you hungry?
Why don't you leave?
          Isn't it terrible?
Why don't you forget?
          Doesn't remembering hurt?
Why don't you walk away?
           Wouldn't it be better if you did?
Why don't you put the bottle down?
          Don't you know it's no go for you?
Why don't you stop hurting yourself?
           Don't you know it doesn't have to be this way?
Why are you like this?
          What's really going on?

Well, didn't anyone ever tell  you  *not to ask questions
that you don't want to know the answers to?

Didn't your mother ever tell you
It's not nice to break someone
Who's already broken


Didn't your mother ever tell you
Not to make promises
You can't keep


Didn't your mother ever tell you
Not to publicly humiliate
Girls for loving you

Once, I looked into your eyes and I saw arrogance, a layer coating sincerity.
Twice, I looked into your eyes and I saw fear and strength waging war.
Thrice, I looked into your eyes and I saw a desire to repair the broken.

But now I no longer see depth, turmoil, or compassion.
I see another broken soul pretending for the audience,
To play the part they're expected to live.

Occasionally I've seen you break the second wall,
And connect to the spectators looking in on your life.
And your character's mask did fall to the floor at times --
Long enough to get a good look at the boy inside --
Before we both resumed our true professions
As tricksters and jokers, jesters and puppets.
The lights are dimmed now, so they can't see our bursting seems.

I find the black
A pit of false safety
She yanks me out with her nasally voice
"You look pale"
I always look pale, why do you care now
"Go"
I take as long as possible to reach the destination I dread
Eyes stare at me calculating
I prefer to be invisible
"You have a headache"
"Not really" I just feel so light I could float away
"You look like you're in pain, want to lie down"
"Sure" less time in class, I hate children, peers, tormentors, judgers
I turn to my temporary escape
"Did you have breakfast"
****, I hesitate, barely, they notice
"Here, eat these"
A packet of crackers "Thanks"
Nibble one to humor them as I go
In the trash as soon as I leave
Spitting out what I didn't swallow
I lie down still so they forget I'm here
Clutching my head and my stomach
Finding the black
And wishing to be anyone else
Wanting to once and for all get rid of myself

I'm the entertainment
Let me perform
Call me up
For this I was born

Quiet my voice
No need for talking
Except for the necessary
****** accessories

For I've been trained
I know what to do
How to elicit
Arousal in you

I'm already dead
Inhuman
So I really can't ever
Break again

i could feel your eyes on me as i laughed
i looked up across the room and there you were
looking straight back
you weren't wearing your glasses
and i don't know about your contacts
so i don't know how much of me you could see
even though i've shown you more than most will ever
i'm sorry for that burden
that painful privilege
i hope you could see me today
well enough to notice my hesitation before i looked back
to the source of my cheer
you are the source of confusion
my desire has been untangling itself but i fear i'll never be free
and i'll be stuck under your gaze
while you continue to not love me

distraction
contraptions
i don't work right
haven't enough reason to fight
please distract me
in your arms
enwrap me
when i can't sleep
i'm up thinking
and when i have you
my thoughts fade from dark
without you
i'm in my own head screaming
i wind up bleeding
and not holding you
but
distraction
contraptions
...
you are the better distraction

I want to go back
to the days when
I could show up
at your doorstep
and we'd mess
around a little
because I need a
distraction from
the chemicals
   in my bag and
the blade
   in my hand

Does she* make you think,
Does she put you on pause?

Does she need to be saved,
Does she do the rescuing?

Does she let you in,
Does she wait open-armed?

Does she play spontaneous,
Does she function traditional?

Does she cause pointless smiles,
Does she wipe away honest tears?

Does she let you scream,
Does she bring you reality?

Does she run after you,
Does she wait patiently?

Does she help you grow,
Does she make you want to?

*Does she love you like me?

Made yourself a barbwire collar
Choking has always been what you're best at
Carve a smile into your face
Don't let them think you are a needy little brat

You know what?
Two days ago?
That last picture of me?
That's all you're getting.
I'm setting myself free.

Well then.
You have no reason to be an ***.