The girls say my skin's too pale
          And the boys say my hair's soft
                    But I don't really care either way
The girls say my bones are frail
          And the boys say my spirit's loud
                    But I could care less either way
The girls say my teeth are crooked
          And the boys say my whispers waft
                    But I don't have a care either way
The girls say I should be overlooked
          And the boys say I should be proud
                    But I don't care at all either way

Young man
Grown past us both
Having to carry
The world on his shoulders
Our suffering
Our torment
We force him to watch
In silence
While we scream

I hate how crazy I get when my thoughts multiply
I hate how angry I get when my thoughts multiply
Where am I supposed to go to save myself from me

Where am I supposed to go now that you've left me
Please let me open my eyes and see you again
Please let me once again feel your arm's embrace

Don't forget the girl who smells like paper and ink

Don't forget to remember me
         when you think and wonder ridiculous thoughts
Don't forget to remember me
         when you hold a book upside down and pretend to read
Don't forget to remember me
         when you're friendless writing poetry

Don't forget to remember me
         when you go watch other girls preform and dance
Don't forget to remember me
         when you're tangled up in lonely sheets
Don't forget to remember me
         when you look at the clock and it's 2 A.M.

Shh, don't tell
Shh, don't tell
Is what he says
As he puts me
Through hell*

I was so unafraid
And utterly brilliant
My peace was taken by him
Now my brilliant light is dim

don't tell me i make bad decisions,
  like i don't already know.
don't tell me i'm in the wrong frame of mind,
  i'm tired of frames altogether.
don't tell me i am a minority,
  because i'm a **** endangered species.
don't tell me i should keep my mouth shut,
  when i barely open it anyway.
don't tell me i don't know the consequences,
  because i do,*

i just don't ******* care anymore*.

I end up at your door
Desperate
I am only a temporary value
When I am boring
When I'm annoying
I'm tossed aside, thrown out
Let me change clothes
Hide my face
Stop talking
Don't have to say I'll
Become anyone you want me to
Just don't give me away
Don't pass on your toy
I need this demented attention
Or else I am nothing
Keep me close
I'll come over when no one else is home

Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To think so much
     Your eyes start to bleed
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To hate your own reflection
     So much you can't eat
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To despise your own addiction
     To the extent that you turn back to it
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To be in so much pain
     More is what you need
Do you know what it's like to be me?
     To be terrified
     And want to die
Do you know what it's like to be me?

i am alone
rusted and cold
without a home
or someone to hold

someone just love me
someone just care
please i need thee
i'll try to be fair

nightmares and terrors
are all i can conceive
you without my errors
won't you dream for me

painting my nails
tastes like kissing you
- george

I'm spending my night listening to Breathe Carolina
Wondering if you're okay
You stopped talking to me and I don't know why
I'm trying to get high
And I'm thinking about how you should give up drugs
I'm slitting my hips
And I'm thinking about how they forced you into therapy
You wanted attention
But didn't
I am the same
Except when the world started to hurt you
You became a different kind of numb
I became a violent numb
And so did you
But our experiments went wrong
Went askew
You turned to Mary and Nicotine
I turned to Windex and Poetry
You picked up a razor for show
I hide scars under my clothes
You turned to *** and late nights with drunk men
I became a victim who couldn't say no
We are different kinds of numb
That float on each other
Except you drifted away again
With everyone else
So I'm spending tonight listening to Breathe Carolina
Breathing in chemicals
Wondering if you're okay
While I'm not
Drowning myself here alone

She falls asleep

The drops hitting the floor
Her tears
And her blood
Dripping along her skin

She falls asleep

The pill bottle crashing down
Her collapsing
After on the floor
Body colliding with the ground

She falls asleep

One half wants air
The other to drown
One remembers joy
The other only frowns

Split and torn
By love and hate
Tempting time
And teasing fate

One must win
And one must lose
I hate to say
But you must choose

Why did you eat that?
Don't you know
You're already fat?

Everyone is staring,
At the way your skin
Is swelled and sagging.

No one wants you,
With all that extra cargo
You look 200 pounds.

Put the food down
And go for a run --
You look disgusting.

Why did you eat that?
Don't you know
You're already fat?

Embrace me, I dare you.
Hold me in your arms;
Break my walls down.

Kiss me, I beg you.
If only just once;
Pretend to pick me.

Love me, I love you.
I can’t seem to stop;
My chest is bursting.

As I'm dipping pretzels in my tea
My cat wanders on up to me

He rubs at my leg, as if to say
I know how you feel, you wish he'd stay

He climbs on my lap, looks me in the eyes
I know you wish he were here tonight
I know you miss him -- I miss him too

But then I realize, he probably just wants some food

My hands just sit in my lap
Fidgeting with each other
Shoved in my sweatshirt pockets
Playing with my hair nervously
Tucked into my elbows with crossed arms
Grabbing onto my own body for stability
Retreated into my long sleeves

I'm seriously broken
I don't know how to be physical with you
Not when emotions are involved
How can I give myself away to a blank face
Given away to a blur of a stranger
But you, I can barely look at

I'm seriously broken
If I don't know how to love someone
With my body and my heart
I always pick and choose
And I don't want to do that to you

But I'm seriously broken
I can't give you the girl you want
I can't be the girl you'd love

All I can manage is a smoke littered conversation
And one night of less than empty sheets...

Oh father,
Won't you see me?
I am your daughter,
And I've tried everything.
I know you never wanted
A little girl to love, to hold,
But please don't ignore me.
Just saying occasional hellos isn't
The same relationship you have with your son.
I just hope you can love me before my life is done.

Never grow up, take me away
To a distant Neverland
Where it's carefree, day to day
No need for an education
Or all these institutions
I want to run free amongst
The trees and the shadows
Takeaway structure and maturity
Embrace imagination, absurdity

I'll take my escape
Take it for release
Oh, Peter, Peter Pan
Fly me away to Never Never Land

If I told you what a text from you can do,
Would your ego grow more?
I've always fought my hardest for you.
Always.
You motivate me to be normal;
To try.

You called me a *****,
And I strove to be pure.
You called me smart,
Made me top of the class.
Told me I was pretty,
And with you, I felt it.
You tell me you love me.
I've always meant it.
Always.

i want to be poetic
but i cant...

     i want to feel needed
     but i don't...

i want to seem together
but i’m not...

     i want to know something
     but i won’t ...

                              ...ever it seems

The drink stopped clouding

The chemicals stopped hazing

The pins stopped heightening

The blades stopped clearing

The poetry stopped calming

I need him
                    a new distraction
                                                    t­o make me
                                                              ­            forget everything that
Hurts

Cut off all my hair...
Pierce my face...
Hitchhike out to Seattle...

          You gave me up --
You can't stop me anymore.

How helpless do I feel when I can't fight him off
The pain is caused by more than verbs
He is bigger than me, he overpowers me
The new bruises
Like colorful explosions among my freckles
When someone cares to ask
Just say I fell
I'm so clumsy
So stupid
So worthless
They'll believe me like always

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
I am wrapped in duck tape
And C4
Tick...
Breathing feels dangerous
Or would be, if I could anymore
Tick...
My eyes are trapped open
Though I wish desperately they would shut
Tick...
I'm torn between panic
And not giving a ****
Tick...
Moving even an inch
Is horrific enough
Tick...
So I'm stopped by fear
That I'll blow everything
                                                 up.

If I love you
It means you
Can break me
If I don't
I could miss
Out on
Someone and something
Amazing

Dark eyes make me melt

Light eyes pull me in

Brown eyes are my weakness

Blue eyes are my sin

I hide behind
My glasses lens.
How foolish is that,
When everyone
Can see through them?
Through me?

I'm just thinking of the man with his flawless rhymes and carefully calculated poems
And of the most poetic boy I've ever known
Wondering why I associated both of them with the color green

      ~       ~       ~

Green eyes
I've always wanted green eyes
Green is money
Green is growth
Green is spring
Green is life
But I've seen too much death
I've touched too much death
I've caused too much death
I've loved death
I've chased it, begged it, taunted it
Death is around me
I suppose that explains the blackness of my eyes

But your eyes
Oh the eyes that take away the pain
Those warm comforting eyes
That belong to a man I love so much it kills me every time I have to say goodbye
The man who I so desperately want to share everything with
The man who protects me
Who saves me
Saves me from the lies I tell without even speaking
My best friend that I can never keep
He is only on loan for brief moments
The moments I truly need him
The man who gave me love
The man who made me greater than myself

But your eyes
The hypnotizingly icy eyes of the boy I wanted to desire
I desired more than I was allowed
More than he allowed
More than they allowed
More than I could have
I lied lies he didn't believe
I guess that proves it
He was always smarter than me
A boy with eyes that could ****
Held his kindness close to his heart
He showed it to me in fleeting shadows and whispers
The boy who let me take a breath, though perhaps I held it in for too long

Have you seen the boy
   with eyes blue and
   deep like the sea?

                               Have you seen the boy
                                  with eyes sweet and
                                  puppy-dog brown?

Have you seen the boy
with eyes that flicker
like golden flames?

                               Have you seen the boy
                                  with eyes greener
                                  than spring grass?

Have you seen any of these boys
   who promised to last?

Someone, please,
                                c
                                a
                                t
                                c
                                h

                                m
                                e

                                b
                                e
                                f
                                o
                                r
                                e

                                I

                                h
                                i
                                t
                                     the cool pavement.