𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝑜𝓅𝑒𝓃.
𝑀𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉, 𝒾𝓉 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃𝓈,
𝐹𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹,
𝒯𝑜 𝓉𝑜𝓊𝒸𝒽, 𝓉𝑜 𝓀𝒾𝓈𝓈, 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒,
𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝓎 𝑜𝓌𝓃.
“why are you single?” they always seem to ask me
but it’s always the ones who never want me
in my entirety
cause when they first laid their eyes on me
it was “oh my god, I love your energy”
now it’s “you’re so independent you have no sense of dependency”
“your energy is so powerful” is what I heard when you first fell for me
now it’s “yo you’re so ambitious you never have time for we”
you loved that I was strong willed and embraced my femininity
now you hate that I speak up and wish I would sometimes just move a little more quietly
you adored the fact that I embraced my roots so tightly
now according to you I’m just a little “too” pro black and you wish I would tread a little more lightly
before you enjoyed how proper I was and how my words came so easily
now you loathe how all my words are correct politically
thé lové you had for me so deeply
is now the detest you hold for me so intensely
the ego you had that I once thought was manly
was actually what caused our downfall, tragically
I once thought that you could handle me
but I now see that you’re just filled with toxic masculinity
my personality was always too “strong” for you to deal with me
you always got mad when I just wanted equality
now that you’re gone and I’m free from “we”
please step back and watch the next man care for me properly
to the wailing winter winds, i whisper
then we chatter—no wonder
those passing through deemed me a lone goner,
chanceless of love knocking the door.
i am dead jaded over failing chases,
over hopeless Minotaur mazes,
of whirling harlequin feelings
dead jaded, romance has gone tasteless.
hear my voice from this warm solitary chrysalis
leave me be, singing my soul to the winds
for thousand times more—till it snows for the last.
i'm comfortable being alone, that's all.
The moment I realize "Stop he has a girlfriend"
The moment I realize "Why does he talk to me this way when he has a girlfriend, why does he have to be this nice"
It's funny how you know how I feel about you but yet you still remain to be my friend, but why? It doesn't bother you??
So you decide to text me everyday all the way up to 3am with no trouble, but you have a girlfriend?
You said before when you meet me you thought I was attractive and you call me cute most of the time, But you have a girlfriend?
Do you do this on purpose to play with me?
Does your girlfriend know that you talk to me?
Is your girlfriend okay with you talking to a lot of girls?
YES...but why? You must be very trust worthy, and you treat every girl sooo special...but you have a girlfriend?
I don't know if I'm over thinking because all your friends say that you're a good person and you will not use someone or play with them.
You treat me so special, you make me think that I have a chance, you know I like you yet you keep texting me, making me happy, I can never talk to anyone the same way I do to you, You say "We have so much in common it's really remarkable, you are like the other version of me"..... when you were with this one girl you said you liked how she was the other version of you...
Why do you do this, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU
Don't you think that I can be suffering because of how much I want to kiss you when we hug.... or when you make me feel like the only girl in the world... you do all this for me and that BUT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
This is what I've been feeling with this one guy...I dunno if what I said made any sense but I just couldn't resist writing it down
I rolled over.
I was asleep, but then.... nothing
Air and emptiness
Darkness laughing in my face
No one there occupying this space
No face to gently smile at,
No soft body to hold onto,
No one person who i know has my back.
I smiled and thought, "how did it end up this way?"
And then i remembered "oh right everyone I've ever cared about lives arbitrarily far away."
See, whenever i meet someone new my brain goes on shuffle with no pause button, tangents fly like seagulls and eagles in every single discussion
My own brain is responsible for the love i lack
So i rolled over the other way, turning my back...
He is not real
He is just a fantasy character
But when he was supposedly died
I wonder why did he choose the path of death?
When he could just leave and go on with his life?
Have his own family
Why did he choose to die alone?
Defending his country?
I judge him because he did not love
I thought the world revolves around love
But when I grew older
I realize now why he chose that path
Because there are things that love is not enough
There are things you cannot just let go for the sake of love
But what is love anyway?
Even no matter how I observe
Love is still a mystery to me
Because I don't feel the need to sacrifice
And lose all my senses
There are things I am not willing to let go
Just for something new
Maybe he is the same
Even though I was relieved that there is a possibility that he is alive
That he disguised as someone else
Yet he still choose to remain alone
I used to question why
Now I understand why
There are clouds to my right,
massive and grey,
they inch forward across the sky.
Beneath them a stationary sea of stone and cement.
Unmoving waves that’d swallow me if I dared leave my perch.
Around me are noises.
Epic echoes that lend themselves to imaginings of war zones.
In the distance I see flashes
Brief man made stars of red, white, and blue.
The clouds move in.
A silent rolling mass.
The temporary stars try to touch them.
Their lives are too short.
Shining down on me,
The moon smiles,
She knows what it’s like to be temporary.
To need the strength of others to shine.
To be born on path you can’t escape.
The star makers don’t.
The builders and sailors don’t.
We might think we do.
We think we do.
I glance behind me.
To beat up a room that is only ever filled with lonely nights.
To an apartment part of a tradition of temporary dwellers,
With a floor more ocean than the roofs around me will ever be.
New stars reach higher.
I see one peek out from behind a cloud.
My flatmates join me.
We watch the fireworks together.
I feel the colors on my wall
those silent memories of mine.
In touch with the organized mess
I've surrounded myself with.
My finger tips glide and create
presents for me to look at.
Perhaps I'll share them
when I wish to see smiles
and connect with someone
while looking to listen
to the needs of beautiful people.
The taste of pizza
lingers on my lips
like my favorite lyrics.
Tomato kiss myself to satiation.
I'll moan in gluttonous relief.
I've got a library scattered
amongst my sheets,
smells of distant worlds.
Pages that take me
to perfumed forests and
putrid blood baths.
There's no need
for the sensory deprivation
that I've once endured.
Though lonely at times,
my room is true comfort
His green eyes stare into mine
Glistening in the candlelight
Shifting their gaze as it flickers
He kisses my hands and up my arms
Melting my heart and the snow
My cat. <3 ... He loves me because I feed him. -.-
The pouting of her lips in perfect sync
to the groove of her hips, in friction against mine.
The heat of sweet sweaty swings
each stroke firm and refined.
. . .
*Alas, another daydream -
— The End —