The first time I saw you it was in math class.
I didn't notice anything about you at first I just memorized the back of how your head was.
After all, I had an hour to ****.
The second time I saw you were in English class.
You sat next to me but not by choice.
But I was happy about it.
It took me about four to five weeks to talk to you,
and I wasn't even the one to speak first.
You introduced yourself and then we worked together on an assignment.
It's been two weeks and I haven't said another word and I probably won't out of random.
My anxiety swallows me whole
and I'm sorry I can't even say hello.
But I have had time to notice you.
And let me just say
I'm in love with your taste in music
I'm in love with the way you hold your books
thinking that if you change the sound of your voice when the diagonal changes,
or if you struggle reading words you've never seen before and sit there for a few seconds trying to piece together what they mean.
I love how you can play the mandolin, you should show me sometime.
As I think about these things I also pick up how you would never even think of me.
I mean really,
you probably want some girl that's outgoing and can strum a guitar solo at midnight with you.
You probably want someone with long hair you can intertwine your fingers in,
or someone you can spend an afternoon together after church with.
I can't move mountains
and I can't even speak without looking like a fool,
but even if nothing will ever happen
It would be just as quite exciting being friends with you.
We could trade books and make each other mixtapes.
It hasn't even been a month yet and I'm already writing mediocre poetry about you.
I'm sorry about that by the way.
I'm not asking for a relationship but a friendship with someone like you would feel just the same.

You lay in a field of flowers counting each bird that passes overhead.
You've erased concern and decided to live for the moment because you always would say, "we might be dead by tomorrow."
Flowers grew from your heart and bloomed across your lungs,
creating a garden that sang the most beautiful hymns,
while my garden was withering.
Each breath you took was never wasted,
but I couldn't help but count mine like they were birds passing overhead.
Every night you would view the stars and moon with pure amazement as if it was your first time seeing them.
You gave all your love to me and each kiss was coined in my pocket.
You fell in love with me every night and I fell for all your hymns.
Soon enough the world would pass us by but I wouldn't blink because I could live off your touch for the rest of my time.
You showed me there is more in life than just one color,
but instead, the world is a whole painting with colors that can't be described.
You showed me just how beautiful the world was.
You taught me how to grow beauty from my eyes but lately, I've been dreaming and falling for stars.
Imagining what it'd be like slow dancing with the planets, getting lost in constellations.
But I'm just not ready to go yet however I do not control time.
You showed me that dying can be beautiful.
That we'll be okay because when we leave we all become one with the earth and one with nature.
So love, love me until time runs out,
until I become one with nature.

And many years later as time starts to fly by and you slowly start to watch your clock tick down, you'll know where to find me, my love.
I'll be up with stars.
Somewhere lost in the cosmos.
I'll be spinning with the planets dreaming about what it would feel like to be able to walk on flowers again.

I never thought I would fall for you twice,
but here I am writing this poem.
I'm just a dandelion lost in this greenhouse
surrounded by these blooming beauties.
But hoping, hopefully
you would make a wish out of me.
You've got this look that makes me crave adventure.
You've got mountains in your eyes
and the northern wind in your soul.
I can't remember the last thing you said to me
and that's okay.
We never talked much thanks to my anxiety.
I'm not too far but my words have failed me so many moons
how am I suppose to talk to you?
You've got your future gripped tight by the wrist
and my hands are lost in all this space.
Maybe sometime in the years to come, I'll discover your footprints
and remember my high school crush all over again.
I'll stop and think if you're out in California making coffee for people,
like I overheard you say you wanted to do in math class that one time,
or strumming a guitar solo on stage somewhere in the city.
I just hope wherever you find yourself in time to come you're happy and smiling brighter than the stars.
I know not much will happen in these last eight months we have together,
but I want to thank you for the day you introduced yourself to me because you knew no one else in the class.
I know I'm just a dandelion in this great big greenhouse,
but I'm just really happy that you noticed me.

My love is vast.
My love is strong.
My love is driven by the thought
of you noticing me one day.
Although I am told that some love never blooms
like flowers struggling during the bitter colds.
I have nothing to offer you.
All I have are my bones.
They hold me up
on days I feel like a bird with broken wings,
but I will always love you with the lights on.
I will care for your wounds
until you're able to fly again.
Until you can reach the moon.
So play your guitar
and sing your songs.
I will admire you from afar
as you carry on.
Don't worry about me.
I'm not trying to come off as a creep
but I love your eyes,
and how they look like dark coffee.
I love the way you speak.
Each word a melody.
Every sentence a song.
I'm caught on your hook.
I could listen all day long.
I'm lost in your music
while you're lost in this madness.
So don't worry my dear,
the flowers will someday bloom.
I shall save these words for you.
I'll read them out to you,
but only once during the blue moon.

You're a sweetheart and a really brave bird.
So walk with me to the edge of the earth
and I will share you all my secrets,
and you will share me yours.
We'll tie them both to balloons
and let them go.
Lay with me down on this pearly dew-drop grass.
We'll watch the clouds travel to and fro,
just stay with me in this perfect spot.
You don't have to go.

I can make you feel loved,
I can take the weight of the world off your shoulder,
but only if you ask me to.
I can take you places,
fill all your blank spaces.
This love is silent,
so I don't speak a word
Because I am nothing like the moon.
My light will never be as bright.
I'm nothing that you'd admire from afar,
gazing at with wonder.
I thought I understood it.
That I could grasp the reality of it,
but you make it hard
because you're the stuff and dust dreams are made of.

I am not superman.
I carry around guns for protection.
I have killed many
And never was sorry.
I have stolen from men
who have stolen from others.
Do not look at me as a savior,
Not even as a big brother,
because I am nothing of a role model.
My wings have broken
and I don't even have a place to call home.
Pain is written on my skin with the smirk of a devil
leaving cracks all over for sorrow to sneak its way in and bury itself deep into my bones.
So give me hope because I'm not man enough to create my own.
I keep putting other's lives before mine hoping that counts as love
but wind up realizing that doesn't count as anything
Trust me, I'm no superman.
I can't even save myself.
I've burned my cape in the fires of hell because I've been there enough
to know I can't wear it anymore.
I have flaws enough to fill the ocean and I'm sick of drowning
and I'm tired of counting dead bodies
and I’m tired of swimming through waves I'm not big enough for.
So hear the violin and piano play my symphony
of the fallen man.
I never said I could fly.
I never said I could save your life.
I never gave up though.
So hold me tight and let me finally break and fall into the arms of someone I can trust and someone I know that'll keep my heart safe buried next to theirs.
I've played wicked games and lost too many times and now I just want to sleep.
I'm tired of turning up black and blue
But I'll do anything to protect you.
If you were never here then I would have ended this a long time ago.
I would have welcomed the salt water into my lungs
Or fall asleep in a tree and meet death in the morning as I hang in silence.
But now I beg for hope because I'm torn apart.
But I know am seen as your superman so I’m going to hang on with all my might,
And live this life with you
as a hero
as your superman.

Where are your wings now?
How can they save you now?
Left alone, barely able to stand on your own two feet.
You walk a thousand miles down a dirt road
finding hunger along the way.
You drink a gallon of water for the first time
so everything in the world stops and leaves you breathless.
You can't believe the feeling of pain and dwell in sorrow
over something, you can't control.
You set the world on fire but never knew how to use a match.
Now you're a nomad dreaming of meeting someone who will help you put out the flames
but instead, everyone glares at you while walking around in their ashes.

And if you knew what you know now nothing would have changed,
and everything would be in its place.
You wish to undo what has been done
but you have a heavy soul
surrounded by mountains and oceans.
So let the sun die down
and let the morning pour in hope of anew to come.

You used to be a beautiful angel
but now your grace has been ripped out.
Now you're a human
with ***** feet,
a hard soul,
broken wings,
and scarred and cut skin
you wish to just be left behind.
Let the wind take you and lead you
across the winding roads,
into the hands, you solely search for to help and to hold.
The only hands that can make you feel whole and holy,
even without a halo.

I found you in the cracks of winter. On our first date, we drank tea from cups bigger than our faces. You also told me you wrote poetry. I noticed how every time you would lick your lips before you would speak. The first time you read me a poem your window was open and it was raining. Your voice cracked and you cleared your throat six times. I was smitten. After our third date, I showed you my favorite place in the world. I took you to a bay on the outskirts of town. I told you the stories I carved into the sand a long time ago. I told you I came here every time the world kept turning but I felt as though I've fallen off, waiting for a guitar solo crash or a midnight knock on my window.

I wanted to tell you, you were my midnight knock. You let me hold your book of poems that night. There were bite marks in them from when you said you climbed up in trees back when you were as tall as the kitchen counter. We had conversations of Bon Iver and soccer as we laid on the sandy bay.

I realized that night I wanted to be there with you when the clock swallows up your time and watch indie movies on Netflix when there is nothing good on TV. I turned to look into space and swallowed all my feelings. I felt hollow when I looked at you and noticed your skin was old and tired. But you looked at me like you were young. You said I was the first to make you feel this way. I was smitten.

At first, I looked at you like a star but ended up seeing the whole solar system.

We were once kids.
We were once wild.
We were once soldiers.
In the dead of winter, you greeted death.
You fell from my grip and into the darkness,
and now a hundred years have rotted away and I have never felt so alone.
I ran from the winter because war was to attached to it.
I close my eyes and I see you there on the front line.
Young and drained, you were just a body rotting away.
Full of life so you hung on with everything you had.
bang
bang
It was such an awful sound.
Only if I had taken your place.
If only you would have run the other way.
Just how unfair is our luck.

Someday I'll teach myself to learn and live alone.
I'll teach myself that death was not the enemy.
But the winter storm rages on and I'm still having trouble breathing.
Don't be alarmed.
I march on.
Like the soldier I once was.
Don't be alarmed.
I've seen many winter storms
and I have miraculously survived them all.

Can't you see that I don't want to move on?
Don't bring tomorrow because I can't take another.
My eyes are too fogged to see the light.
My minds too cluttered to think right.
I've tasted my own tears
and faced all my fears.
So here I am.
Laying on the floor.
So here we are.
Together once more.

It's so quiet.
It's so strange.
I've never heard silence so loud before.
The drum beats loud and echoes out
leaving us alone in this emptiness.
Come on, love
don't leave me hanging from this cliff.
Don't leave me alone to die.

I know times are hard and you can't stand on your own,
but that doesn't mean you have to leave.
Don't run away from this pain.
Just come into my arms and stay.
At the end of the day
the rain will be blown over and all the flowers will be bloomed.
Even the toughest storms leave beauty for the eyes to love.

Don't get swallowed up in the shadows.
I'll be your light.
I'll guide you,
just follow my feet.
I'll lead you into me and hold you until your numb.

You're standing in the ocean
welcoming the salt water into your body.
Dry your eyes and swim to the shore
because I'll be waiting there.
Just please don't go.
Because if you leave I might just have to follow.

From the beginning
we were born to die.
There is no starting over.
There are no second chances.
With death carved on our skin
how could we live a normal life?

You could run but you'll one day run out of breath.
It's just a game.
You hide your pain and sorrow.
Save it for another day
when everything just falls apart and you can't pick it up.

Medicine and alcohol keeps you awake
As you hunt your demons and monsters.
You could choose to die but then this world would fall apart.
You give others that second chance,
you give them time to run and escape
while you slaughter their monsters,
and **** their demons instead.

You've got blood on your hands
and a soldier's heart.
Your brain is beautiful
just corrupted.
You smile to stay strong
and your humor hides your internal scars.

In the end
you'll look back on your youth
and notice you died a long time ago.
You never had the chance to be happy.
You'll never know the feeling of growing old with your lover
because all your lovers are either buried below your feet,
or somewhere up in the sky with the stars.
It's not that far,
one day you'll be with them.
Then, you'll finally be able to rest your tired hands.

Lay down your burden.
Lay down your arms.
Hardship is over and all is numb.
You finally get to rest.
You finally get to let go.
Fall down in the snow and let nature take you.
You are not alone, never.
Thousands of bodies are scattered on the battlefield.
They all had lives.
They all had futures.
They all ended too soon.
Go ahead and turn the snow strawberry red.
Your song will be played.
Your name will live on.
We will remember you forever more.
So rest now, my soldier.
Your brothers shall bring the peace.

I found you in the cracks of winter between puffing breaths of cold air like a dragon, on that cold Wednesday afternoon. I swore your eyes were the ocean, and I could see all the way to Europe. You held your books like a shield guarding your chest and you introduced yourself like a king.

We talked of Bukowski and Frost in between sips of lukewarm water. I fell in love with every pause you took and every time you blinked my heart beat increased. I was surprised you couldn't feel it from across the table.

You showed me the scars on your legs and arms you've gotten over the years. One from jumping off a roof into a pool. One randomly showing up when you woke up that morning. And one from that time you had a tumor removed from your chest. You told me don't feel sorry for you and don't feed you sympathy because you have been full for years.

We spent the next couple of months telling secrets. You told me I was the first person you have ever felt comfortable with in a long time. You kissed me so silently and slowly it was like breathing underwater. Forgive me if I sound selfish but I could not stay under the water any longer and I couldn't hold my breath for another second. I gave all my wishes and stars to you that night. I wrote poetry on your skin that we created when our hands touched.

We explored the mountains and ate picnics every Saturday afternoon. We ran from the rain as we saw the clouds roll in, we sat in the car and played truth or dare for an hour straight. I promised you I will love you until we're old and I'll have to feed you with a spoon until this action isn't anymore romantic but necessary instead.

It was a Tuesday at 2:35 in the morning when you were experiencing pain. I drove you to the hospital.

Our love was like a mother teaching a daughter how to slow dance for the first time; clumsy.
You didn't know how to hold me properly anymore because you were to busy holding medical bills in your hands. When I see these papers my mind loses focus and all those words form one big blur, and they become wet with warm teardrops smudging the news across the white crinkled paper. I turned off the tv that night and we actually looked at each other staring like we were both blank canvases and had painters block for the first time ever. That night you packed a suitcase and went away in a taxi. The hospital wasn't too far away but I couldn't bare to see you walk into that place again.

It was cold and it was Sunday. The doctors tried everything they could but it was already too big and eating you away. Old friends were always bitter when they weren't welcomed back but stormed in like a hurricane destroying everything the future has to hold. Your eyes were colorless and your hands were too fragile to hold anything. My heart was beating out of my chest and my palms were shaking. It felt like I was holding an earthquake.

You were only 21.

You had a warm heart and a beautiful brain. You were drained like rain-soaked up from the earth. I wished I could have taken you places and brought you flowers. But it was always too cold to go somewhere and all the flowers have disappeared away until next spring. For on now I'll just have to bring you back to life through words and hope not to cry. Another love is too far away to see and my vision is blurry but I don't want it to be clear. For I fear that I will once again become too selfish because I can't wait forever for you because death is miles away, and I'm not ready to see that side of my life. But when tomorrow starts without you I guess I'll just go home because, sweetheart, all the dust has disappeared.

Let us praise the time when we flew to Vegas one night because we were board. Praise the moment when we were so full of glee that time we won $20, and how we ignored that fact we lost $600. Praise the day our car broke down on the side of a mountain and so we finally got a chance to talk to each other and confess our problems. Praise that moment we meet on that frosty December. I hope your ghost waltzes at sunset with my shadow. I know it's only been a few years since we meet but for me, it was a lifetime of happiness.  Let it be known you are engraved into my brain and I'll always remember the time I saw you clutching books to your chest and puffing dragon breath.

We went wild
when all the stars came out.
We went wild
when all the flowers burst apart.
We ran across the earth barefoot
and with our electric hearts,
beating to the harmonies of nature.
There isn't anything that I desire
but the satisfaction that freedom offers.
Wrapped up in rays from the sun,
I celebrate myself,
while we sing only of glee.
You cleaned my soul
and showed me how to grow with each spring.
You pushed me through the winters
until the days when all life was reborn.

Pick yourself up and dust off your shoulders
because you're a soldier and have no time to rest.
You can't escape this life because you sold your soul for this
and in the next year, you'll be buried right under your feet, six feet deep.

Will it be your hell?
******* alone surrounded by nothing but chains
for years and years.
Calling out to empty shadows and swallowing dust over these times.

Will it be your heaven?
In the summer of ninety-six
with the night lite up with fireworks on the fourth.
Chasing the sparks because you're a child again.

Pick your feet up and march to the drums of your family.
You promised to always protect your family
and this is all you know to do.
Giving up your life for your brother's
is what you were trained to do.

Your heart is weak but warm.
But you will not be needing it for long.
You find peace in the night
but always keep a candle lit,
to keep an eye on your brother
because he is all there is.

Things can't be rewritten or reversed.
You've just got a confused mind
and acted out of grief.
But you're always able to rewind to the night
a bullet took your brother.

These lifeforms made a deal for you, that they knew you'd take.
They could care less about your feelings.
They could **** without warning,
but you trust them with your brother's life on this one.

So now you stand a man with a deal to die
but it's all worth it because now your brother can live.
Selling your life so he can have his back was the best birthday present
you could give.

I never dreamed of meeting someone like you.
You found me in the cold and gave me a home,
and now I
can't imagine my life without you.
You showed me the parts of the world
that no one has ever seen.
You helped me find the light
and now I
can survive these dark days because of you.

We danced with the stars
and lived off wishbones.
Swallowing stardust
and creating galaxies with our imagination.
Your love made my head spin faster than the planets.
Sweetheart, you have done so much
and now I
feel like one of the lucky ones.

Let us go fishing for stars
Let us swim with the cosmos
Lets everything

You drew an atlas on my hand
and connected the dots to the places where we plan to meet.
I love the shape of your lips
and how I can trace them so easily with mine
and now I
can finally feel comfortable when I say I love you
and mean it because I will love you until there is no till.
Until all the stars burst apart in front of us.
Until the universe stops spinning
Until the end.

Time sails around us,
leaving the present left to rust.
All my love is written below the earth
and spaces between the stars,
in the oldest language.

And we lay on our backs
crushing the grass.
You told me to wait,
but I can't wait forever.
so you said, "come along and travel
among these childlike places with me."
I said I'd follow you as far as to the moon's oldest side.

And then all at once, I'm a child again.
A child who would waste their time playing
in the naked creeks and thought of the unthinkables.

I was always trying to find my way to you
yet I was never scared of getting lost
for I followed the stars you mapped out for me
on the back of an old construction paper
that you scribbled across with stardust.

And on the night of the blue moon
I found you on a piece of paper
written 70 years ago.
you wrote to me telling me to always
keep looking and wait patiently
for the days that are to come.

and wait I did.

Shadow man,
an unusual human being without a name.
You called me one night out of the blue
and asked me to run away with you.
I was baffled,
but as night turned into day
we both jumped in your boat and sailed away.

You told me about the lonesome life you live and how you've sailed these seas for many years and was in search of a hand to hold.
You told me that I was the most beautiful flower there was.
Your world was without a sky and you told me I am the calm of the storm,
and that I should stick around for awhile.

You showed me all the constellations
and all at once I was lost in space.
I closed my eyes and smelled the sea salt and felt the ship shake smoothly over these waves.
I laid here with you.

We landed on many civilized city's ports and explored for more.
We'd have lunch in the woods, see movies, and explore the inside of museums.
Breathe it in because there will come an end.

You told me I wasn't the first you ran away with.
There have been others but in the end they always broke your heart.
You cried to me on the nights memories found their way back into your mind
and knew that one day I'll be the one causing tears when my time ends.
If I leave
don't worry, don't weep
dry your eyes so you can see light
and notice that I'll be in the stars.
I'll be trapped in time.
Just sail on and find the edge of the ocean
and become friends with the moon, and stars above,
before the curtain falls.

I once thought there wasn't any life outside of this town,
but I was okay with that because it had everything I needed.
But what do I know?
We are all so young,
running through parks,
climbing up mountaintops.
Strolling past all the shops
and driving around this town going nowhere in particular,
I thought that it simply could not get better than this.

We loved each other like the stars
I thought that nothing could separate us.
We were sure to last,
but little did we know
that all these days will belong to the past,
and everything that we always did
now live on pages on thousands of papers
and in pictures tucked away in a box of old things.

Happiness was in the air that day
when we all were together once again.
The moon shined bright that night,
lighting the path that we once drove down every day.
This city just seems so small now that I have broken all its walls.

I drive past all the places we left marks on in this city.
The now vacant houses that once held so many memories,
the lunch table where our love blossomed,
the midnight drives to the movies,
getting excited over slushies,
and the lakes we learned to float.
I look back on all these places
and think about all the things we ever did,
I simply thought that it could not get any better than this.

Setting the new year on fire.
Dancing to the sounds of Grease.
Picking peaches in celebration of spring.
Watching all the bands we ever loved.
I would forget all my stress and worries thinking about it all.
Can it get any better than this?
                                                                  
I want to thank this town for all the stories I wrote.
All the times we felt like children.
All the times we rose with the sun.
All the times I felt loved by all the people that were my stars.

As I'm driving through this town and watch it grow smaller in my eyes,
I imagine a time when I was not alone.
I know getting older can seem quite strange at times,
but what do I know?
All I know is that there is just so much to see,
and sometimes the grass isn't always green as it used to be.
But as long as I have these memories,
it couldn't get any better than this.

I don't want to apologize,
but I am sorry.
I understand I can be a bit dramatic sometimes,
and over think every situation.
However, I just wish I could understand how you feel about me.
Maybe I wouldn't hold on to every little thing
if you just gave me a sign that is clear for me to read.
I've never been able to enjoy the company of another,
so I'm not sure how this is suppose to play out.
Don't leave me in the morning
feeling used and forgotten.
However, I find myself waiting by the phone as the evening passes
wondering if I should keep trying.
I'm holding on but I know I deserve something more.
It's been 9 months and it's been hundreds of miles.
Sorry if this sounds selfish,
but I can't wait forever and hold onto nothing
when I know I deserve something more.
I love your company
and in my head, we are happy
because I know you feel the same.
I don't want to sound dramatic,
but just please don't leave me in this haze.

Look at yourself,
you're drained empty.
You'll never forget it
have you even tried?
You've gone and thrown yourself into the arms of someone who isn't strong enough to keep you up.
Did he make your head spin faster?
Did he make your heart beat faster?
On nights staying up wondering if he loves you I hope you someday find yourself instead.
Love is so sick when you can't see reality.
Notice he speaks your name with lack of passion.
See how his eyes can never match up with yours.
Do you even know where all this began?
It's making me sick, love
seeing you stumble home
on nights of loveless love, he never gave you.
Sweetheart, what have you got yourself into?
Do not follow his voice it's only making you settle more.
Please just admit that you've broken your own self this time around.
After all, he has put you through
how can you even still call him lover?

Unfortunately, the sun does set at night
and I am no longer able to see your face in the sunlight.
As I reach out my hands to find your cheeks
silk honey skin greets me.
You open your eyes and I see them perfectly.
They're blue like water that has frozen over
I see myself drifting away in the seas chillingly.

Sweetheart, don't leave the bed tonight.
Lose yourself in the sheets
and drown in all the oversized blankets.
It's too cold outside to be alone this time.

It's 10 pm and I want to stay here forever
I will not grow tired of you
It is not possible, you see I smile all the time when you're near.
Let's grow old to the grey,
Never let this get boring.
But for now, sleep with me here until the morning

Find me across the room,
I am the silent morning.
I've known your name for centuries,
but mines still just a foreign language to you.
My tongue is tied
and you're lost in translation,
But that's just how these things will remain.
My body sings every time
because your smile is like a melody.
You light me up
shining brighter than the moon and stars.
I'll follow your voice to the beginning of our first hellos.
You're a perfect afternoon.
We could sing away evenings with the radio.
Drive to places only we would know
where there would be nobody but you and me.
So please won't you come talk to me
because you see my words are lost
and my knees are shaking like trees in the wind.
I hope it doesn't come as a surprise that you light up the room.
Every time I see you I hold my breath
and my mind goes blank.
So I suppose I'll just always be on the other side of the room,
loving you from afar.

Have I ever compared you to the stars?
Have I ever described your eyes in ways that resemble constellations?
Talk to me about time.
Talk to me about the universe
in all ways that I'll never be able to understand.
Spin me around like a clock and take me back in time
to the days when stars shined brighter than these city lights.

We don't have to say a word.
Make no noise, not a sound.
Let silence fill our ears.
Let the quiet take over the earth.
Let us float in this peace,
and enjoy the time we have together.

I had a dream, however insane, that we were dancing with the cosmos.
Twirling with the burning stars,
and playing hide and seek with the spaceships.

I know that you have to leave soon
and I know that stars don't burn forever,
but lay with me here on the ground.
We'll count sheep all night until
the sun greets us in the morning letting us know
that the night is dead and gone.

It's not my fault that I fell in love with the world in you.
I see so much life in you
and I think we should stay in this position forevermore.
We will never miss another darting star,
Whirling its way passed us breaking our silence just for a second.

Once I was a king loathed by my kingdom.
I was a machine built from the toughest iron nothing could break through.
I left my emotions to rust in the rain and murdered them in the cold night.
But I let my ego hold my strings and now I can't even treat a human right.
I meet a manic on the south side of town.
With a cane in hand and his mind locked in a birdcage since the war.
He was a maniac for trusting me and loving me and all my iron core.
I don't believe his tales for,
he is dead on the inside.
Departed from his heart,
He says he feels more alive this way.
With a cigarette in my hand, I hope for his life to never feel alone again.

You were once the greatest thing that ever happened to me
and now you are just thrown in the back of my mind.
Now you're just scattered memories.
I was always afraid of changing.
I was never made to do this because
my life revolved around you.
But life does keep going.

As you decide to jump off this runaway train,
leaving me in the dust left to rust.
Leaving these grounds to become a beautiful flaming light in the darkness.
Every night I would look into the sky and talk to you,
telling you that life does keep going on
but it's making me sick, love.

But in the morning I will awake and rise from the ground
not knowing how to walk properly again.
But I'll find enough strength to walk to your resting place
and find peace in it and slow down in this race.

But I gave you all I had
and now I have nothing left to hold
I took all my love and spread it across your wild footprints
and grave, like ashes, to let it sink down into you once again.

We all get older.
We all lose things.
Life doesn't stop
and I have never
felt more alone,
but time continues
and the days go on.
But not a day goes by that I forget you
because I never dreamed of meeting someone like you,
but now you're just a memory
in the back of my mind.

Oh, the tragedy I have seen,
leaving my eyes burnt out.
"Please don't be dead."
I repeat countless times to your stone,
to the sky, to the heavenly stars that shine so bright
leaving the darkness in the pity shadows.
"Do this for me please."
"Just one more miracle."

I sail alone
because the sea now holds my lover's bones.
Some nights I see parts of her red dress
floating by in distance.
Death was always engraved on her skin
since the day I said hello.
Over the waves, isolation is my only company.
I age with the sea,
I am a constant pattern of madness.
Only at night do I dance for the midnight stars.
The moon was my partner,
the only one I couldn't destroy.
I lead, the moon followed, with her dress of waves that
flowed gracefully around my ship.
We don't dance for long as I fear
one day I'll be the end of her.
The clouds were beautiful.
A home I crave away from these grounds.
A place that's far from a soul I could damage.
I pledged, I would never love a person again,
or get to attached to them.
I wish to be far away from earth,
I want to be up with the thunder.
Distant from where all my past
lovers are six feet under.

Feel the tide.
I am the ship.
I am the captain.
The ocean is a savage
the way it pulls my body,
slinging me around like i'm weightless.
I will not surrender to this beast.
The waves mean nothing to me.
I've been fighting this savage ocean for a century.
100 years of getting carried away across these waters.
Isolation is my home.
It's all I know.
I brought this on myself.
I ran away from land and into the water,
unknowing of the horror it holds.
But I will not surrender
I am the ship.
I will not kiss the ocean goodnight.
I will not fight.
I will float on until the day comes I greet the sea.
My lungs will sting and my head will rush.
Leave my body in isolation.
Let it be a peace offering.
So the ocean wouldn't have to carry away another ship that day.

The moon has never been so blue
upon my feet, the flowers bloom.
I'm standing with stone all around.
I'm surrounded by space that shouldn't be.
Your arms used to fall over me
and now I've never been so cold before.

The night you walked into the forest
I started crying with the wild wolves.

I've been running around the woods looking and howling for you
but I knew the trees would never lead me to you.
Lay me down to rest because I can no longer hear your heartbeat
that used to be louder than a soldier's gun.

I've walked miles and I have not slept.
Until the day I heard the moon started crying,
and that was the day the trees created a path just for me.
I walked with numb bones to a graveyard of lost loves.

I have forgotten how to breathe.
I have forgotten how to speak.
I never knew your lungs were tired
and your eyes were so heavy.

You prayed to the forest to take you
and now you're at peace.
Life was hard,
and the sun never shined for you.
But now I can stop crying to the woods
and I can stop bleeding with the moon
because you're somewhere up there in the blue.

And right before your eyes I'm dying
and breaking,
falling to pieces.
You try to pick them up but they turn to dust in your hands.
You find yourself gripping your hair and turning to tears
not quite sure you're fully letting this sink in.
You've been in this hospital chair for so many years
but you never thought that one day it'll actually come to an end.
This is the last time you find yourself here
This is the last time you'll hear me say your name.

I'm you're little brother, not a soldier.
I wasn't built for a life on the line.
I did what you told me and I'm drained out.
You regret it
I know, you told me so many times over.
But that doesn't fix it,
It won't make me better this time.

I'm lying here, breathless.
And I want you to know
That I'm okay with letting go.
I'll finally get to rest
After all these years.

Tell me what you have to say
and I'll carry it to my grave
to think of all the time.
You'll still be my brother
even when I'll be on the other side,
and you're left here to create fresh tracks
on your own without someone as your guide.

I know how much time you spent on your hair so I will not touch it,
but think of how soft it would feel running across my skin.
I know you hate it when I walk around in nothing,
so I'll try and teach you the ways to love your own body.
And I am here to be your crash pad when you get laid off at work
and come home crying.
And before the day is done I'll carry you into the woods and we'll put our feet in the lake to forget our tragedies,
and remember we're still young at heart.
There is no need to grow up and worry about your looks.
Worry how other people,
we don't know,
think about our bodies
and if they are silently judging.
Let's not worry about money.
We'll just camp in a tent on the lakeside when we lose our house.
And we'll go with the river,
play around like children
and enjoy life and live worry-free.

Oh, you were a book that I never have read
and ask anyone I have read them all.
I studied your cover and fell in love with your spine.
Oh, let me read you
let me explore your mind.

You were an album
and I loved all your songs.
I could sing them none stop all day long
and they would never get old,
not a single one.

You were my favorite flower
and I was a selfish kid
that wanted to pick you,
and keep you all to myself instead.

But you were a song
I had stuck in my head
I sang along until night when I crashed in bed.
We fit together just listen to our harmony.
Come on over
and keep me company.
You can bring your guitar and I'll bring mine
we'll be an unstoppable duet
just you & I

Is this the end or is this just the start?
With a demon's red velvet hands wrapped around my throat
It leaves me a ghostly white.
I prayed every night but never heard anything in return.
If there really is a god he'll have to beg for my forgiveness
because I dug my own tunnel and crafted my own sword.
I saved myself from playing anymore of these wicked games.
Tonight you'll hear me cry and I won't pray for nothing.
I reach high to where my dreams are I imagine the light of day and to be saved.
I'm followed by shadows and swallowed up by the blackness behind,
wasting time watching stars collide.
But I swear one day I will be strong enough to raise waters and push through the mountains.
One day when I grow taller, taller than god.
But right now I'm standing in shallow water dreaming of the stars
thinking of the history books I'll be in when I escape these cell walls and finally breathe the earth once again.

I have breathed these dusty walls and cried to many nights.
Blue night, blue moon in the sky
one day I'll see you from a different view
once I escape my imprisoned doom.
I understand my security but I am no longer soulless
so you no longer have the right to treat me like I'm less.
I'll break these walls and break my fist
I know who I am and where I stand.
My weary mind and my heavy soul and a broken heart
will see the face of god and still not believe.
For what is heaven
It must be what holding a lover feels like,
but I know no lover that can live past the flames of hell.

What are, what are these walls made of flames doing?
I'm pure again and deserve a free sentence.
I deserve light.
I deserve to believe in something other than the normal.
I can believe in myself.
I can be my own god.
Hope is not dead,
so I've read.

This has all just been a game
one you can't win,
but you're forced to play.

The game keeper has got your
beloved ones around his finger.
A king in a devil's costume.
He calls the shots and makes the moves.
And it can be 'game over' for them
with just a roll of the dice.

In a ring of fire,
that no water can put out,
I watch suicides all around me.
A jump from up high, a shot to the head,
a dive in the water never to be seen again.

In this game there is no survivors but
there is one victor.
He sits and waits for us to fall.
He sits and stays watching the heroes die.
Watch them fall like flies
into the never ending hole in the ground.

I'll be watching my own death tonight.
I'll be dead before the day is done.
I'll be running with the demons at sunrise.
I'll because a slave to his kingdom
because that's where they all go.
Deep though the hole centered on the ground.

Summer breeze,
the sun beats down on me.
It leaves me a mark,
paints me like my ancestors.
A radiant glow.
An exotic flower from the tropical
gardens of Colombia.
Just like an exotic flower from the tropical
gardens of Colombia.

I've been on the run for 500 years.
I carved a map on my back
of all the places I've been.
It's made up of all the old stars from my eyes
that no longer have meaning to me.

What a shame you couldn't have come with me.

The trees stand taller than the mountains,
growing up into the skies to touch the clouds.
The lady in the lake that pushed and pulled the boats
was a lovely savage.
These lands had no end.

I meet a man that lived on the clouds.
He told me the story of how he invented the stars
and how he cried the rain.
I never did run from the rain again.

I listened to the wind's whisper,
so low only for my ears to hear.
They told me to paint flowers for you.

So I took myself and found your stone.
Quiet, cold, and ever so selfishly was this sight to see for me.

I'm sorry your last breath was wasted on my name.
I have lost you to greed.
I wanted to travel forever with you,
but your state of body did not agree.
I took you from your saver and your bed,
and now I walk a thousand miles on my own.

I look for you every time the sun
falls down,
but knowing I'm lost in the moon's glow.

I would give all for you
to be here with me.
Winning isn't all that fun in
the end,
but now the game is over
and I stand lone a victor.

I painted you a garden of the most beautiful roses.
It's such a shame you'll never be able to see them.

I'm skin and bones
I'm forever and always.
I'm always watching stars collide.

You're lost and confused.
You're alone and temporary.
You're just sitting there watching stars collide.

Washed up in the creek
I watch as you count sheep
until you fall asleep.
You were always cold and wondering,
but then I pulled you from the creek
and dressed you up in new clothes.

What the hell is going on?
You told me that you couldn't see straight anymore.
You're holding on to me,
an unfamiliar figure.
I'll tell you my name and whisk you away
to a safe place,
away from the darkness, you were left in.

My story was written in the stars.
I'm ancient and forever.
While your story was like tree rings.
At one point it will come to an end,
but I loved you.
I'll always treat you like you're important.
I'll look at you like you're the first face
that I have ever seen.

I told you you weren't allowed to love me.
You told me you couldn't just forget me.
You couldn't just walk away from it all.
I told you I would be the end of you one day
and you were going to be the end of me.

The world was built for two,
but I just can't love you.
Knowing one day I'll be seeing you slipping from this world
and I'll just stand over your deathbed knowing
there is nothing I can do.

So all I'm going to do is love you anyway with all I have
and leave before it gets worse.

You feel like you're a million miles away
far from me
at another place where I can't be.
I wish I could see you.
I wish I knew what your voice sounded like.
Let the ocean waves roll over
and let the sun set so the stars will appear,
and be my guide to you.

I just haven't met you yet,
but when I do
I'll never leave your arms
because you'll be my coming home.

In the dead of morning
you'll be there with two cups of tea.
There wouldn't be anything I didn't love about you.
I hope your eyes shine
when you look at the world.
You notice how there is so much to explore
and you'll be left craving more.
You'd suggest we adventure out
and I would already have your bags pack
and be halfway out the door.

I would never get mad at you.
Not even when you spill your coffee
all over my poetry.
I'll smile and kiss your frown away
telling you that it's okay.

There isn't anything I wouldn't tell you.
We'd bury our secrets together in our backyard garden.
We would sleep so close together at night,
fearing the edge of the bed.
We would everything and nothing.
We would never let our love for each other grow hungry.

The stars always shine brighter when I think about you.
Do you see how they shine?
That is all for you.
I know I'm still young but I can't wait to meet you one day.
I know you're out there
dreaming about the day you'll meet someone.
I hope that person you think about is me.
Even though you don't know me yet.
But that day will come and it'll go down in history books,
trust me.

I'm bleeding out
and all you do is watch me drain.
I gave you my heart
but you've got the devil in your soul,
so you tore it apart,
piece by piece.
I'm left with nothing but the stars
So I drink to wash away the pain it brings.

I'm your **** of the night,
but not if this drink does it first.
I'm already half drained.
All I ever gave you was everything
from the very beginning
and now you've thrown it all away.

You were once my brother
and I still believe underneath that skin,
and all your sins you're still human.
You were once holy and sane
but it's hidden somewhere lost in the dark.

All I do is drink your poison.
I let it consume me.
Every inch of my body
until I'm finally able to feel nothing.
Only then will my heart stop aching
and my body stops bleeding.
I greet the dark like it's a friend
that helped me escape.
I'm no longer here to see what happens next.
I'm gone and buried away.
My last drink was the most bitter
but it was such a relief.

You told me you wanted to die
on the mountainside on the 28th of July.
The same day your mother died.
Chased by your sins shouting melodies that are carved on skin.
The kingdom has fallen and you were loved in the best ways possible by the people you wanted, but now the river overflows all the dreams you once held close to you dearly.
And now here you stand reading the letter that she wrote.

"Keep alive and live past my grave. Grow flowers in the darkest places and bring light into your lungs and breathe the air that smells so sweet. Believe there is a place beyond the hollow ground and believe we'll meet up there one day again, but please do not make that day anytime soon. Climb the trees that the past has planted here and swim to the other edge, always be on the other side. Don't worry if you trip over your own feet. Don't fiddle with the cuts you marked but kiss them each day until they're there no more. Follow the path that leads to the river and watch how it flows gracefully over sharp rocks to make them smooth enough to hold. Early in the morning awake with joy because the sun shines for you and the birds sing for only you to hear. Do this for me, my lion heart."

And you kept that letter in your pocket every day and held the crisp paper in your hands pretending it was hers.

I said I'll meet you by the water
Just follow the path down the shore.
Follow me across the world,
to a place that's left unexplored.
We'll carve our names into the tallest tree,
reaching up towards the heavens and skies.
We'll count the stars as we leave,
to the other side of the island.
Drag a stick through the sand,
drawing tiny infinities.
and then we will sleep in the trees,
it's safe, trust me.
Look at the skies and watch the clouds roll by,
they were all ours.
We traced constellations with our fingers,
and talked in the language of the stars,
so they smiled back at us and sang us songs to sleep.
There is an island named after us.
A legend of a pariah duo.
Oh, the stories this place will hold.

It's late again and the room is dim
with candle lights taking over the night.
I'm swallowed in this empty space
counting the days.
How many moons must pass by
before I finally can fall asleep?
She no longer
is enough.
I've grown old.
I've grown slow.
I find my time lost in memories,
but I think it's now my turn to find someone
who looks at me like I'm glittering.
Show me the way,
Show me the signs,
I'm forgetting how to read.
Will I win,
Will, I walk,
I've seen this road before.
I've just never made it down to the end.
Luckily, the stars saw my grief and made amends with me.
They've kept me in the dark for so long,
and now are finally guiding me
through this terrain.
Through this rain.
Through the night.
Until I find someone who can carry me back
to the candle lights.

Let the earth
turn to dust,
and leave all life
left to rust.
If you're not here
I don't wanna live alone.
So set fire to all there is
so I can join you,
up wherever you are.
Still, I cannot see.
I'm just a wondering blind man
since you left.
You were my sight
and now all the light is gone,
the moon and stars are all drained out.
I've been walking the same path
searching for a sign
someday I'd hope to find.
So draw me a map to where I'll find you.
A straight line that I can follow.
My bones ache
and I wish I couldn't feel a thing.
I'm losing breath, but I'm almost there.
But for now, I'm just wondering.
I'm a blind man,
so please pull me from the dark.
Be my guide.
Be my feet and eyes.
Lead me to you,
so when I finally make it up there
you'll find me and I won't have to be alone.

It's been years
but I still remember our days
and I still cry tears.
I remember the day the earth stopped spinning.
Your footsteps are still imprinted
on my doorstep
and your last words are a broken record
repeating in my head.

Oh, it's been years
but I still smell you
in the emptiness next to
me in bed.
I loved you more than myself
and now I'm left hollowed out

You were the one who promised me .
You gave me a ring and your word.
Oh, sweetheart can't you
see what you've done to me?
You loved me to death
and then went and left.
Walked away like it was the easiest thing.
Well, my heart has had enough pain
to last the rest of my days.

With sand sinking quickly,
It’s dragging me down and there’s no way of saving me.
You stand and watch me drown in my own river, for now, I’m just a skeleton in your closet.

Words of regret you feed me,
But I throw them into the stream because the adventure was so much sweeter.
I told you to just leave me in a pit and wait for the earth to cover me up.
If you so greedily wish to see me again just dig me up.
When I ask to throw me into the sea you were scared of the waves I was to create.
I told you not to worry because if you want to see me again just dive down below.

This life is all I want to remember.
I don’t want to live a future.
You told me if I died you’ll never grow me flowers or cry for my pain.
So I stopped and lived another day for you.

And you told me you have been on the run for decades but never knew why.
So since you know you must keep moving you kissed me in every language you knew,
As our hands parted like passing ships.

I'm sailing away
on my own ship.

I don't need any crew
I know exactly what I'm doing

I'll be gone by morning light
to sail across the ocean.

If you want to say goodbye,
don't bother.

Instead just come sail away with me,
and we'll have the stars all to ourselves

I'll take you to all the places you've forever wanted to see.
Far and wide, there is no limit for you and me.

Baby, you really hurt me
letting me think that we could have been something.
I should have known months ago
when you stopped saying hello and started leaving me on read.

I would pull back
but would keep hanging on
thinking this was going to go somewhere.

If you weren't serious all you had to do was tell me.
Instead, you left me outside waiting in the storm.
Having second thoughts should have been the first sign.
Thinking I deserve someone that does not leave me on read,
but at last, I was too naive.
So I stayed waiting by my phone and waiting for that light.

But now I realize it's just too cold out in this storm.
I tried being an adult asking where do you wanna go from here,
but I guess you just didn't have the time to answer me.
That's okay, maybe I won't get this past year back,
but I have too much to look forward to than worrying about someone who just doesn't care.

Baby, you really hurt me
thinking that this was going somewhere.
Baby, don't worry I can tell you don't care about me anymore
the way I believed you did.
Baby, don't worry I'm woman enough to realize I deserve better now.

We've been running with blistered feet
and weak knees for centuries.
Yes, we've come so far
but no one ever said it would be this hard.

Just lay your head to rest
you have run enough.
I've got your hand and I'm holding it tight.
You're all I have in this world
so I won't ever let go.

Don't you cry no more
because you gave your all.
It's just this time god wasn't so kind.
You put up a good fight and I'm so proud of you.

You'll finally be at peace
when these dark days are behind you.
You slayed your demons and monsters.
You did your job and you did it well.

Don't worry too much, brother,
because I won't be able to live in this world too long without you.
I'll follow you down the path and into the dark.
I won't let you die alone.
On the other side we'll just drive down the endless road back home, or god knows where.
We would always dream of tomorrow
but this time tomorrow never came.

We gave our live's to protect others.
We've come so far up the mountain
just this time got caught in the landslide
and fell all the way back down.
But look how far we got.
Look how much we've done.
Look at how many lives we've saved.
We're just two brothers born from the fire
but this is where our lives end.

I look back and see all decay,
but I won't apologize
I did my job.
We saved lives and protected the land.
We always stood tall
no matter how hard we'd fall.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of us.

I did my best to show love to you,
but I guess I'm just too much of an amateur to figure it out.
During our golden hour,
I thought that I had you locked in my heart.
But in my darkest hours,
I felt you fading from my fingertips.
I know I can't make you love me,
but you didn't have to waste my time.
You really hurt me,
leaving me to overthink.
If you have other plans, I would understand,
but you didn't have to leave my messages with no reply.
You really hurt me,
making me believe that you really loved me.

I'm numb to my bones.
Every inch of me is sore.
I'm rotting away
until I'm left with nothing more.

I want to feel.
I want to feel something
yet I don't want to give in,
but instead greet death as an old friend.
When he comes knocking at my door
you won't hear me crying from pain no more.

I'm standing in the ocean
letting the waves wash over me.
Singing the song of the hopeless
as I follow the waves back in the sea.
Just to feel something
for the last time
I swallowed and greeted the salt water sting
into my lungs.

It finally felt so good
to feel something.
I felt free
as I became one with the sea.