Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Brian Hoffman Oct 17
I know sometimes I’m a little obsessive
Some might call it bipolar depressive
Random mood swings causing me to become manic obsessive
Shifts in energy changes making me become impulsively energetic
Got my mind spinning around causing me a psychotic racing catatonic lack of awareness
So used to being told to calm down by my family and old therapist’s
Now I’m just living and learning off of my own failures and life lessons
Creating my own values and building towards a better impending prospective future with all these thoughts, ideas, different reasons and reactions
Moments of self worth can often start to feel fleeting due to daily life experiences and my own expressions
Followed by changes in feelings and mixed emotional ambivalence
Rarely opening up to people because, I feel vulnerable and misunderstood constantly stressing
But the few times I do is when something about them resonates with me making me feel calm, safe and accepted
I believe it’s because of my past trauma, I have to try everyday to be a soul survivor
Old coping mechanisms through past risky behaviors shattered recking havoc
Drugging and drinking to drown out these demons
In the depths of despair, my inner demon finds solace, a dangerous comfort I must avoid
Getting back up on my own two feet going to meetings after meeting
Late insomniac nights with thoughts never fully slowing down
Followed once again the next day I can’t seem to drown out all of the sounds
All these troubled thoughts restless I am
A soul survivor I fight, but I often find it hard to stand
Picking myself back up
I’m just a man searching for a way to feel human again
Bipolar, insomnia, anxiety, pain, depression and past trauma
Chaos Kidd Sep 17
I start my day in a panic, so much energy I feel galvanic. You would think its fun in reality I feel like I'm spun. I have a million thoughts trying to win the same race, feeling uneasy in my skin as I begin to pace.

I try to message my friends and reach out, only to receive questions of doubt. It's all "mind over matter" they say, and I feel a ping of betray because they really think I'm making myself this way.

Even on my medication I feel like nothing more than an abomination. How could someone so broken be one of GOD's creations? That's when my thoughts redirect remembering none of GOD's children are perfect. Each one made in his glory, for the purpose of living out our own story.
8 months sober, struggling with mental health.
irinia Jul 9
love spoke with an incomprehensible voice in manic days. we were looking for the soul of words, from one rhythm to another, no nuance no desire to escape this passion for dreams on repeat. my name is Carmen, I told him, you came to light me up like the morning that has never seen torches nor sobs. I'll write as long as the words hold me. Contaminated minds in humid bodies, I felt my fluid fingers maddened by je ne sais qua. I couldn't find my emptiness, you couldn't find thoughts any more in the tunnel of yearning, it kept descending into the desire of the earth, it ravished us. I don't want to get out of mind but I would go to the sea of green, was it in the palm of your hand? I'll turn into a cradle for the illusion of eyelids. I didn't have eyelids anymore, just two burnt eyes, the darkness that dug into them, that darkness that blinded you, called you, squeezed you till you turned into ink. I'd like to spell the word desire like a mantra, may it forgive me until it forgets me, until I howl and then fall silent. I shut up as a field. I'm writing about too much aliveness, purple in the pleasure of pain. I keep reaping the grain of wheat, I have no helpers like the hero in the story. pain contaminated the tablecloth. I didn't hide my desires in the orchids, but let them smile. we talked about ourselves as if we didn't know.  we were our new selves, our old selves. it was us all over in the abyss of mind as if it didn't hurt in the morning. I wanted to give myself to you. I am pierced  by words, I can't stop them, they flow from the eardrum of the mind to the marrow of my bones or the other way round. The stories of the lymph, I listened patiently. Maybe today is yesterday and tomorrow is the day after. I've forgotten the alphabet of time. What do words actually know? Love is the mercy of time passing by, leaving us untouched, now I know.
Yellow field of passages'
Vivid color images
Multicolor pink- red- purple
Days disappear new dawn color
appears two ears, peers
Colors define but smears
Feeling like a baboon

Swinging wizardly
Wanting to come home soon
Something strikes you
Cowardly- profoundly
Technicolor group
New frontier lovely

Career fit bravely
Gods* truth
Amazing* color* birth
Vivid Color images
Red- heart -damages
Piano fingers ironic

Start to panic
Vivid minds go- manic

Ship Titanic
Bake-Awake- mood

  Vivid brain waves
   Vivid parrot caves

Geometric lines Shakespeare
  *       *       *       *       *       *
Vivid color images
Happy New Year
Colors are fascinating but also have reaction feelings
Elena Jul 2022
this life
in waves
up and down like up on a rollercoaster
all the time
manic and depressed
round and round and round
stop this
i lost my youth
to hospitals and pills
i don't want to be sick
Elena Jul 2022
This hell that consumes me
Gets the best of me
What have I done to put up with this suffering
Months of depression
And then light shines bright
Welcome to the manic world voices said
There is no exit
From this cycle
It is like being buried alive
Crying and screaming
Laughing and running all over the world
Brandon Brazel Apr 2022
As the Everburning rises in to prospective,

I gaze out of my window,

Using that moment to be reflective.

An introspective moment that swarms the temple like flies.

No matter the weather outside,

The rain always makes it inside.
Things have been even more difficult lately for myself. I really don’t know if I want to continue this experience.
Chloe Dec 2021
I don’t want to deal with heartache anymore;
don’t want to feel you in my pores
I want out of here
I know you are the only way
So, can you stay, just for tonight?
Can we pray for some light?
And if we stay here all our lives,
can we pray that it is right?
I just want to feel good
and to make it feel good for you
If you think I should,
I will kneel before you
Oh, my hands are bleeding
You never said! You never bled!
I don’t see why I am being punished anymore
I have praised all my demons with justification
Though, I still need a way to find
instant gratification
So, can you forget just for tonight?
Can we pray since we can’t fight?
And if I say that I will be all right,
can we pray that the end is in sight?
I just want to feel you
and in one touch find the truth
If I pull through
I will kneel before you
Oh, the dirt, it infects my blood
You never rested! I’ve been molested! Oh, my friend!
If you were resurrected
I may slay you again
This ******* holy water tortures me
Hey, I found a bible; it was burning
You left me soulless and yearning to believe
****, at this point, I would believe anything
So, can I pray if just out of fear?
Can anyone say if the end is near?
Can I battle off all my fears?
Will this be my last year?
And will I ever be born again?
Can my body ever be cleansed?
Lead me to a mirror to make amends
SHATTERED GLASS pierces all my friends
I was never told this would be easy
I was never told I had a ******* choice
No one ever told me it was okay to speak
I was never told to have a voice
So, I don’t
Also, *******.
2014 I think
MuseumofMax Nov 2021
Awake at night
Despite the early hours

I watch the sun rise
Before I climb into my tomb

Or is just my room?
Early morning thoughts
A Aug 2021
All I needed was some inspiration
Didn't think that I'd become the villain
Locked up in this mental prison
Really used to have a vision
I was on a fucken mission
Made a couple bad decisions ...
...Didn't think it'd make a difference
Now I'll never be forgiven
Really wish I would've listened
Learned to live with this condition
Guess I'm just another victim
Of the devil and his sickness
It's a cycle and it's vicious
Didn't mean to be the villain...
Lookin back on all my pages
And how I still get the cravings
All the itches and temptations
I'm an addict I'm so manic
Gotta face it it's my fate
It's just my life it's how I made it
Started out with inspiration
Didn't wanna be a hero...
Instead became the villain
Next page