John AD 5d

Lying in bed makes me calm,
Hugging my pillows, sweaty palms,
I'm dizzy or drunk, Don't tell mom.
I think people like me are both scared and brave
Suicidal thoughts are always in my head.
I'm not afraid to die nor hurting myself.
But some people think that I'm worthless
They think we are weak because we cant surpass the test.
But most of you people are scared to take a risk.
Look at yourself ,are you afraid of dying,
Then look at me I'm not afraid of dying
I'm just tired of trying and crying.

Are you afraid of dying ? Or afraid and brave  at the same time?
John AD Dec 8

What a wonderful day , Hearing all the pain from the others
Everytime it think about it, it hurts, feelings are so deep
I wish to become a child again. I miss myself, the moment,
When I was a child seeing my father and mother both love each other,
getting those small things that makes me so happy and not colder,
Just enjoyable days happens as a child that will not happen today

Because today , all the happiest things become confusion
Writing this poem , falling tears , can't find a way or a solution.
Maybe I'm at the breaking point where I don't care about my life anymore,
I just want to end my life , so I can escape from the pain that keeps killing me.

I just want to end this sh*t that makes me more uncomfortable of becoming ME.

Release
John AD Dec 5

Tomorrow I'm getting older,
Maybe it's worse but I don't care,
Just planning my life to be free,
Smiling every day, lookin' at the trees
Falling leaves, escape from insanity
Been here since 96 , until the day I learned to speak.

I've opened my eyes, mind ,and soul,
In my past , I'm blind from reality
As I am getting older, I learned to observe and seek the society.
Now I'm turning 21 can you see the maturity ,
Or still trapped from anxiety

But I'm happy being myself ,
Because since the day I was born ,
My family is teaching me the way,
To have a good personality.

Tomorrow(Just another day)
John AD Nov 21

Nabuhay ka sa mundo,
Para sambahin ang iyong idolo
kumakandili sa iba,
nagkukumahog naman itaas ang sariling paa,
nabuslot , naapuhap ng kadiliman
balintataw nang kasalukuyan ,
paulit-ulit mong nasasaksihan.

Pananaw ay naliwanagan,
araw ba ang nagbigay o ang buwan?
o ang dilim nang mundong kinatatayuan
Sinunog mo ang simbahan ,
Upang alamin kung may kaparusahan
nanatili parin ako sa aking kinatatayuan.

Masimod ako sa kaalaman,agsikapin sa pagpaslang,
ng mga nilalang na peke at salawahan.
ang hiwa ng iyong tiyan , aming pinagsasaluhan,
patungo sa hiwa ay ang tunay mong katauhan!

Poetic poetry for the blind
John AD Nov 20

Help me again from this pain,
My heartbeat is beating so fast and
I don't want to feel this way again
My body is shaking and nobody came
No love from others , and my heart always get some stain.

I feel I was in the penitentiary,
Trapped inside a cell,can't find a way to set me free,
I'm alive but I feel I'm dead
Every second of my life I felt I was running in a thread
Those books I read , Still hauntin' my head ,
The Knowledge I received , Is it good or bad?

This panic attacks , Solution is Xanax
Very addictive , but Helps me to relax.
Is this the same way to begin with ?
Or choose "To be Alive or Dead?"

Panic Attack
John AD Nov 16

Gaano ba kadaling ipagwalang-bahala ang isang bagay?
Iniisip mo parin ba ang kasiyahan,
O hindi mo na namamalayan , ang iyong kapalaran?

Marahil ngayo'y hindi mo pa naiisip ,na
Kinabukasan ngingiti ka parin ba o,
Palihim ka nalang sisilip.

Tignan mo ang kapwa mo kayod-kalabaw buong buhay
Habang ikaw nakaupo ka lang nakaharap sa modernong teknolohiya,
Sinusubuan ng pera at habang buhay ka na yatang magiging buhay maharlika, Ano?

Magmamasid ka nalang ba sa nangyayari?
O iisipin mo nalang ang ginawa mo nung nakaraan,
Malagim na nakaraan na dinadala mo sa kasalukuyan

Hindi puro kasiyahan ang takbo ng buhay ng tao
Kailangan din ng kahirapan,kalungkutan para makamit ang inaasam-asam,
Huwag kang tumunganga kumilos ka , Ano?

Hahanap ka ba ng paraan o ngingitian mo na lamang?
O iaasa mo nalang sa ibang tao , o sa pagod mong mga magulang,
Na nakaupo ka nalang hindi kumikilos naghihintay ng pera ni Juan?

John AD Nov 14

Nandito nanaman ako sa isang silid,
malungkot , nagiisip kung anong mangyayari sa paligid
Bukas ba ay payapa muli ang isip o bibilis nanaman ang tibok ng dibdib
Sa bawat nangyayaring karanasan sa buhay ko
may mga bagay akong naiisip na lumalait sa sarili kong pagkatao,
sa pagkatao kong , pagiging mahina , na puro salita walang gawa,
sa pagkatao kong kulang sa tiyaga umaasa sa kasiyahan na napupunta sa wala...At

Paglipas nang taon sa kolehiyo , nanatili parin akong talo
sa pag angat , pinili ang kurso na hindi naman kasing bigat ng abogado,
Oo inaamin ko naiwan ako sa larangan ng akademika ,
alam ko naman na ginawa ko tong landas na to para sumaya pero,

Dati yon iba na ang nasa isip ko ngayon,
sana pala pinagbutihan ko nung mga araw na nakakahabol pa ko
Pero ngayon ,ito natupad nga ang mga pangarap ko sa sarili ko ,
Pero di ko naman naisip ang kapalaran na darating sa kinabukasan ko

Ano nga ba ang magiging kinabukasan ko ?
Kung sariling kaligayan nalang palagi nag nasa isip ko
Palagi nalang bang ganto ang buhay ko o isang araw ,
babagsak ang katawan ko katulad ng pagbagsak ng utak ko
Tuwing naiisip ang mga malalagim na nakaraan sa buhay ko

Mula sa palangiting tao na nakikita nyo ,
Maganda lang tignan parang takip ng libro,
Pero ang totoo ay iba ang nilalaman nito,
Magulo ang takbo ng buhay ko ,
Pero salamat narin may mga tao na nagbibigay ng halaga at pagmamahal
Upang magpursigi pa akong mabuhay dito sa mundo...


Salamat Ina,Itay,Lolo,Lola, Kaibigan,Katunggali
Salamat sa walang hupay na pag intindi sakin sa lahat ng galit , panunukso
Pagmamahal , pakikisama at sa mga bagay na nakalagay dito sa memorya ko,
Isa kayong tagapagligtas dahil kung wala kayo
Wala rin saysay ang pagkatao ko...

What makes a good poem?
Is it the rhythm? The structure? The carefully placed similes like dog treats and the restricted use of rhetorical questions?
Oh.
If that's the case,
I think I failed the test.
Oh please! Don't leave! Let me try this again!

(A cough to clear the throat)
Ha-HEM.

When one writes iambic pentameter
Doth that make his good prose the worthier then?

...No?

If I write a witty couplet in a rhyme
Does that make this utter shit more worth your time?

Have I got the tempo right?
I need an exclamatory tone!
Rhyming feels better somehow
But it doesn't make trombone.

My jittery jilted stream-of-consciousness different-line-length punctuation-less word-vomit onto a page-
Pause for breath-
Can never match the likes of Donne or Keats;
But I've bled my soul and fire onto this page
And surely, that is worth more than conceits?

This is my attempt at humour. Apologies. The title is a play on 'A Good Friday, 1613, riding Westward', a poem by John Donne, who I was studying at the time. This was prompted by reading all the great poets and realising that, technically, I will never be as 'good' as them. But I like to think that art isn't quantifiable, and that so long as you write with truth and emotion, you'll create something beautiful.
TexasRambler Sep 24

As Heaven and Hell filled your glass you gave me the the gift of laughter and raised my spirits several times.
Those stories about a plethora of assess, wild crazed friends, and a hard painful life intrigued me for countless hours.

Never are you just a simple shade of black or white your always that insane drunk artist that mixes up the paint.
Your advice and experience taught me new colors that I would have never been able to imagine before.
Unlike me your a true writer that’s unaffected with the STD of being just a poet, but you still just might have the clap.
Your works are damned great so don’t you EVER stop trying to get your stuff out to this twisted world……..

Because if you quit I will seriously be obligated to punch you and I know you’ll still be able to easily kick my ass,
even though you probably broke your hip after you got out of your walker and unplugged your dialysis machine.

I’m not a mascochist  (Unless I get a wad of cash or your a pretty Asian girl) so please for the love of god never make me do that, and hell I really like a lot you so I’d really prefer not to put a .38 special deep into your chest cavity.

Keep staying crazy you son of a bitch and although more than likely as your future attorney I’ll sure as hell stay busy,
but your my big brother and I fucking love you man so don’t you ever change.

P.S. Don’t hog on all of the good runoff pussy unless they are too chubby.

Heres a poem dedicated to probably the most interesting person that I personally know.
Mikel Sep 5

You knew that for such yearning thirst

No sunlight rapture would suffice

When you created these poor eyes of mine

You were thinking of that eternal gaze

Enraptured by the endless deep

Though this was not mine. I just love the guy so much.
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