I'm a modern woman.
I give so much love and healing words to others,
but leave myself empty until I'm bird bones.
Maybe one day I'll learn to be more tender and love myself like a painting worshipped in the Louvre.
I'll treat my body the way I treat a lover.
I'll kiss myself up and down until I go numb.
I'll feed myself the sweetest peaches, plums, and cherries.
I'll finally see all my curves as rivers and valleys blooming endlessly with flowers the color of the setting sun.
I know this is journey that cannot be rushed into,
but my mind is more stubborn than I am.
So I must learn to be patient,
I must learn to be kind,
I must learn to give myself a minute.
I'll fake it every day until one morning I'll wake up and see myself as soft,
as the Renaissance women worshipped in museums.
I've looked like them all this time.
Baby, you really hurt me
letting me think that we could have been something.
I should have known months ago
when you stopped saying hello and started leaving me on read.
I would pull back
but would keep hanging on
thinking this was going to go somewhere.
If you weren't serious all you had to do was tell me.
Instead, you left me outside waiting in the storm.
Having second thoughts should have been the first sign.
Thinking I deserve someone that does not leave me on read,
but at last, I was too naive.
So I stayed waiting by my phone and waiting for that light.
But now I realize it's just too cold out in this storm.
I tried being an adult asking where do you wanna go from here,
but I guess you just didn't have the time to answer me.
That's okay, maybe I won't get this past year back,
but I have too much to look forward to than worrying about someone who just doesn't care.
Baby, you really hurt me
thinking that this was going somewhere.
Baby, don't worry I can tell you don't care about me anymore
the way I believed you did.
Baby, don't worry I'm woman enough to realize I deserve better now.
This might be over soon,
but I can not guarantee you happiness.
The mind loves to play tricks on you,
but you have to promise me not to be a fool.
Don't get lost in the silence.
Don't get drowned out by the darkness.
What happened to the days when you outshined the sun?
You never know, this might be over soon.
You rise, eat, and work so you believe everything is alright,
but your thoughts haven't been too kind to you.
They grow wild at night and they won't make nice.
Maybe one day, they'll instead sing you to sleep.
Maybe one day you'll rediscover your love for isolation,
but lately, I feel you have been struggling with the concept of loneliness versus being alone.
It's not your fault you found love in the comfort of your bed,
but maybe one day you'll learn you can't make a home out of it.
Maybe one day you'll have hope that you'll rise again,
and shine bright like the sun like you did when you were young.
When I was 16 I was happy.
having fun in the summer.
Imagining the future to be something sweet.
My dreams were vast.
My hopes were taller than cliffs.
I was having fun.
When I was 21 I was lonely.
sleeping through the summer.
Remembering the past as being something sweet.
My dreams were undecided.
My hopes were scattered all around.
I was tired of crying.
Sorry if I'm quiet.
Sorry, I'm just not sure what to say,
but I hope you stick around because I love your company.
I understand if you have other plans.
Just know I'm here too.
In the back, alone, observing my surroundings.
Overthinking every little thing about everything
I'm too shy of saying.
Sorry if I'm not enough for you,
but baby, just trust me and stick around.
Let me warm up.
Let me get comfortable.
Let me sink in.
Then you will truly see my soul and all that I can give.
But I understand if patience is not your cup of tea,
and I'm not enough for you.
That's okay I'll just sit here and watch you leave.
I'll just sit back alone and watch you disappear into the arms of someone else.
Someone who is as bright as the sun
and someone exciting as a storm.
Don't mind me, I can keep myself warm.
For I have survived so many winters alone.
These days seem to grow longer,
and the flowers you gave me
have now found their way
back into the earth, starting over.
But I know I must be patient,
and I know I must be fine,
I could lie and say that I'm hopeful, that I'm hopeful,
but slowly all the hope that I once possessed is fading.
These days have no numbers.
They just drag on.
So I speak to the silence,
I'm so familiar to it now.
Why did you have to go and leave?
Please just find yourself back to me.
It's been such a long time since I felt your skin.
Please free me from the doldrums,
I'm so familiar to it now.
If you're traveling on your own,
I can be your companion.
In the mountains,
we'll carve our prays there,
and leave our footprints along the sides.
We can sing songs with birds
and harmonize with the naked creek.
We can see nothing but the abundance of old pine trees
for miles and miles.
In these cold winters, the fog walks
the grounds hiding the path.
So hold my hand and be my guide
for these hills aren't my native.
We'll make our home in the low valley.
Although you sleep in the day
and I sleep in the night,
there will always be a daybreak we could meet at.
We must be up in some north country
we must be loving our lives down in the mountains.
An old love