I'll never make it out of here
In this world of the poems I smear
The life of woe and despair
In a manner of all that is beautiful and rare
I see no more, I just want to disappear
It's the rise of a cancer I can't bear
It's the fall of a depression I'm not allowed to share
All you can do is stop and stare
And all I can say is, even if I dare
I'll never make it out of here

Everybody needs a new start
Time to do over what has already been done
With a new perspective and time to pull apart
All the things *people have said and sung
Make new *priorities and change the wrong
So we may feel as though we have won
And find time
And the right prescription
To insure we may no longer come undone
To pick it all up and start again
And finally
Become  **someone

Don't look at me when I know you can't stand me
Don't act like you care, I'm vulnerable as you can see
Don't touch my cuts they aren't for you to caress
Don't tell me to sleep you know I won't rest
Don't lead me on when I know you won't show
Don't tell me you love me, don't ever let me know
I'm too far gone to be considered in my head
Just leave me to rot in self pity, I'm as good as dead

I brought it on myself
I let myself fall into a relationship where I knew I'd have to compete
With substances and others and ******* on the street
I brought this on myself
When I told them what I thought and finally opened my mouth
Only to be despised and insulted and thrown off the shelf
I brought this on myself
I got myself into a rut and complained about it
Until I finally did something, out of character, and burnt everyone else
There lies no sympathy in hell for someone no one cares to understand
Well I've given up
I'm done
Let the devil take my hand

She makes puns
She laughs too hard at the wrong parts of jokes
She giggles in silence
Because of something that happened years ago
She remembers everything
Except the truth
Lies are her **** the thing on which she thrives
If her whole life is a lie then what isn't there for her to prove?
Everyday is a struggle she is destined to lose
She makes puns
She cries at night when she's supposed to be sleeping
She laughs so hard at herself
Because her disorders amuse her
She's fine but every time she thinks she's winning its the biggest lie

Baby won't you stay?
Just once don't leave
Stay a little longer
I want you here
With me
Baby put down your phone
I'm struggling to compete
With this social media wall
You hold between you
And me
Baby keep me warm tonight
I love you can't you see?
Despite the coldness of our hands
You and I
Are meant to be

It's a full moon in the winter with that heavy golden glow around it
It's a love we all knew in the autumn when the temperature drops and the desire for warmth grows stronger
It's a blatant spot of black in the whitest snow I've never seen
It's the last light of day during daylight savings that keeps me up for the rest of the night
It's the saltiest tear running down the saddest face I can't catch
It's the nightmares that shake you from slumber or the dream you wish you could go back to
It's the last breath you take before you dive bomb into the pool in your best friend's yard
It's the bruise on your shin and the cut on your arm you got for your mistakes
It's the hickey and the claw marks you got from the best *** of your life
It's the fall, it's the rise, it's everything we do, see, touch and taste
It's life
Don't let it go to waste

I never thought about it that much
But making conversation is really hard stuff
Put me on stage without a script and I'll shine
Put me in a group of girls and I'll cry
Because I'm a one of a kind extroverted introvert
Really ******* confident and out of it
But incredibly ******* shy
I never really thought about what I say that much
I think the most honest form of communication is touch
If I want you out of my space I'll mumble "go away"
But my actions are a lot louder throwing a punch at your face
I struggle over Facebook when you say "what up"
Because I'll say "hey" and immediately log out
Its like my personality wants to be known
But my words are muffled and rarely shown
I'm a one of a kind extroverted introvert
I don't expect you to understand

For once in my life I am speaking out
Not just in the form of a violent excuse of a poem
But to the faces of those who make me pout
For once in my life I'm saying what I mean
It takes courage to be honest to even myself
Courage I never ******* had it seems
Chaotically formed and tumbling from my spout
If speaking my mind makes me a *****
Then let me be the biggest ***** and hear me shout
Because you've had me on and stuck like an itch
I've had about enough so hear me out
Such friends you all are excluding me
From your games and fun and goss and parties
While I sit and watch and try to believe
That every nasty thing you say is not about me
I get it, you're right, I talk about things
That you can't relate to
As love to you is all about rings
I've gone through more than any of you
Would care to hear about from my ramblings
I've outgrown you all before you gave me a chance to prove
My worth is not worn out by nasty old things
Like you and her and the rest of your gang
So let your jaws drop at my sudden burst of honesty
Because you're heads are in your own *****
And you don't deserve to be eaten by me

She likes the cold
Its the most open form of honesty she has ever known
She never liked being friends with girls
They are fake
Boys abuse her tragically
Yet she runs to them unconditionally
All she knows is a broken home and a false reality
Actually she doesn't mind for she is a poet
With a strong head and heavy heart
She immerses herself in the unknown and painful
Because she is the soul epitome of what it means to be human
And we can forgive her for that

The flesh is so smooth and tender on your face
Right now I wanna watch you bleed
Oh how sweet your flesh would taste
Just take a bite of your cheek
Your dentist bill did you well
My teeth gnashing on your jawline
If there was a god I'd go straight to hell
Who's to say I would stop at one bite?
If I bound you down I'd go all night
I chose you for your eyes
Popping them out with nails
Burying my face in your thighs
I won't gag you, I like it when you wail
Just let me devour you whole
Like I did on our first date
I love you for your soul
Now get on my plate

I grew up on the boarder of city and country
On neo-folk and punk served with romantic classical
The kind of music that paints pictures
Rainy days were my favourite
My Mom didn't pay much attention to me so I learnt to play
With my wild imagination
Until Dad came home
He'd leave whenever he got mad "I'm going for a drive"
I loved dogs and horses and all natures creatures
Except cockroaches
Dear god did I ******* hate those things
My Mom was a pagan my Dad the member of a Catholic church
Mom told me if I am good in this life I'd be a unicorn in the next
My Dad just taught me the lord's prayer
My first friend told me I was going to hell
I knew she'd be a slug in her next life
School bells
I enjoyed school
I was a prodigy child in everything except math
Dad pushed me into Karate, Judo, Rock Climbing, Soccer, Boxing
I liked playing my piano and drawing my dog
Sports made me uncomfortable
My first kiss was with slug girl
She was pudgy and had a cute smile which I was jealous of
But she screamed and ran away
That was the first time I heard the term "gay"
I started to like boys because I thought it was "right"
My Mom said "we all love our friends" but my Dad frowned
I loved my Dad
I wanted him to love me too so I kissed the boy I grew up with
It was gross
I kissed many boys after that and tried my hardest to forget slug girl
We moved into the heart of town and I wore more black
I stopped playing with my Matchbox cars
I stopped galloping about like the horses I desired
I put on a little eyeliner and the bullying I faced when I was younger
Made me weak
It got worse
They tormented me those kids
I wished them all dead but I knew Karma would get them
Eventually
Now I am still drawing animals and writing and playing piano
But I wont ever forget my Dad and his silly beliefs and *** Pistols
I embrace my gayness although not to it's shining potential
But I will always love myself for everything I was
Am
And ever will be
My story is far more dark and complex than this but to tell it would take a lifetime
My whole lifetime
And more to come
x
Kaity

I would ask you to grow a tumor
But you'd **** that up too

Meet me where the rising sun won't glow on our faces
When the hour strikes time aghast as hurried hands tie laces
Meet me at the scraggly wharf by the river
Where lips whisper on each others breath and trembling tongues quiver
Take me in the darkest corner of the the old abandoned shed
Love me like no other man or I shall have your head

You are my favourite poet
You inspire me
It goes without saying that I love you
And even more so
When you breathe your words into me
And pierce my soul with your ink
Never stop writing your phrases on my heart
Always tell me in abstract
How my chameleon eyes remind you of calm streams
And brighter days served in a history of torment
We are two lost pieces to the puzzle
pushed under the couch
Vidi vici veni
I love it because you said it and I believed you
Because it is one thing
to say one thing is another
But it takes a poet to analyse it to it's full potential
So analyse me
Talk me into your amazing mind
And you can with ease
Because you are my favourite poet

How doth thou wake with an aching need?
For femmes and games and **** loads of ****?
To he who dost appreciate the weight of a lass
As spindly and petite with one hell of an ***?
Dost thou think for a mo...
That the only love felt tis that of a ***
Thou wast the only one left in the bar
With an overdose of E and a fool hearty scar
Nay my dear boy as one could only believe
A fuckboi thou art, and a fuckboi thou'll be

"He loves me"
                     She tells herself
                                                 She smiles

"He loves drugs"
                     She tells herself
                                            A part of her dies

"He loves me, he said so"
                      She tells herself
                                            She smiles a little less

"He loves drugs,
he said that too"
                      She tells herself
                                            She stops smiling

"But he loves me"
                       She tells herself
                                                  ......
                                                   Unconvinced

In my own space
In my own time
I turn the Wifi on and suddenly...
The world bursts into my face
Fashion! Weddings! Crime!
Could you not?
The door opens and suddenly...
"Do you like my new pants?
What are you doing?
Can I watch you?"
Could you ******* not?
My phone vibrates violently
Message after message
"Y r U ignring me"
"Answr me"
"wanna chat?"
Could you just  not?
Vibrate
Vibrate
Vibrate
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
vvvvv­vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Harass me why don't you
Un-friend me while you're at it
Block me for all I care
Just please,
**COULD YOU ******* NOT!

About time the pretty smiley ones spoke out
I used to look at them like
"They need a reality check, they have no idea
What pain and torment
A girl like me has gone through
What it's like to be cheated and lied to
Spat on and *****
What it's like to regret waking up each day
Only to face the cruelty of a hormonal imbalance"
Oh but they do. Only they deal a lot better
Than me.
They put on a brave face and deal
Just deal
Because they may LOOK like they have friends
And a home
And love
But inside they are just like you
Just like me
And it's about time they got honest and started speaking out
And helping others
**Like me

I want to feel your name burning in my head
I want to write your initials all over the page
I want to curl up next to you at night
I want to fall asleep to your voice
And wake up to your eyes
I want to go everywhere with you
I want to tell you everything that amuses me
I want to touch your lips and watch you tremble
I want to dance with you to the soft drone of Twenty One Pilots
And smoke until we don't feel bitter
I want to acknowledge all the good we had
I want to go on forever with you too
I want to share my food and tears with you
I want to see you grow like roses
And be the person you've always wanted to be

Bitter shouting remedies
Wailing in the streets
Beggars wanting more than just
The crumbs off royal seats
Fancy ******* lunatics
Brainwashing people like twits
So ******* what
If I'm female
And want to ***** her ****?