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Anais Vionet Oct 28
Lisa and I had been watching some boys strut about, as they played soccer, in their little shorts, in the freezing cold. It’s an old animal story.

The game ended, or it was intermission and about twenty guys came streaming into the cafeteria, their cleats sounding like a hundred keyboards clacking all at once.

They were laughing, joking and pushing each other around with rowdy, coiled, unexpended kinetic energy. They were scoping-out the area too, almost subconsciously, like their bronze man ancestors surveying the grassy savannas for threat.

As they strolled in, Lisa and I exchanged looks. Eye-contact can be its own form of complicated language. “Welcome to the monkey-house” we thought, rolling our eyes.

I recognized one of the guys, from a shared chemistry class. He’s tall, slim and lanky, with chin length blonde hair tucked behind his ears and a bit of ****** stubble. Ethan, Adam? I couldn’t remember.

“One’s coming over,” Lisa said, turning a little away and sipping her coffee.
“Morning!” he said, with his winning smile. “What'd you think of that test?” He said, putting one hand in his pocket like a model and making the most disarming eye contact.
“Hard,” I said, with a shrug, Lisa was giving him an appraising look from behind her blonde curtain of hair.
“Aww, come on,” he said, with an aw-shucks grin that looked like something from a Brad Pitt movie. When was the last time I saw Peter - my hypothalamus seemed to ask me with an electric tingle.

There’s something rickety and flexible about resolutions, they melt, like ice cream in the right heat - like the warmth of a look, or the thermal rush of a provocative thought. Impure thoughts are like excited molecules, they bubble, and mine were suddenly on the edge of boiling. I hadn’t expected it, I didn’t trust it, but I liked it. I reached out for my coffee and looked down as I felt myself blush.

Our conversation had lasted long enough to draw the curious attention of a couple of the other guys who came to jostle and crowd Ethan-Adam’s game. “Woah!” one of them said, looking at Lisa. “When you walk in a building, do the sprinklers go off?” The other newbie laughed. Lisa waved the complement away, unsmiling, like an annoying and meaningless buzz.

“All right, all right,” Ethan-Adam said, with a grimacing grin, turning and corralling the other two guys away from the table with outstretched arms. “See ya,” he said, looking back over his shoulder with a “sorry about that,” nod.

“Who was THAT?” Lisa asked, almost admiringly.
“I’m not sure,” I said, trying to remember the rollcall, “Ethan.. Adam.. one of those.”
Anais Vionet Apr 27
stormy = a passionate lover
blake = a dangerously handsome guy
fit = very handsome

If you leave me stormy, I’ll be blue.
I’ll even sit in my room and cry over you,
but that would only last a day or two.

There’s a chap in the dining hall,
his hair is blonde and he’s strikingly tall,
when he smiles at me, I don’t respond at all.

There’s a blake who works out in our gym,
his hair’s chestnut brown and he is fit and trim,
he winks at me, and I’ve never tried to beguile him.

There’s this dude in my Chinese class,
I think you’d be impressed with his stats,
he invariably tries to chat me up, yet I pass.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all yours,
but if you should take off like a bird,
for heartaches, there's only 1 known cure.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Beguile: attract someone
Anais Vionet Nov 2022
Lisa and I’d gone to the bakery for pies. As we arrived home, her younger sister, Leeza, was in the kitchen finishing off a strawberry PBJ sandwich. I knew this because the makings were strewn across the white, granite, waterfall kitchen island like debris from a bombing. “You’re the queen of slobs,” Lisa said, disgustedly, putting the luke-warm milk carton back in the fridge.

“I’ve been HERE before,” I thought to myself and to prevent these sisters from escalating, I asked 13-year-old Leeza, “Anyone at school you’ve got your eye on?”

Leeza turned to me excitedly and blurted out, “Josh Hornby!” With a squeal of delight. Then she took off talking at a hundred miles an hour, listing every little thing about him. His hypnotic green eyes, his brass-colored messy-style hair that he tucks back when it gets in his face. The way he reclines in class when he’s listening intently. She tells us about the time her BFF shoved her into him, one morning in the hall because she knew Leeza was crushing on him and how solid he was, “like a wall.” That collision was clearly her fault but he’d caught her, like spiderman, as she bounced off, keeping her upright and then - HE’d apologized. I couldn’t help grinning, as she rapturously ranted - she was so cute.

Leeza then, in an awkward moment of self-awareness, realized that she’d bared her secret soul and moved to change the subject. “Any interesting guys at Yale?” she asks Lisa.

“Just a herd of Chaz, or wannabes.” Lisa said, dismissively.
“What’s a Chaz?” Leeza asked.
“We augur that one type of guy you find at Yale is a Chaz.” Lisa confided. “Let’s see,” Lisa begins, starting to categorize, “If you’re a guy in a frat or you wear Patagonia, you’re a Chaz.”
“Or wear Canada Goose and boat shoes,” I throw in, chuckling.
Lisa howls with laughter, she’s into it now, “If you’ve ever brought a date to Morey’s because your family has a membership,” Lisa contributes knowingly, “or done coke in the men’s bathroom at Morey’s and consider yourself quite the prestige bang,” she completes, obviously forgetting our young audience.
“We hear tales,” I said, to assure wide-eyed Leeza, while giving Lisa the side-eye and casual *** head tilt.
“Baseball and lacrosse are Chaz sports too.” Lisa added, more temperately, trailing off and chastised.

I think I understand now, how boomers could object to the college debt bailouts. Now that I have my Taylor tickets I don’t want to hear about ticketmaster issues. I HAVE mine, ***** everyone else. Lisa, Leong, Sunny and I will be at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia, PA on Sunday, May 14th, 2023 to see T.Swift in person. I’d be lowkey dreading the trip if my crew wasn’t going with me.
“Taylor’s a filthy, little, capitalist *****.” Leong said, growlingly, when she heard what I paid for the tickets but I know she’s thrilled. She’s a “swiftie” all the way.
“Shake it off,” I suggested.
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Augur: “suggest or show something”
Anais Vionet Mar 2022
We were at a club in Paris called L’Arc. It’s an outdoor club (spring break plus covid safety) that’s underneath the Arc de Triomphe. It’s 10PM and we’re coming from a night tour of the Louvre. The night sky was clear and it was 65°f.  I was with my posse of (3) roommates and two guardiennes (provided by my Grandmère) who travel with us at all times.

The man chatting me up was as hot as middle-school but honestly, it was hard to fake an interest in whatever he was saying. Was my ½ interest going to ruin us - this thing we’d shared for 5 minutes? No, he seemed to say, our connection was stronger than that.

Finally, I focused on his WORDS. It was hard because the music was so loud. Hey, this is off-topic but who’s your favorite French band? You don’t HAVE one, do you? No, because they ALL positively felate.

It turns out that he was a tiger - inviting me home for a respectfully quiet banging session - because he lived with his mother. I reacted like any college freshman would at first by thinking I was about to be sick.

Don’t flag me as antisex (If we’re flagging), I like a joystick now and then. They’re cute and like dogs, they’re always glad to see you. But the idea was disgustingly retro - my parent dodging days are over. Besides, our (roommate) agreement for this trip ostensibly forbids random hookups and did I mention our two escorts in tow?

I kept my cool. After all, we had another tray of shooters coming - staying put was clearly the right decision. He took my semi-blank reaction for the rejection it was and disappeared back into the crowd. C'est la vie
BLT word of the day challenge: Ostensible: "said to be true but very possibly not real."

Slang: tiger - someone who appears to be what they’re not.
Glenn Currier Mar 2022
Even the most devout Christians
accept that Jesus was a guy
guys get ***** as do gals.

Yes, all of us have a creator in us
life-creating energy
and prose.

Maybe Jesus didn’t have the kind of darkness in him
that we have
the kind of drag
of pride and self-centeredness
that I have,
but by God!
he was faced with the same choices
between fidelity and desire
between horniness and selfless love.

Yep I fail in ways he did not
but he failed to get rid of lust just like I do
he failed to avoid selfish desires.
Of course, I act on them
and ***** up in ways he did not.
But do you think he didn’t feel ******* up at times?
Of course he did.

All of this humanity
is what makes me like him.
Jesus was a guy.
That he was more
is what makes me love him.
My mama had pictures of Jesus with rouge and a pretty face in our home. I never did like those pictures of him. Then I saw a picture of Salvadore Dali's Christ of St. John of the Cross. That's the kind of Jesus I could relate to as a teenager and young man. When I got my own apartment I got a print of that picture of this man on the cross. It captivated me and set me on a path to pursue this guy who was human and hairy like me. At that time in my life and for the rest of it, I did not like an overly divinized Jesus, a Jesus that made him less than human.
Anais Vionet Dec 2021
I have this talent - I can create an ex-boyfriend out of thin air. snapping fingers

Lisa and I had just gotten back to school from Thanksgiving break and my soon to be ex-study-partner arrives all passively-angry - with that withering, unmistakable, male-balance of harshness and ambivalence. I don’t even know what triggered his moral panic.

I was bewildered at first. “We aren't dating,” I said, “we're study-partners.” We’d agreed early on and I saw the relationship as defined - with a period. He, apparently, saw it as more of an ellipsis…

Then, we kissed one night. We were happy because we’d slammed the midterms. I thought of It as a “champagne kiss” moment of celebration - but it was a mistake that seemed to break some spell between us.

After that, I could never utter the “yes” he wanted and our friendship momentum stalled.

You could say that I’ve been slowly contracting around him to ordinariness - like an infatuation balloon deflating into disappointment.

Still, I feel this stupid, hurtful sense of loss. Why am I so bad with guys?? Perhaps I should take the scientific approach and conduct exit-interviews.

I’d LIKE to have a boyfriend, sometimes, but all I can see are negative
consequences - and who has the TIME?  Most nights, when my homework is finished, there’s only a few hours left over for sleep.

He left me in a lurch, but I went through my class list and managed to study-group-up before finals (thank God).
Påłpëbŕå Jan 2022
you loved me in your thoughts
and thought that you loved me
for all i was a mere thought
that could never become your reality
so you bled on these pages
tore through your cages
and wrote and wrote and wrote
rowing your sinking love boat
merrily down the stream
living a ****** nightmare
you oh so lovingly called a dream
and now you think you want me back
but all you want is the idea you've had
of a girl with broken wings
of an angel who sings
but i ain't no angel baby
i am the devil you don't want to see
who'll never ever fall for you
i am a lie that'll never be true
so ******* and your make ego
for you'll never be my story's hero
i am the main lead of my tale
a peak that you'll never be able to scale
to all the guys who thought they loved me
no, you never did
you simply liked the idea
you created in your stupid little head
of a soft girl who needed you to fix her
but that was never the case
i never led anyone of on
you did it to yourself
thinking you could tame the fire that burnt me alive
thinking you could give me a reason to survive
so fuvm for loving someone who never existed and trying to become better men
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2021
I'm not sure what to say to you
Seemed to have lost my voice
So I guess writing it down on paper
Is my only other choice

Only a tiny part of me is sad
You decided to go a different way
Not ready for something serious
At least I'm not today

I may be drenched in melancholy
But the fault lies not in you
Depressed long before we met
Your presence made me feel less blue

I couldn't describe accurately
The plethora of emotions inside
The strongest of these is envy
Of the one who gets to be by your side

Right behind is indignation
In a close second place
At the way you handled it
Without any tact or grace

I'm just waiting for you to talk to me
I suppose you don't possess the nerve
But how can you look at me and believe
This treatment is what I deserve?

I wasn't set on a relationship
It was you who started this
And it was your actions that convinced me
I was more than just lips to kiss

You told me you liked me
I warned you wouldn't for long
Your doubt warmed my center
But it has now been proven wrong

I recall you saying that you didn't want
What you had with her before
But maybe she has really changed
And it won't be hard anymore

I wish you both all the happiness
And luck this cold world can hold
Sincerely hope she is the one
To stand by you as you grow old

I don't know when my turn will come
Or if my heart is capable of love at all
But what is meant to be will be
It's just not our time to fall

I do not know if you see it how I do
Maybe I am the one to blame
For making myself too available
Smothering the flame

But you appeared to be an adult
I assumed you were somewhat mature
Different from my troublesome ex
Who just made me insecure

Only to find out you're no better
Lying like all the rest
Omission is still a form of deception
I must say I'm unimpressed

I thought we were closer than that
That you would give me honesty
What have I done to make you scared
Of telling the truth to me

A simple explanation was all it would take
For why I was being neglected
Instead dwelled on my every flaw
Wondering which was rejected

To discover it's not me at all
But someone else that caused this change
Actually comes as a relief
Although that might sound strange

I understand that love never dies
Because I'm going through the same thing too
The only difference is that the person I miss
Replaced me with someone new

Which I am surprisingly grateful for
Because we are better off apart
No matter how much it kills my soul
Or paralyzes my heart

If he wasn't taken I truthfully don't know
If I would be able to resist
Although I know he is no good for me
Tempting urges persist

So I wish you would have been forthcoming
And shown me a level of respect
I can't tell if it is my feelings
Or your ego you're trying to protect

You behaved like a gentleman
Until you didn't want me around
And instead of letting me down properly
You didn't bother to make a sound

But I guess you don't owe me a reason
No commitment hanging between
It is just that personally I have a problem with
People who say what they don't mean

I process conversation in a literal way
When speaking aloud I follow through
So naturally my brain presumes everyone else
Is inclined to mean what they say too

I forget sometimes how cheap talk is
And guys want to come off as smooth and sweet
So they fill our ears with ******* without even missing a beat

You told me you would be right back
Left me waiting up all night
But that wasn't that big of a deal
Didn't want to seem uptight

Then you took off on a road trip
Without saying farewell
That's when I suspected something was up
It was fairly easy to tell

Then when I found out you drove past my house
Spent time right down the road
And didn't bother to stop for a second
That's when I wanted to explode

You blew me off two days in a row
Yet give your attention to a *******
Do you get how low that made me feel?
Like you just used me to hit and quit (it)

And then when you finally show your face
You barely speak two words to me
I didn't know what pushed you away
Just wished I was able to see

It wasn't until later that night
I saw her Facebook story posts
And it dawned on me that I
Wasn't actually what you wanted the most

Don't know why you couldn't just say so
Would have saved me a lot of frustration
The only thing I deduce is that you
Weren't man enough to handle confrontation

Communication is key that is true
To understanding and resolution
Yet your cowardice tricked you into the false belief
Avoidance the appropriate solution

Running away from friction
Because you lack the bravery
Has really shown your true colors
And I don't like the hues I see

I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up
When we had hardly just begun
But I sensed a genuine attraction
And with you always had fun

But history outweighs sparks
Shouldn't come as a surprise
But if you regret it don't come crawling back
Because I refuse to be your consolation prize
So sick of jerks
Anais Vionet Aug 2021
Kim: “So, your plan was to win him with awkwardness?”
Me: “No, my plan is to be as sarcastic as humanly possible and see if he can handle it.”
Kim: “You are SO good at the interpersonal stuff”
Me:  “ I so hope college guys get me - I’m out of sync with these high school durks.“
That first impression is key
Anais Vionet Jun 2021
I’m in the library, at school, trying to write an article for the school paper (and I'm not even ON the school paper). I’m on a forty-five minute deadline to complete a story someone else did poorly - on the edge of my vision I see someone step up to my table - a boy, I can tell, without looking up, from his school uniform. I’m hoping whoever it is will go away.. 44 minutes.
“Uhh-umm,” I hear.
My eyes flicker up and I ID “Everett Priestly” - one of God’s less ambitious efforts.
After a moment.
“Uhh-umm,” he does again.
“Parsley,” I say, without looking up.
“Priestly,” he answers with a sigh, "wanna play HOUSE?" he says conspiratorially, with a smirk.
"We were 7," I say, liberally applying syrupy boredom.

I’ve kind of known Everett Priestly forever - he lives two doors away from us - then my family became ex-patriots until three years ago. His family is rich, he’s handsome and I believe someone once told him he was charming. He fancies himself a lady killer but I’m willing to bet that he kills them with a combination of daddy’s money and poor driving.

“I’m awfully busy - on deadline Mr. Priestly - please send me a text,” I say, again, without looking up.
“I don’t have your number,” he says, patiently. “Would you like to go to Sandra’s party with a group of us Friday night?”
“OOOO! Let’s keep it that way,” I smile - this is too easy - 42 minutes.
“It’ll be FUN,” he says, with a smile in his voice - Oh, God, he’s trying charm.
“Everett,” I stop writing, look up and lean back. “You ask me out every two months. If you’ve made a bet with someone - like we’re living a teen movie - I’ll payoff the bet for ya if you just give it a rest, OK?”
He really IS good looking - but kissing him would be the apoco-LIPS.
“Why do you always say no??,” he asks, with a helpless 1/6th shrug and his GIGAWATT smile.
41 minutes.
“See you in January,” I say, as I slide my laptop closer in, give it my obvious, full attention and hopefully, start back to writing.
“Come to Thanksgiving!,” he says, as inspiration strikes.
“January would be MLK day,” I remind him. “Everett, PLEASE - deadline,” I plead (not looking up).
Everett, makes a snarky sound, turns around and slowly moves away - like a man headed for jail - he really SHOULD try out for the drama department, I decide. 40 minutes.

When Everett turned 16, his daddy gave him some kind of expensive foreign sports car - a really, really, really expensive sports car. Six hours later Everett guns this formula-one race-car out of a gas station, loses control, and totals it. The girl with him had to get stitches over her right eye.

His friends call him “EV” - they say it with a kind of a southern accent - that I can’t decide is fake or not, which gives it a hint of - “Elvis” - had a replacement car within 48 hours. He wrecked THAT one in less than six weeks - and his date got a concussion in the roll-over.

If he wants me to get in a car with him, he’s gonna to have to taser me.
some people exist in their worlds of their own - it's best if we don't join them.
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