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No one will truly listen... Everything I want to say or feel out loud will get me locked up in an institution. It's unfair. I can't speak without fear of someone deciding for me that I should be locked up. Don't tell me you know better than me and don't ******* tell me that you know what's best for me. You aren't in charge, you don't get to decide. If that means I have to be suicidal in secret then so ******* be it.


-t.s.
sindy Feb 17
Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.
Copycat, copycat.
Mimic all that I do,
Even though
you know
it's not good for you.

Copycat, copycat.
Do not be a fool.
You can fool
So many people.
But not me;
I will not drool
All over you.

Copycat, copycat.
Giveback my life.
No, I do not care if copying me is how you survive.
No, I hate you a lot... so goodbye.

Copycat, copycat.
I shouldn't call you so:
You're a *****, and I hope that you know.
I appoint you head ***** from now on.
Bam! Scram!
It's about time that you've gone.
Ahaha this is a phat mood
PleAse don’t pretend
Lie to a child that somehow we are friends
Even if I try to extend
Your moving back into the future
And we won’t ever be kin

If that’s a game you’d like to play
Take your misery I’m not afraid to walk away
I didn’t make the simple mans mistake
I saw a virtue in the struggle of the wait

So when I don’t care to even glance in your eyes
Don’t act as if it’s some ill willed surprise
You had a chance just as I
And just as in that sense we are alike
I too can choose to exile your kind.

So this is me saying with clarity
You’ve exhausted all of my charity.
Done forcing myself to be “nice”. The truth is ultimatelykinder.
Grace Frederick Nov 2018
I wish
I could forget you
the damage you've done
and the pain you've brought
but in the end
I want to thank you
for bringing the pain
that made me stronger
Forget You
and the harm you brought me
because at the end of the day
I am who I am
with no thanks to you.

I want to forget you
you've brought so much harm
and for what
your own amusement?
Forget you
because your harm didn't tear me
to the ground.
In fact it made me a rising star

Forget you
Alyalyna Dec 2017
The name of the poem (s0 called): Kid with a borderline personality disorder needs some help or “bye bye” then

Sometimes it’s hard to be me
Feels like I lose my identity
And I’m fighting with my own self
Sometimes to death

And it seems like eternity
I say I mean it, indeed
This is a real struggle of me and me and
Not many people seem to understand

When I say
Sometimes I’m straight
Sometimes I’m ***
Grandma says what she’s supposed to say

“I never heard someone say
When I was at your age”
But honestly I’ve never been engaged
At times I feel I need to be fixed
My papa’s sure I need some kicks
On my ***
No more no less…

Talks to my dearest mom lead
To “You need to find a job, kid”
“Boy, what’s wrong with this
This is simply how the life is”

Sometimes I feel like I am someone else
Start making up, painting my nails
Sometimes I feel like I am a complete mess
Look up at the ceiling, lying on a bare mattress

Crying my eyes out
Longing the whole world to be dead
Shout out loud
All of my hatred

And then again:

A rollercoaster of my mood gets down
I ask myself who I am
The answer comes and makes me frown
In this big world I’m on my own…
On my own
All alone
no Oct 2017
hot and heavy july of last year was when they parted
and he saw her by the docks during the first week of september
the light reflected off the lake and surrounded her her once full but now skeletal frame like a halo
he hugged her and felt every single one of her ribs; felt her jaw sharp and heavy on his shoulder
he looked at her and saw that she didn't have eyes now, only gaping holes in her head that signalled a void
"you still think i'm pretty" she said, smoothing the hair on her head when she noticed him staring "i know you do"
he lit a cigarette next to this dying girl and asked her why she came back
she laughed a true hollywood laugh, all of her thirty one and three quarters of her teeth showing
and she kissed him on his open mouth
he felt salt entering his mouth as each tear rolled down her hollow cheek
"i gave you something i can never get back" she said, taking off her clothes and walking into the water in only her socks
he followed suit
every time he tried to kiss her she dissolved into the water a little bit more
but he didn't give a **** as long as his lips felt her skin once again
he kissed every inch her sorry body while she sunk deeper and deeper into the water
the particles of the girl he once ****** was now merely a mirage under the surface of that lake
ayayayaayaoa
Pineapples Oct 2017
Today is the day you can go **** yourself!
L Jul 2017
Apologies
silenced by my self-doubt
before I can say a word, because,
if you forgave me, it'd mean nothing,
and I don't know how to forgive myself.

In my thoughts, I whimper,
over and over again--

I'm sorry
that when I tried to hold your hand
when you were sad
you didn't want me to,
you pulled away because I make everything worse.

I'm sorry
that when I worry about you
paranoia screams in the back of my mind
til I'm begging you, just to stop it,
just to listen, even though
every word just shows that I'm delirious.

I'm sorry that the way you look at me
makes me wish that I could be weak
because I want you to comfort me,
I want you to lie and say that it's okay
and that you don't mind doing that for me.

I'm sorry
that I'm not so
breathtakingly beautiful
that you can't stand to look away.

I'm sorry my hands
aren't the perfect temperature
to complement yours
if I held them

I'm sorry
my eyes aren't deep enough
to get lost in, that my hair isn't
short enough for you to
brush your fingers through

I'm sorry I can't
****** you, I'm sorry I can't
twist your will or
cry in such a way that it
makes you do whatever I want

I'm sorry that I don't make
the sun rise in the morning,
or paint the moon in the sky at night,
or hang the stars, one by one,
all the while, thinking you're more beautiful,
because I can't and you're not.

I'm sorry
I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry I'm not god
I'm sorry that my voice doesn't
sound like music and my face isn't
ever-present in your dreams.
I'm sorry that if it came down to it
you'd leave me in a heart beat,
I'm sorry I'm not beautiful or
brilliant enough to make you regret that.

I'm sorry you don't think I'm your soulmate,
I'm sorry we're not dating I'm sorry you don't
want to **** me I'm sorry you can't trust me
I'm sorry I'm not in love with you, I'm sorry
you're not my first choice, I'm sorry you're just
my friend, I'm sorry I haven't always known you,
I'm sorry I get mad when you ignore me, I'm sorry
I tried to tell you the truth even when you didn't like it
I'm sorry I want to protect you I'm sorry you don't have
someone like I do and that it hurts you, every day--
I'm sorry that my love is normal,
just a feeling inside me and not some bright,
angelic miracle that burns forever, keeping you warm

But most of all,
I'm sorry that all of that makes it
so that you can't see how much I care about you.

and I'm not all that sorry because I shouldn't be,
because I am this way,
and I'm still important--
just maybe
not to you
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