I come here to this island rich in growth clear warm fluid to catch its currents and swim its nurturing depths where I can breathe underwater and leave traces of my darkness to float like drops of ink in a glass bowl.
These tropics reside on the map of my heart for me to locate when covered by layers of sand in the desert on gray slate days barren days of lost inspiration when I am turned in on me and my tottering self the me I see on my pockmarked well-traveled and aged face each morning in the mirror.
I arrive here each time with a glimmer a hope I can find within me a point of light some soft and pure place a source a force where I can rise again.
This site is a place of encouragement, inspiration and nurture in the midst of this ****** pandemic whose news has gotten me down, along with just fricking getting old. Thanks my friends for being here, for reading my droppings, for enduring my idiosyncrasies and limits, my peculiar faith, and all the rest. I love you. I really do.
smiles at day tears at night laughs with friends cries alone shaky all the time 'i'm fine' 'i already ate' 'i'm full' 'it's nothing' 'it won't happen again' 'don't worry about me' L I E S A L L L I E S therefore... i'm not fine i'm starving myself i'm hungry it's something, help me, please its most definitely going to happen again worry about me please i need it
are what i feel when my hands tremble as i pick up the phone my heart pounds so hard i hear it in my ears as i decide what to do i pray that you dont answer that i can leave you a message i dont want to hear your voice i dont i dont i dont i dont because i know that if i do ill begin to shake not shake how i do when im cold or angry but instead ill shake how i do when im terrified because the thought of seeing you hearing you merely being around you it makes me shake so violently like an iv filled with pure anxiety was stuck into me yet i talk to you i laugh with you and im around you not all that often rarely actually but even still i feel ***** after being near you and not everyone will see it but the hands. my hands will begin to shake.
i have felt nothing pure anxiety in my heart for the last two days someone help. im sorry everythings about you.