I can't see where I'm going
I don't like seeing where I've been
And Lord, where I am tonight
Feels like falling on my knees again.

The past is a hurried grey blur
Except for certain moments
I'm trying hard just to move on
But I just don't know where I'm going.

I'm messed up, and I need you to change me
I am broken, humbled, hurt
You said You'd be my only One,
Oh, how I want to take you at Your word.

Drowning in sorrows
He flounders in the depths, gone
His chance over, gone.

Waiting for the hour
I look in expectation
For when you arrive.

I think that my brain
Decided it was too used
And took the day off.

I depend on it
It keeps my head together
Music is my glue.

You never see the world the way it is,
You've never felt cold, hard truth;
Your heart isn't whole, or close to it,
Though it's never been torn in two.

Anticipation heights within me
I cannot hold this pensive feeling
I'm climbing walls and hugging ceiling
My thoughts won't let me be

This hesitation strives inside me
I can't release this burning feeling
I'm scratching marks and hitting ceiling
My mind hates OCD.

The sun grew dark, the sky grew black,
I looked away; when I looked back
The rain was falling in sheets, so fine,
I thought I'd finally come back.

The air was heavy like before
I felt that longing even more
I tasted sea salt on my face
Standing on my landlocked shore.

It all came back to me, right there
Spray in my eyes, wind in my hair
It all returned to tantalize
As if those rain clouds didn't care.

Today, the sky's blue
Though my stomach is queasy
And my heart throbs.

I am dying inside;
I have this secret longing
That smiles cannot hide.
     I am trying to stand;
     I have such a weight upon me,
     It's getting out of hand.

I just want to breathe;
It's enough that my lungs are burning,
I can't unclench my teeth.
     I just wish I knew;
     It's so difficult to understand
     And always believe in you.


Where did you go?
    And who have you become?
    They ask me constantly.
Where did she go?
    I feel that I've grown numb,
    A pale catastrophe.

But where should I go?
    And who will be my one?
    No one cares for me.
I know it's not so,
    But no one has come
    I'm waiting impatiently.


Give me a chance and let me change
    Surely you don't want me!
I am as imperfect as imperfect comes--
    Surely you don't want to see.

Just give me a day, a week, a month,
    I'll show you who I can be;
I'll be better than I ever was,
    My old self? Who is she?


    Goodbye, fair world
Of lost hopes and lost dreams;
    I know we'll never meet again,
Unless I burst at the seams.

    Farewell to all I knew before,
I'm not the girl I seem;
    Just let me go and leave me be.
Let this all be a dream.

You’re always just a reach away
For every time I go astray
There’s nowhere I could ever go
That Your love won’t reach, I know.

Not quite sure, am I,
Neither certain nor at ease.
I find no resolution
In this step in front of me.

I have no metric measures
To plumb this stormy ocean,
And if I tried to name the weather,
It would match my emotion.

Life is not a picnic,
No matter what some may say
It picks you up and throws you
Bound to dent, nick, and fray.

Have you ever seen a clouded night
the darkness suffocating?
Have you ever seen the blinding light
the darkness all-negating?

Have you ever felt the black surround
when you were all alone?
Have you ever felt the lightning shake the ground
from celestial heights unknown?

Have you ever felt the spray upon your face
from a coming, speeding storm?
Have you ever known the even pace
of earth's rain-brought reform?

If you've never seen a lightning-light,
or felt it burn your eyes
Upon a cool late summer's night—
then you're in for a surprise.

I don't want to lie to you,
So don't think that you're horrible—
But I just think I'm not in a place
Where I know what love is anymore.

I don't want to lie to you,
But I also don't want to say
That I miss having someone to call mine,
'Cause I'd regret it every day.

I don't want to lie to you,
But you probably should know:
I do have a few feelings for you,
But I'm scared to let them grow.

Today I think the world has latched
Onto the climate of my soul:
For now, not only have I a shivering heart,
But all those around me are cold.

What keeps you from your life
is that you don't know what it is:
You have no words for its delights,
its triumphs,
nor its disappointments,
and the occasional death you live through.
Your words, the language you speak,
have not the vocabulary you seek;
Your life, the days that you live,
Pass you by, too fast to forgive.
Life is too complicated to put
into the frail words we call English.

But that's never stopped anyone from trying.

Be the one who loves,
And be someone more than you;
You know there is more—
Life lives off of ones like you,
Ones who give more than they have.

Do you have any idea
What you have done to me?
Will you ever understand
That I'm no longer weak?

I'm the one you tossed aside
The one you didn't have time for
I needed help, but you were busy
How many times had this happened before?

You weren't the one I thought you were
And that makes a person change
I'm not the naive girl you knew
So stop treating me that way.

You don't make me cry or frown anymore
Frankly, I don't care
So stop getting all upset when we talk!
I'm fine, I solemnly swear!

But I am one to break promises
That's something I learned from you
No one is honest, no not one
But you don't have a clue.

I can rest assured tonight—
I know I am secure;
Even when all others fight,
I know I shall endure.

Inside my chest lies an anomaly,
An anatomical wonder;
Inside me lives my triangle heart,
Ever torn asunder.

No rounded edges has my soul,
'Cause chafers gon' chafe;
It beats irregular the time,
Like constant battle strafe.

Often dead my heart's become,
Silent as the grave;
Resuscitated by the shock,
Its walls have nearly caved.

No weather wears the pointy ends,
And no waves caress the stone;
My heart lies cold and rough within,
Pleased to be alone.

No harm has knocked upon its doors,
Nor has its core been touched;
Indeed, my heart has felt no warmth
Since you replaced its flesh.

You have your hands full
without criticizing all my faults.

We are never blessed without reason.
It's not because of anything that you have done,
or anything you deserve.
You're given a blessing to share with others.
That's why you're here.

To be one who chooses
Right, not wrong,
To be one who follows no crowd;
For he knows the truth
And prospers long
He sings God's praises aloud.

But oh, to be one
Who evil commits
Just for the sake of fun;
His fate will come
When he does not admit
That he is a wicked one.

The day is coming soon:
The night will pass away;
No longer shines the moon
To guide you on your way.

Do not hide from shadows,
For light will surely come;
Eyes on where the moon goes,
You're better off than some.

Darkness cannot win this fight!
You have the strength you wish for;
And if your courage holds tonight,
You'll find what you have looked for.

вooĸѕ are мagιcal тнιngѕ, тнey are
тнoυgн тнeιr power ιѕ нιdden ғroм мoѕт
тнe тrυтн тнey conтaιn and тнe ѕecreтѕ тнey ѕнare
are мore ιмporтanт тнan тнey вoaѕт.

тнey are тнe нιѕтory oғ тoмorrow
yoυr мιnd тнey ѕнall eмploy
and мore тнan ever, тнey eхplaιn тнe ѕorrow
тнaт ѕo oғтen coмeѕ wιтн joy.

вooĸѕ are мιѕтreaтed and υndeѕerved
тнey aren'т υnderѕтood вy мoѕт
вυт тнe тrυтн тнey convey and тнeιr ѕecreтѕ oвѕerved
are мore ѕpecιal тнan тнey вoaѕт.

When I just can't sleep at night
You are the one on my mind
As I toss and I turn, turning on the light
Can't leave these mem'ries behind.

Day in, day out
I think about
What has come,
What is done
What you said
How you won.
The less it hurts
The more it burns
The more I think
The less I've learned.

In the morning, blinds are closed
Lights just hurt my eyes today
My tested heart never knows
How my emotions are gonna play.

Day in, day out
I think about
What has come,
What is done
What you said
How you won.
The less it hurts
The more it burns
The more I think
The less I've learned.

And when I look for answers
The questions have already gone
And as my heartrate dances
I find I'm searching for the dawn.

*I know I'll learn.

I can never escape from your Spirit!
    I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
    if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
    and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
    and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
    Darkness and light are the same to you.

Begone, foul beast;
Your presence is not wanted:
Leave me forever.

No one is awake
The hour is late and dark
Thinking overtakes.

When you see my eyes
They smile morning, evening
Night sees so much more.

I often sit here
I am alone and content
I don't need a soul.

Silence: no voices
Lightless: no sun in the sky
Joyless: thoughts torment.

Sun knows not my skin
Sky sees not my face or hands
I am winter's glow.

In the dark, whispers
Light left with a busy day
Now remain shadows.

Bugs in the dark swarm
My screen is not the sunlight
But they know nothing.

I rode all day,
I cried all night.
The moon didn't glow,
The stars didn't rise.
A comet blazed
Between my eyes.
West and south,
Wind and rain.
Every way is
Just the same.
Pray give me a box
To hide inside
Pray give me a *****
To dig my grave.*

~GC Levine, from *Fairest

It's a relief to know
That on my trip north
I missed most of this summer's heat

But I'm still quite hot
And it's really not
Anywhere near the hottest it'll reach.

The nervous tension
Nail-biting fear, anxiety
And then the thrill! Yes!
Ah, and the adrenaline!
Over so quickly. Again.

Lord, I want my life to show
What it's like when You have control
And I want others to know
That I'm wholly and completely Yours.

Take away distraction
Remove all the fear and lies
And perhaps I'll see
The person deep inside me
Who has always been right there.

O
Tell
Me
The
Words
And
Speak
Them
I
Shall

Whyever can nobody spell anymore?
It's starting to cause me concern:
For as long as I wait,
                                   as far as I go,
It's the one thing that no one has learned.


How can it be that the grammar
Of the world is on sharp decline?
The words that they say,
                                          the sentences short
Grind sensitive ears and mind.


I know that I slip into lapses, too
Where I no longer care for perfection;
I say "runned" and use "i"
                                           where a capital would stand
Though no one's around for correction.

Every time I think of you,
I think, "What a ****."
And then as I think
I can't exactly think of anything specific
that made you a ****,
not something you did,
not really,
and my mind, for a second,
defends you.

But then it all comes back.
The hurtful words.
The all-caps that would have been
shouting.
The exasperation you treated me with
when I just wanted
a hug.

We were so lonely
but we were not alone
and it made it worse
that we were not together.

Crowds are more than I ever thought
they would be.
It hurts remembering things you said
about me
about us
about how we were lying to ourselves
from the beginning
and that what had seemed so pure and beautiful
was soiled and ruined.

Nothing was physically wrong.
We broke no laws.
But I gave you my heart
more than I should have
and no contract kept you from throwing it
away.
It stings when I recall it.

So whoever you catch in your net,
whoever you drag down the hallways
of your house,
I hope they give you more than you bargained for
I hope you feel the hurt I felt
that you never sensed
because you were over me before I even knew we were over
I hope the next girl you meet doesn't need you
like I did
like I still feel like I do.

I hope you know that you are dangerous
and that you need to be careful
because you're a bomb
that looks so harmless
you're poison
that looks like fruit
you're the death that no one should ever have to feel
when they're alive

You're not what any longing girl needs.
So be careful.
Guard your heart.
Or you'll wish you'd learned the first time
when I find out
what you've done.

I will leave you alone
because my only words to you are bitter
from long hours spent in regret
bitter from days spent in depression
bitter from months of wishing you weren't there
that you were someone else
in someone else's life
and that I'd never known you.

But I never would have learned so many valuable lessons
that I've learned such a hard way.

"Leave Me Alone" is about the most-used phrase in my head
these days.
I sing it when I am alone
I whisper it under my breath as I walk from one crowded room to the next
I mutter it as I sink into my seat
So.
Leave me alone.
You've done your damage
you don't want to stick around to see how much you've messed me up
so don't.

Just go.

You're better off anywhere else
besides listening to me
rambling here
about things you will never read
and feelings I will never share
with you.


*We are worse than strangers, for we shall never be friends.

It's longing that's here
Deep inside me lies a hurt
That yearns to be healed.