I was once told,
"A wise man forgives
An even wiser man doesn't forget
Because how would you learn your lesson
If you never remembered?"

Something else that ties in with that:
"Experience defines who you are. If you never try, never succeed or fail, then you are truly nothing "

Pattering on the roof,
I slump against the windowsill
Press my face against the cool glass
As tears streak the inside
And rain streaks the outside
And all I can think is
Why?

Negativity hurts,
If anyone can tell you that it's me
Been through a lotta ****, especially recently
I can't get images of my ex outta my head
I tried to divide, conquer and hide
But I can't
So much pain
And I got nothing to gain from it
Except
Maybe learn your ******* lesson kid
Don't ever care for someone too much
So much you'd do anything
They lead you on and you think your strong
But you wrong
Try saying that ten times over
When she's gone
And she's gone
Left me alone
Friends with the enemy
Developing
Friendship
And injuring me

I think about it sometimes
It's why I cry at night
I stick around, head down,
Fighting the good fight
I metaphorically kiss my online friends
Goodnight
Whilst through the screen I'm saying
Goodbye

It hurts you know
Negativity gets to you
Puts you down faster than
A speeding car ever will
Or the feel of gravity
When you drop off the bridge
The noose around your neck
Tightening a little smidge bit
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
Man that saying could never get any wronger
What doesn't **** you weakens you,
And if it does than your lucky
Don't have to stick around to be toyed with,
That little yellow rubber ducky

If you live than you'll die
They put you down when you try
And fail
So you look up at the stars at night
Why
Why is it no matter what you do
There's always someone to dis what you do
And never anyone there when they say they'll be
They leave and walk away as it happens, conveniently
They don't see me being punished
For sins I never committed

I get finished
I wake up everyday and go to school
Walk to my locker and get made a fool
They're everywhere
Just when you find peace
They make you realise it was never there
You deluded yourself to protect yourself
And you did so because no one was
No one was when you needed someone else

I tried all my life
All I ever wanted was good times
But now I have bad times
And it's half the reason I rhyme
This **** is history now,
Always be part of my lifeline
I just wanted someone
To help me make my life better
Yet it's reached the point that my
Trust is in a stranger
We know each other a little more since the start
Because I'm emotional and I cry when I pour my heart
Inside I die slowly, corrupted by words
The same words teachers said that could never possibly hurt
Some of us were built strong, others have to learn to dodge
Fly away, little birdy, fly away from the wrong

Well if I'm a bird I'm a **** penguin
I can't really fly but I swim through all your crap
And it gives me more reason to rap
Like I said, to rhyme
If speaking your heart is a crime
Put me in jail for the rest of my life

Ignorance is bliss they say,
I never found it
When I was being put down
And they were shouting at me like
"You'll never rise up, you're nothing, ain't worth the time"
And it only gave me another excuse to rap and to rhyme
Expressing my feelings just to get it off my chest
While at the same time writing lines simply to be my best, it's a test
And so far I've been passing, they said I can't do it
But watch as I sonic speed right on through it
I'll defeat the Doctor Eggman and chill with my bud Tails
While you sitting in the corner pointing out all my fails
But I don't care, it's behind, another lesson learnt
So that I progress easier and don't be so badly hurt
I like to help others, a saint some would say
A blessing disguised as a kid you see everyday
But keyword is disguised, every man has his demons
They can be so bad that ol' skull-face takes to reapin'
But I haven't fallen yet, I still stand tall
On the hill, helpless just watching it all burn
I know I'm not liked, by many and still don't care
As long as I live happily then I ain't gonna be snared
By the concept that the best must have a good reputation
But solitude for some is the key to salvation
Why would you want to fit in with people that you don't like?
And when they try to conform you, tell em to take a hike

Times get tougher as life goes
And where the bar is set nobody knows
Anger, sadness and happiness so strong
Doubt and jealousy, legacies of right and wrong

Moral compass points us north or points us south
Doesn't always seem to dictate all our thoughts, that come from mouth
It's at crossroads of choices made
Where the needle flickers in any which way

And I'm angry, so ****** and I
Know how to deal with it but
Kick starting a practice, when old habits won't fall...
It's a struggle itself but I'll give my all

Three weeks since **** went down and I'm not the same
I jump at the sound of familiar voices calling my name
I don't want them to know, what I've become
A monster of a human, werewolf on the run

How many thoughts cross my mind?
And how many so dangerous I'd like to leave them behind
Actions from reactions sure, but I've wanted to ******
And my blood through my veins it runs so cold....

A permafrost in motion, an avalanche of ache
And a heart so emotional, like the ****** burning at the stake
To voice the unvoiced is a choice that exposes me
And I'd rather keep on hiding underneath

And I'm so ****** so ******* angry
Too strong now what is happening?
I've never before been so cold
And the shadows lurk across my soul,
Like horror stories untold

And it all unfolds....
There lies no happy ever after,
Only satisfied
With avoiding most of the disaster
And just survive

Go on, press record
Lift your phone to bloodshed
Lift your phone to the sound of hatred
Of bloodlust laid on a foundation
That was never really stable to begin with

Go on, film those frames
As you watch me beat the **** out of
All those who made me feel like ****
Worthless
Hated
Unloved
Alone
The final gunslinger, taking his stand
Draws his pistols, hipfiring
And in his stance, thumb through belt loop
Hat down over his eyes
Ashamed of his instant reaction,
His ability to **** and inability to remain emotionless

Go on, press record
Put it on Facebook
Let everyone know what you really are:
A cowardly bystander

I don't wanna die alone
But I'm the only one that walks this road
Flashing in my eyes
Blinded by falsities

(I walk alone)

I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through

I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard
To let go of my demons, to let go of my past
History repeated again and again
But I can’t let go
And it never ends

I remember a time where happiness ruled
But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled
In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart
Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark

Sometime ago, I sought an answer
To a prayer I never wished to voice
That I could find a way to end this pain
But I chose the wrong choice

I made it physical
Because I hated being emotional
(Men don’t cry)
But despite my attempts
To replace what I couldn’t stand
(Soon after, I wished, to die)

And my wish came true!

I became addicted to what tears me apart
I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart
The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was
Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust

I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar
I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start
The moment the steel brushed my skin
Was the one day I faced my end

So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap
No matter the problem, bullied or harassed,
It will swallow your soul
A demon to devour you whole
And leave you with nothing but regret

I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
And why I’ve done the things
I continue to do

I’m seeing someone about all this
Because I have problems waiting to be fixed
Things I can’t handle on my own
But then again, I’ve always been alone

Respect and accept
The memories you regret
Because each is a lesson
That you'd better not forget

A lesson to learn
And some time to burn
It may be quite difficult
Some are hard to discern

But don't be concerned
Unless you haven't learnt
Only then will you know
How much revenge can hurt

It's an impulse you can't control,
An action you wanna take back
But let's face facts
You can't delay it
The pain waits patiently,
Tapping away at your consciousness
Regardless of the consequence
And I'll be honest with this
It's almost impossible to stop

Almost

The key word I hang onto with every breath
This is not just a test of strength
But of reality,
Making short work of your sanity
You try to stop it
But it won't have any

I see the kids with mocking laughter
Not knowing that my body awaits disaster
Trying not to cause drama
To kick up a fuss
To set off the bus
Drive it down main street and yell
"Hey look mum no hands".

There's a reason rumour rhymes with tumour
Malignant and fast
If not careful you'll breathe your last
One misplaced cut and your veins start spewing
On the gums with nervousness inside your mouth you start chewing
And deep inside your anger is brewing

Boiling
Broiling
Coiling around your throat
Just to choke you out

That's what my impulse is like
That's what my impulse is about
And sometimes it's hard to resist
When my subconscious persists
That little voice in my head telling me
"You ain't ****!"
"Just another mother-******* chopping board
Slicing
And dicing
The Sunday specials you had stored"

I'm better than this
Experience defines who you are
And I'd rather not be a peeling bandaid,
A walking, talking, bleeding scar
That won't heal!

That stays, never gives up for the wrong reasons!
Searches and lives a life without meaning!

I'd rather just be myself
Not the trash can everyone dumps their **** into
Even when it's full

I want to be safe
Can you say the same?

My enemy, my enemy
Was really just innocent
Someone else is spreading rumours
These lies I have been fed

Lead to believe
Lead on and deceived
I'm sorry Georgia
I got it wrong, please believe me!

I feel so empty,
Devoid and so guilty
And maybe you don't trust me
But I'm using all my honesty

Apologies, apologies
My anger has blinded me
No hatred lies underneath
But neither do I feel anything!

I hope we can be friends again
And not be at the end again
I pray that we resolve this
And not get buried in more ****

I got a lotta catching up to do
So how's life going with you?
Do you still draw? Want to be a singer?
With them beats are you still a killer?

Still play Halo? Still a gamer?
Still hold on to that title of saviour?
I'm not obsessed with you, silence ended that
So how about we begin again?

I still write, as you can see
I no longer make myself bleed
My family, you see, they support me
And are trying to set me free

I still sing songs, I still play games
Even though my friends say tf2 is lame
I ride my bike places far away
And turn to the west to watch the sun fade

Not much has changed, except inside
Where my emotions refuse to hide
I still spill feelings, I anger easy
It gets real hard for me to rest in peace

Because I still have issues trying to sleep

Nice day today, isn't it?

Could you raise your voice
Above the sounds of war
Of bloodshed, of hatred
And with your words shake the world?

Could you believe someone
Who says what you cannot do?
They don't know you, only you know you
So do whatever the f_ck you wanna do

Some may say poetry is a dying art
A pointless waste of time
But they don't know what we know
Emotions riddling this art of rhyme

And that's mostly what this is about
The expression of ones' mind
So leave those wars and hatred
Raise your voice in tales of those left behind

I'm tired of chasing,
Unwillingly hating
Everything and anything
That makes my mind all hazy
Maybe
If I understood things just a little
Better
Then maybe I'd be squeaky clean
From now till
Forever

But I love to hate, and hate born from society
That unfair mother-f_cker that destroyed the best of me
My own little sister
Whenever she needs comfort
Turns away from me and toward
Her supposed loving mother
Who harmed me with wicked lies
That made me die inside
And I cried
Determined into her past I pried
And I found something
I should've let go
But it's hard to release a part of your heart
When it's bound to you,
Y'know?

But I tried
It's a struggle to push through everyday
Memories and pictures that within my own mind
Sway
Amplified
By the natural instinct, desire to hide
To hide away someplace,
Give up and
Just
Die

But I gotta stay strong
Fight my urge to wrong
I at least owe that to a "happy family"
Those who wronged me
I see this with clarity
But it's the part of me that takes pride
In donating to charity
My split and splitting divisions
Mindset, shows
Insanity

But not the monster I hold
In the darkness he grows
Old
And even though I hold him
So close
He grows bold
And I try to make him obey
Doesn't do what he's told
This vicious beast of fangs and claws he
Loves to roar!

But control is necessary
Others better be wary
Of angering
The demon that can be
Me
So please, just leave me alone
Because I'm an archive that holds everything you ever
Did wrong
To *me!

The Devils thoughts lie deep inside,
"You can run but you cannot hide"

I curse myself, but I've a love for you
A bit more than friendship, this is true

I've made this mistake before, but not another one
I will not hide but by God I will run

What if the feeling of satisfaction
Is merely an ignorant distraction
From the harsh realities of our planet
Where chaos draws humans like a magnet?

Hey, hey
It's Saturday
A rather unimportant lazy day
Whether skies are blue or skies are grey
Doesn't matter for
A lazy Saturday

My sister asked how I got my scars
That run half the length of my lower left arm
Casually, almost offhand, I asked her why
"If I had cuts like that I'd cry"

"Well little sister, perhaps it's best
If I lay your mind to rest
And say that I was not okay during this time
And we should focus on the present rather than what is behind"

She was satisfied with this, but I was not
My heart burst so hard, like I was shot
I want to protect her from this torturous truth
That "I was not okay" and was tempted to try the noose

More like the knife, I even had a plan
Yet I'm better now, I don't understand
Just like my little sister, things confuse me
Like what's in my head and what is reality

Hidden agenda- Secrets form a bond between two.
They allow each other to trust.
They let us see what is really important,
As well as let us see beyond the crust.

The softness and sweetness within.
The true and raw inner emotions.
The personality and the behaviour.
To taste their cure and their potions.

Conor Blatchford   Trust is warranted for those who deserve,
Keeping others secrets can cause me to burn
I hate when I'm trusted with something I can't keep
In fact it causes me to lose sleep

Pick my mind up, brush off the dust
Wait what's this I'm missing a part?
Turn it over there lays a smouldering dart
Flick it off and blow away the specks of rust

Twist my head off, place it inside
Reconnected to my neck for the final time
Flash to the stage, velvet arms wide
Nervous in the presence of grand design

A grander plan I couldn't understand
In prayer to the Devil I clasp my hands
"Please reset the face, such high demand
For just living on a home and residing on land"

Turn to the Heavens I hope you exist
Because its the last place left on my bucket list
Everywhere I go still holds zero hope
And surrounded by people I'm surrounded, alone

I'll fight my way out, only killing myself
Choke another me by whipping out my belt
Turn to a monster, the mirror on the wall
Place a bullet with shaking hands and laugh as the glass falls

Shred my skin off underneath a clear sky
All I smell is blood, my flames never die
The rage that drives me, the fuel in supply
The fact it ends me I will always deny

The only death I see is the walls around me
Closing in on my head is such a bounty
The last time I got lost they never found me
I walked back in because I felt unease

Finally I embraced it, now we are one
If my words are bullets then my fists are the gun
One follows the other, when you're knocked down cold
I laugh at myself and condemn that soul

A tremble of the hands indicates an animal
The smile on my face painted for the carnival
Makeup smudged crying against the door
I turn around and walk because I walk no more

My heart is a nade with two seconds left
The pin was pulled when you stole my breath
I felt the pain of it through my chest
You gave me reason to keep killing the rest

Every day I wake and sling my crossbow
Because when I'll see another me I can never truly know
I **** these demons, I see all evil
I **** myself because they're not real people

I love you, immensely,
Intensely, you set free,
The best of luck, to lust and ****,
Nobody tries contesting

Everything that you see, I don't, can't believe
Let me see the best of me
Perhaps then I won't seem
U-g-ly

Im loyal, and trusting
Guidance is everything
For you I'd give anything
My heart my soul for a diamond ring!

For you are worth more than the stars
That twinkle in the broken glass
The shadows the voices the blood and the pain
I'd suffer it all for you to smile again...

My favourite haunt is on the roof
And here I write my poetic proof

High above, staring at the sky
Despite the Sun the world isn't bright

The river gleams, but more in spite
Of the Sun failing to be spectral-bright

Yet where shadow falls, the river is night
Where Sun and Shadow compete and fight

A stalemate, from two opposing sides
That only changes with the tides

The riverbank is lush and green,
Though in the shadows lurk the Unseen

White clouds trespass on property that does belong
To Sun and Moon, to Right and Wrong

But which side is wrong? The Sun, so bright?
The Moon, reflecting the Sun's own light?

You can doubt I wrote this on a roof,
Yet here does lay my poetic proof

I wear the Reaper's desires, hide myself away
He cursed me with his shroud, I've become a Wraith
I scream ****** ******, his jaw forever grins
Everybody dies, and nobody ever wins

Short lived is our hope, and so we turn to faith
Making up our deities to fill the empty space
God can you hear me, howling winds respond
I grip a neck of glass, so the numbness is prolonged

I hate all I see, and I see myself in all
So I watch me **** everyone, in agony they sprawl
Nothing left but bloodied grin and scarlet dripping blade
The clouds cry my anguish, and pelt the muddy *****

Pretty roses splash and stain, madness left to claim the reins
All is shades of darker grey, maroon petals left to fade
Desperate fingers claw my flesh, this nightmare will never rest
For the shadows, they have spoken...and beast, asleep, has woken...

If life is a ***** then death is my lover
I kiss one hello and farewell the other

Embrace the darker spaces that lie within my heart
And reject the obligations that are bound to never last

Why can't you just leave me in peace, just leave me be
I'll exit one nightmare and enter a dream through sleep

I realise there are more than two
Types of bullets, and pain you get put through
Mental, physical, emotional and social
Many different types, and many different pains
From a couple of minutes to days and days

He twirls and whirls with supernatural speed
His usual blue eyes, with smoky black gleam
In the midst of a battle, sword in hand
Master to master, friend to friend

A metal, black, that no-one knows
Owned by one associated with crows
His messenger, his ally, his beast of burden
Caws and calls his silent song of death

A mercenary, bounty hunter, with just cause
To right the wrong and return what lies lost
To defend, apprehend, to defeat the Kursed
A story riddled into my verse

As it is hard to tell you how I feel
I'll tell you through closed lips
That I took a vow of silence
To prevent both mine and your embarrassment

A sliver, a shadow,
Peeking round the corner
I try to shy, to run and hide,
But it's always behind my shoulder

Grabs a hold, won't let go
Can anyone relate? I'll never know
Look in the mirror to try and see
The demon standing next to me

It walks like me, talks like me,
Laughs like me, acts like me
Follows me, tortures me,
Asphyxiating, I CAN'T BREATHE

Wanna run, I know I can't hide
From the demon I released and harboured inside..

And it affects me so...
Can't, let, go.....

So I'll live with it,
Accept it
This is my life now
As much as I want it to go,
It's my silhouette, my shadow...

I'd like it to go
As far away as possible
But as much as I want it gone...
Like a part of me, it belongs...

I'm paranoid, always look around
Turn fast at even the slightest sound
Can't help it, just how I am
Hopefully you understand

I know I'm being watched, by what lies behind
The past and the present like cars collide
In shattered glass, flying past,
Slow-motion, infinitely lasts

Slam the brakes but it's too late
Accelerate guarantees the fate
Things will happen and will be seen
By the shadow that lurks behind the scenes

And it sees me so,
And can't seem to let me go...

So I'll live with it,
Accept it
This is my life now
As much as I want it to go,
It's my silhouette, my shadow...

I'd like it to go
As far away as possible
But as much as I want it gone...
Like a part of me, it belongs...

Let go, let go...
A part of me that I want gone
But like my soul I guess it belongs
Go, goooooo....
I guess I'll just get used to it
Despite the fact it lacks common sense

When stress and tension are so high,
That you believe your stomach holds the weight of the sky,
Beat up a black, swinging punching bag
And leave your tensions behind to mangle, dangle and drag

Unleash the power bestowed within,
You may find doing so also unleashes a grin
Wild, almost psychotic, off-the-hook
The kind that makes passers-by turn and look

Hook, uppercut, jab and straight,
Doesn't matter which, leave that to fate
And put the sky back where it belongs
Out of your chest, because it fits wrong

A lustrous orb, both dark and bright,
Rimmed with hazel lies the night
A clear-glazed look, yet shimmer slight
Does not affect the gaze so bright

The inner does grow in the dark
And yet in this night there lies a spark
A small glimmer, almost impossible to see
Yet when passion burns, this light goes free

All is hinted, however sly,
There lies a mystery about the eye

"Smart enough to know the truth,
And smart enough to avoid it.
Flawed are we humans."

Mist-minded, clouded thoughts
Can't seem to focus, or keep rapport
Importance is relevant, irrelevant I dwell
In this cartography, well-drawn Hell

Zipped up lips, verbiage tripped
The spoken, delivery, edge unclipped
Harsh and cold, worn limestone
Regardless of polish, I'm overgrown

What feels real is this heart of steel
All else surrounds, of fabric, of gown
Dressed up nice to masquerade
False-tipped smiles, dead parade.

The forge burns true, just underneath
My love, my Sun, I shall bequeath
Hardened and cold, aftermath of the craft
Add a little heat and reveal my heart.