The descent into madness is all i’ll ever know. The voices in my head will never let go I stare absently at the wall While I hear them and their call They won’t let me ignore them, believe me I’ve tried. They tell me they’re really angels, I get caught in their lie. Reality checks in and I realize I have been fooled again. I feel like once again I'm in the lions den. They’re really devils whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Sadly there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish I could just disappear. I succumb to their voices and I talk with them, for if I don't they don’t quit. It's a terrible thing to go through. I must admit. The only way to silence them is if I'm sleeping. For the moment I wake up I feel them creeping. Speaking to me as soon as I open my eyes. I really wish to them, I could say goodbye. If there were a cure I'd want it badly. But alas! There’s not. Only more voices I reflect sadly.
With nothing to see and nowhere to be, With no one to be and nowhere to go: Empty, like the meaning of the spring dew Dissipating, hundreds of pieces, scattered Individual voids waiting upon a cue To become what they embody, fettered. A field of unquiet quietness, occasionally interrupted by a single, awful tone. What existence is this exigence? Unknowable, unspeakable, unending: Pain is what it is.
The dew knows not why it's stepped on, Ending its momentary nature Only to crop up tomorrow and be none The foot becoming again its berater. And so it goes until the summer, with the cruel months behind it. The skull becomes and beckons Back into nihil. But there's too many things to see, places to be Too much to be and too many places to go For to be one is to be many and the dew tires.
He was walking home Ticked off with a broken nose They stole his things And with no shame Left cuts and bruises Head to toe covering him No one gets his mind No one really tries He hides in the closet When he gets home In fear of his intoxicated father His leather belt Swinging from his fist The boy cries in bitter isolation He can't trust anyone With no safty He fears for his life His mother was killed when he was five Nine years later He just wants to die Multiple times he's tried Every one of them He survived His wrists bleed for releaf His skin pulls tight Then it's released He tiptoes out of his room This for the last time His father asleep in the chair He looked pail His chest barely moving If you weren't paying attention You might think he was dead The boy got an idea Such a melancholy idea He went in to his father's quarters Peaking under the bed There lay a box full Unsold meds A knife in the kitchen would be his weapon Nothing but a sigh let out His father was soon to be no more His heart pounded His mind thundered With anger and pride "This is for Mom!" He screamed with tears in his eyes A knife to the chest He fought the man Pushing further and harder He worked fast The eyes glazed over Both fear and joy filling his heart Into the bathtub Pills in hand He turns on the water He uncaps the bottle Putting it to his lips Up turned He sinks down Letting the drugs take their toll Gone ****** Suicide This was the price For freedom For justice
Inside a room somewhere in my mind I sit alone in the darkness I can't break through the bars I'm trapped behind The beat of my pulse constantly racing A panic rises as I cry Blood drips down my chin I stare out at the dark starless sky all the beast are real They stalk me in the night I wait for them to come for me This to be my last fight I fake my smile And pretend I'm fine A mask so well displayed Emotion they can't find I hate this cage The chains that bind I scream for a savior But they can't hear my cry How do you see The girl hidden inside her mind
Freedom of the things that shake me I'm still stuck in the things that chain me The hurt that broke and changed me My heart breaks as they stare at me Selfish and selfless Broken and stolen I drown myself out as I scream from the cage I choke it down and add to my rage Help them to save myself from me It's so hard to be what they want me to be I stay in my head controlled by my exoskeleton Encased in a suit of skin that isn't mine It's scars aren't my own The voices whisper my disappearance Cutting me and screaming Hurting me and crushing my being Six feet under or walking the earth What does it matter if it always hurts
I wish my tactile hallucinations would give me a massage, A warm hug from my non-existent mother, A kiss from my long distance boyfriend.
A twisted fairytale
My hallucinations They know what I fear most And they want me to be afraid They feed off my terror They get off on my sick brain They know what torments me. Arachnophobia’s favorite game to play The spiders Come out of My skin They’ve been waiting patiently When I’m most vulnerable When I’m isolated When I’m helpless