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You bide my time, and cleanse your mind, and board in damped corners of mine.
You fall asleep at the wrong time to rouse when gongs resound inside.
None be so scarred to sleep as he; let him emerge for me to see.
Here I am; I've won already. On my God, how are you doing?

~ A.M, F.H.
Edited & Published 21st of October 2020.
Written 20th of October 2020.
Philomena Oct 14
I cant sleep
But if I lay very still
And close my eyes
I wont have to look upon the horror of my mind
Toast Ghost Oct 10
whats your name my dear the sickly scented voice asks my right ear
i dont know stop asking
you have a name sprinkled as snow so please my dear tell us so
P L E A S E stop asking
and who am i to stop asking this question that unnerves you yet?
its keslee
is that the truth? or a word you regret?
im mckay
and the last of your names that your father has stored
that comes last and it never lasts
yes but whats the name you use to move forward?
I DONT KNOW STOP ASKING!!
names oh sweet givent to the kin, yet all are disgraced in years of sin
stop asking im trying to listan
mendoza seems fitting for you my dear, wount you please say it im dying to hear?
no thats over now
then quintana, less vile it slides off the tounge a lovely mistress to whom you would run.
its at its end
are you afraid? hungered or shallow? what is the reason to live in such mallow?
stop it
stay up every night till the dusk turns to day screaming in lemons only to be not okay
stop it
burst your head against the wall till all the words stain the halls
stop it
whats your name?
stop it
WHATS YOUR NAME?
I WONT AWNSER
whats your name?
please
whats your name
just stop.
umm yeah.
Alienpoet Sep 10
You can’t imagine the things I have seen
You can’t imagine my dreams
you can’t think like me in every way
I am unique, I pave the way
I maybe distant
sometimes obtuse
I sometimes let loose
my fears and anger prangs
like a car hitting a wall
but I hold as much truth as you all
See I am schizophrenic
I hear voices
But don’t despair
I see choices
they hang in the air
I have been broken
I don’t expect you to always care
I doggedly battle on
Cause I still know right from wrong
even with whispers and shouts in my mind
I fight to be human and to be kind
Though I suffer with paranoia
the darkness which destroys
I love life enough to stay here and not be destroyed
so don’t have pity
Let me speak and write and sing
because I know sadness is a painful muse
but creativity is my thing.
#Alienpoet
Raul M Murray Jul 10
Some people say Im mad I just blame the L-RAD
Attacked by services syndicate post grad
Breaking the code of conduct that's sad
Criminal cause nullify's the collaborative ad
All privileged storm troopers got more than I have
Is the conscience alive while watching that sat-nav?
As a key worker your care is what we have
But straying for a kickback is a dent & bad
The mental health stigma is the foot soldiers weapon
Labelling us mentally ill with the DSM con
Exclaiming we're mental while the victim is alone
Stigma comes from the compound hear us groan
Hearing me everywhere have traits of a stalker
Attacking innocents with energy weapons lawbreaker
Violating human rights piggy back hijacker
The conspiracy hypothesis is the startler
Whats the biological molecular structure
Of a mental health disorder
A caucus of people of who can shout louder
Followed by misrepresentation from a reporter
Philomena Jun 17
So one day this rash shows up on your arm after you go for a walk
You assume at the time no big deal
Just be careful on walks

But then the rash never leaves
It just kind of festers and grows
Until it's gone from a patch to an outbreak

You try getting more sleep
Maybe change your diet
And you stop taking walks

But the rash still grows
And it grows
And it becomes uncontrollable

It take over your life
Prevents you from going out
From enjoying life

It keeps you as it's prisoner
And you hate that rash
So you try to banish it

It's no longer a mere accident but a full infection
So you look into it some more
But there are so many things that start out as a rash

You figure maybe you just have dry skin
But what if that's not it
What if you have a disease or worse

So now you both have a rash and are afraid
You don't know what to do
So you try everything in your power

But the rash remains
You're without options
It's time to bring in outside help

You ask yourself what it could be
And as much as you think you might know
You have a hunch and you're terrified to have it confirmed

So the question remains
While ignorance is pain it is also bliss on the soul
Knowledge heals but not without bringing about an often ugly truth

That is what having a mental disorder is like
It's not beautiful
It's not easy

It's like a rash
But it's inside your brain so not quite like a rash
But also very much like a rash in the way it mentally controls you

And it eats you away begging for an answer
And answer you'l never have
At least not without some pain
Philomena Mar 29
It's ******
But I always have been
No matter where I go
How hard I try
But a little part of me dies
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

I can smile
Laugh it off
Say its nothing
And never turn back
But the sound of your voice rings in my ears
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

I can sit in this tiny office
Say all the right words
Therapist after another
Try again and again
But I'm never confident you're dead
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free

Sit in the shower with a pair of scissors
Bleed until I feel alive again
Slash myself apart
And let it all sink in
But nothing is ever enough
Because I know you're in there
Just waiting to be free
Ameliorate Mar 22
Mother is broken
Her heart pumps blood through her veins like everyone else
Lungs breathe air to keep her alive, yet deep down I know she is different.
Her eyes are a brilliant shade of green
I adore her yet she terrifies me.
My mother, the schizophrenic.
Written in 2017 through the back flashes of my childhood.

©LUCIFERSGHOST_ 2020
FRITZ Apr 14
another blocked satellite

beaming black mountain transitions

                   molars full of moss

       burning up the dogwood.

the scales aren't nearly as round around

the edge as you are ; you made me kiss you in the

dark.

                flies by fire

tree splinters into fractal spirals.

          am eye the one you want

         or do you just need to feel wanted?

haha, *******, eye am not your Evangelion

burning on my faces marks the sun

it's my minds that's been idle

               yet the existence of my voice

implies merely my slight existence

                                                   in this pit

                the water is blood the blood is clotting

                choking, pushing, on my chest.
studies
Beth Mar 14
I’ve got so many voices inside my head,
my Schizophrenia’s keeping them fed,
I’m starting to feel lost within myself,
think I’m turning into someone else.


I’m always planning my escape,
before my brain can escalate.

“I can’t find it,
where’s the door?
I don’t think we’ve been here before.”


Fight or flight is kicking in,
I can feel it in my skin.
My heart is pounding through my chest,
what is this?
I feel possessed.


“They’re out to get you,
stay at home,
you know it’s best to leave them alone.”

I can feel the panic taking over,
struggle keeping my composure,
start to shake uncontrollably,
I think the demons got ahold of me.


I’ve tried to drown them out,
but my head is in a drought,
my mind goes blank,
I’m in a daze,
somehow my body operates.


What was that?
I heard the door.

“Maybe you should go explore.”

The hallucinations are back again,
no one’s there,
there had never been.


It’s okay,
I’m not crazy,
things are just a little hazy.

“Who are you kidding?
You’re so deranged,
stop walking around like anything’s changed!”


I just want to make my family proud,
but these voices are getting so loud,
they push me down,
to the ground,
I think I hear them laughing now.

What’s so funny?

“It’s a game,
if you want to win you’ve got to play,
so pick a card and roll the dice,
Maybe tomorrow we’ll be nice.”

I picked a card,
they flipped The Fool,
I guess that means I’m just a tool,
a vessel meant for them to rule.
Which means tomorrow they’ll still be here,
emphasizing my every fear.

“Just close your eyes,
and relinquish your mind,
it’s time for you to say goodbye,
put that gun to your head,
we’ll be gone once your mind is dead.”

I’ve got the gun,
now there’s one in the chamber,
but let me leave you with this one disclaimer.

When I pulled the trigger,
my body collapsed,
then somewhere between life and death overlapped,
and my demons found their way through the cracks.

Now everything’s dark,
and it’s so **** scary,
I’m trapped with my demons,
in solitary.
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