You know
I’m still afraid of crowded places—  
My steps,  
Echoes,  
On the staircase,  
Past all those faces,  
But I couldn’t find yours.  

Bunny rabbits,  
I name after you,  
Visit in the summer.  

I should've found you,  

I dreamt of you again,
Sitting by the window,  
Reading newspapers, drinking coffee.  
My red dress, my broken heart,  
The end of a moment—  
Sunny skies, as bright as your eyes.  
I miss your laughter on the phone.  

You know,
I’m still scared of needles,  
But I loved your tattoos and piercings—  

It's a heavy heart,  
Hard to carry,  
Hard to bear these days.  

You baked bread inside of war,  
And somehow, it always tasted like home.  

Your drawings, my office—
Sunflowers and sunshine,  
As if secrets were shared with honeybees,  
Revealing:
How to grow in the dark,  
How to find better days.  

The card you made,  
Ripped to pieces, taped back together—  
All that’s left are shades of gray.  

When the wind rises,  
Do dandelions carry the soul?  

In February—  
When I sit and whisper affections  
To graves,  
I watch them grow.  

Someday,  
When the wind rises,  
Will dandelions carry my soul to you?

You got this way about you
I can't figure out
All that I said remains true:
I want to see where life takes you

Your gentle hands, unspoken brush strokes—
Why mask your portrait in shades of gray?
Give yourself the same grace

Why is your worth a foreign concept?
You're the epitome of the green and gold

What can I do?
Certainly can't argue—
Just accept a—

simple truth:
you're the green and gold inside the gray

Everything
I
Do
And
Everything
I
Am
Is
Wrong

I've got my rose-colored glasses on  
And skies in my eyes.  
I've got stumbling thoughts in my head  
And a few choice words (for you),  
Trapped in the back of my throat, (just for you).

I've been sitting at the piano,  
Staring out the window,  
Thinking
how strange it is... that;  
Well, blue is associated with sadness  
When the sky is so beautiful,  
Like you  
When you're laughing  
Because of  
Me.

We never really say "good morning", do we?  
It's only ever 🫂 (a blue hug)
We never really say "how do you feel, today?"  
It's only ever "I need coffee."

I'm trying to find the expressions,  
But the keys keep playing the wrong notes.  
It ain't right

Blue skies
Aren't empty
They hold
Clouds, resembling objects,
Always drifting, changing
Making me feel
I'm always free-falling
What if it falls apart mid-flight?  
Will we survive?

The sky has never been so blue
My vision has never been so blue
I don't think I was made for blue skies

I'm not an Obrina Olivewing butterfly.  
My blue isn't true;  
It's just the way I see light right now,  
A false perception
A state of mind

but I...  

I've got my rose-colored glasses on  
for you
just for you
My one and only
🫂

Blue

I'd rather die
Knowing I tried
To fix myself
As I ate myself
From the inside

It's an acquired taste
I don't like it

Bitter

Ever sit for hours, staring at the waves?
Until the sun sets, and the moon shines on the water.
But the moon doesn't shine. It just blocks out the sun.
No phone vibrations, no messages,
And you're too tired to reach out.
Realization hits like a wall of water,
Tumbling in a powerful grip
A cold shock seizes your muscles.
No one notices a ghost on the docks,
a problem that's drifted beyond the horizon
Maybe one day, the waves will calm,
But for now, you're pulled under,
Disoriented,
With saltwater stinging your eyes.
Fillings your lungs.
Into the depths of solitude.
I don't know if you'll survive,
But the waves are so beautiful.

You like to pluck the
bones of my ribcage, with your callous
fingertips
Till they bleed
Like I
pluck the strings of my
backwards guitar, and watch the
flowers wilt away

I walk through hallways
White lights, Marble floors,
And portraits on the walls
Of girls covered in moths
The contrast to their eyes
Resting on their lips like morning dew
Drawing up tears, as if nectar

I think through hallways
Many have stated that
A moth is drawn to a flame
But I recently learned
A moth is drawn to celestial lights
And though a flame can mimic celestial lights
It is not a celestial body

All the girls are celestial bodies
And all celestial bodies are covered in moths

I swear I-I never wanted to trap a butterfly

It's all my fault
shards of ceramic scattered in disarray
It's so surreal
scattered soil, cautious footsteps
an unsettling sight, distorted situation
The roots' exposed

I have no right to cry
After all
I broke your heart
didn't I?

I tried to get past the past, but
all I know is loss
all I do is grieve
All I hear is ambient noise
Ringing through my head
all I know is violence
all I do is parkour

And avoid the feeling

Checked out
found the exit
and chose
To grieve you today
Cause I can't bare the thought of losing you sometime down the road
When you hate me
And regret me
and we'll be screaming about all your wasted time

I can't be what you want me to be
And I know I'm not what you need
I don't know the person in your head
But I know it's a concept I can't complete
And you can't handle the person I am

I swear I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

Please, believe me
I swear it wasn't my intention
I didn't mean anything by it
I only wanted to escape
For a moment
See all the colors before I go blind
No worries, no responsibilities
Fill my lungs at the top of the world

Running through
crowded places
And you grab my hand
before
I
get
hit
by
speeding
cars

I don't understand
how did you get me laughing

It must've been the caffeine
For a moment
the geranium almost thrived

Now I'm too old to be
Drinking alone at noon
Pretty pink drinks
As pretty as Dianthus in spring  
Is that what you meant
When you were explaining your feelings?

Well, the bartender is adorable
But I can't bare to look at brown eyes full of pity
Like they can see right through me

I swear I-I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

So I leave
And
Speeding
cars
are
honking
loud and angry
almost hit me
Hilarious
If only
then I could
finally escape
and I can
finally feel...
Nevermind
It doesn't matter

Poison slips into the cracks and crevices
Under the skin
Down the throat
Into the lungs
Behind the ribs
Irreversible structural damage
nectar of dissolution
Dissolve the heart

You know who you are

I swear I never wanted to **** a butterfly

Venus flytrap

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

I'm trapped inside a house with spiders
Surrounded by canary-colored walls
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
and all the words she ever wrote
I don't want to feel such things anymore

You call me up
But don't say a thing
What's there to say?
Would it change your mind?
Would it make a difference?

I'm too old to pretend
On the midnight train
I know we won't make it
I'm too old to believe
In words and young hearts
I'm too old to feel like a child
On the midnight train
We'll go our separate ways
At the end of the line

When I say, when I say, when I say...
I'm met with silence

My whispers could never be louder than all the politics (Suicidal thoughts)

What you mean, what you mean, what you mean...
Will always be,"Goodbye"

What do I know?
I'm afraid of Virginia Woolf
What was I thinking?
and all the words she ever wrote

At random hours of the night
I'll send you a joke
Because I wake up from nightmares
Where you've been ripped from my life

We kept waiting...

Exhausted
Another treatment, another doctor, another realization
More medication, more promises, there is no solution
You still can't shed your scales, your scars, your skin
No more pain

...guess I was hoping...

I don't want to be drunk while I'm loving you
I'll lose myself when I lose you
Twenty thousand leagues within
the city of Angels that was supposed to save you

...but in the end...

We are bathed
In golden rays
And my fingertips heal the shadows on your face
We'll share tangerines and the rest of these drowsy days
In white rooms where weathered vinyl tiles echo like a knife on a bottle

...there was nothing left to do...

I pour my love over your grave
And I wait for the wind to rise
I alway thought my soul was a crystal to be shattered
But it's dust to be scattered throughout the cosmos
Don't wait for me
I sit with the mourning waiting for the morning
To rise for a new day
But it never comes
It's just another day

...my faith has fallen...

What a beautiful age you were

I only dream of you sometimes

My dreams about you are interesting

It's like falling through Singapore skies

I sometimes have similar dreams about you too

It's like falling through purple-pink skies

Guess we talk to each other a lot

I never see you in person
Hi
I only hear the notification
Hi
I never hold you
Love
I only see the text message
Dear

I love you

Can't remember what happens, but I remember a similar concept

<3

Sounds familiar :)
So familiar

I only dream of you sometimes
But I love you always

"I miss you" is a pointless exercise
And "I love you" is a sandstorm that never settles
I have no idea how to be something you miss
I have no idea how to be something you love
And I don't think I want to try anymore

Happily, I'll wait with you in the station
For hours and hours
I know you feel stuck
Held back by promises
We could do something fun
Distract you long enough to forget about the pain, and
Secretly, I'll hope your bus never comes

I've got spiders crawling inside my head
They've got me like a moth struggling against their webs

And it's so hypnotizing the way I suffer
And it's so comforting the way I punish myself

Hi
You don't have to reply
I know you're trying, fighting to stay above crashing waves
And avoiding perilous rocky coasts

Hey
How do you feel today?
I just wanted to reach out, and make sure you're okay

I'll be your lighthouse
Standing on rocky cliffs
Dancing on the sandy shoals
Forget your shame and your strife
And come dance with me for a while
Love

Hi
You don't have to reply
I know it’s exhausting, holding onto an invisible raft lost at sea
Avoiding dangerous shallows

Hey
How do you feel today?
I just wanted to reach out, and make sure you're okay

I'll be your lighthouse
Standing on rocky cliffs
Dancing on the sandy shoals
Forget your shame and your strife
And come dance with me for a while
Love

I know you're drifting past everyone
feeling distant from everything
I know you're feeling strange
But this isn't your first time sailing
And I'll always be waiting at harbours and bays
Like I always do to make sure you're okay
Love

I'll be your lighthouse
Standing on rocky cliffs
Dancing on the sandy shoals
Forget your shame and your strife
And come dance with me for a while
Love

Poorly-contained ball of anxiety
Anxiety
Overanalyzing every interaction
Interaction

I'll tell you something sweet
Sweet

Write down
antidotes
and compliments
and silly jokes
on sticky notes

Scattered
along the floor
on the wall
in the car

I'll tell you something sweet
Sweet

All we were
was the end of a moment
All we were
was spilled wine on the carpet
All we were
was lingering, fading, words never spoken
We should've been the start of time
But all we are is...

People say he doesn't say much
they offer words to fill the silence
condolences between the aisles
but they don't understand
they don't understand

He wants everything
or nothing
offer him death
offer him life
but never love

People say he doesn’t look too good...these days
they offer words to describe his pain
he looks sad, he looks exhausted...these days
but they don't understand

It is what it is
we both know how the story goes
you'll never be happy
but you'd be satisfied
seeing where life takes me
but my road leads back to you

offer me death
offer me life
but all I want is your love
nothing else
nothing more
but you don’t understand
you don’t understand

the truth
It's simple, It's sweet

no one can handle you
expect you

you're transformed by these words
these thoughts
these emotions
you're shackles

you write the story

and I, What I want

the truth
It's simple, it's sweet

for us, you and I, to meet
somewhere
by chance
one day

when time collides

in a corner cafe
maybe at the bus stop

I read the story

I'm transformed by these words
these  thoughts
these  emotions
my shackles

and you, What you want

It's simple, It's sweet
the truth

i hate people more than
i hate myself...expect you
you're a good one

i don't understand
why you hate the person you...
are my golden hour

He’s skateboarding over a million petals
As if he was skating on water
And it’s so, so beautiful
She snaps a picture on her phone
But the moment she saw him
She was sure she’d never forget him
He’s just so, so beautiful

I know I'm a terrible baker
You don’t have to eat it
It's not a big deal
he explains

It was his first time trying to make something
So, so beautiful

Strawberry Shortcake is nothing more
than sweet biscuits with sweet cream and strawberries
Serve it with a little tea
Serve it with a little coffee
And that's enough for her
Because she thinks people who try are
So, so beautiful

She explains
yeah, it doesn't look pretty
but I appreciate the effort
So, let's clean up the kitchen

His only midnight customer
Keeps the shop open late just for her
It’s a slow love
It’s a colorful love
And it’s so, so beautiful
But they don’t say a word to the other
about feelings falling like a million petals
over the city
She snapped a picture
and he was sure he'd never forget her
She’s just so, so beautiful

They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful
They were laughing
And it was
So, so beautiful

So, so beautiful

Soft brittle days
distorted symbols and colors and noise
grieving music
I just don't fit in

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

maybe I wasn't made for
sunny days
maybe I was made for
laughter in the rain
maybe I was made for
bright pink umbrellas
maybe I was made for
bright red rain boots
maybe I was made for
bright yellow rain coats
maybe I was made for
gray days

Maybe it's something
i'm missing
that I will never have

Delightful frustrating week
every hour is Monday
I changed my hair
because I was tired of all the darkness
but could you draw the blinds?
the sun shines too bright
and I'm tired

This is just a reminder
To tell you
That I
will
always love you

This is just to let you know
That I
will
always care

When you walk away
From all this
Sadness

When you walk away
From all this
Madness

When you walk away
From all this
Anger and Guilt and Pain

I will still be here

Does anything ever stay the same?
Only that everything changes

Don’t it always seem to go
That nothing stays the same

This is just a reminder
To tell you
That I
will
always love you
as we change

This is just to let you know
That I
will
always care
as we grow

Through all the
sadness
Through all the
madness
Through all the
anger and guilt and pain

I will Always be here

tu as une seconde?
je voudrais vous parler au sujet de
un cœur féroce vaincu

Linux and Windows and Mac OS X
I say I got nothing to lose but
When the server goes down I panic
Got to verify your new laptop
Got a phone or 2 or 3
Got to verify a phone or 2 or 3
We're connected, we're disconnected
Maybe clear the cache, clear our minds
You say shut down, restart, but I keep
Windows running
I'm sleeping, you're awake
You're tired, me too
I say shut down, restart, but you keep Linux running
You're sleeping, I'm awake
I'm tired, you too
But we keep Mac OS X running
We're frustrated, we're cursing, we're evolving
I say I got nothing to lose but
When the server goes down I panic
Let's rewind a minute
Team Viewer
We'll debug the errors together
Refactor this code together
Like we used to
and it'll be up and
running...
running...
running...
Linux and Windows and Mac OS X
I got nothing to lose if I don't have you
And the server goes down
And the server....
And there are too many bugs to debug
And the code just doesn't make sense
And the server....
And the server...
And the server...
Linux and Windows and Mac OS crash

I keep chasing lightning
Trying to catch it, lock it in a bottle
but when I do the bottle cracks
and I’m left empty-handed

Maybe I just don’t have what it takes
Maybe it’s not meant to be
Maybe I don’t know what I really want
Maybe I should let the passion wash away

I keep trying to start over with you
You say I need independence
The decisions should be mine
You say, “Maybe you need love too”
And I realize I don’t think I could take it if you walk away
But there ain’t nothing to do
And I should let it go

I keep trying to start over with me
Maybe I should listen
Get some medicine
Make it pink, I’ll swallow it
But would I be me?
And would you still love me?
And will the sadness go away, or will I just be numb to it?

Lightning brings thunder
Lightning brings grey storms
Why can’t you love me like lightning?
The way I love you
Because I keep losing track of you
And I, I don’t want to listen
Because I keep losing touch with you
And you, you don’t want to listen

I keep chasing lightning
Trying to catch it, lock it in a bottle
but when I do the bottle cracks
and I’m left empty-handed

How are you?
I don't know...
                                                     Are you okay?
I don't know...
                             please, i'm worried
                             say something?

i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

I don’t feel like myself
                    
            Who do you feel like?
I keep letting you down                        
           You know best
I never wanted to let you down
                                                 what you understand
                                                 what you don't.
                                                          ­                  You have to choose
                                                 what you want to do about it.
I don’t know......

                                           Leave anxiety aside
                                 what do you want to do with your life?
what sort of person will you be?


i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go
if you want to leave
i'll break my own heart
i promise i'll let you go

                                          i think you hate yourself
                         i understand, i hate myself too
                                   but you have to stop hating yourself. 
                           you spend so much energy on it it's absurd

I'm worried that you'd take such ******* seriously and get hurt…


Why?

self pity and self hatred are pointless.

You have a yearning you can't deny

                                  No matter how much you want to

Please don't forget me
Please don't....
Please don't forget me....

I don't hope for anything
But I hope you get your dreams

Step 1: Find yourself a target for your affection
Step 2: Casually go up to them and start a conversation
Step 3: Offer them food and drink
Step 4: You are now in a relationship

There is a hallway;
a red door;
a doorway
I cannot pass

something has changed
she is dead

There are ravens
at early dawn
singing in the fog
a lullaby for me

something has changed
she is dead

There is a cold
that turned my soul to stone
left me in ruins

something has changed
she is dead

There are sleeping sheep
before the wolf feasts
and there is no going back

'cause something in me has changed
the girl you knew is dead

There is a hallway;
a red door;
a doorway
I'm walking through