I can't seem to shake this little quiver
          where my heart aches
   that leaves me with doubts
            and no faith,
        I don't wanna believe
     this is all another mistake
          but this tiny little voice says
                    it's all fake.
    It's in the back of mind,
      I think of all the other times,
             it scares me
   cause I want you as mine.
      Everyday that you say you love me,
            the voice gets a little quieter
and every time you say I'm beautiful,
         my eyes get a little brighter
    and every time I hear your voice,
the weight on my shoulders
              gets a little lighter.

Mystery, slow and steady
As I watch the stars take form
Powerless in this shell
But at least it's kept me warm
Concealing the outside world
From me, just a scared little girl
With no thoughts of bravery
Or curiosity to wonder about the storm
As lightning strikes
Through the scars in my eyes
And imagined tears take form

Tunneling through the hole in my brain
Trying to find a spot in which you still remain
Getting lost continuously along the way
Finding old memories,
Some dreams previously lost to me
Leaving my thoughts in disarray
If only I could find you, you'd say
'Take my hand, I'll guide you home
And never lead you astray'
But that destiny is clearly lost to me
And deep inside, I start to pray

He loosened his hold.

He'd been hanging on for so **** long.

Finally, the realization hit after so many lies had been told.

He let go, knowing that it had always been wrong.

And it was a bold move, but the cold inside was suddenly removed.

He felt more free than he had in such a long while.

He slowly walked away, proudly showing off his freedom smile.

As raindrops slowly trickle down the window
              and expose a reflection of what
                   I used to know
   An image of the past that tends to haunt me pops out so clearly
                against the scenery
    And I can't complain about the hatred and pain
           brought on by the memory
              Cause
      the truth is I broke promises
          and I can't say I'm undeserving of the punishment
        As those raindrops turn to tears
   I realize all my fears
       must have been
          **heaven sent

Tracing the patterns
                       of the stars
          Onto the peaks
    and ridges
                      of your spine
Seeing
        the galaxies
                    and universes
       Of all those
                   trillions,
          I only want
              YOU
      to be *mine

Communication:
    Yes, to me
I believe this is the *key
     Talking, really listening
             Honesty
  Always saying what you truly mean
       No secrets, no withholding
No lies
    But sometimes
        You can say "I love you"
With only your eyes

Trust:
      This, so important
  Yet, so hard for some
          I know it's terribly difficult for me
    Without trust, you're done
        Then there's suspicions    
  .         Fear
         And so many questions
      But sometimes, trust can be earned
          With a bold statement
And the wiping of a tear

Love:
    You may be thinking
          "Why is this third?"
  Well, the first is just words
      What you have the most of
The second is in your mind
    Something in which, you have no control
        Mmm, but Love
   That's deep in your soul
And if two people can make it this far
       Past the flirting, past the insecurities
Past all the old bruises and scars
     To simply love one another
          Well, they'll be able to move      
               MOUNTAINS
           **Together

Was burned...

                 Now...  

My body's ashes

                  Is ink

For poetry

Running marathons through my mind
One of a kind
Time and time again
You keep playing this game
The rules always change
You're doing laps around the field
And I'm just your home base
A rest stop when you need to change lanes
Like I'm nitro for your ego
But I'm running low on oxygen
And you've had enough nitrogen
Keep scoring singles if you got to
But you're about to miss your chance
At a grand slam
Cause I'm scouting out a new partner
Who's playing the same game
That I am

"Cradle my emotions in the gentlest of whispers"* ~~ *Ryn



Hold me
Tenderly
Make me feel something
Be gentle with me
I've been hurt lately
Despair courses through me
Depression
Regret, guilt
Can you help me?
Don't just tell me
What I want to hear
Tell me what you really feel
Take away the fears
Don't scream
Tell me softly
Whisper in my ear
The beautiful things
I need to hear
Make me feel something
Cause lately
All I've felt is...





Absolutely nothing

Maybe my idea of beauty
            is different
    than yours
  Maybe my idea of perfection
            is not about what's less
       but about what's more
  Maybe my eyes can see through skin
     into the heart, soul and mind
              that's deep within
     Maybe, just maybe
             looking at what's inside
      is where we should all begin

Your perfection,
       Toned
    And beautiful
Down to your soul
       Radiating from your pores
   Couldn't know you better
Or anymore
       So in love

Your secrets,
         Scary
   And unknown to me
Deep in your depths
          Discovering one at a time
      Knowing you less and less
  With every darkness
          I find

Your anger
          Morbid
      And apparently deadly
How could you do this to me?
    Throwing in a hole, my almost lifeless body
        I thought I knew you before
   But I discovered your secrets,
             Your lies
      The last ounce of love I had leaves
          As the final pile of dirt covers my eyes
      **Burying me alive

I love life too much
      To ever actually
                **** myself
Although, sometimes I wish
          I was dead
So, for now,
       I guess I'll just dream
   Seeing stars floating around
And softly put this pillow
            *To my head

The next time you hold in your hands,
The tiniest little grains of sand
Think of how precious the smallest things can be
Like diamonds, or newborn babies feet.
Then think of the world as a grain of sand
Tiny, precious, and in someone else's hands
If we're lucky, they'll lay us gently back on the beach.
If not, by tomorrow we'll be within the tides reach.

white knuckles
tighten my grip
can't lose control
hold my breath
hold it all in
do not let go
I cannot snap
close myself off
count back from ten
let my mind get lost
I cannot let it happen again
feels like the edges
are all coming undone
tiny cracks splintering
knuckles loosening
thoughts raging
I can feel it now
the anger
it's blossoming
showing its ugly face
can't control what I do next
I tried holding my breath
but I don't have any oxygen left
I don't know what you've heard
but if you say one more word
it will be with YOUR last breath

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you see?
Momma wants to cry
When you're away from me
I miss your little smile
Your little kisses and laughs
Momma's been sad for awhile
Ever since you left my arms last

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you hear?
Momma just wants to hold you
Forever keep you near
All the winter nights through
I miss your all your tiny little toes
How you're so ticklish everywhere
Momma cries when you leave, everyone knows
Just how much I really care

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby don't you know,
Momma is lost without you*
Oh! How I miss you so!
Momma just doesn't know what to do
I miss you so much
I know it's hard, please stay tough
My precious little Angel
Momma can't hold you soon enough
But when I do, I'll be eternally grateful


I Love You Baby Boy

I hope at night that you dream of me
That my sweet whispers reach your ears
I pray to God at night that you might love me
Say it's so, take away all my fears

But the girl I see in the mirror
Prays to God you don't hear her

There's a girl looking in the mirror
I can see her, but I can't hear her

Beautiful face,
lonely eyes
I can see she's not one,
to mess around with the guys

There's only one,
That holds the love in her heart.
Him.

If he doesn't hold on dearly, he might lose it
A fragile soul and a breakable heart
She cries out with lovely music
Praying she doesn't get torn all apart

This girl looking in my mirror
Knows you'll never hear her

How do I tell her, show her the way
He'll never hear her, if he can't see her
It goes deeper beyond what meets his eye
It's time for her to reveal what's inside

Don't hide!
Behind...
The mirror!

Show him your smile, dance in his eyes

Staring carefully in to that mirror
Remembering who can really hear her

Dreaming of herself
Doing whatever she wants
Sing at the top of your lungs, girl!
Forget the lies and foolish taunts

You look beautiful in my mirror
Never will she care who can hear her!


Just Melz
*Ana Sophia

Staring through the cracks in this glass
           I ask myself why?
Why did I put myself
           through this pain?
Why do I act weak, when I know I'm strong?
             All along I've been hiding my face,
      Behind glasses and shadows,
But the cracks are getting wider
                 and the sun's going down
          The truth about who I am,
It's about to be found....  
       I can't commit to these crimes any more
All the lies and deceptions I was okay with before...
I'm putting myself out there,  
        Even if I fall face first
To the floor...
I'm gonna punch through this glass
           with my reflection so perfectly shattered
I'm no longer battered and bitter
       I'm gonna stare straight through that mirror
        Take off these glasses and look into my own eyes
I'm done with the disguise,  the lies,
         the shouts and screams
MY DREAMS!
          My dreams are what matter now,  
          Not yours, or theres, or hers
I'm finally putting myself first
        No more glasses or shadows to hide behind
          I'm gonna find me,  
And I'm actually gonna look at myself this time...

A river of tears flows down my face
Each crystalline drop is a solitary memory
As I wipe each one away, thinking it's a waste
I realize that loving me is just not meant to be

As the river floods, surrounding me in the past
I see all the mistakes, like looking in a mirror
One more falls and I know it will be the last
This river is running dry, I'm seeing things a little clearer

"Am I a fool, believing that I am something other than darkness, that my life isn't for nothing or is that nothing more than false hope as well?"* ~~ *Sir Poet

So foolish
That is me
Believing in impossible dreams
There's no light, only shadows
No one really knows
How much of a struggle
The sun and stars go through
To keep that luminescent glow
Didn't think about that, did you?
What is all the brightness worth
If the night is always sure to bring the dark?
What is all our lives truly worth
If the end is always surely a broken heart?
Just false hope,
A dream of something happy
Possibly a smile
That will only last a short while
You wanna believe in something?
Believe there's nothing...




Absolutely nothing

Ugly
Unwanted
Heartbroken
Emotionally Abused
Betrayed
Unloved
Disgusting
Unworthy
Lonely
Depressed
Fat
­Helpless
Pained
Stupid
Crazy
Insane
Jealous
Withdrawn
Old
Confuse­d
So **** Hurt
Hopeless
Utterly Miserable

I feel the already torn pieces of my heart
Shredding inside my chest, falling apart
Floating slowly down to the floor
It's deja vu, I've seen this happen before
Each time there's less and less pieces
To struggle putting back together
But I got some super glue somewhere
The puzzle of love, literally in my hands
Almost nothing left for when I get my "forever"
And I'll truly never understand
How this keeps happening to me
Time after time
Don't worry though
I'm sure the glue will work *just fine

The sky is such a deep beautiful blue
It makes me think of you
Knowing that it's your favorite color
The stars are shimmering just right
Like the twinkle in your eyes, so bright
Thinking of the coming night makes me wonder
How could a simple color change my mind?
Who in the world said that love is blind?
Seeing the blush in your cheeks when you smile
How you know what I'm thinking by looking in my eyes
How you can see through my disguise and little white lies
Dreaming of your laugh lines drives me wild

So, as I walk towards my life late at night
The sky becomes a deeper midnight blue
And there's nothing I've ever seen in your eyes
That could ever make me stop loving you

Nothing*
        fills the soul
Like the fruit
            of your **womb

My anger rustles tree branches like fallen leaves,  
and I believe the wind can find a way to blow it all away,
like a tornado,  
spinning my emotions out of control,  
wherever they go,  
they'll move mountains and make streams,  
I believe the water will boil over with doubt and rage,  
crashing over the shores in waves,  and for days I believe in the truth of the storm,  
begging the skies for more,  
a single thundercloud with drops of jealousy so pure,
and thunder made from screams of outrage and misery,  
bolts of dreams,
crooked and lost at the seams,  
I believe in the calm,  
in the eye of the storm,  
that moment of happiness you'll never remember anymore,
and hail falls in a perfect form,
frozen and hard like my heart when the skies are clear,
I fear the clouds will disappear,  
along with everything I feel,
and when the sun shines,  
I can no longer heal,
the earthquake of despair rumbles though the ground,  
and the dirt moves like a whirlwind of truth,
light of fear starts shining through,  
frightening the leaves as they crumble to the earth,
they disperse in a tsunami of fury,
telling the story of the barren tree branches that were once my soul,
stealing the emotions and madness that had once made me whole

there's a special grace about the way it flows
in and around, back again
with a certain sound, there it goes
twisting through to the end

There's no hope in a mountain of regret
         Yet,
             we keep on climbing
    And piling it higher
                and higher
     Hoping to reach the top
                Knowing all we'll see
    Is the smoke floating
           from bridges we've burned
     And a  t r  a   i   l
                  of mistakes
   Leading to the lessons
             we thought we learned
     But regret has a funny way of sneaking up on you
            Thinking you're in the clear
     Making a run for it
Then smashing right into
       that MOUNTAIN you built out of fear
    Looking back is easier than looking ahead
           Cause there's nothing left to fear
            If you're *already dead...

She slowly started to hear what sounded like whispers in the distance, her mind was at ease though.  It felt like a bed she was laying on, plush, maybe even extra pillows under her head. Her face ached more than she thought possible and trying to open her eyes made her head throb more than she could stand.  

There was a shadow in the distance, a man, standing perfectly still. She could only make out his shape but he seemed familiar, friendly. She finally felt safe though, for the first time in days. The man said something she couldn't understand, then he rushed to her side.

"Clara, you're awake! Finally! It's been 12 hours. How are you feeling?" he said rushed and excitedly.

"Uncle Frankie?" she asked weakly.

"Yes Sweetie, I'm here, you're safe now" he said with a big awkward smile. He'd always been awkward, since she was a little girl, but he was her dad's little brother and she loved him like a father.

"What happened?", she was so confused, the last few days were a blur of fists and guns in her mind.

"Johnny BlackHeart and his crew kidnapped you Clara. They held you captive for days, called us for ransom and demands, said they'd torture you if we didn't comply.  We finally found out where they were keeping you yesterday, me and the guys came in guns blazing and killed most of the guards. We thought we'd lost you for a few minutes but George got you out just in time. We're so lucky you made it."

She took all this in and in the next instant all the memories came rushing back, the beatings, the restraints, all of it.  She sat up quickly, refusing her uncles hand for help.

"We need a family meeting, now! Get George and the boys in here immediately!" she said angrily.

"What are you going to do?" he asked wearily.

She looked at him like it should have been obvious but she said it anyways, in the calmest voice she could.

"Get Revenge"

I
    Keep
Clawing
       Away
   But
        You're
   Still
In
     My
  Head

Color the insides of my soul
With a black gloss paint

Empty the blood from my veins
Replace it with lava,
Keep it flowing through my heart

Fill my brain with tar
Let it harden,
To keep the headaches away

Turn my bones to to ash
Paint then neon orange flat paint
Because that's my favorite color

Make my skin redwood bark
Hard, to help keep away the pain
Because it's too much to handle

Erase my memories
Fill them in with a hypmotizing array
Of all the colors of the rainbow

I realize I'll look creepy
And scary as hell
But at least I won't feel anything
Anymore

I want nothing left
Of my miserable life
From before

Think positive

                   Have you learned nothing about      
                   me?

Have you learned nothing of me?

                      -.-

Fire with fire... Questions with questions

                     Smoke with ashes, I'll smother
                       you -.-

After nine lashes, you've nothing better to do?

                      Before your funeral, you've got
                      nothing better to say?

Inhibitions compensated, though so futile. Bury yourself beneath your yesterdays.

                      Trial and error, yet so naive.
                       Through your mistakes and
                       heartaches, you still
                       overcompensate.

Smiling through tears, and tearing through smiles? What do you fear--everything prior, or just one more trial?

                       Been crying through the pain
                        for far too long. I fear...
                       Simply everything, to avoid
                      the hurt, why is that so wrong?

Not wrong, but you hold doubt where hope belongs. Don't wallow in the dirt, or hold on to this morning's dawn.

                       But where I should see hope,
                       there's only despair. I'm not
                       wallowing, simply realistic. It's
                       really not fair, to assume I'm
                       being over dramatic.

Learn to cope when people are unfair. Try hallowing what you know's simplistic. There's much in the air, besides the cruelness of fanatics.

                          But the evil is overwhelming,
                           it truly surrounds me, in my
                          mind and my heart.
                          Sometimes, I can't help but
                         fall apart...

When the Devil is swelling, his doings unruly, and it all mounts on you, know there is kindness. Just part with the bad times and take the goodness to heart.

Bipolar Hypocrite,
First, let me just say,
Everytime I see your *name
It brightens my day
I've read a *LOT of your poetry
I can't say I've read them all
But I Will get to them eventually
My amount of *free time is small
I'm sorry I don't have the time
To write a long drawn out essay
About how your poetry really speaks to me
But to you, I will simply say:

I'm sorry for the sadness you've felt
I truly know how hard life can be
But I'm so glad you found an outlet in writing
And that you continue to share your poetry
I thank you for that, all your comments on mine as well
Please, remember that you've touched at least one girl
I'll be here if you'd ever like to chat or vent
I can also promise, you WILL
find your happiness in this world

I'm so glad you've found a place here on Hello Poetry
Never Forget you're amazing
And that you have made an impression on me.

PS. I know how you love my italics and bold, I figured to use them, hope it's not getting old. :)


Lots Of Love,
*Melz

They grow.
Some on trees so tall
Some on bushes,  
So very small.

They fall.
Such a long way to the ground
Fluttering and floating all the way down.

They all die.
Such a pity how a beauty growing up high
Lives such a short life only to die.

They're remembered.*
When you think back to the beautiful summer,
You remember the colors covering the trees
Just think how dull the forest would be
Without all those *Leaves

Tears just stream  
             down
      My face
No one can see
    No one can
            Hear
The sound of my heart
       Cracking
Into thousands of little bits
           And pieces
I hug myself tight
       Dreaming of another
   Who could love me
             Right
Trying to decipher
      What's worse....

Never being loved
         Or
Being loved by the wrong guy?

       *I guess I'll just
  Give it some more time....

~

Pain
    Might lessen
         Over
              time

But
       The memories
            Never
                 Fade

~

He didn't, and that was that.

There's no going back and erasing the past.

Life's too short not to forgive and forget.

Sometimes, there's just no time to justify where everything went wrong.

Time is a battle, a war you won't win, but you gotta push along.

Keep moving forward, you can't change the past or make it come back.

He didn't, she didn't, they didn't. It's time to accept and be okay with that.

There's
     a
        FIRE
            in
                my
                     SOUL
                 burning
              me
          ALIVE
       from
   the
INSIDE
    out.
        No
            WATER
                or
                    wind
                 CAN
             control
         it.

Such passion?
It's a distraction
I'd rather be focused and poised
Forget all the noise
Pay attention to the game
Cause you know we all play
Insider rules
There's nothing to see?
Like a diamond in the rough
It all makes jewelry
Think this game is about love?
Well maybe it once was
Now it's about self preservation
Just staying alive
Through destruction and devastation
Your game is a hard act to follow
Cause you think you always win
But I'm not about too wallow
In self pity or depression
I'm making new rules
And your not allowed to play
Remember how you walked in my life,
Nothing but words and lies?
It's no longer yesterday,
Forget tomorrow,
Because Today...
*You can leave the same way

Tear stained and damaged
So close to the truth
Looking deep inside
So much to lose
Tear stained shirt
And a tear stained cheek
Impossible to clean
Leaving the heart so weak
Tears rolling down
Asking so many questions
Getting no answers
But tear stained emotions
A devotion to tears
Fighting away the fears
Everything looks clear
Through glistening eyes
Time to apologize
To stop all the cries
Of my tears stained eyes

I see you there, staring into her eyes,
Like she completes you.
For a moment you were mine,
Maybe that's not true
But that came to a bitter, cold end.
I'd like to say you were my friend,
Well, for a time you were,
But she became yours,
My mind you tortured.
Lies and hate, your future.
Yet, you still stare into her eyes,
With that look of bliss upon your face.
I close both your eyes, on my floor.
Regretting getting blood all over the place.

It's all just a trick of the light
Never really wrong or right
Like, last night?
We let "love" take control
You entered my soul
Damaged my mind, but I didn't care
I wasn't really there and neither were you
Just a few drinks, the night was through

I remember it all clearly
How your eyes danced like poetry
Your lips tasted like sweet red wine
I was addicted, said "you're mine!"
You said I was yours too,
But I know that's not really true, so do you
The truth is,  I didn't really love you

I know you don't love me
But in that moment
Our bodies made poetry
So beautifully outlined, flowing and rhyming in perfect harmony
Such a simple little melody

This morning came fast,
Knowing that moment had passed,
We knew it wouldn't last,
Getting dressed fast
Sharing a quick little smile
All the while thinking that for a few moments it was great
What was it, our second date?
Not my usual style

A few drinks and "love" took hold
We lost all control
I showed you my soul,  
Too drunk to care, barely even there
Last night?
It wasn't wrong, but it didn't feel right
That poetry in your eyes?
Must have been a trick of the light...

I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle
Laying down on the bathroom floor
My loneliness was a rattle in the windows
You said you don't want me anymore

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying,
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a **** about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you

You ain't worth another sleepless night
And I'll do everything I gotta do to get you off my mind
'Cause what you wanted I couldn't give
What you did, boy, I'll never forget

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a **** about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
These tears on you

And you left me
Standing on a corner crying
Feeling like a fool for trying
I don't even remember
Why I'm wasting all these tears on you
I wish I could erase our memory
'Cause you didn't give a **** about me
Oh, finally I'm through
Wasting all these tears on you
Oh, oh, these tears on you

I tried to find you at the bottom of a bottle
Laying down on the bathroom floor