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Jane Doe Dec 2019
My mouth is stretched into a parody of a smile
As I look into the mirror
I swallow down the rising bile
Try to make my vision clearer

I wipe the tears off my face
As I contemplate
Which choice would hold more grace?
I try not to deteriorate

I tell myself it’s okay
You don’t have to worry anymore
You can lock yourself away
Deep within your core

I try to still my mind
And look around for the last time
To this place that I will never again find
This enigmatic pantomime

Finally I close my eyes
And when they open I’m gone
My real self dies
And my conscious soul is withdrawn
This is kind of basically being physically present but absent in all other aspects
Just Melz Jul 2015
Whether it be secrets or lies
She keeps them hidden inside
Miseries and agonies too
She's beside herself
Without the silence,
Too much noise breaks through
Not knowing what else to do
She runs to that place
Where she keeps her silence
Hidden away
It's dark there
And filled with so much pain
But she can never let the silence escape
Too many losses and nothing to gain
Let the tears rain, she can't explain
So, she hides herself in her dreams
With the silence she keeps
This shattered house
  I've found myself surrounded by
Breaks a little more each day
   The walls I've built and plastered
Are peeling away layers of guilt
    Hanging mirrors with shadows of reflections
    Ghosts of ink spilt
This floor, these bricks, the cement out the doorstep
     Pavement falling apart from where so many shoes have walked
   Decorated with outlines of broken hearts in chalk
      If these walls could talk
They'd tell stories of rage and pain,
   Of the misery born into its foundation
           Day after day
If these cupboards could hold as many secrets as those walls have heard
    Of the lies they've tried to hide away inside, they would burst
      If you could save the tear drops that have fallen under this crumbling roof top
    Then you could drown this dilapidated house
       Bury it alive with no doubt that the years of emotion and agony it's kept hidden inside
  Will easily and willingly have peace when it dies
       The color of the paint would simply be forgotten before the end of the day
     The torn and rotten foundation would just be ripped away and replaced
  With stronger cement at its base for someone new to cling to
      And new walls and paint for another soul to suffer through
  But this shattered house still stands
      There's no plans to rebuild all these shards of my broken heart splattered on the ground
   And nothing will ever replace my soul when this house falls down
That's me, pure fragility
Been broken and put back together too many times
Honestly, the lines are getting weaker
And the cracks take so much less
To shatter the shards into pieces
Of broken heart

I'm too fragile to handle any more pain
And too hurt to hold on
When there's nothing to gain
Addicted to the room spinning
The blur of the lights
And the red in my eyes
My disguise in the dead of the night
And you've been fine all this time
Yet I've been drinking myself to sleep
Since the beginning of all the lies
Wondering how you're fine
Then I realize that in the light of day
Everyone sees a smile on my face
No one can see all my regrets
All my mistakes
And I think that you hide
Behind whiskey too
Cause it's my only addiction
Besides you
And I'd like to think that you're miserable too
How else could I make it through?
Whiskey took your place years ago
But I'm still addicted to you both
At least drinking shows me the truth
All I ever got was lies from you
I know I need to quit
You and whiskey
But I can't seem to forget your face
And that bottle is so pretty
I guess another shot couldn't hurt anything
**** you and whiskey
You're both way too addicting
Not seen by the outside world
Miserable invisible little girl
Hiding in the corners of her mind
Hoping there's nothing left of her to find
Listening to the silence of the voices
Regretting life and all her bad choices
Missing the happiness she once had
Considering it all, she's really mad
How could this have happened?
What did she ever do in her past life?
Pain cuts away her soul deep with a knife
Slicing the pieces that remain into shards
Dropping to the ground, breaking hard
There's nothing left of the past regrets
Now she can only pray that she forgets
Just Melz Jun 2015
Color the insides of my soul
With a black gloss paint

Empty the blood from my veins
Replace it with lava,
Keep it flowing through my heart

Fill my brain with tar
Let it harden,
To keep the headaches away

Turn my bones to to ash
Paint then neon orange flat paint
Because that's my favorite color

Make my skin redwood bark
Hard, to help keep away the pain
Because it's too much to handle

Erase my memories
Fill them in with a hypmotizing array
Of all the colors of the rainbow

I realize I'll look creepy
And scary as hell
But at least I won't feel anything

I want nothing left
Of my miserable life
From before
Just Melz May 2015
Wonderful day
Memories fade
But never go away
Oceans crash into shores
As waves fire in the day
Light in your soul before
Everytime life throws a little dark
Thought it was very smart
For the first moon climbed above branches
Frozen in time and space
Shining through my bones
Leaving ash as remnants of the time
And burned out this link to reality
Truth lies in secret so deep within
Your heart can fall in my mind
But together we can climb
Up with the day all the way
Into the darkness of night
Everything must break
Before it can begin again
There's nothing worse than the regret
Yet more often than not
Debilitating lies can only hope to be forgotten
To find out how to get the truth
It just depends where you start
Somewhere in the highest levels of heaven
Dreams trickle down on my heart
Life is crumbling into a desperate wind
Blowing through the mirror that reflects images
Of past mistakes
Leading to the past that you missed
Your future is now
Only hatred and despair to look forward to
But you know what you can do
Change the path you travel
And the ending with the almight judge
Deciding which way to slam the gavel
I used the word prediction for 90% of this, I'm not sure what it's really about. Comments would be greatly appreciated.
Just Melz May 2015
I can only be whole
And actually be myself
I can hide who I truly am
And I'll simply be broken

There's no inbetween
Right now... I'm broken...
She loves deep
Hates even deeper
Rejection is near
And scares her
A last resort
She's desperately in need
Of something to lift her up
Stop the chance that she'll bleed
It's a scary life she leads
She runs, she pushes and she cries
It's more than she can handle
But she continuously tries
She asks herself these questions
How does she survive?
How does she fake the lies?
What could she possibly do
To hide her truth in disguise?
There is no where left to run
Her fears are all coming true
She knows her life is coming undone
There's nothing left she can do
The life she had is finally through
Im begging you to check this out.. Please
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